Why did the Python data scientist get arrested at customs?
She was caught trying to import pandas.
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It was so cold that the squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at an electric fence!
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Yo mama so stupid she tried to smell her own nose.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ken.”
“Ken, who?”
“Ken you please loan me some money?”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Wanda.”
“Wanda, who?”
“Wanda know what you’re getting for Christmas?”
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The taller you are, the harder you’ll fall.
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Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
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A woman was leaving a cafetaria with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind.
Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash.
Behind her were 200 women walking single file.
The woman couldn’t stand the curiosity.
She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, “I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”
The woman replied, “Well, that first hearse is for my husband.”
“What happened to him?”
The woman replied, “My dog attacked him to death.”
She inquired further, “Well, who is in the second hearse?”
The woman answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.”
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.
“Can I borrow the dog?”
“Get in line!”
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People gave the sun a rating.
It was only one star.
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What do you get if you trip over a Pokémon?
A bulbous sore.
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Your mama so fat a picture of her would fall off the wall!
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A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
“Quick, jump out the window,” she says to him.
“What???” the guy says. “We’re on the 13th floor!”
She says, “Just jump, this is no time to be superstitious!”
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Teacher: “In the exam, you will be allowed 30 minutes for each question.”
Pupil: “How long for the answers, sir?”
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Yo momma’s so stupid, she ordered her sushi well done.
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Hairdresser: “Would you like a haircut?”
Boy: “No, I’d like them all cut.”
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Good morning!
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I’m aiming for the cheese today!
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I did that ancestry DNA thing, and it came back that I was 20% American Indian.
It makes sense because after I went to prom it rained for 2 weeks.
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Why are writers really good at coding?
Because they are really into Pro grammar.
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What do you call a dog with a fever?
Hot dog.
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When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill is what made us afraid of the light.
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