I’m bald and I’m going to get a head tattoo of multiple rabbits.
So from a distance it looks like hares.
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What do authors eat for breakfast?
Synonym buns.
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Today is April Fools’ Day, so question everything and trust no one.
Basically, it’s Reddit Day.
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A ranger was assigned the task of hunting buffalo. He hired an aboriginal scout to assist him. They set out on their expedition to find buffalo.
After a while, the scout dismounts, places his ear to the ground, and says, “Humm, buffalo come.”
The ranger looks around with his binoculars but sees nothing.
“I see nothing,” he says to the scout, “how do you know buffalo are coming?”
“Ear sticky,” says the scout.
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Why did the llama cross the road?
Because it was the chicken’s day off.
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Do mummies enjoy being mummies?
Of corpse!
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If two avocado are “avocados”.
Then shouldn’t three avocado be “avocatres”, and four be “avoquatro”, and five be “avocinco”?
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What do you call alien eggs?
Eggstra-terrestrials!
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What do you call a Goldfish cracker laced with Coke?
The snack that’s also crack.
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Who is Greta Thunberg’s favorite comedian?
Amy Schumer, because she recycles all her jokes.
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When I was a kid I could go to the store with only $5 and come home with bread, milk, hot dogs and my favorite candy.
You can’t do that these days...
Too many damned security cameras.
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A man from Peru decided to visit America, although he spoke no English.
Upon reaching it, one of the first things he did was go into a department store.
He found his way to the menswear department, where a young lady offered to help him.
“Quiero calcetines (I want socks),” said the man.
“I don’t speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here,” said the salesgirl.
“No, no quiero trajes, quiero calcetines (No, I don’t want suits, I want socks),” said the man.
“Well, these shirts are on sale this week,” declared the salesgirl.
“No, no quiero camisas, quiero calcetines (No, I don’t want shirts, I want socks),” repeated the man.
“I still don’t know what you’re trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack,” offered the salesgirl.
“No, no quiero pantalones, quiero calcetines (No, I don’t want pants, I want socks),” insisted the man.
As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair.
Holding them up, he proclaimed, “Eso sí que es (Now that’s it)!”
“Then why didn’t you just spell it in the first place?!” yelled the salesgirl.
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It’s Black Friday, and people are lining up around the block at the local Best Buy.
The people in the line beat up a well-dressed man who comes to the front of the line. He attempts it again and is knocked down.
He then mutters, “If people will be like that, I’m not opening the store.”
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Why do fungi have to pay extra on the bus?
Because they take up too mush-room.
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What is a cactus’s favorite Minions movie?
Des-prick-able Me.
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A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, “What the hell was that all about?”
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Need a couch? Have you tried Sofa Kings?
Their prices are sofa king cheap!
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Never trust an electrician with no eyebrows.
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Why did ChatGPT get kicked out of school?
Because it knew too much.
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What is round, huge, and very gassy?
Uranus.
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