My tight-fisted neighbor doesn’t want to pay for an electrician to re-wire his house so he’s going to try and do it himself.
“How hard can it be?” he said.
I think he’s in for a shock.
😄 😄 😄
Seize the day. Or sneeze the day.
Regardless, bless you!
😄 😄 😄
Bird flu.
Bird landed.
😄 😄 😄
You’re so short that when you get angry at people for making fun of you, all you can do is bite their ankles.
😄 😄 😄
When asked to write an essay on what he was thankful for on Thanksgiving, Little Johnny wrote:
I am thankful I am not a turkey.
😄 😄 😄
I went on a date with Spider-Man, but he was super clingy.
😄 😄 😄
What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S?
Automobile.
😄 😄 😄
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
😄 😄 😄
My twin brothers dressed up as a bird this Halloween, guess what they said?
Trick or tweet.
😄 😄 😄
Last time I went fishing, I caught some sort of clam and got hurt, but I don’t quite remember the rest of the day.
All I really know is that I pulled a mussel.
😄 😄 😄
One snowman asks another, “How do you stay in such good shape?”
He answers, “All I do is set the hairdryer on high heat and pounds just melt away.”
😄 😄 😄
Where does a kangaroo go that can’t hop?
Hopspital.
😄 😄 😄
High five! Oops... I guess you’re now stuck with me.
😄 😄 😄
The policeman told me he was chasing a man with one leg.
I told him to use both, he would get him faster.
😄 😄 😄
Young actor: “Dad, guess what? I’ve just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who’s been married for 30 years.”
Father: “Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day you’ll get a speaking part.”
😄 😄 😄
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
😄 😄 😄
I got the book “Internet Forums for Dummies” from a friend.
But I need to take it back, because I already Reddit.
😄 😄 😄
Every time a tall person bumps their head, somewhere a short person is smiling.
😄 😄 😄
A huge earthquake shook Mexico. Around 3000 people died.
The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.
England gave medicine.
France sent food.
Germany made huge donations.
The USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock.
😄 😄 😄
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering.
The odds are good, but the goods are odd.
😄 😄 😄
