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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.

After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

β€œWatson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, β€œI see millions of stars.”

β€œWhat does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a minute.

β€œAstronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke:

β€œWatson, you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent!”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Yo mama so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Yo’ Mama is so old, she’s got a Bible autographed by Jesus.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Two little boys were known troublemakers, stealing everything they could get their hands, even from the church.

One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, β€œWhere is God?”

The boy shrugged and the priest repeated, β€œWhere is God?”

The boy ran out of the cathedral crying to his home where he hid in a closet.

Eventually his brother found him and asked, β€œWhat’s wrong?”

The crying boy replied, β€œWe’re in trouble now! God is missing and they think we took him!”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


This guy was sitting in his attorney’s office.

His lawyer says, β€œDo you want the bad news first or the terrible news?”

β€œGive me the bad news first,” he says.

β€œYour wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars,” his lawyer informs him.

β€œThat’s the bad news?” asks the man incredulously. β€œI can’t wait to hear the terrible news.”

β€œThe terrible news is that it’s of you and your secretary.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Not saying I live in a rough area but just bought an advent calendar and half the windows are boarded up!

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Batman goes to a party. To his surprise, he sees that the Joker is there too.

β€œHe must be up to something,” he thinks. And so he sneaks up behind him, knocks him out, and puts him in a back room.

When walks out, he sees the Joker again.

β€œHow did he recover so quickly?” Once again he knocks him out and puts him in the back room.

Coming out a third time, he sees the Joker yet again.

β€œHow can this be?!” Now furious, Batman confronts him, grabs him by his vest, and shouts, β€œWhat are you doing here, Joker?!”

And he replies, β€œI’m enjoying this Halloween party, dude!”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why do aliens not like visiting earth very often?

Because it is rated only one star.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why is it not worth it to hunt for mushrooms?

It’s too much truffle.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?

Right where ye left him!

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„





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