I decided to donate my body to science.
For the time being, I’m following a routine to preserve it with ethanol until they need it.
😄 😄 😄
Why do programmers and coders hate nature?
It has too many bugs.
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Why are PC gamers always sad?
Because they can’t console each other.
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What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
There have been sightings of UFOs.
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An atheist is someone with no invisible means of support.
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Why does August always get upset at the calendar?
Because it knows that summer is about to “fall” apart!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a leprechaun’s prank?
A St. Pat-trick!
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What do you call an Irish guy coming back with more cakes?
Flanagan.
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Now that I’m teaching remotely, I can’t reward my students for their good work.
So I tell them to visit my website for cookies instead.
😄 😄 😄
The pope dies and arrives in Heaven. St. Peter awaits him and asks who he is.
The pope: “I am the pope.”
St. Peter: “Who? There’s no such name in my book.”
The pope: “I’m the representative of God on Earth.”
St. Peter: “Does God have a representative? He didn’t tell me.”
The pope: “But I am the leader of the Catholic church.”
St. Peter: “The Catholic church... Never heard of it. Wait, I’ll check with the boss.”
St. Peter walks away through Heaven’s Gate to talk with God.
St. Peter: “There’s a dude standing outside who claims he’s your representative on earth.”
God: “I don’t have a representative on earth, not that I know of. Wait, I’ll ask Jesus.”
God yells for Jesus.
Jesus: “Yes father, what’s up?”
God and St. Peter explain the situation.
Jesus: “Wait, I’ll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow.”
Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he’s laughing.
Jesus: “Remember that fishing club I’ve started 2000 years ago? It still exists!”
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An English teacher was getting late for school on Teachers’ Day.
Suddenly, a cop pulled him over and asked for papers.
He gladly gave him all of his students’ essays to grade and drove off.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
😄 😄 😄
My physicist girlfriend told me that she loves me to the moon and back.
I’m worried she means displacement, not distance.
😄 😄 😄
Went to a pancake restaurant, and asked if my dinner would be long.
The waiter replied, “No, sir, round.”
😄 😄 😄
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
He had an arrow escape.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a penny that thinks for itself?
A centient.
😄 😄 😄
Ice Cream gets tested positive for Covid in China.
I hope they’ve put it straight into iceolation.
😄 😄 😄
In case you were wondering, chocolate identifies as female.
Preferred pronouns are Her/she.
😄 😄 😄
The attorney kept trying to sue the car dealership over their faulty vehicles.
It was a case of lemon-law.
😄 😄 😄
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist sees the glass completely full—half with liquid and half with air.
😄 😄 😄
