Best Jokes (4)



What do you do when you break your leg in two places?

Quit going to those two places!

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Why do otters sleep on their backs?

Because it’s otterly blissful.

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Yo mama so stupid she made an appointment with Dr Pepper.

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Last Thanksgiving, my mother told me, β€œIf your brothers start arguing, don’t take sides.”

Sure enough, they yelled at each other and I could only have turkey.

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Doctor: β€œYes, what is it I can do for you?”

Blond: β€œDoctor, yesterday, when I was doing my yoga, one of my friends told me that if I did this particular exercise, all my body’s blood would go into my head. But, when I stand, why doesn’t anyone say that all the blood would go into the legs?”

Doctor: β€œThe fact’s your legs are not that hollow as your head is.”

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Good morning!

I hope you woke up on the right side of the bed...

Because I moved all the furniture to the left side.

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I didn’t always like mushrooms, but they’ve finally started to grow on me.

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I have a lot of experience catching women who’ve been thrown off their feet, feel free to fall.

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Why is it that Uranus smells distinctly like farts?

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Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away and you’ll have their shoes.

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I didn’t wear my glasses to the party because I wanted to make a spectacle of myself.

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Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?

I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.

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Why do we call the aliens creating the pyramids a conspiracy theory?

It’s obviously a pyramid scheme.

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Your mama’s so short that she has to look up to look down.

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How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?

Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses.

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What’s the only drink size they allow in North Korea?

A supreme liter.

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What is the best time of day to play Super Mario?

The Wii hours of the morning.

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July 1st is International Reggae Day.

This is the day I dread.

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What do you call a Puerto Rican dish that’s not spicy?

A mistake.

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How did Garfield stop the rooster from waking him on Monday morning?

He ate him on Sunday night!

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