Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Emma.”
“Emma, who?”
“Emma real good helper on Thanksgiving.”
😄 😄 😄
I’m going to get married on February 29th.
So I only have to remember our anniversary once every 4 years.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the carpenter on a carrot farm who ran out of wood, so he had to start using carrots to make tables?
It turns out he wasn’t just good with wood, he was also good with vege tables.
😄 😄 😄
A bus full of ugly people had a head-on collision with a truck.
When they died, God granted all of them one wish.
The first person said, “I want to be gorgeous.”
God snapped his fingers and it happened.
The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group.
God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically.
By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground.
When the man’s turn came, he laughed and said, “I wish they were all ugly again.”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so dumb she tried to eat pi.
😄 😄 😄
Man, I hate organic chemistry. It can be so indecisive.
Whenever I ask oxygen if it prefers a methyl group or an ethyl group, it always responds “Ether”.
😄 😄 😄
An Alien visited the Solar system and ate Jupiter.
When asked how it was the Alien replied simply:
“Gastronomical.”
😄 😄 😄
A woman in England gives birth every 30 seconds.
She must be exhausted.
😄 😄 😄
A guy is sitting outside on a bench eating a burger when a woman comes out of a Subway store with a salad bowl.
She walks over to the guy and angrily says to him, “You know, a cow died somewhere, so you could enjoy that burger. What do you think of that, hmm?”
As quick as a flash, he looks up at her and replies, “It’s a shame for sure, but maybe if you weren’t eating its food, that cow might have lived.”
😄 😄 😄
How do we know the IRS likes poor people?
Because they appear to create so many of them.
😄 😄 😄
Wake up, the garbage truck is ready to pick you up.
😄 😄 😄
Why couldn’t the moon eat anymore?
It was a full moon.
😄 😄 😄
What do American Elves on the Shelf drink?
Minniesodas.
😄 😄 😄
What does a unicorn and my girlfriend have in common?
They’re both fictional.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call Spider-Man with 20 eyes?
Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider-Man.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get if you cross a lobster with a telephone?
A snappy talk.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the computer go to a cyber café?
Because it needed a byte to eat.
😄 😄 😄
So, it’s about 1961, and I am ever so proudly part of a land survey crew working in a local neighborhood.
A young boy comes out from his house and states, “My mom wants to know what you are doing here!”
I state, “Well, we’re surveyors!”
And as the crew continues down the street, I hear his mom ask, “Well, what are they doing, Tommy?”
To which Tommy responds, “Don’t worry, mom, they are survivors!”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a man who is always stealing stuff?
Rob.
😄 😄 😄
