Hey, I know you’re in love, but it’s time to break up with your bed and get out of there.
😄 😄 😄
The bird developed an illness.
I think it started when the bird flu.
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What do aliens spread on their toast?
Space jam.
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Why did the watermelon go crazy?
He lost his rind.
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I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.
They smell just like burned toast.
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I bet you a dollar I can kiss you on the mouth without touching your lips.
...I guess I owe you a dollar.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of car does an electrician drive?
A Volts-wagon.
😄 😄 😄
Why is Yoda such a good gardener?
Because he has green fingers.
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Marvel Studios is now against hair coloring.
In fact, their next film is about a group of people that never dye.
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Many were curious about how methane ended up on Mars.
I’m pretty sure it was because of Uranus.
😄 😄 😄
I prefer to read poetry in braille for some reason.
I just really feel the words a lot more.
😄 😄 😄
Dating me is like IKEA furniture.
Not well put together, slightly unstable but just aesthetic enough to show your friends.
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A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
😄 😄 😄
What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?
He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”
😄 😄 😄
In case you were wondering, chocolate identifies as female.
Preferred pronouns are Her/she.
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I what is a crackers weight measured in?
In grahams.
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What do you call an otter who has yams in both of his ears?
It doesn’t matter, he can’t hear you.
😄 😄 😄
How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. She calls the emergency number and demands that a police officer come and do something about the intimidating blackness.
😄 😄 😄
I’ll just say “morning” because a good morning would be much later on a Saturday.
😄 😄 😄
Where do you smart hot dogs go?
On the honor role.
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