Enjoy our team's carefully selected Dad Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard because itβs the best thing for a hot dog.
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I love being a grandparent in retirement.
I give my grandkids a lot of sugar and then leave them with their parents to deal with them.
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My wife asked me if I ate the ice cream she had in the freezer.
I told her no. I ate it on the couch.
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βWaiter, will my pizza be long?β
βNo sir, it will be round!β
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What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
Nothing, you just run away!
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When you walk in to class and your teacher says βTake a seatβ.
Response: βWhere do you want me to take it to?β
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What would happen if you took the school bus home?
The police would make you bring it back!
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Once there was a bear with no ears, guess what they call it?
A βBβ.
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A woman in England gives birth every 30 seconds.
She must be exhausted.
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What do you call London without electricity?
Londoff.
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My friend was ill and had a runny nose she couldnβt fix.
I suggested, βBreak its legs.β
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The best way to keep a skunk from smelling is to hold its nose.
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I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming like the rest of the folks in his car.
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What do you do when you break your leg in two places?
Quit going to those two places!
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Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie from drowning in the ocean?
He was just too far out, man.
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Have you ever tried to eat a clock? Itβs very time consuming.
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Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
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Why does an alien prefer a light year to a normal year?
Because it has got less calories.
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How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
Theyβre all girls! If they were boys, theyβd be uncles.
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Waiter, this food tastes kind of funny?
Then why arenβt you laughing!
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Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then itβs a soap opera.
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Can a dog jump higher than a house?
Well, duh. Houses canβt jump.
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