Best Jokes (4)



After several attempts to get the customer service agent on the phone to understand his name, my Asian-American friend Appappa decided to spell it out.

β€œA for apple,” he began, β€œP for pineapple, p for pineapple, a for apple, p for pineapple, p for...”

The flustered agent interrupted, β€œI have a better idea,” she said, β€œjust tell me how many apples and how many pineapples.”

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Did you hear about the scientist who recently said that the β€œperfect earthquake” was going to strike your city soon?

The evidence to support his claim was shaky at best.

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It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.

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β€œDon’t sit on that!”

β€œSit on what?”

β€œSit on DEEZ NUTS!”

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Why didn’t the moon go outside?

Because it was waning.

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Why did Puerto Rico become a state?

Because they couldn’t find enough parking.

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I got a job at a paperless office.

Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.

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Recently, I’ve started teaching a poetry class in a maximum security prison.

It’s a tough job, but I enjoy it.

It really has its prose and cons.

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My 2 year old sister’s stinky feet were smelling like cheese.

My dad was wondering what happened, so I told him that she had chee-toes.

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I avoid bike trails after dark.

They are full of cycle paths.

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He may have been a fun-gi, but he sure did have questionable morels.

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Did you hear that I won the Thanksgiving turkey cookoff?

You butterball-ieve it.

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So, it’s about 1961, and I am ever so proudly part of a land survey crew working in a local neighborhood.

A young boy comes out from his house and states, β€œMy mom wants to know what you are doing here!”

I state, β€œWell, we’re surveyors!”

And as the crew continues down the street, I hear his mom ask, β€œWell, what are they doing, Tommy?”

To which Tommy responds, β€œDon’t worry, mom, they are survivors!”

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My wife has a whale tattooed on her butt.

It used to be a dolphin.

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Why don’t orphans play baseball?

They don’t know where home is.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œGhost says.”

β€œGhost says, who?”

β€œNo, a ghost says booooo!”

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A marvelous morning to you, my friend.

You are someone who never quits, mainly because you never start.

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Why could Spider-man not drive a car decently even once?

Because he always confused drifting with spinning and end of in accidents.

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Why did the cowboy take hay to bed?

To feed his nightmares.

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What did the hipster tell his chef friend with a beard?

β€œYou ought to shavour every bite!”

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