I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor.Β He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining.
He just couldnβt find a role he could sink his teeth into.
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Black people are really fast...
Itβs a race thing.
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I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
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Why did the watermelon have brown spots all over its skin?
It had melonoma.
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What did Yoda say to Anakin on his wedding day?
May divorce be with you.
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My father was stupid.
He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.
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Yo mommaβs so black when she turned to the dark side the Sith became Jedis.
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I learn a lot in meetings.
For instance, did you know that by bending a paper clip once, you can make a pretty cool βSβ?
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Rise and conquer, adventurer!
Todayβs mission: navigate through the day without putting your shirt on inside-out.
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Iβm going to open a clothing alteration shop that focuses on doing all jobs within an hour.
It will be called, Tailor Swift.
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I may be short, but short people can wear heels, ugly just canβt be fixed.
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What do trees do during September?
Turn over to a new leaf.
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Which is the clumsiest candy bar?
A Butterfinger!
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Iβve decided to stop going to my doctor now Iβve found out heβs into astrology.
I went to get the results of a scan and all he had to say was βIβve consulted your chart and I can see Cancer is rising in Uranusβ.
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A teacher told her first grade class, βA single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!β
A little girl gasped, βHow about the married ones?β
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Your mama so short she committed suicide by jumping off the curb.
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How is the solution to the toilet paper shortage the same as the solution to a crossword puzzle?
One square at a time.
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Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors.
Itβs always the first to rose and shine.
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My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list.
Now I canβt read anything.
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Why did all the tissue roll in the wall mart not enough for Spider-man?
Because Spider-man was more into flypaper kind of tissue roll.
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