A farmer has transported his watermelons to a roadside stand to sell.
At the end of the day there are a couple hundred left, and he isn’t looking forward to the tedious process of loading them back on the truck, taking them back to the farm, then reversing the process the next morning.
He comes up with a labor-saving solution: Next to the bin where his melons are carefully arranged, he places a large sign saying “ONE OF THESE IS POISONED”.
Reassured, he goes home to sleep.
In the morning, he comes back to find that someone has written on his sign “Now there are two”.
😄 😄 😄
What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so hairy the only language she speaks is wookie.
😄 😄 😄
How does Uranus like its coffee?
Black, with a little bit of gas.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Europe.”
“Europe, who?”
“No, YOU’RE a poo!”
😄 😄 😄
Things I learned in organic chemistry:
How to draw hexagons.
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Why was the blueberry muffin so sad?
It was feeling a little crumby.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so old her birth certificate says “Expired”.
😄 😄 😄
Crush: “Why should I trust you? All the guys I’ve been dating have been dogs.”
Me: “...”
Crush: “Well? Aren’t you going to say anything?”
Me: “... meow?”
😄 😄 😄
It’s so hot and humid outside, the air ironed the wrinkles out of my shirt.
😄 😄 😄
How many motivational speakers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Zero, because the change starts with you.
😄 😄 😄
Why was Aunt May worried about Peter Parker?
He was spending too much time on the world wide web.
😄 😄 😄
Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie from drowning in the ocean?
He was just too far out, man.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the pig who got sick after catching a flight?
Swine flu.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Somebody too short to ring the doorbell!”
😄 😄 😄
I made a chicken salad this morning.
This stupid thing is he won’t eat it.
😄 😄 😄
Daisy: “Why do you have two different colored socks on? One’s blue, but the other is green.”
Little Johnny: “I’m not sure. It’s weird. There was another pair exactly like this one at home.”
😄 😄 😄
A car salesman asked me, “What are you looking for in a car?”
I said, “It has to be affordable.”
He said, “I’m sorry, sir, I’ve never heard of a Ford Ibble.”
😄 😄 😄
Mama always said “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.”
Well, I did it! Bank balance: 911!
😄 😄 😄
I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?”
He said, “Try the ATM outside.”
😄 😄 😄
