How did the beaver build the insides of a dam using logs?
He logged in.
π π π
What did the man tell his friends who asked for his secret to preparing the turkey for Thanksgiving?
βEasy, I tell the bird he is going to die.β
π π π
Things I learned in organic chemistry:
How to draw hexagons.
π π π
I have inner beauty.
And I have the video from my colonoscopy to prove it.
π π π
Adam meets a witch.
The witch tells him: βTell me I am pretty, or you will be cursed!β
Adam: βSorry, but I donβt find you attractive.β
Witch: βTake that back, or you most surely will be cursed!
Adam: βNope. Youβre hideous.β
The witch then transformed him into an ant.
Witch: βLook where your rudeness brought you!β
Adam: βYeah, this sucks, but you still look like a moldy potato.β
Witch: βVery well, then. You will remain in this form until you repent and call me pretty!β
He is still adamant.
π π π
Whatβs Uranusβ favorite ice cream flavor?
Gas-tronomic swirl.
π π π
Hockey players are good at making new friends.
They break the ice really quickly.
π π π
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you.
The roses have wilted,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl is empty,
And so is your head.
π π π
What is an astronautβs favorite chocolate?
A Mars bar.
π π π
What are the sunβs favorite chocolate bars?
A Milky Way.
π π π
I donβt know why marvel hasnβt tried to advertise on the hulk.
Heβs a giant banner after all.
π π π
What does a bass guitar and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
π π π
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, theyβd break.
π π π
What does Muslim Sonic say when Ramadan begins?
βGotta go fast!β
π π π
Your sister is so ugly when she was born your mom said, βWhat a treasure!β
And your dad said, βYes, letβs bury it.β
π π π
What do you get when you shave off a neckbeardβs neckbeard?
Mβstache.
π π π
What do you call an exploration mission to Uranus?
Colonoscopy.
π π π
A gun company has been criticised after bringing out a pistol covered in Lego.
The manufacturer says itβs perfectly safe, unless you step on it in bare feet.
π π π
When do vampires like horse racing?
When itβs neck and neck.
π π π
Every night, I go to bed determined to be productive the following day.
Hereβs to a good morning... tomorrow.
π π π