Yo mama so fat NASA thought she was a planet.
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What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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Where do suicide bombers go after they die?
Everywhere!
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Edward Snowden was discovered trapped inside of one of his ski lodges this Saturday, November 19th.
βEdward Snowden Snowed in Snowden Snow Denβ
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Yo mama so stupid she thought The Exorcist was a workout video.
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Once a boy was killing mosquitoes.
The girl asked him, βHow many mosquitoes have you killed?β
He replied, β3 female and 2 male.β
She asked, βHow did you know that they were male or female?β
He replied, β3 were sitting in front of the mirror and the 2 were sitting on the treadmill.β
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Why did the astronaut grow a beard in space?
He wanted spacial hair.
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Why do toadstools grow so close together?
They donβt need mush-room.
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Where do bad beavers go?
Theyβre dammed to hell.
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I walked into the kitchen today to find my blonde wife looking very confused while holding a jar of pickles.
βWhatβs wrong?β I asked her.
She replied, βThis jar of pickles says to store it in a cool, dark location.β
I said, βOkay, how about in the fridge?β
She said, βNo, silly, thereβs a little light inside.β
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I have so mush-room in my heart for you.
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Why do white people not like playing UNO with Mexicans?
They take all the green cards.
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Two falcons are watching an air show where fighter pilots are racing their jets against one another.
One falcon turns to the other and says, βMan, I thought we were fast, but those guys are insane.β
The second falcon turns back and says, βYouβd also fly that fast if your ass was on fire.β
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Good morning!
Today is a good day to have a good day, especially if you've had your coffee.
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What is the result of an art competition?
A draw.
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Yo mamaβs so fat she crashed the Fortnite servers.
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My sister and I decided that we want to start our own businesses.
Sheβs going to open a furniture store called βSofa Kingβ and Iβm going to open a soup restaurant next door called βStew Pitβ.
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Why do zombies speak Latin?
Because itβs a dead language.
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Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.
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