Best Jokes (4)



Hello morning!

If my bedhead had a resume, it would list β€˜master of morning chaos.’

May your day be as well-organized as my hair isn’t!

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Why don’t marketers make good chefs?

Because they’re too obsessed with serving ads rather than actual cooking.

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Why did the elephant hide behind the strawberry bush?

The elephant and the ant were playing hide and seek.

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What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera?

Phil Ming.

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What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog?

Stop touching my buns!

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Would evil alternate-universe Spider-Man be a bad parallel parker?

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Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of?

Because they’re easy to push around and never stand up for themselves.

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What’s the difference between an orchestra and a bull?

On the bull the horns are in the front and the asshole is in the back.

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The bed-and-breakfast I stayed at had a great view.

It was truly sight-resting.

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What do you call someone who’s really into stationary biking?

A cyclepath.

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Yo daddy so short he can do a back flip underneath the bed.

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Little Johnny’s teacher is doing her rounds at lunchtime when she sees Little Johnny pulling faces at another child.

She starts to talk sternly to Little Johnny and says, β€œJohnny, when I was a young girl I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way.”

Little Johnny looks up to her and says, β€œWell miss, you can’t say that you weren’t warned.”

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Why is chess just like real life?

The king can only take a step at a time and the queen can do as she pleases.

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On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store.

β€œGive me a couple of steaks,” he says.

β€œWe’re out of steaks, but we have hot dogs and chicken,” says the butcher.

β€œHot dogs and chicken?!” yells the hunter. β€œHow can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hot dogs and chickens?!”

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Why was the Easter egg so scared of his father?

His father was hard-boiled.

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Why is everyone so tired on April 1st?

Because they just finished a 31-day march.

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A driver goes into a car accessories store.

β€œI’d like a satnav, please.”

β€œOK,” said the assistant, β€œwe have every model possible, European routes, world routes, UK routes.”

β€œI’ll just take the UK one, please,” said the driver.

β€œAre you sure, sir, easy to get lost round Europe,” replied the assistant.

β€œNo, the UK is fine,” said the driver, β€œit’s for the Liverpool team bus next season.”

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What if Cinderella was a baking slave instead of a cleaning slave?

Then her name would be mozarella.

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How do you ask a dinosaur if he wants a warm beverage?

β€œTea, Rex?”

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What do you call people who were born on Friday the 13th?

By their names.

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