What haircut does a Rastafarian ask for when he is questioning life?
Existential dreads!
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The real space question that not even NASA can answer is why do we classify Uranus as a planet and not as a black hole?
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What is Loki’s least favorite day of the week?
Thor’s Day.
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What does Bob Marley say to his friends when they come around for donuts and coffee?
“I hope you like jam in too.”
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You are so dumb you tried to alphabetize M&Ms.
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What did the butcher say to his girlfriend on their first date?
“Nice to meat you.”
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Why do people go to Disneyland?
So they can get a little Goofy.
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What do you call a pretty woman on the arm of a musician?
A tattoo.
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Why is teamwork important?
It helps to put the blame on someone else!
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What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
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Did you hear about the big Lego sale?
People were lined up for blocks.
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After the Americans went to the Moon, Murphy and Declan announced that the Kerry Men would go one better and send a man to the Sun.
Murphy objected, “If you send a man to the Sun, he will burn up!”
“What do you think we are, stupid?” Declan replied, “We’ll send our
man at night!”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Doughnut.”
“Doughnut, who?”
“Doughnut forget to close the door!”
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Why does Batman hate April Fools’ Day?
Because the Joker might be out!
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A lot of people are afraid of heights.
Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
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Why do we call the aliens creating the pyramids a conspiracy theory?
It’s obviously a pyramid scheme.
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Black people are really fast...
It’s a race thing.
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What drink goes with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Nut-tea.
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When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had two missed calls from Chuck Norris.
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What do Arsenal and a shampoo bottle have in common?
Both struggle with “no more tears”.
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