You’re so old George Washington cut down your Christmas tree.
😄 😄 😄
They’re vaccinating against bird flu again.
Call it a rooster shot.
😄 😄 😄
No one seems to want to help me look for my missing Greek lettuce.
They keep telling me it’s a lost cos.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so stupid the zombies walked past her because they didn’t smell any brains.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a Shrek fan girl?
An O-girl!
😄 😄 😄
Husband to friend: “The physical therapist told my wife she should do some exercise.”
Friend: “And is she doing this?”
Husband: “Well, she is, if jumping to conclusions and running up bills can be called exercise.”
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Boy: “Hey, I like you and I was wondering if you would be my girlfriend.”
Girl: “I have a boyfriend.”
Boy: “I have a math test tomorrow.”
Girl: “What does that have to do with anything?”
Boy: “I thought we were listing things we could cheat on.”
😄 😄 😄
A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree.
He is watched by a sparrow who can’t help laughing and eventually says, “Don’t you know there aren’t any apples on the tree yet?”
“Yes,” said the snail, “but there will be by the time I get up there.”
😄 😄 😄
I saw a falcon eating avocado toast.
Guess it’s a millennial falcon.
😄 😄 😄
If you’re working on a desktop or laptop, make sure to put on a mask.
You wouldn’t want to catch one of those computer viruses.
😄 😄 😄
My father was stupid.
He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.
😄 😄 😄
Two hunters hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.They bagged six.
As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only three moose.
The two hunters objected strongly, stating, “Last year we shot six moose and the pilot let us put them all on board and he had the same plane as yours.”
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.
Unfortunately, even on full power, the little plane couldn’t handle the load and went down a few minutes after take off.
Climbing out of the wreck, one hunter asked the other, “Any idea where we are?”
He replied, “I think we’re pretty close to where we crashed last year.”
😄 😄 😄
What do a man who’s had a vasectomy and a Christmas tree have in common?
Decorative balls.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear what happened at the racetrack yesterday?
One horse was so slow, they had to pay the jockey overtime.
😄 😄 😄
Even though SpongeBob is the main character...
Patrick is the star.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Bean.”
“Bean, who?”
“Bean awhile since I’ve seen you!”
😄 😄 😄
A new study shows that dolphins are second in intelligence to man.
I guess that puts women in third.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an alien that lives in a bog?
A marsh-in!
😄 😄 😄
Let’s go to Dunkin!
We need more hole foods!
😄 😄 😄
I found a pebble that looked like a guitar pick.
Must be for rock music.
😄 😄 😄
