If you think that no one cares youβre alive...
Just try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
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Youβre so fat the only thing to compare you to is an elephant.
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What makes a traffic jam better?
Adding peanut butter to it.
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How can you tell Minecraft characters watch too much TV?
They all have square eyes.
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Why are elephantβs noses so big?
So they can scratch their bums!
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Hickory dickory dock, three mice ran up the clock, the clock struck one.
And the other two escaped with minor injuries.
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Iβve just bought a new pair of spider silk trousers.
They look great, but the flies keep getting stuck.
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Itβs so hot and humid outside, the air ironed the wrinkles out of my shirt.
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Archaeologists have uncovered a mummy in Egypt covered in nuts and chocolate.
They believe itβs Pharaoh Roche.
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Whatβs a blue shoe?
A shoe with the blues.
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What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
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Yo daddy is so dumb he sold his car for gas money.
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Why did the vegetarian hot dog cross the road?
To prove he wasnβt chicken!
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Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert.
I thought theyβd be gross, but they were actually pretty good. Turns out...
That in-prison mint isnβt as bad as I expected!
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Sherlock Holmes got audited by the IRS.
He had too many deductions.
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Yo momma so fat she canβt reach her back pocket.
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The house is on fire!
Wake up!
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A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code.
He refused to comment.
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Sheβs feeling so blue.
She might as well be called the ocean.
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Your mama so short she has to hold a sign up that says βDonβt spit, I canβt swimβ.
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