How many pharmacists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, every six hours for the next ten days.
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I went to my first full moon party at the weekend, I have to say, it eclipsed my expectations!
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2 hockey players were fighting on the rink.
Both were swinging at each other full strength. Until one lands a nice right-handed to the jaw and the hockey player lands face first onto the ice.
A player on the bench says, “At least he got ice on it right away.”
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I had a nightmare last night that my TikTok account was deleted.
It was scary because I thought I had a TikTok account for a second.
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Uranus’ puns are my favorite kind of humor.
They’re truly universal.
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I’m in a really boring geology class.
I dust can’t sand it.
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How do you know it’s time to retire?
It’s when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it!
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Our local woods are full of mushrooms right now.
I’m always tripping on them.
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Who wants a day just for fools?
When you’re surrounded by them all year.
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What do you call a row of trucks hauling nachos?
A cheesy pickup line.
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A man was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a bar for a drink.
Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup.
As the man threw a few bucks into her cup, the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about how alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society, how it was the root of all the city’s problems.
Slightly annoyed at having to listen to the nun, the man told her, “Listen, sister, I work hard for my money and sometimes at the end of a long day I like a drink or two. That doesn’t make me a bad person. I have a wife I idolize and two wonderful kids at home. I provide for my family, I volunteer my time to several local service clubs, and I contribute regularly to various charities. Yet you stand here and condemn me just because I drink the occasional glass of scotch!”
The nun was slightly taken aback and replied, “I see your point my son and I apologize if I offended you, but alcohol is such a powerful demon that all who consume it are doomed...”
“Look there you go again,” said the man, “How can you make such a sweeping statement. Have you ever even tried alcohol?”
“Of course not!” gasped the nun, “The evil alcohol has never touched my lips.”
“Do you really think that one glass of booze can change you from a devout nun to some kind of evil degenerate?”
“Well, I really don’t know ...”
“I’ll tell you what, come into the bar with me, and I’ll buy you a drink. One drink. I’ll prove to you that evil is not inside the glass, it’s inside the person.”
“Oh, I could never be seen going into such a den of inequity, it’s out of the question. However, your comment about evil residing in the person rather than the glass is quite intriguing. I must admit you’ve aroused a curiosity in me.”
“Well, let’s go inside and settle this.”
“No, my son, I could never enter such a place... but how about this? Take my tin cup with you and fill it with this scotch you mentioned. Bring it out to me and I’ll try it.”
“You’re on!” said the guy.
The nun removed all the change and handed him the tin cup.
He went into the bar and said to the bartender, “Two scotch on the rocks, and could you put one of them in this tin cup please.”
The bartender sighed and said, “Is that darn “nun” out there again?!”
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What do you call a blood-sucking arachnid on the moon?
A lunar tick.
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I told my Dr. I only smoke once every blue moon...
The problem is my refrigerator is full of them.
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My kids are buying me gifts for Father’s Day.
I hope I can afford it.
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Spider-Man 1: “Homecoming”
Spider-Man 2: “Far from Home”
Spider-Man 3: “Homeless”
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What is great in the US but awful in the UK?
Losing pounds.
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Why does Harry Styles keep splitting up with his girlfriends?
He’s got the X Factor.
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Bit nervous about my maths exam.
Think my chances of passing it are 40-40.
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The nose was very tired because it kept running.
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Why did the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
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