I caught bird flu while waiting for a flight at the airport.
I have since found out it is a terminal illness.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a Viking who can’t catch fish?
A cod-less heathen.
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What do you call someone dressed as a clown who falls down the stairs?
An ambulance.
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A bard walks up to a bored leprechaun. How many tunes should the bard play?
Fortunes.
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Why is a German stone intelligent?
Because it’s not just a stone, it’s ein Stein.
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First Pole: “Knock-Knock!”
Second Pole: “Come in!”
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Indian warrior decided to change his name and went to the Registry of BDM (birth, death, marriages).
He approaches the counter and talks to the lady at the counter.
Indian: “Hello miss. I would like to change my name if it is possible.”
Lady: “Of course, sir, but why would you do that?”
Indian: “Well you see my name is Sharp Arrow Flying Across the Field at Great Speed Hitting the Bison and Bison Falls Down Dead. As you see it is too long and I’m tired of pronouncing it, I would like to change it to something shorter.”
Lady: “Alright, sir, so what is the name that you would like to change to?”
Indian (makes sound with mouth): “Pew.”
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I asked my aging father why he doesn’t have life insurance.
“Because, son, I want you to be truly sad when I die.”
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Why was the snowman looking through a pile of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
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Why are spirits so lonely?
They have no body to love.
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What is another fancy name for a sun fart?
A solar flare.
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Why did Uranus start a comedy club?
Because it wanted to be the butt of all jokes.
😄 😄 😄
I asked Alexa what women want.
This thing has been talking for six hours.
😄 😄 😄
What holds the moon up?
Moon beams!
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What is every policeman’s favorite charity fundraiser?
Dollars to Donuts.
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Harry Styles needs to get into the insurance business.
He’s an expert at Style-gating.
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Patty was quietly minding her own business, eating her soup alone in her booth at a local eatery, when a voice startled her from behind.
It was the guy in the booth behind her.
“Not so loud!” he said.
“What?” she questioned, as she took another spoonful of soup.
“I said not so loud!” was his muffled reply.
Embarrassed at being told she was slurping her soup, she pushed away her bowl and started her grilled cheese sandwich.
“How was your day?” questioned the man from behind once again.
“Pretty good,” responded Patty, confused that this stranger would care.
“Did you pass the exam?” came the next question from behind.
“I don’t know, I didn’t get my grade yet,” replied a thoroughly bewildered Patty.
“I’ll have to call you back when I’m out of here”, came the voice from behind once again, “some nut job is answering every question I ask you!”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so fat Jabba the Hutt said “Hargh!”.
😄 😄 😄
You know what they say “Big shoes, big nose, big hands”?
Probably a clown.
😄 😄 😄
Good morning!
Come on, get up!
The day does not mess up by itself.
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