Yo mama so old she knew Burger King when he was just a prince.
😄 😄 😄
I love my motorcycle, it’s great for getting to the front of queues quicker.
It does always terrify the other people in the post office though.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an alien that lives in a bog?
A marsh-in!
😄 😄 😄
If vegetarians eat vegetables... what do humanitarians eat?
😄 😄 😄
You have 30 chocolate bars. You eat 20 in 1 day. What do you have now?
Diabetes.
😄 😄 😄
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
😄 😄 😄
Boy: “I’m a superhero. Guess my name?”
Girl: “Iron Man? Spider-Man?”
Boy: “Yourman!”
😄 😄 😄
My kid has a stuffed alpaca toy.
I call it her Dolly Llama.
😄 😄 😄
What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
Toot-and-come-in.
😄 😄 😄
Why didn’t the man want a spring mattress?
Because it was still winter.
😄 😄 😄
A young man is passing by a bar when he sees an old woman fishing with a stick and a string in a puddle by the sidewalk. “She must be a poor old fool,” he thinks to himself, and out of the kindness of his heart, he invites the woman in for a drink.
After he’s paid for their round and the two are sitting quietly, he asks her, “So how many have you caught today?” The old woman grins, takes a big sip of her drink, and replies, “You’re the eighth.”
😄 😄 😄
What did Jesus say when he rose from the dead on Easter Sunday?
“April Fool! I’m not really dead!”
😄 😄 😄
My barber wanted me to sign a long-term service agreement before giving me a haircut, but I refused.
I couldn’t accept all those perms and conditions.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owls.”
“Owls, who?”
“You’re right; tawny owls do hoot.”
😄 😄 😄
Your mama’s so short that she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
😄 😄 😄
When you work from home, a Tuesday looks pretty much like a Saturday.
😄 😄 😄
What day do eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
😄 😄 😄
I used to own a raven. It could speak English.
But the only word it could speak was “car”.
😄 😄 😄
Why aren’t people in recovery good dancers?
They lose interest after twelve steps.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the apple stop in the middle of the road?
Because he ran out of juice.
😄 😄 😄
