Best Jokes (4)



What do you call it when rodents invade a beaver colony?

Hamsterdam.

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Look up β€œrib” in the dictionary and it says β€œTo vex, irritate or annoy”.

Look up β€œrib” in the Bible and it says β€œWoman”.

Coincidence?

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No thanks, pants! I am working from home today.

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Did you hear about the karate master who joined the military?

He saluted and nearly chopped off his own head.

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A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave, discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave.

Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow, β€œWhat the heck are you doing down there?”

And the fellow shouts back, β€œYoga!”

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œI eat mop.”

β€œI eat mop, who?”

β€œThat’s revolting!”

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How many Gen Z’ers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They’ll just take a selfie in the dark.

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What did the peanut butter say to the jelly when it won the lottery?

β€œWe’re rich and jellyous!”

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Why was the surfer such a bad cook?

All he could handle was the microwave.

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What’s the difference between a bassist and god?

God doesn’t think he’s a bassist.

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Your mama so hot her hugs give third-degree burns.

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A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.

β€œBehave, my bubaleh,” she says.

β€œTake good care of yourself and think about your mother, tataleh!”

β€œAnd come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh.”

β€œYour mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!”

At the end of the school day, the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.

β€œSo what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?”

The boy answers, β€œI learned my name is David.”

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What do you call a beautiful woman on a bass player’s arm?

A tattoo.

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Too many spiders in your house can turn it into a no fly zone.

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On Teachers’ Day, why did the student gift his Maths teacher a flight ticket to New York City?

To visit his favorite spot, Times Square.

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An aboriginal walks into a bar with a seagull on his shoulder.

The barman asks, β€œWhere did you get that?”

The seagull replies, β€œDown the tip, there are heaps of them there.”

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What’s closer, France or the Moon?

The Moon, obviously! You can’t see France from here!

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β€œMum, I just won this phone in a race!”

β€œWho was in the race?”

β€œThe owner of the phone and the police. I think they’re at the door to congratulate me.”

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Paddy has just correctly answered the Β£500,000 question on β€œWho Wants To Be a Millionaire”.

He has only one question standing between him and the Β£1m jackpot.

Presenter: β€œWhich of these birds does not live in a nest?

A) Thrush

B) Kestrel

C) Blue Tit

D) Cuckoo”

Paddy has one lifeline left – phone a friend. He decides to call Murphy, the owner of his local pub.

Murphy agrees and immediately shouts, β€œIt’s a cuckoo!”

Paddy goes with that answer and wins the jackpot.

That evening, Paddy was round at Murphy’s bar celebrating.

He turns to Murphy and says, β€œMurphy, how did you know that cuckoos don’t live in a nest?”

Murphy answers, β€œThat’s the easiest question you could have had! Everyone knows a cuckoo lives in a clock!”

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I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.

The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.

I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.

I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod (with earpiece).

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