A gun company has been criticised after bringing out a pistol covered in Lego.
The manufacturer says it’s perfectly safe, unless you step on it in bare feet.
😄 😄 😄
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it’s neck and neck.
😄 😄 😄
Every night, I go to bed determined to be productive the following day.
Here’s to a good morning... tomorrow.
😄 😄 😄
I’m on the rotation diet.
Every time I turn around, I eat.
😄 😄 😄
Spider-Man and Black Widow first met on the web.
😄 😄 😄
What’s a tall person’s worst fear?
Ceiling fans.
😄 😄 😄
After failing my first 2 exams, I just got an A on my third Anatomy exam...
The answers were inside me the entire time.
😄 😄 😄
What is it that keeps roofing teams together?
Trussed.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the influencer who became a suicide bomber?
At first he had barely any followers, but then he blew up.
😄 😄 😄
A reporter was interviewing a 102-year-old woman.
“What’s the secret to your longevity?”, he asked.
Old woman: “Simple. The biggest cause of aging is stress, and the biggest cause of stress is arguing with people. So I never argue with anyone.”
The reporter laughed, “That’s ridiculous. That can’t be the real reason.”
The old lady smiled and nodded, “You’re probably right.”
😄 😄 😄
What language do Brazilian geese speak?
Portu-geese.
😄 😄 😄
Mushrooms are the most virtuous of fungi...
they have the best morels.
😄 😄 😄
I told my wife I’d never leave her unless aliens came to take me.
It has taken 30 years but I finally have enough for Industrial Light and Magic to do an alien abduction scene.
😄 😄 😄
What do elves make sandwiches with?
Shortbread.
😄 😄 😄
No thanks, pants! I am working from home today.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so tall even Titans can look up her skirt.
😄 😄 😄
I loved the sound a bird made this morning.
So I re-tweeted it.
😄 😄 😄
Math teacher: “James, what do you get when you subtract 897 from 1824 and add 176 and divide the answer by 3?”
James: “A Headache ma’am.”
😄 😄 😄
Coach: “Your roommate and the captain of the team reported that you have many bad words for me in your sleep! So do you abuse me in your sleep!”
Football Player: “Coach, It is just not true!”
Coach: “What is not true, I trust the captain and I am asking this in front of him!”
Football player: “Coach, It is untrue that I was sleeping!”
😄 😄 😄
Teacher: “Take a seat”.
Student: “Where do you want me to take it to?”
😄 😄 😄
