Best Jokes (5)



Your momma so ugly when she looks in the mirror the reflection ducks!

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A young French boy comes home with a wheel of cheese that he found.

His mother says, β€œMerci! Where did you find this Brillat-Savarin?”

The boy says, β€œNo mommy, it’s nacho cheese.”

His mother says, β€œAre you sure? It says Brillat-Savarin on the label.”

β€œI know,” says the boy, β€œbut when I found it, I heard a voice yell at me and say, β€˜Hey, that’s nacho cheese!’”

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A man and wife are at a volleyball game when they notice a very affectionate couple, who are running their hands over each other passionately.

β€œI don’t know whether to watch them or the game,” says the man.

β€œWatch them!” says his wife. β€œYou already know how to play volleyball.”

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Turning off your Zoom camera is like getting food from a buffet at a party.

You want to do it, but you don’t want to be the first, and you definitely don’t want to be the only one.

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Chuck Norris won a guitar battle with a violin.

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What kind of flu do Chinese people have?

Kung flu.

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Where does a camel go after he’s eaten his main course?

To the desert trolley.

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Baby rat and mommy rat were walking down a dirt road when a bat flies by.

Baby rat turns to his mom and says, β€œLook, ma, an angel.”

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An American Indian meets a cowboy. Since neither of them knows each other’s language, they start a sign conversation.

Indian approaches first, pointing his finger to cowboy’s chest.

Cowboy responds with pointing his two fingers to Indian’s face.

Then Indian makes a rooftop gesture with his hands.

To which cowboy reacts with a waving motion of his right hand.

Cowboy returns home and tells his wife about what happened to him, β€œI met one crazy Indian in the desert. Right after seeing me, he told that he’s going to shoot me in the chest, and I responded that I’ll screw up his eyes before that. He then promised to bury me, and I told him that he’ll sleep with the fishes if he plans to harm me.”

Indian returns home and speaks to his wife, β€œI met one crazy cowboy in the desert. When I asked him who he was, he told me he’s a goat. I inquired β€œmountain goat?”, and he responded β€œno, waterfowl”.”

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What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?

Why so Sirius?

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How many HR people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, the other to investigate the lightbulb’s complaint it was touched inappropriately.

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How many motivational speakers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Zero, because the change starts with you.

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The best way to keep a skunk from smelling is to hold its nose.

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Why did the bearded man’s shaving product business flop?

Because of the razor-thin margins.

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One benefit of old age is that your secrets are safe with your friends, they can’t remember them either!

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My friend that only dates Asian girls just started dating his ex-girlfriend again.

And I don’t know if I should tell him.

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I told my friend that I want to live on Uranus.

They said, β€œI guess you’re really into extreme living conditions!”

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I once accidentally poured glue in my son’s corn flakes.

He’s never talked to me again.

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Why do people who have TikTok get sick?

Because of all the influenzas.

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What happens when a computer engineer fails flirting with a waitress?

Error in connecting to the server.

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