Your Momma is so fat she takes her picture with Google Earth.
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What do you call a letter from a feminist?
Hate male.
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Apparently, Jude Law has a vegetarian son.
Coles Law.
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I bet it’s cool, you can change the TV channels with your mind.
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What do you call a dad who has fallen through the ice?
A Popsicle.
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What did the Roblox player say after a long gaming session?
“I’m totally blocked out!”
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Dad: “My first son has a PhD in arts, my daughter has two degrees in communication and journalism and my youngest son is a burglar.”
Friend: “Wow, a burglar? You should kick him out!”
Dad: “Nah… he is the only one who makes money.”
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Why couldn’t the Cookie Monster make his bed?
He couldn’t find a cookie sheet!
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What state has the most math teachers?
Math-achusetts.
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What is the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Their seasoning.
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A pigeon flies out of a coffeeshop and hits a seagull.
Two birds, one stoned.
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How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just sit and talk about how good the old one was.
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What's the sequel to Mario Sunshine?
Mario Sunburnt!
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Chuck Norris was once bitten by a cobra snake.
After 3 long days of suffering, the snake died.
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What was the name of the frog’s favorite crisp dish?
Croaky bacon.
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Zoom meetings is a stupid name, and it’s branded.
We should call it a bit more casual like “coworker video chat” or something shorter, like “co-vid”.
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What do you call a landing page with a high bounce rate?
A takeoff page.
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Why is chess just like real life?
The king can only take a step at a time and the queen can do as she pleases.
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It’s game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court.
He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty.
He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there.
He responds, “No, the seat’s empty.”
The first man exclaims, “What?! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?”
The neighbor responds, “Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven’t been together.”
The first man responds,” I’m sorry to hear that. Wasn’t there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could’ve taken that seat?”
The neighbor responds, “No, they’re all at the funeral.”
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Which kind of donuts can fly?
The plane ones.
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