President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles.
Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
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How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?
Juans upon a time.
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What is the name of a skinny Pakistani cow?
A moo-slim.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t use OFF!
Mosquitos instinctively know not to bite him.
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When the moon is being super grumpy, its parents turn to each other and say, “Gibbous strength!”
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How do you wish a mushroom a happy birthday?
Happy birthday to a real fungi!
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How can you tell a police horse from a normal horse?
The police horse goes “Neigh-naw-neigh-naw-neigh-naw”.
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What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
A flamingstop.
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A young child told his mother, “When I grow up I’m going to play the bass guitar.”
His mother responded, “Well, honey, you know you can’t do both.”
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As an MD, I gave my mother’s sister a flu shot.
Does that make me an auntie-vaxxer?
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I know everything there is to know about sushi.
You could say I’m an a-fish-onado.
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What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.
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What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
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Why was the blue mold fired from the cheese factory?
Because it was too blue.
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What is the only thing that can cure a sick donut?
An antidought!
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Zoom.”
“Zoom, who?”
“Zoom did you expect.”
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Why do blue people make bad singers?
They’re always feeling blue.
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What did Jesus say when he rose from the dead on Easter Sunday?
“April Fool! I’m not really dead!”
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When should you wear flip-flop sandals?
On a Toesday.
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My small friend always argues that vanilla, chocolate and strawberry are the three best ice cream flavors.
I think he has a Neapolitan complex.
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