Our local politician just opened a neighborhood pharmacy store.
He is now a piller of the community.
😄 😄 😄
I always wanted a life like a Disney princess.
I should have specified not the part where they are stuck at home, cleaning the whole day.
😄 😄 😄
My grandma was famous for her delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died I would plant strawberries over her grave so everyone could visit and enjoy them.
I fulfilled her wish.
She’s dead and berried.
😄 😄 😄
How does the Easter Bunny feel after Easter?
Eggs-hausted.
😄 😄 😄
How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but it will take 6 episodes.
😄 😄 😄
I just joined a gym for religious minorities.
Jehovah’s Fitness.
😄 😄 😄
Donut judge me for being a dessert lover!
😄 😄 😄
Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes, and you have to smear them with avocado?
I really suck at guac-a-mole.
😄 😄 😄
What happened when the sparrow flew into the electric fan?
Shredded tweet.
😄 😄 😄
If I ever go missing, I would like my photo, but on wine bottles instead of milk cartons.
This way my friends will know where to look for me.
😄 😄 😄
Why can’t you take a picture with a cat in Alabama?
You can’t take a picture with a cat anywhere. You have to use a camera!
😄 😄 😄
Your mama so short she thought the cracks in the sidewalk were part of a maze.
😄 😄 😄
A sailor walks into a thrift store after he lost a limb to a giant octopus.
He said, “I heard this is a second-hand shop, where they at?”
😄 😄 😄
How does Uranus stay clean?
It takes meteor showers.
😄 😄 😄
If a spider can bite you and make you a Spider-Man, can you bite me so I can be your man?
😄 😄 😄
Little Ahmed is doing his biology homework.
He comes upon a question:
What separates the head from the body?
Ahmed answers:
The axe.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Doughnut.”
“Doughnut, who?”
“Doughnut forget to close the door!”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a boring person from Finland?
A dolphin.
😄 😄 😄
What do the New York Yankees and pancakes have in common?
They both need a good batter!
😄 😄 😄
A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel’s elevator.
On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, “Giorgio, $100 an ounce.”
On the next floor, an equally beautiful woman steps on and says, “Chanel, $150 an ounce.”
The old lady’s floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, “Broccoli, 49 cents a pound.”
😄 😄 😄
