What do aliens like to read?
Comet books!
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Good morning to someone who is the best sleeper in the world!
Seriously. It’s been hours. Wake up!
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What’s yellow and always points north?
A magnetic minion.
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Why do British people love playing chess?
Coz no one can kill their Queen.
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Who’s a hairdresser’s favorite musical artist?
Harry Styles.
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Why do pumpkins do poorly in school?
Because eventually they end up with all their brains scooped out.
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Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
Because it had appeal.
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Did you hear about the happy asteroid?
It was over the moon!
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The insects that smell the best are deodor-ants.
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The ocean was feeling blue.
So I told her to sea the brighter side.
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My orthopedic surgeon has the bone-dacity to tell jokes during surgery.
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Working from home becomes more difficult when your bed and YouTube constantly beg for your attention.
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What is it called when shapes play pranks on each other?
Geometrick.
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What are the sun’s favorite chocolate bars?
A Milky Way.
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“You know, I think it’s your turn to pick wild mushrooms.” My girlfriend said.
So I gather.
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A guy got pulled over by a cop for speeding.
The cop said, “Do you know how fast you were going, Sir?”
The guy replied, “I was just trying to keep up with the traffic.”
The cop said, “There is no traffic, Sir.”
The guy answered, “That’s how far behind I am?!”
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The crosseyed history teacher could not control her pupils.
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What do English teachers do on Reddit?
Edit grammar.
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A mother tells her little boy, “Johnny, you mustn’t eat too many lollies or I’ll hide the lolly jar.”
Johnny asks, “Why?”
His mother says, “Because something bad will happen! Your tummy will blow up big like a balloon and then pop!”
The next day at church, the boy is sitting next to a pregnant woman.
He points to her belly smiling and says, “I know what you’ve been doing.”
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Batman goes to a party. To his surprise, he sees that the Joker is there too.
“He must be up to something,” he thinks. And so he sneaks up behind him, knocks him out, and puts him in a back room.
When walks out, he sees the Joker again.
“How did he recover so quickly?” Once again he knocks him out and puts him in the back room.
Coming out a third time, he sees the Joker yet again.
“How can this be?!” Now furious, Batman confronts him, grabs him by his vest, and shouts, “What are you doing here, Joker?!”
And he replies, “I’m enjoying this Halloween party, dude!”
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