Best Jokes - Page 1



A rabbit walks into a pharmacy and asks, β€œDo you sell carrots?”

The pharmacist, surprised, responds, β€œNo, this is a pharmacy.”

The rabbit leaves only to return the next day and ask the same question.

This time, the man responds, β€œAs I said before, no. Go to a grocery store.”

Again, the rabbit leaves and returns the following day with the same question.

Annoyed, the pharmacist says, β€œLook, rabbit, for the last time, we do not sell carrots. If you ask this once more, I swear I will punch you in the face.”

On the next day, the rabbit returns and asks, β€œDo you sell carrots?”

Furious, the pharmacist punches the rabbit so hard that its teeth get completely shattered.

The rabbit leaves... and comes back the next day,

β€œDo ya seh cahot juys?”

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Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts!

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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

To find Pluto.

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According to a new poll, 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.

The other 9 percent are BMW owners.

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How do you repair a broken jack o’ lantern?

Use a pumpkin patch.

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A few guys in Spider-Man costumes walked into a bar.

Apparently, they were web designers!

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Yo mama so dumb, when she got locked in a grocery store, she starved to death.

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I love your sweater.

I think it’s made out of spouse material.

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Did you hear about the pharmacist who got hit with a bottle of omega 3?

They are okay, the injuries were superfishoil.

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It’s been raining for 3 days without stopping.

My wife is in depression, she is standing and looking through the window.

If the rain doesn’t stop tomorrow, I’ll have to let her in.

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I brought you a small spoon, in case you wanted to sample my flavor.

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Guess what kind of hike I went on today?

I hiked my pants.

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Babe, guess what would look good on you?

Me.

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What do prisoners in Denver County lockup eat for breakfast?

Jail-y Donuts.

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The guy goes into a pub.

He orders 7 pints of beer. He drinks the first pint, the third pint, the 5th and the 7th pint, and gets up to leave.

The barman says, β€œWhy are you not drinking the other three pints?”

He says, β€œDoctors orders.”

β€œWhat do you mean by that?” asks the barman.”

β€œI am on medication and my doctor said to me the odd pint is okay.”

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What do you use to hold things on the moon?

Crate-rs.

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Why does Spider-Man get so frustrated with the World Wide Web?

Because Google thinks his name is Spiderman, not Spider-Man!

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You so dumb, you once tried to exchange a bib number because you thought the whole thing was printed upside down.

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What did the sad man say to the man at the dessert counter?

Donut kill my vibe!

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Math teacher: β€œIf I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?”

Student: β€œA drinking problem.”

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