What’s the difference between a fire wizard and someone who flirts with pastries?
One is a Pyromancer, the other is a pie-romancer.
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My girlfriend left me once I stopped taking her to seafood restaurants.
Turns out she was only with me for my mussels.
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Harry Styles’ birthday is coming up.
And I’m so Styles-ed for it.
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Where do lobsters go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
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I tried tap dancing.
But I had to give it up as I kept falling into the sink.
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There are no jokes about Chuck Norris.
It’s all true.
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A miracle drug is one that has now the same price as last year.
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If the pope isn’t a prophet...
Then the Catholic Church must be a non-profit organization.
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A flat Earther dies and goes to heaven.
At the gates of heaven, St. Peter says to them, “Before you enter the gates of heaven, you may ask god one question.”
The flat Earther asks, “God, is the earth flat?”
God responds, “The earth is 100% a globe.”
The flat Earther exclaims, “Holy crap! This conspiracy runs deeper than I thought!”
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Yo sister so ugly her pillow cries at night.
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The old mosquito puts the little baby’s to bed and tells them, “If you are good, tomorrow I’m going to take you to the nudists.”
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Why didn’t the skeleton like the Halloween candy?
He didn’t have the stomach for it!
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Why did the carpenter take time off on Labor Day?
He needed to hammer out his vacation plans.
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
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I know a lot of jokes in sign language and I guarantee you that no one has ever heard them.
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When Mario collects coins with his cap in Super Mario Odissey...
You for sure know he is very cappytalistic.
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A little girl finally got to attend a wedding for the first time.
While in the church, the girl asked her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”
The mother replied to the girl, “Because white is the color of happiness and it’s the happiest day of her life today.”
After a little bit, the girl looks up at her mother and says, “But, then why is the groom wearing black?”
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Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana.
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Your eyes are as blue as toilet water.
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Why can’t two ghosts make out?
They go right through each other.
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