The lobster is one shell of an animal.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris can blow up things, without a bomb.
😄 😄 😄
What’s a Jews favorite band?
Nickelback.
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Yo mama so ugly Instagram tagged her selfies “explicit content’.
😄 😄 😄
A man went to the doctor and said, “I think I am upside down.”
When the doctor asked why he felt like that, the man said, “Because my feet smell and my nose runs.”
😄 😄 😄
A cricketer walks into a hospital with blood pouring out of his eyes.
The doctor says, “Ebola?”
And the cricketer replies, “Nah, I’m a batsman.”
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the ketchup thief?
He was caught red-handed.
😄 😄 😄
Father’s Day at school, and all the students are supposed to make cards by drawing a picture of their father at work.
Teacher asks, “Logan, what does your father do?”
“My dad is a cop. I’m gonna draw him catching a bad guy.”
Then the teacher asks, “Briei, what does your father do?”
Briei says, “My dad is a writer. I’m going to draw him with his new book.”
Teacher gets to Jake, “And what does your father do, Jake?”
Jake says, “My dad is dead.”
“Oh my,” teacher says. “What did your father do before he died?”
Jake: “He turned blue and pooped on the floor.”
😄 😄 😄
I recently took a trip to learn more about Greek culture and to gain a greater appreciation of their amazing works of art and architecture.
The British Museum is a really cool place.
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On Teachers’ Day, why did the student gift his Maths teacher a flight ticket to New York City?
To visit his favorite spot, Times Square.
😄 😄 😄
A guy runs into a bar, and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
😄 😄 😄
At the bank, I told the cashier, “I would like to open a joint account.”
He asked, “With whom?”
I answered, “With whomsoever has lots of money.”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ox.”
“Ox, who?”
“Ox me nice and I will take you out for ice cream.”
😄 😄 😄
What should you never put in an ice cream sundae?
A Spoon.
😄 😄 😄
My Sister works at a pharmacy.
As a pharmasister.
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How does Tom Brady have a bad haircut before every game?
He always asks for the Super “Bowl Cut”.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so stupid she thought Fortnite was fork night.
😄 😄 😄
An Australian guy was playing Mama Mia on his didgeridoo.
I thought, that’s aboriginal.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the secret to Jesus’ summer beach body?
Cross fit.
😄 😄 😄
I had to fire the fruit delivery guy today.
I really had to let the mango he was driving me bananas.
😄 😄 😄
