Best Jokes (4)



During a business meeting yesterday, a very nice guy asked me about my background.

So I told him about my family, education, career, dreams and goals.

Turns out he was asking what’s behind me on our Zoom call.

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How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. She calls the emergency number and demands that a police officer come and do something about the intimidating blackness.

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Why don’t men with beards need a vacuum?

Because they already have a crumb catcher on their faces.

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How do you know that the driver driving toward you is a physicist?

He has a red sticker on his bumper that says β€œIf this sticker is blue, you are driving too fast”.

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My exercise routine includes running away from my problems, running late, and running my mouth non-stop.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

If you saw Chuck Norris coming, you’d have crossed that road too!

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My spider senses tell me you’re going to fall for me harder than Gwen Stacy.

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There are two ways of waking up in the morning.

One is to say, β€œGood morning, God,”

And the other is to say, β€œGood God, morning!”

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Where do books sleep?

Under their covers.

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Why does the mushroom always get invited to birthday parties?

He’s a fun-gi.

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Me: β€œI’m not able to stop making jokes.”

Doctor: β€œYou can’t be serious.”

Me: β€œThat’s right.”

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What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day?

St. O’Claus.

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Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.

Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.

β€œWait a minute,” she said. β€œI had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”

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Your mama so old when she was born the Dead Sea was just getting sick!

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No one turns on their camera in Zoom.

They have been infected by Novid-19.

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Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?

It was melondramatic.

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Cars look both ways in case Chuck Norris is crossing the street.

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It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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What do peanuts wear on their feet?

Cashews.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œBertha.”

β€œBertha, who?”

β€œHappy Bertha Day to you.”

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