Why is the sun not very heavy to carry?
Because it is really very light.
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Your mommaβs so short she can bungee-jump off a curb!
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Why are cooks funny?
They can crack yolks.
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How is a dyslexic cow like a Buddhist monk?
Both say βommmmmmmmm.β
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How do dogs make sandwiches?
With purebred.
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Did you hear about the American Indian who died from drinking too much tea?
He drowned in his own tepee.
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What did the nervous spider say to the audience?
βForgive me, guys, but Iβve got butterflies in my stomach.β
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A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia.
The librarian says, βTheyβre right behind you!β
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βYou know, I think itβs your turn to pick wild mushrooms.β My girlfriend said.
So I gather.
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What does Yoda say when he is drunk?
βDear me, it appears I have imbibed alcohol in sufficient quantity to impair my speech.β
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Why did the owl βowl?
Because the woodpecker would peck βer.
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What do you call someone whoβs really into stationary biking?
A cyclepath.
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βAvery.β
βAvery, who?β
βAvery Merry Christmas to you!β
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Whatβs a hipsterβs favorite type of surgery?
A hip replacement.
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A woman asks a waiter, βWhat is this fly doing in my Ice cream?!β
The waiter says, βShivering, madam.β
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Roses are red, violets are blue.
You look like a donkey, and smell like one too.
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I donβt put ketchup and mustard on my hot dog, I relish it.
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You canβt lose weight by talking about it.
You need to keep your mouth shut.
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I donβt hate leg day.
Itβs the two days after I canβt stand.
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Why is it that Uranus smells distinctly like farts?
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