Your momma so ugly when she looks in the mirror the reflection ducks!
π π π
A young French boy comes home with a wheel of cheese that he found.
His mother says, βMerci! Where did you find this Brillat-Savarin?β
The boy says, βNo mommy, itβs nacho cheese.β
His mother says, βAre you sure? It says Brillat-Savarin on the label.β
βI know,β says the boy, βbut when I found it, I heard a voice yell at me and say, βHey, thatβs nacho cheese!ββ
π π π
A man and wife are at a volleyball game when they notice a very affectionate couple, who are running their hands over each other passionately.
βI donβt know whether to watch them or the game,β says the man.
βWatch them!β says his wife. βYou already know how to play volleyball.β
π π π
Turning off your Zoom camera is like getting food from a buffet at a party.
You want to do it, but you donβt want to be the first, and you definitely donβt want to be the only one.
π π π
Chuck Norris won a guitar battle with a violin.
π π π
What kind of flu do Chinese people have?
Kung flu.
π π π
Where does a camel go after heβs eaten his main course?
To the desert trolley.
π π π
Baby rat and mommy rat were walking down a dirt road when a bat flies by.
Baby rat turns to his mom and says, βLook, ma, an angel.β
π π π
An American Indian meets a cowboy. Since neither of them knows each otherβs language, they start a sign conversation.
Indian approaches first, pointing his finger to cowboyβs chest.
Cowboy responds with pointing his two fingers to Indianβs face.
Then Indian makes a rooftop gesture with his hands.
To which cowboy reacts with a waving motion of his right hand.
Cowboy returns home and tells his wife about what happened to him, βI met one crazy Indian in the desert. Right after seeing me, he told that heβs going to shoot me in the chest, and I responded that Iβll screw up his eyes before that. He then promised to bury me, and I told him that heβll sleep with the fishes if he plans to harm me.β
Indian returns home and speaks to his wife, βI met one crazy cowboy in the desert. When I asked him who he was, he told me heβs a goat. I inquired βmountain goat?β, and he responded βno, waterfowlβ.β
π π π
What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?
Why so Sirius?
π π π
How many HR people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to screw it in, the other to investigate the lightbulbβs complaint it was touched inappropriately.
π π π
How many motivational speakers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Zero, because the change starts with you.
π π π
The best way to keep a skunk from smelling is to hold its nose.
π π π
Why did the bearded manβs shaving product business flop?
Because of the razor-thin margins.
π π π
One benefit of old age is that your secrets are safe with your friends, they canβt remember them either!
π π π
My friend that only dates Asian girls just started dating his ex-girlfriend again.
And I donβt know if I should tell him.
π π π
I told my friend that I want to live on Uranus.
They said, βI guess youβre really into extreme living conditions!β
π π π
I once accidentally poured glue in my sonβs corn flakes.
Heβs never talked to me again.
π π π
Why do people who have TikTok get sick?
Because of all the influenzas.
π π π
What happens when a computer engineer fails flirting with a waitress?
Error in connecting to the server.
π π π