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Jokes: Dad Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Dad Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard because it’s the best thing for a hot dog.

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I love being a grandparent in retirement.

I give my grandkids a lot of sugar and then leave them with their parents to deal with them.

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My wife asked me if I ate the ice cream she had in the freezer.

I told her no. I ate it on the couch.

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β€œWaiter, will my pizza be long?”

β€œNo sir, it will be round!”

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What do you call a gigantic polar bear?

Nothing, you just run away!

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When you walk in to class and your teacher says β€œTake a seat”.

Response: β€œWhere do you want me to take it to?”

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What would happen if you took the school bus home?

The police would make you bring it back!

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Once there was a bear with no ears, guess what they call it?

A β€œB”.

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A woman in England gives birth every 30 seconds.

She must be exhausted.

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What do you call London without electricity?

Londoff.

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My friend was ill and had a runny nose she couldn’t fix.

I suggested, β€œBreak its legs.”

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The best way to keep a skunk from smelling is to hold its nose.

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I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming like the rest of the folks in his car.

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What do you do when you break your leg in two places?

Quit going to those two places!

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Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie from drowning in the ocean?

He was just too far out, man.

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Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time consuming.

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Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?

No, they eat the fingers separately.

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Why does an alien prefer a light year to a normal year?

Because it has got less calories.

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How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?

They’re all girls! If they were boys, they’d be uncles.

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Waiter, this food tastes kind of funny?

Then why aren’t you laughing!

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Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

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Can a dog jump higher than a house?

Well, duh. Houses can’t jump.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„





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