Best Jokes (4)



What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S?Β 

Automobile.

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I saw a blue crab today.

It was quite a claw-some sight.

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Yo mama so ugly when she was born, the nurse said, β€œI think it is a child...”

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The irate customer calling the newspaper offices, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

β€œMa’am,” said the employee, β€œtoday is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until Sunday.”

There was quite a pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition, β€œSo that’s why no one was in church today...”

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What do sweet potatoes wear to bed?

Yammies.

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I always seem to say the wrong thing. For example yesterday I complimented my best friend’s mustache.

Now she’s not talking to me.

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A priest buys a lawn mower at a yard sale. Back home, he pulls on the starter rope a few times with no results.

He storms back to the yard sale and tells the previous owner, β€œI can’t get the mower to start!”

β€œThat’s because you have to curse to get it started,” says the man.

β€œI’m a man of the cloth. I don’t even remember how to curse.”

β€œYou keep pulling on that rope, and it’ll come back to you.”

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œWire.”

β€œWire, who?”

β€œWire you still not in my phone’s contacts list?”

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?

A friend you can count on.

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Why did the computer go to a cyber cafΓ©?

Because it needed a byte to eat.

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What do you call a vegetarian Viking?

Norvegan.

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There’s a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery.

The head of the group walks in and says, β€œI’m seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I’m pretty disappointed.”

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Why do single people look forward to Ramadan?

It’s the only month they might ever have a date.

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Yo momma’s so fat the Millenium Falcon can hide in her belly button.

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I’m a clown... and everyone nose.

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I was under the blues.

So I had to blue my nose occasionally.

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Yo mama so fat every time she turns around it’s her birthday.

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Patient: β€œDoctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a snowman!”

Doctor: β€œKeep cool.”

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What is a volleyball player’s favorite drink?

Sets on the Beach.

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What’s the similarity between a fresh pair of shorts and a Bugatti bought by a shady businessman?

Both were laundered.

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