The road to success is always under construction.
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Spider-Man and Black Widow first met on the web.
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I visited a real graveyard yesterday...
I logged back into Myspace.
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Guess what I found in the creepy old professors’ closet?
Narnia business
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What do we learn from cows, buffaloes, and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
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A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.
After looking the man over he says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?”
The man gets really annoyed and says, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”
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What happened to the fungi who moved into a New York apartment?
He didn’t have mush-room.
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Why did the bearded man sue the barber who sneakily shaved off his beard?
He barber-ed a grudge against him.
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I can’t stop my mushroom from leaning.
I think I need some morel support.
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“Do you know the difference between a fly and an elephant?”
“No.”
“Wow! You’d better see somebody then.”
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Customer: “Give me a hot dog.”
Waiter: “With pleasure.”
Customer: “No, with sauerkraut!”
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It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
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Congratulations on deciding life is more important than work. What took you so long?
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The only love triangle I want is a slice of pizza.
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My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She’s at the ER now. Her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died.
Luckily, I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.
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August 20, 2020:
Scientists have discovered a “mystery object” in space. The object is equal to 2.6 solar masses.
March 1, 2021 (Update):
Scientists have determined that the “mystery object” is made up of unmatched socks.
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What do the San Francisco 49ers playoff run and the Civil War have in common?
Both of them were ended by a man named Sherman.
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A blonde’s neighbor’s house was on fire, so she called 911.
The blonde told the operator, “My neighbor’s house is on fire!”
The operator asked, “Where are you?”
The blonde answered, “At my house”.
The operator replied, “No, I’m asking how do we get there?”
The blonde said, “In a firetruck, duh!”
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What do you call it when Spider-Man defeats Iron Man?
Tony Stuck.
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Getting up early is the first step in the wrong direction!
Good morning!
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