Best Jokes (4)



How many autistic people does it take to change a lightbulb?

β€œOne, but what do you want me to change it into?”

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Who was the fastest runner in the race?

Adam, because he was first in the human race.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œNicholas.”

β€œNicholas, who?”

β€œNicholas half as much as a dime.”

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œPat.”

β€œPat, who?”

β€œPat on your coatβ€”we’re going to the St. Patty’s Day parade.”

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Yo mama so tall even Titans can look up her skirt.

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β€œThe neighbors hate us.”

β€œWhy?”

β€œWell, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?”

β€œYeah, that was really fun.”

β€œAnd remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband’s arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?”

β€œYeah, I remember! I wondered what we’d done...”

β€œWe were still holding our marshmallow sticks...”

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What do snowmen wear on their heads?

Ice caps.

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My son played soccer in the mud all day.

He was a little Messi.

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Good morning, workmate!

Being around you has inspired me... to quit as well as locate a new work!

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What’s black and white and green in the middle?

Two zebras, fighting over a pickle.

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You know you’re 50 when that come hither look you used to have in your eyes just doesn’t look as enticing through your bifocals.

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What do you call the mother who gave birth to Super Mario?

Mario Maker.

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I got in trouble for calling Uranus a gasbag.

But let’s be honest, it’s full of hot air!

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July 1st is International Reggae Day.

This is the day I dread.

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What did the donuts do on their date?

They glazed into each other’s eyes.

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How do you get rid of a cold?

Turn the heating on.

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How does Uranus like its coffee?

Black, with a little bit of gas.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œWitches.”

β€œWitches, who?”

β€œWitches the best way out of this neighborhood?”

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Guess what is my favorite tea?

I would say you Hot tea.

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What’s an owl’s favorite subject at school?

Owl-gebra.

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