Best Jokes (4)



It’s hotter than a redhead’s getting a parking ticket.

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I entered what I ate today into my new fitness app on my phone.

It sent an ambulance to my house.

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I love you with all my butt.

I would say my heart, but it’s just not as big.

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Pulled out a couple of nose hairs to see if it hurts.

Judging by the reaction of the man asleep next to me on the train, it seems very painful.

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What’s the first sign that you have caught bird flu?

Fowl symptoms.

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Your mama so dumb she watches β€œThe Three Stooges” and takes notes.

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April Fools’ Day.

The day, every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.

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What does Yoda say when he is drunk?

β€œDear me, it appears I have imbibed alcohol in sufficient quantity to impair my speech.”

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How do you make a skeleton laugh?

Tickle their funny bones.

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You are so dumb you asked what the capital of Paris was.

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What did the turkey say during Thanksgiving?

It was too stuffed to say anything.

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What monster plays the most April Fools’ jokes?

Prankenstein!

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What’s a bowling ball’s favorite sweet?

Skittles!

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The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast.

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which is the most feminine candy?

it’s Hershey!

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What kinds of beer makes you urinate vowels?

IPAs.

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Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends’ food looked like.

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It’s as cold as a brass toilet in an outhouse in Alaska.

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Daisy: β€œWhy do you have two different colored socks on? One’s blue, but the other is green.”

Little Johnny: β€œI’m not sure. It’s weird. There was another pair exactly like this one at home.”

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What US state is round on the sides but tall in the center?

Ohio.

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