After several attempts to get the customer service agent on the phone to understand his name, my Asian-American friend Appappa decided to spell it out.
“A for apple,” he began, “P for pineapple, p for pineapple, a for apple, p for pineapple, p for...”
The flustered agent interrupted, “I have a better idea,” she said, “just tell me how many apples and how many pineapples.”
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the scientist who recently said that the “perfect earthquake” was going to strike your city soon?
The evidence to support his claim was shaky at best.
😄 😄 😄
It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
😄 😄 😄
“Don’t sit on that!”
“Sit on what?”
“Sit on DEEZ NUTS!”
😄 😄 😄
Why didn’t the moon go outside?
Because it was waning.
😄 😄 😄
Why did Puerto Rico become a state?
Because they couldn’t find enough parking.
😄 😄 😄
I got a job at a paperless office.
Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.
😄 😄 😄
Recently, I’ve started teaching a poetry class in a maximum security prison.
It’s a tough job, but I enjoy it.
It really has its prose and cons.
😄 😄 😄
My 2 year old sister’s stinky feet were smelling like cheese.
My dad was wondering what happened, so I told him that she had chee-toes.
😄 😄 😄
I avoid bike trails after dark.
They are full of cycle paths.
😄 😄 😄
He may have been a fun-gi, but he sure did have questionable morels.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear that I won the Thanksgiving turkey cookoff?
You butterball-ieve it.
😄 😄 😄
So, it’s about 1961, and I am ever so proudly part of a land survey crew working in a local neighborhood.
A young boy comes out from his house and states, “My mom wants to know what you are doing here!”
I state, “Well, we’re surveyors!”
And as the crew continues down the street, I hear his mom ask, “Well, what are they doing, Tommy?”
To which Tommy responds, “Don’t worry, mom, they are survivors!”
😄 😄 😄
My wife has a whale tattooed on her butt.
It used to be a dolphin.
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ghost says.”
“Ghost says, who?”
“No, a ghost says booooo!”
😄 😄 😄
A marvelous morning to you, my friend.
You are someone who never quits, mainly because you never start.
😄 😄 😄
Why could Spider-man not drive a car decently even once?
Because he always confused drifting with spinning and end of in accidents.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the cowboy take hay to bed?
To feed his nightmares.
😄 😄 😄
What did the hipster tell his chef friend with a beard?
“You ought to shavour every bite!”
😄 😄 😄
