What does Spider-Man do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall.
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If you’re looking for Spider-Man, you can always find him on the web.
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How many pharmacists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, every six hours for the next ten days.
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Chuck Norris can fold a fitted sheet.
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Yo momma’s so ugly she makes a Gammorrean seem like an attractive date.
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I saw my sister weeping uncontrollably, worried that her Economics degree wouldn’t land her a job.
I said, “Are you having a financial cry, sis?”
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What did Uranus say to Earth?
“You’re always following me around. Give me some space!”
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Why do Jews wear yarmulkes?
Because the hats with little propellers cost extra!
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Why do camels make the best comedians on Wednesdays?
Because they know how to get everyone laughing over the hump.
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My boyfriend and I always laugh about how competitive we are.
But I laugh harder.
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“LOL stands for laugh out loud and BRB stands for be right back, but what does IDK stand for?”
“I don’t know.”
“Alright, fine I’ll ask somebody else.”
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One day you can be a morning person, but today is not that day.
It’s the afternoon.
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How do you remove the inherent bureaucracy that’s plaguing the donut industry?
Cut out the middle, man.
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The reason that no one has returned to the moon for so long is that every time someone tries to book a hotel there, it’s full...
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Good morning!
Hope your morning is less Monday and more Friday!
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What did Earth say to the other planets?
Get a life!
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I smiled right after getting up.
I think I dislocated my face.
Good morning!
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Our computers went down at work today, so I had to play Solitaire with a real deck of cards.
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What do you call a realistic prankster?
A practical joker.
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I ordered a book called “How to scam people online” two months ago.
It still hasn’t arrived yet.
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