When the moon is being super grumpy, its parents turn to each other and say, “Gibbous strength!”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“I did up.”
“I did up, who?”
“Eww, you did a poo?”
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Which element is treated as the god element in organic chemistry?
Carbon. It is omnipresent in all organic compounds.
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My wife told me she doesn’t want much this Valentine’s Day.
She said “just some chocolates and a few little surprises will be fine”.
Kinder Eggs it is then.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“The Headless Horseman.”
“The Headless Horseman, who?”
“The Headless Horseman who’s coming for your head!”
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Black Friday – the day when people spend money they don’t have on things they don’t need.
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Teacher: “If your father has $10, and you
asked for $5, how much will your father
have?”
Akpos: “$10.”
Teacher: “You don’t know maths.”
Akpos: “You don’t know my father!”
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Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.
Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity.
Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with.
Satan is visibly upset, and cries, “I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out.”
“Very well, then,” says God, “let us see if Jesus fared any better.”
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, “B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact. How did he do it?”
God smiled all-knowingly, “Jesus saves.”
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Whenever my wife asks me to clean the kitchen, I show her funny videos until she forgets she asked.
But now she says she’s had enough of my delaying TikToks.
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.
After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.”
“What does that tell you?”
Watson pondered for a minute.
“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke:
“Watson, you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent!”
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A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asked him, “Why the long face?”
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What do aliens like to eat?
Unidentified frying objects!
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A famous tortoise lives next door. Guess what it’s called?
A shell-ebrity.
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A couple goes to the cinema.
“Two tickets, please,” says the man.
“Hobbit?” asks the cashier lady.
“No, that’s my wife.”
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How do gingers like their gossip?
Spicy.
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Student: “Can I go to the bathroom?”
Teacher: “It’s may.”
Student: “No, it’s January.”
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Sad news from the Nestle factory today as a man was crushed to death by hundreds of boxes of chocolate.
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he yelled “The Milky Bars are on me!”, people just cheered.
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Me: “I’m not able to stop making jokes.”
Doctor: “You can’t be serious.”
Me: “That’s right.”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Otto.”
“Otto, who?”
“You otto know April Fools’ is on April 1.”
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I started growing fungi in my garden, but failed miserably.
I guess there is mush-room for improvement.
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