Yo mama so fat NASA thought she was a planet.
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What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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Where do suicide bombers go after they die?
Everywhere!
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Edward Snowden was discovered trapped inside of one of his ski lodges this Saturday, November 19th.
“Edward Snowden Snowed in Snowden Snow Den”
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Yo mama so stupid she thought The Exorcist was a workout video.
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Once a boy was killing mosquitoes.
The girl asked him, “How many mosquitoes have you killed?”
He replied, “3 female and 2 male.”
She asked, “How did you know that they were male or female?”
He replied, “3 were sitting in front of the mirror and the 2 were sitting on the treadmill.”
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Why did the astronaut grow a beard in space?
He wanted spacial hair.
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Why do toadstools grow so close together?
They don’t need mush-room.
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Where do bad beavers go?
They’re dammed to hell.
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I walked into the kitchen today to find my blonde wife looking very confused while holding a jar of pickles.
“What’s wrong?” I asked her.
She replied, “This jar of pickles says to store it in a cool, dark location.”
I said, “Okay, how about in the fridge?”
She said, “No, silly, there’s a little light inside.”
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I have so mush-room in my heart for you.
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Why do white people not like playing UNO with Mexicans?
They take all the green cards.
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Two falcons are watching an air show where fighter pilots are racing their jets against one another.
One falcon turns to the other and says, “Man, I thought we were fast, but those guys are insane.”
The second falcon turns back and says, “You’d also fly that fast if your ass was on fire.”
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Good morning!
Today is a good day to have a good day, especially if you've had your coffee.
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What is the result of an art competition?
A draw.
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Yo mama’s so fat she crashed the Fortnite servers.
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My sister and I decided that we want to start our own businesses.
She’s going to open a furniture store called “Sofa King” and I’m going to open a soup restaurant next door called “Stew Pit”.
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Why do zombies speak Latin?
Because it’s a dead language.
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Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.
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