What did one ghost say to the other?
Get a life!
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Yo momma’s so ugly she makes a Gammorrean seem like an attractive date.
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I went to the gym to work out, and a group of buff guys walked past me and called me a fat loser.
Technically, they were right, because I lost a lot of fat.
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Why is everyone obsessed with that new horror movie?
Like, I was driving today and this is the third time someone has rolled down their window and yelled to me “Hey! Watch It!”.
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Programming is 10% writing code.
And 90% understanding why it’s not working.
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From now on, I will avoid food that gives me diarrhea.
It’s a solid plan.
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I’m writing a book about reverse psychology.
Please don’t buy it.
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The cast of The Wizard of Oz go out for ice cream.
The Lion stops licking his cone, yelling, “Ouch!” and gripping his temples.
The Tinman stops licking his cone, yelling, “Ouch!” and gripping his temples.
Dorothy stops licking her cone, yelling, “Ouch!” and gripping her temples.
The Scarecrow says, “What’s the matter with you guys?”
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Why shouldn’t you pick a green alien for your baseball team?
They’re not ripe yet.
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April doesn’t fool Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris fools April.
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Forgot it’s April Fools’!
What’s the simplest way to really quickly get some friends, so I can prank them?
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How did the chocolate frog sneak into Hogwarts?
It used the invisibility croak.
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What do you call a suicide bomber that can tell the future?
A tarot-ist.
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Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.
Today, it’s called golf.
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Snake: “Hisssss.”
Feminist Snake: “Herrrrrrr.”
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The sun and moon walked into a coffee shop.
Sun: “Oh man, I forgot my wallet!”
Moon: “Don’t worry, I’ll cover you.”
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How do you know that you play WoW too often?
When your microwave does “DING!” and you reply “GZ!”.
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Yo momma’s nose so big you can go bowling with her boogers!
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What does the Elf on the Shelf use to write with on the blackboard?
Chalk-olate.
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A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
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