No one seems to want to help me look for my missing Greek lettuce.
They keep telling me itβs a lost cos.
π π π
Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βDon.β
βDon, who?β
βDon be putting down the Irish now!β
π π π
Guess what you call an alligator wearing a vest?
An investigator!
π π π
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay.
π π π
Why donβt mermaids play badminton?
They might get caught in the net.
π π π
Yo momma so fat when she farts scientists on Tatooine think the star around Coruscant just went supernova.
π π π
What do you call doctors who graduated online?
Google Docs.
π π π
Guy 1: βYesterday, my wife ran away with my best friend Mike.β
Guy 2: βAnd since when is Mike your best friend?β
Guy 1: βYesterday.β
π π π
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?
Dude sold his soul to Santa.
π π π
Edward Snowden was discovered trapped inside of one of his ski lodges this Saturday, November 19th.
βEdward Snowden Snowed in Snowden Snow Denβ
π π π
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
π π π
Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of?
Because theyβre easy to push around and never stand up for themselves.
π π π
I entered a Roblox building competition.
But got disqualified because my design was a copy-pastemasterpiece.
π π π
I auditioned for the role of Mickey Mouse, but I didnβt get the part.
The director said I was too Goofy.
π π π
How does Uranus like its coffee?
Black, with a little bit of gas.
π π π
Why are dyslexic people religious?
Because they think god is manβs best friend.
π π π
Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?
To get another rib.
π π π
I wonder if the moon prefers coffee or gravi-tea?
π π π
My mom had plumbers stop at the house to fix the drain. They made so much noise!
She told them to pipe down.
π π π
Why did the bacon laugh?
Because the egg cracked a yolk!
π π π