Best Jokes (4)



When the moon is being super grumpy, its parents turn to each other and say, β€œGibbous strength!”

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œI did up.”

β€œI did up, who?”

β€œEww, you did a poo?”

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Which element is treated as the god element in organic chemistry?

Carbon. It is omnipresent in all organic compounds.

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My wife told me she doesn’t want much this Valentine’s Day.

She said β€œjust some chocolates and a few little surprises will be fine”.

Kinder Eggs it is then.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œThe Headless Horseman.”

β€œThe Headless Horseman, who?”

β€œThe Headless Horseman who’s coming for your head!”

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Black Friday – the day when people spend money they don’t have on things they don’t need.

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Teacher: β€œIf your father has $10, and you

asked for $5, how much will your father

have?”

Akpos: β€œ$10.”

Teacher: β€œYou don’t know maths.”

Akpos: β€œYou don’t know my father!”

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Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.

They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity.

Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.

He asks Satan to show what he has come up with.

Satan is visibly upset, and cries, β€œI have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out.”

β€œVery well, then,” says God, β€œlet us see if Jesus fared any better.”

Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.

He stutters, β€œB-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact. How did he do it?”

God smiled all-knowingly, β€œJesus saves.”

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Whenever my wife asks me to clean the kitchen, I show her funny videos until she forgets she asked.

But now she says she’s had enough of my delaying TikToks.

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.

After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

β€œWatson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, β€œI see millions of stars.”

β€œWhat does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a minute.

β€œAstronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke:

β€œWatson, you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent!”

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A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asked him, β€œWhy the long face?”

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What do aliens like to eat?

Unidentified frying objects!

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A famous tortoise lives next door. Guess what it’s called?

A shell-ebrity.

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A couple goes to the cinema.

β€œTwo tickets, please,” says the man.

β€œHobbit?” asks the cashier lady.

β€œNo, that’s my wife.”

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How do gingers like their gossip?

Spicy.

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Student: β€œCan I go to the bathroom?”

Teacher: β€œIt’s may.”

Student: β€œNo, it’s January.”

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Sad news from the Nestle factory today as a man was crushed to death by hundreds of boxes of chocolate.

He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he yelled β€œThe Milky Bars are on me!”, people just cheered.

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Me: β€œI’m not able to stop making jokes.”

Doctor: β€œYou can’t be serious.”

Me: β€œThat’s right.”

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œOtto.”

β€œOtto, who?”

β€œYou otto know April Fools’ is on April 1.”

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I started growing fungi in my garden, but failed miserably.

I guess there is mush-room for improvement.

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