Are slugs just snails that have gone through a divorce?
“Yep, she got the house.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a lazy man in space?
A procrastronaut.
😄 😄 😄
A warrior comes home very drunk from the pub with a duck under his arm.
His wife answers the door, “What’s this?” The warrior replies, “This is the dragon I’ve been shaggin.”
The angry wife shouts, “That is not a dragon, that is a duck!”
The warrior looks at her and says, “I was talking to the duck!”
😄 😄 😄
Why are spirits so lonely?
They have no body to love.
😄 😄 😄
I bought my wife 12 dozen red roses, but I don’t think she likes them.
She said that’s gross.
😄 😄 😄
Indian warrior decided to change his name and went to the Registry of BDM (birth, death, marriages).
He approaches the counter and talks to the lady at the counter.
Indian: “Hello miss. I would like to change my name if it is possible.”
Lady: “Of course, sir, but why would you do that?”
Indian: “Well you see my name is Sharp Arrow Flying Across the Field at Great Speed Hitting the Bison and Bison Falls Down Dead. As you see it is too long and I’m tired of pronouncing it, I would like to change it to something shorter.”
Lady: “Alright, sir, so what is the name that you would like to change to?”
Indian (makes sound with mouth): “Pew.”
😄 😄 😄
Someone keeps sending me sunflowers with the heads cut off.
Think I have a stalker.
😄 😄 😄
Why do fat people cause earthquakes?
Because they’re always moving plates.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the Japanese guy get mad and kick the mushroom?
He was sick of all its shii-take.
😄 😄 😄
What do you say when it’s the end of the month?
Oct-over.
😄 😄 😄
I just got fired from my new job at the pharmacy.
Apparently “drug free workplace” and “free drug workplace” are not the same thing at all.
😄 😄 😄
The boss always insisted that only Abdul should serve his coffee, but yesterday, this conversation happened.
Boss: “Abdul, since the last 8 years you have brought me coffee filled to the brim without spilling even a drop. How do you manage that over these stairs?”
Abdul: “Sir, just before I climb up the stairs, I take a big sip. As I get upstairs, I put it back.”
Today is Abdul’s farewell party.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a dog with 2 legs?
Snoop Dogg.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so poor when she found a penny she thought she had hit the lottery.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the bluebird get kicked out of the forest?
Because it was a bird of pray.
😄 😄 😄
What did the snowman say to the birthday girl?
Have an ice day!
😄 😄 😄
If anyone has no family and will be alone on Thanksgiving, please let me know.
I really need to borrow some chairs from you.
😄 😄 😄
How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Tickle their funny bones.
😄 😄 😄
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It’s got a lot of Greece in it.
😄 😄 😄
Where does a kangaroo go that can’t hop?
Hopspital.
😄 😄 😄
