A shepherd was tending his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a dust cloud approached at high speed, out of which emerged a shiny silver BMW.
The driver—a young man in an Armani suit, Ferragamo shoes, Cartier sunglasses, and a tightly knotted power tie—poked his head out the window and asked the shepherd, “Hey! If I can tell you how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?”
The shepherd looked at the man, then glanced at his peacefully grazing flock and answered, “Sure.”
The driver parked his car, plugged his phone into a laptop and briskly surfed to a GPS satellite navigation system on the Internet and initiated a remote body-heat scan of the area.
While the computer was occupied, he sent some e-mails via his phone and, after a few minutes, nodded solemnly at the responses.
Finally, he printed a 150-page report on the little laser printer in his glove compartment, turned to the shepherd, waving the sheaves of paper, and pronounced, “You have exactly 1,586 sheep.”
“Impressive. One of my sheep is yours,” said the shepherd.
He watched the young man make his pick and bundle it into his car.
Then the shepherd said, “If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?”
Pleased to meet a fellow sportsman, the young man replied, “You’re on.”
“You are an auditor,” said the shepherd without hesitation.
“That’s correct,” said the young man, impressed. “However did you guess?”
“It wasn’t a guess,” replied the shepherd. “You show up completely uninvited. You ask me to pay you for information I already know, answer questions I haven’t asked, and you know nothing about my business. Now, please give me my DOG back!”
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the blue plane that crashed?
They said it was a skyblunder.
😄 😄 😄
I went to watch Spider-Man playing baseball.
He was great at catching flies.
😄 😄 😄
Went to the seaside for a vacation last year.
The landlady said to me, “We charge twenty pounds a night—bed and breakfast—or twelve pounds if you make your own bed.”
“Oh, all right,” I said, “I’ll make the bed.”
And the landlady gave me a saw, a hammer and some nails.
😄 😄 😄
An little old woman arrives home from bingo and her husband comes running up to her saying, “Thank goodness you’re home safe! I was watching the news and apparently a lunatic was driving down the wrong side of the freeway!”
She replied, “A lunatic? There were hundreds of them!”
😄 😄 😄
Did you know the first French Fries weren’t actually cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal?
A polar bear.
😄 😄 😄
Girlfriend: “Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?”
Boyfriend: “Yes, February 14th.”
😄 😄 😄
A wife said her husband that they should spice up their love life.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
She said, “Let’s do a bit of role-playing. I’ll be the doctor and you be the patient.”
“Alright...” the husband went with it, “How are you, doctor?”
“We have no appointments till November. Goodbye.”
😄 😄 😄
Why does nobody trust the man on the moon?
He has a dark side.
😄 😄 😄
What music does the Easter Bunny listen to while hiding eggs?
Hip hop.
😄 😄 😄
What did the doctor ask the composer right before his colonoscopy?
“How many movements?”
😄 😄 😄
Who was the fastest runner in the race?
Adam, because he was first in the human race.
😄 😄 😄
How does a social media marketer stay cool during a crisis?
They just keep refreshing their feed until it blows over.
😄 😄 😄
My wife suggested I start growing a beard, to which I was against initially against...
But now, I must say, it’s growing on me.
😄 😄 😄
What did the snowman say to the birthday girl?
Have an ice day!
😄 😄 😄
Wishing you a warm and bright 40th birthday!
It couldn’t be any other way with that many candles on your cake.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of tea is sometimes hard to swallow?
Reality.
😄 😄 😄
I told my mom I wanted to play Roblox for a living.
She said she didn’t want me to have such a block-and-white career.
😄 😄 😄
A bard walks up to a bored leprechaun. How many tunes should the bard play?
Fortunes.
😄 😄 😄
