Best Jokes (4)



One alien says to another, β€œThe dominant life forms on the planet earth appear to have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons.”

The second alien replies, β€œAre they an emerging intelligence?”

The first alien says, β€œI don’t think so, they have them aimed at themselves.”

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I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed.

Good morning!

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Why was the cat afraid of the tree?

Because of it’s bark.

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You know what they say about Anti Jokes?

She’s married to Uncle Jokes.

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It’s hotter than sports day in Africa out there.

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I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.

A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

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Why did Neil Armstrong pee right after he made his first step on the moon?

He wanted to go where no man had gone before.

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Why did the bearded man’s shaving product business flop?

Because of the razor-thin margins.

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I’m thinking of switching my major to geology.

I think I’d do well because I keep discovering a new rock bottom.

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What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?

A woolly jumper.

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What kind of fish works in a hospital?

Nurse shark.

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Yo daddy is so dumb he got hit by a parked car.

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What do you call a sad blueberry?

A blueberry muffin.

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Politicians are like diapers.

They need to be changed often, and for the same reasons.

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The peach couple is in love.

They seem to be born for peach other.

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My friend Jim told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space.

I mean, what a thing to say to a friend. It totally ruined our bath!

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Why did the Japanese guy get mad and kick the mushroom?

He was sick of all its shii-take.

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When do vampires like horse racing?

When it’s neck and neck.

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What do you get when you mix a motorbike with a joke?

A Yamahaha.

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What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?

A timber wolf.

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