A boss was waiting in his office one day when he noticed that all of his workers were missing.
He waits a few more minutes before the first worker comes in.
“Why were you late?” asked the boss.
Sounding exhausted, the worker says, “Sorry boss, but my car broke down on the way to work so I tried the bus, but the bus broke down so I hailed a cab, but the cab broke down, but fortunately I was near a stable, but the horse ran so fast it had a heart attack and I had to jog the rest of the way.”
The boss thinks nothing of it and sends the worker off.
The next 2 workers come in to check in and the boss asks them the same question, “Why were you late?”
The workers give the boss the exact same reason, “Sorry boss, but my car broke down on the way to work so I tried the bus, but the bus broke down so I hailed a cab, but the cab broke down, but fortunately I was near a stable, but the horse ran so fast it had a heart attack and I had to jog the rest of the way.”
The boss thinks that he must be losing his mind, but sends the workers off anyways.
Finally, the last worker comes in and the boss says, “Let me guess, your car broke down on the way to work so you tried the bus, but the bus broke down so you hailed a cab, but the cab broke down, but fortunately, you were near a stable, but the horse ran so fast it had a heart attack and you had to jog the rest of the way?”
The worker said, “No boss, you got it all wrong, you see, there were so many broken down cars, buses, cabs, dead horses and crazed joggers in the streets, it was impossible to get through.”
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What do plumbers, garbage men, and economists all have in common?
They all deal with gross domestic product.
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A man is sitting in the bar at a busy airport. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down next to him.
He presumes, because she’s got a uniform on, she’s probably an off duty flight attendant.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the Delta Airline motto, “We love to fly and it shows.”
The woman looks at him blankly.
He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto, “Winning the hearts of the world.”
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto, “Going beyond expectations.”
The woman looks at him wearily and says, “What the heck do you WANT, moron?”
“Ah!” he says, sitting back with a smile on his face, “American Airlines!”
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Morals:
1. Money is not everything. There’s also MasterCard & Visa.
2. One should love animals. They are tasty too.
3. Save water. Drink beer.
4. Studying is healthy. So leave it for the sick.
5. Books are holy. So don’t touch them.
6. Every one should marry because happiness is not the only thing in life...
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A beaver hit a wall.
And yells out dam.
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Good morning!
Remember, life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.
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A few guys in Spider-Man costumes walked into a bar.
Apparently, they were web designers!
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On the occasion of Teachers’ Day, the teacher was having a casual chat with his students.
Teacher: “Neil, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
Neil: “Sir, I want to be just like you.”
Teacher, impressed: “And why is that?”
Neil: “Because even I love doing nothing.”
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I was on a Zoom meeting just now and my husband needed to go behind me, so he thoughtfully crawled to stay out of the camera, which means instead of seeing him walk by in his pajamas, my coworkers saw him crawl by in his pajamas.
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What do you call a rapper that smells nice?
Post Cologne.
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Chuck Norris can cut a knife with hot butter.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Witches.”
“Witches, who?”
“Witches the best way out of this neighborhood?”
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Why was the blue marker sad?
Because its life was point-less.
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What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Stolen.
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How many nuns are there in a temple?
Nun.
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In Cairo there is a large hole in the ground left over from a construction project that was never finished. Every day several people unexpectedly walk right into the hole and are badly injured.
By the time the ambulance arrives and brings the victims to the hospital, it is often too late to save them. To solve this dangerous predicament, those with the highest positions in the Egyptian government hold a meeting.
“What shall we do about this hole plaguing our people?” Asks the first speaker.
Everyone is hesitant to answer, but then a man raises his hand.
“It is quite an easy solution,” he exclaims. “We keep an ambulance right next to the hole, so if people fall in, they can be pulled out and brought to the hospital right away.”
The council agrees and decides to implement this new solution the following day. However, with traffic there is still not enough time to get the victims to the hospital. So they hold another meeting.
“Having an ambulance ready is still not enough to save our people, we must do more.”
A different man raises his hand and speaks, “If getting to the hospital in time is the problem, then we must build a hospital next to the hole.”
Everyone claps seeing that they’ve found the solution.
But then the urban development chair speaks in response to this proposal, “The land next to the hole is simply not big enough,” he says, and the crowd stops clapping. “It seems we are back at step 1.”
In the back of the room a man stands and says with much confidence, “I have got it! We shall bring a truck full of dirt to the site of the hole, and we will fill it up.”
The council is ecstatic clapping for the man.
“...then we dig another hole next to the hospital.”
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Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.
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Went to a hot dog convention hoping to meet some women.
But it turned out to be a sausage fest.
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Did you hear about the paint catapult that won the competition?
It won with flying colors.
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Fourteen mushrooms were sitting at a lunch table. One more asked to join.
One of them said, “Sorry there is not mush-room.”
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