Best Jokes (4)



What do aliens like to read?

Comet books!

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Broccoli: β€œHey, I look like a tree.”

Mushroom: β€œWow, I look just like an umbrella.”

Walnut: β€œI look exactly like a brain.”

Banana: β€œMan, can we change the topic please?”

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If a Bengal tiger is attacking your mother-in-law and spouse, who will you save?

The Bengal tiger of course! They’re getting extinct in the world.

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What is a bear’s favorite drink?

Koka-Koala.

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What do you call the child of a civil engineer?

A truss fund baby.

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What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?

Lilly.

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I got fired from the bomb squad today.

It’s too bad really…

I had a blast working there.

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The deeper the pit you’re falling into...

The more chance you have to learn how to fly.

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Yo momma’s so ugly they push her face in the dough to make Ugnaught cookies.

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I’m very familiar with paranormal activity.

I keep getting ghosted.

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It was hot today and when I went outside I saw a line of guys standing outside the hairdressers.

I thought to myself, β€œSuch a lovely day to have a barber queue.”

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A young Arab boy asks his father, β€œWhat is that strange hat you are wearing?”

The father said, β€œWhy, my son, it is a β€œchechia”. In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”

β€œAnd what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.

β€œOh, my son!” exclaimed the father, β€œIt is very simple. This is a β€œdjbellah”. As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My β€œdjbellah” protects the entire body.”

The son then asked, β€œBut Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?”

β€œThese are β€œbabouches” my son,” the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These β€œbabouches” keep us from burning our feet.”

β€œSo tell me then,” added the boy.

β€œYes, my son...”

β€œWhy are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this shit?

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What did the dragon say to the bad employee?

You’re fired.

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Why was the cat afraid of the tree?

Because of it’s bark.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œLettuce.”

β€œLettuce, who?”

β€œLettuce eat cake, it’s your birthday!”

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I was hungry and bought a box of animal crackers today.

The box said β€œWARNING: Do not eat if the seal is broken”.

I then opened it up, and every type of animal was in 1 piece, save for a single cracker at the bottom of the box...

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Yo mama so fat NASA thought she was a planet.

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What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?

Gu-whack-a-mole-e.

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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

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Where do suicide bombers go after they die?

Everywhere!

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