Why did the wizard’s wife have hickeys on her neck?
Because he was a neck-romancer.
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Your mama’s so short that she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
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I love my motorcycle, it’s great for getting to the front of queues quicker.
It does always terrify the other people in the post office though.
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Where do kids get ice cream cakes on their birthdays?
At sundae school.
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What do the ministry of magic and Chelsea F.C. fans have in common?
They both find Potter undesirable.
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Around 80% of all Asians who move to America get cataracts.
The remaining 20% usually buy chevrorets, rexus or rincoln. Some even get rand lover.
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How do you know that you play WoW too often?
When your microwave does “DING!” and you reply “GZ!”.
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I looked at the bottom of a tuna tin and it said “Best Before Date”.
I thought, “No, it isn’t.”
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I tried to post a Thanksgiving joke about turkeys.
But it was removed because of fowl language.
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A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice.
Father: “My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy.”
The boy picks up his date, and they stare at each other for a long time.
The boy’s nervousness builds, but he then asks, “Do you like potato pancakes?”
“No,” comes the answer, and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.
Boy: “Do you have a brother?”
Girl: “No.”
After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card, “If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?”
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Yo momma so dumb when y’all were driving to Disneyland she saw a sign that said “Disneyland left” so she went home.
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When Chuck Norris looks into the mirror it breaks because nobody gets between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
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Call me a dentist, because you are too sweet.
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Philosophy:
A study which enables man to be unhappy more intelligently.
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It’s so hot that you can tell who has plastic surgery.
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What did the Mandalorian say about how to cook the Thanksgiving turkey?
“…This is the way.”
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Why did the volleyball player bring an extra pair of shoelaces?
Because she wanted to tie the score.
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Where did Vegeta go after death?
Into the Frieza.
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My uncle was crushed by a piano.
His funeral was very low key.
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When the moon is being super grumpy, its parents turn to each other and say, “Gibbous strength!”
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