Hairdresser: “Would you like a haircut?”
Boy: “No, I’d like them all cut.”
😄 😄 😄
Good morning!
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I’m aiming for the cheese today!
😄 😄 😄
I did that ancestry DNA thing, and it came back that I was 20% American Indian.
It makes sense because after I went to prom it rained for 2 weeks.
😄 😄 😄
Why are writers really good at coding?
Because they are really into Pro grammar.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a dog with a fever?
Hot dog.
😄 😄 😄
When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill is what made us afraid of the light.
😄 😄 😄
Geese fly in a V-formation for aerodynamics, and when the lead goose gets tired he switches out his position.
But one side of the V is almost always longer than the other. Do you know why?
There’s more geese on that side.
😄 😄 😄
I’m not a morning person or a night owl.
I’m a permanently exhausted pigeon just trying to get through the day.
Good morning!
😄 😄 😄
Joe Palmer, the late racing expert, told about a man from Idaho who breezed into Kentucky with a six-year-old horse that had never raced before, but which he entered for a race.
The horse won easily and paid a whopping price.
The racing stewards did not like the look of the thing and questioned the owner.
“Is this horse unsound?” they asked.
“Not a bit,” said the owner.
“In that case,” asked the stewards, “why have you never raced him before?” “Mister,” said the man from Idaho, “we couldn’t even catch the critter until he was five years old.”
😄 😄 😄
You know you’re 50 when that come hither look you used to have in your eyes just doesn’t look as enticing through your bifocals.
😄 😄 😄
How did the flu become so popular?
They promoted it using an influenza.
😄 😄 😄
I love your sweater.
I think it’s made out of spouse material.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ya.”
“Ya, who?”
“Aww, I love it when you’re this excited to see me!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a guy who’s 19 years old forever?
Constantine.
😄 😄 😄
What do moms dress up as on Halloween?
Mummies.
😄 😄 😄
Deep sleep prevents aging.
Especially when you are driving.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the watermelon have brown spots all over its skin?
It had melonoma.
😄 😄 😄
Two married unicorns are lying in bed.
The husband unicorn, without looking up from his newspaper, says, “Big storm’s a brewin.”
The wife unicorn then replies, “Well, then I’m glad we didn’t go on that cruise with your whack job friend Noah.”
😄 😄 😄
A grumpy man spent an evening with his friends at a comedy club and asked his doctor for a course on antibiotics. Guess what for?
He thought laughter was infectious.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the best way to organize a space party?
Planet early!
😄 😄 😄
