What do you do when no one laughs at your science jokes?
Keep trying until you get a reaction.
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What do you call a computer covered in fruit chunks?
A pineApple Mac.
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Britain’s most common owl?
The teatowel.
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What do you get when you cross a watermelon with broccoli?
A melon-coli snack.
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Didn’t Snoop Dogg change his name?
Or was Snoop Lyin’?!
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A gun company has been criticised after bringing out a pistol covered in Lego.
The manufacturer says it’s perfectly safe, unless you step on it in bare feet.
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Yo mama so stupid she made an appointment with Dr Pepper.
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I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I’m working.
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A wise man once told me, if a bee is bothering you, don’t swat or run away, just stand still and look right at it.
Because seeing is believing.
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Why don’t Romans find algebra interesting?
X is always 10.
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My wife just now: “Do men’s ears actually work, or are they just for decoration?”
Me: “What?”
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Why did the chicken stop crossing the road?
It got tired of all the jokes.
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Where do birds meet for coffee?
In a Nest-cafe.
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She: “I cheated on you.”
He: “Me too.”
She: “April, 1.”
He: “March, 20.”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Goat.”
“Goat, who?”
“Goat on a limb and open the door.”
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What did Shrek use to propose to Fiona?
An onion ring.
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What do the San Francisco 49ers playoff run and the Civil War have in common?
Both of them were ended by a man named Sherman.
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Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
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What does an English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
“To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question.”
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Your eyes are as blue as toilet water.
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