Husband: βWhatβs your most hated part of the English language?β
Wife: βThe singular second person personal pronoun.β
Husband: βWhat?β
Wife: βYOU.β
π π π
Sun to Earth, on the night of 31st December:
βLetβs have another round, shall we?β
π π π
Elonβs opening speech for the Tesla Solar Roof really got my attention...
Who knew there were thousands of hot shingles in my area?!
π π π
Iβm on the rotation diet.
Every time I turn around, I eat.
π π π
I get so nervous during earthquakes.
That I start shaking uncontrollably.
π π π
What do you get if you eat onions on your beans?
Tear gas.
π π π
Whatβs the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
Oops!
π π π
Iβve done some terrible things for money. Like getting up early to go to work on a Minion Day.
π π π
What do my ex-wife and the economy have in common?
Inflation over time.
π π π
85% of all Fords made are still on the road today.
The other 15% made it home.
π π π
I have decided to pursue my dreams... good night!
π π π
Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βHoo.β
βHoo, who?β
βYou talk like an owl!β
π π π
Why did the alien bring a gift to Uranus?
It wanted to show its appreciation for the atmosphere.
π π π
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year.
They chose a hot dog... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
π π π
What did Shrek use to propose to Fiona?
An onion ring.
π π π
Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using Microsoft paint.
π π π
My doctor told me to avoid any unnecessary stress.
So I didnβt open his bills.
π π π
Nurse: βDoctor, what is the medicine on this prescription? I went to 50 pharmacies and still couldnβt find one.β
Doctor: βI was just checking if my pen works.β
π π π
Me: βIβm so sorry, my dog ate my homework.β
Rolling his eyes, my computer science professor shot back, βReally?! Your dog ate your coding assignment?β
Me: βWell, to be perfectly honest, it did take him a couple bytes.β
π π π
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life.
She asks him: βLittle Johnny, what do you want your wife to be like?β
He: βLike the moon.β
The teacher: βThatβs such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peacefulβ.
Little Johnny: βNo, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning.β
π π π