Why are ghosts terrible liars?
You can see right through them!
😄 😄 😄
I asked Uranus about its love life.
And it replied, “It’s complicated, I’m in a gas-tly relationship.”
😄 😄 😄
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I’m paying for it.
😄 😄 😄
If bats could talk, what would they say about the coronavirus?
Now you know how it feels to have your world turned upside down!
😄 😄 😄
A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. He comes out, goes to the bartender.
He says, “You’ve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Where are they?” The bartender turns to the band and yells, “Frank, I’ve got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!”
😄 😄 😄
If a spider can bite you and make you a Spider-Man, can you bite me so I can be your man?
😄 😄 😄
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses?
Tulips.
😄 😄 😄
How does the Easter Bunny feel after Easter?
Eggs-hausted.
😄 😄 😄
What sound does a turkey’s phone make?
“Wing, wing.”
😄 😄 😄
Here in Portugal we call bad jokes ‘dry jokes’. Do you want to see an example?
The desert.
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One eye told the other, “Between you and me, something smells.”
😄 😄 😄
You make me hap-pea.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the spaceship bring a snack to Uranus?
It wanted to have a gas-tro picnic.
😄 😄 😄
Why was the book of incantations useless?
Because the author failed to do a spell-check.
😄 😄 😄
I said to my doctor, “I wake up thinking I’m a penguin, and by the end of the day I believe I’m an arctic fox.”
He told me I was bipolar.
😄 😄 😄
Dev was a coder and wanted to marry a girl, but his parents opposed.
DEVELOPED.
😄 😄 😄
“I wanna be the sun of your life!”
“Then stay at 1 000 000 km of me!”
😄 😄 😄
Husband: “It says here, that over 5,000 camels are used to make paintbrushes each year.”
Wife: “Isn’t it amazing what they can teach camels to do nowadays?”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ken.”
“Ken, who?”
“Ken you please loan me some money?”
😄 😄 😄
Teacher: “Why didn’t you come to school on the first day?”
Dave: “My father is still in the hospital.”
One week later.
Teacher: “Is your father still in the hospital, Dave?”
Dave: “He is, indeed, a doctor.”
😄 😄 😄
