What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
Plenty of room.
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Arthas and Ulther walk into a room.
Arthas notices a switch on the wall and asks Uther what itβs for.
Uther looks at him and replies, βFOR THE LIGHT!β
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Why do violists stand for long periods outside peopleβs houses?
They canβt find the key, and they donβt know when to come in.
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What kind of monkey doesnβt eat bananas?
An orangutan.
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A preschool teacher asked her students in class, βWho can count from one to ten?β
Little 3-year-old Timmy swiftly raised his hand, βI can!β and started counting, βOne, two, three four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!β
The teacher is impressed, βWell done Timmy! Who taught you that?β
βMy uncle Bobby!β Timmy said.
βCan you count past ten?β The teacher asked Timmy.
βThatβs easy!β Timmy continued, βJack, Queen, Kingβ¦β
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I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year.
They chose a hot dog... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
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Itβs so hot my Iceberg lettuce melted.
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Who is Santaβs favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley.
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How was your ear operation?
Thursday.
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What do you say when someone dies between February 19th and March 20th?
Rest in Pisces.
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Some cyclists are like clowns:
They dress funny.
They donβt follow any rules.
If anything bad happens to them, everyone laughs at them.
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What do you call an Italian mosquito?
Malario.
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Hiroshima Nagasaki was nothing more than the result of Chuck Norrisβ skydiving in Japan.
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What do you call the science dedicated to studying Uranus?
Asstronomy.
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Why did the cool roofer stop hanging out with his friends?
He realized they were squares.
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Iβm proud to announce I have stuck to my New Yearβs resolution and did not bite my nails the entire month of January.
My feet have never looked better.
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What did the squirrel say on Labor Day weekend?
βTime to get nutty!β
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Kung Fu student asks his teacher, βMaster, why does my ability not improve? Iβm always defeated.β
And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, βMy dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seeming like flames?β
βYes, my master, I have.β
βAnd a waterfall, spilling mightily over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?β
βYes, my master, I have witnessed it.β
And the moon... when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?β
βYes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon.β
βThat is the problem. You keep watching all this poop instead of training!β
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Why are hockey players like goldfish?
You could tap on the glass and youβd get their attention.
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What code does a depressed programmer write?
βGoodbye, world!β
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