A man was fishing in the jungle.
After a while another angler came to join him.
“Have you had any bites?” asked the second man.
“Yes, lots,” replied the first one, “but they were all mosquitoes.”
😄 😄 😄
Too many spiders in your house can turn it into a no fly zone.
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John, a wealthy 60 year old man, shows up at the country club one day with his new wife, a smoking hot 22 year old blonde.
His buddies are amazed, “There is no way someone that young and attractive would agree to marry an old geezer like you. How did you pull it off?”
“It’s simple,” John says, “I lied to her about my age.”
“Did you tell her you were 50?” his friends ask.
John shakes his head no.
“There is no way she could believe you were 40.”
John shakes his head again.
Friends: “So how old did you tell her you were exactly?”
John smiles and says, “85.”
😄 😄 😄
Why do MMA fighters wear skin tight shorts?
Because otherwise, they’d be boxers.
😄 😄 😄
I am sweating like a snowman in the desert.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Juliet.”
“Juliet, who?”
“Juliet pancakes for breakfast.”
😄 😄 😄
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
😄 😄 😄
It’s said that Jesus could walk on water...
That’s nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.
😄 😄 😄
Why is the moon constantly moody?
She’s just going through a phase.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear that the FBI recently put data scientists on their watch list?
They are definitely plotting something.
😄 😄 😄
How do you make a Chinese man no longer Asian?
Just spin him around in circles until he’s disoriented.
😄 😄 😄
My wife is like a delicious strawberry popsicle.
Cold on the inside and 90% artificial.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of tropical fruit wants to visit the moon?
A Coco-naut.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Emma.”
“Emma, who?”
“Emma real good helper on Thanksgiving.”
😄 😄 😄
I’m going to get married on February 29th.
So I only have to remember our anniversary once every 4 years.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the carpenter on a carrot farm who ran out of wood, so he had to start using carrots to make tables?
It turns out he wasn’t just good with wood, he was also good with vege tables.
😄 😄 😄
A bus full of ugly people had a head-on collision with a truck.
When they died, God granted all of them one wish.
The first person said, “I want to be gorgeous.”
God snapped his fingers and it happened.
The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group.
God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically.
By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground.
When the man’s turn came, he laughed and said, “I wish they were all ugly again.”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so dumb she tried to eat pi.
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Man, I hate organic chemistry. It can be so indecisive.
Whenever I ask oxygen if it prefers a methyl group or an ethyl group, it always responds “Ether”.
😄 😄 😄
An Alien visited the Solar system and ate Jupiter.
When asked how it was the Alien replied simply:
“Gastronomical.”
😄 😄 😄
