Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his pee as a canned beverage.
It’s now called Red Bull.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an Indian doctor who likes telling dad jokes and give flu shots?
Pun-Jabby.
😄 😄 😄
On Teachers’ Day, why did the student gift his Maths teacher a flight ticket to New York City?
To visit his favorite spot, Times Square.
😄 😄 😄
“Do you know who is coming to our party later on?”
“Yeah, Dee is.”
“Dee, who?”
“DEEZ NUTS!“
😄 😄 😄
Yo momma is so fat you have to make two lightspeed jumps just to get on her good side.
😄 😄 😄
I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War, my great-uncle fought for the west!
😄 😄 😄
“Our face is kinda similar to a planet…”
“Oh yeah. Which one?”
“Uranus.”
😄 😄 😄
I missed a question on my biology exam today.
The question was: What are commonly found in cells?
I guess “prisoners” wasn’t the right answer.
😄 😄 😄
My brother is in the ER right now because of a bee sting that swelled his head.
Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with a shovel.
😄 😄 😄
911 operator: “911.”
“Hello, my wife was cooking dinner, and she fell,” says the husband.
“What’s the emergency?”
The husband replies, “How do I know when the rice is ready?”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owl.”
“Owl, who?”
“Owl be sure to use the bell next time!”
😄 😄 😄
Why can’t your nose be 14 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot!
😄 😄 😄
My brother has a pilot’s license but only uses it for private flights. So he placed advertisements all over the plane.
Now he flies commercial.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a detective electrician?
Sherlock Ohms.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get if you cross a porcupine with a balloon?
Pop!
😄 😄 😄
What’s the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They’re under a buck.
😄 😄 😄
Teacher: “Which book has helped you the most in your life?”
Student: “My father’s checkbook.”
😄 😄 😄
Why do Polish people have ski at the end of their names?
Because they can’t spell toboggan.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so hairy that when she was born she looked like Chewbacca!
😄 😄 😄
What do the San Francisco 49ers playoff run and the Civil War have in common?
Both of them were ended by a man named Sherman.
😄 😄 😄
