I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a man who keeps vomiting?
Chuck.
😄 😄 😄
Wake up, you lazy!
I pray your day be profoundly fruitful.
I know it is very hard in your case, but at least try.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ice cream.”
“Ice cream, who?”
“Ice cream if you don’t let me in!”
😄 😄 😄
Two friends were discussing what they wanted to do with their lives.
One of them suggested data science.
“I’d much rather date a person, thank you,” said another.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Tri-tip.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom!
😄 😄 😄
What was the mermaid doing at the bottom of the sea?
She dropped out of school.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist.
😄 😄 😄
What farm animal keeps the best time?
A watch dog.
😄 😄 😄
Dating me is like adopting a hungry kid.
😄 😄 😄
I bought a chessboard cake from the baker’s today.
I took one bite and said, “It’s stale, mate.”
He seemed surprised and said, “No, mate.”
I handed it to him and said, “Check mate.”
😄 😄 😄
What’s a hairdresser’s favorite Christmas song?
“Oh, comb all ye faithful...”
😄 😄 😄
Boebert asked her coworker, “Do you have any kids?”
“Yes,” she replied, “I have one child that’s just under two.”
Then Boebert said, “I might be stupid, but I know how many one is.”
😄 😄 😄
A guy got pulled over by a cop for speeding.
The cop said, “Do you know how fast you were going, Sir?”
The guy replied, “I was just trying to keep up with the traffic.”
The cop said, “There is no traffic, Sir.”
The guy answered, “That’s how far behind I am?!”
😄 😄 😄
Thought I heard someone say “Hello” in Arabic.
But it was a false salaam.
😄 😄 😄
Hey, I know you’re in love, but it’s time to break up with your bed and get out of there.
😄 😄 😄
The bird developed an illness.
I think it started when the bird flu.
😄 😄 😄
What do aliens spread on their toast?
Space jam.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
He lost his rind.
😄 😄 😄
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.
They smell just like burned toast.
😄 😄 😄
