What sort of room can you eat?
A mushroom.
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My girlfriend usually has peanut butter toast for breakfast, but this morning we were out of bread, and she’s been grouchy all day.
I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.
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What do you do when you see a severely injured pig that requires immediate medical attention?
You call the hambulance.
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Have you heard about the new game getting released?
It’s AI is 20 years ahead of it’s time, the graphics are truly real life, it has an open world concept where anything you want to do is truly possible.
It’s called “Go outside and ride your bike!”.
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What's the sequel to Mario Sunshine?
Mario Sunburnt!
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Where does a person with a beard put their beard clippings?
Their shavings account.
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What do you call doctors who graduated online?
Google Docs.
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Why do British ice cream cones carry an umbrella?
There’s always a chance of sprinkles.
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Roses are red, violets are blue.
I thought Voldemort was ugly, then I saw you.
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What do you call a skeleton who lays around all day?
Lazy bones.
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Flight allows flamingos to avoid predators.
Natural selection is why flamingstays are extinct.
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Did you know they found water on the moon?
But only when it’s waning.
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Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Leah.”
“Leah, who?”
“Leah-n an egg for my breakfast!”
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When I said, I wanted to work from home, I didn’t mean I work on Saturday.
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Last Thanksgiving, my mother told me, “If your brothers start arguing, don’t take sides.”
Sure enough, they yelled at each other and I could only have turkey.
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Chocolate is like guns.
If you pull it out in school, then everybody is suddenly your friend.
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I took a roofing class in college.
But all the content went right over my head.
😄 😄 😄
When my mother died, all my father said was “cough, fatigue, fever”.
He’s a man of flu words.
😄 😄 😄
What is a carnivore’s favorite bumper sticker for their car?
“I love animals. They taste great.”
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