What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
Ouch!
😄 😄 😄
I’m thinking of switching my major to geology.
I think I’d do well because I keep discovering a new rock bottom.
😄 😄 😄
What’s an alien’s favorite treat?
Martian-mallows!
😄 😄 😄
An interviewer met a couple of Liverpool supporters at the pub the other night.
“Do you often go to Anfield?” the interviewer asked.
“Yeah, of course!” they said. “We’ve found the perfect way. Ten minutes after kick-off, we climb over a fence!”
“That sounds great,” the interviewer replied.
“Yeah, but last week we were caught and had to sit down and watch the rest of the game,” replied one of the fans.
😄 😄 😄
Last night I was but by a bloodsucker from the moon.
Damn lunatics!
😄 😄 😄
What did the sign on the baker’s door read when she wanted to be alone?
Donut disturb.
😄 😄 😄
It is hotter than jalapenos and spice on rye.
😄 😄 😄
Did you know that Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift’s relationship is over after just three months because he wanted it to be more public?
Guess she wanted it to be more Loki.
😄 😄 😄
What is blue and lies under a mushroom?
Smurf poop.
😄 😄 😄
How did the cowboy save so much money?
His horse gave him a couple of bucks every day.
😄 😄 😄
Got a B in my computer programming class.
Call that a C++.
😄 😄 😄
I may be short, but short people can wear heels, ugly just can’t be fixed.
😄 😄 😄
Boyfriend: “I’d really like to have enough money to buy a white tiger!”
Girlfriend: “What on Earth would you do with a white tiger?!”
Boyfriend: “Who said I’d get a white tiger? I just want that much money!”
😄 😄 😄
There was a bad smell coming from a dumpster.
So, my mother made my sister burn some spices to cover it.
She used pap-reek-her.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Canoe.”
“Canoe, who?”
“Canoe you buy me a donut?”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owl.”
“Owl, who?”
“Owl I can say is “Knock, knock”!”
😄 😄 😄
Guess what I found in the creepy old professors’ closet?
Narnia business
😄 😄 😄
When he was ten years old Warren Buffett called 911 to report a car had been in an accident near his local grocery store.
It was his first experience with a market crash.
😄 😄 😄
It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird.
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a chili with a PhD?
Dr. Pepper.
😄 😄 😄
