Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ben.”
“Ben, who?”
“Ben over and get your birthday bumps!”
😄 😄 😄
An honest lawyer, a happy Santa and a merry elf find 100 $. How do they split it?
50 dollars to Santa, 50 dollars to the elf, because there is no such thing as an honest lawyer!
😄 😄 😄
A blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him.
😄 😄 😄
Why do some people get heartburn every time they eat a birthday cake?
They always forget to take off the candles.
😄 😄 😄
A blonde and a brunette are in a car. Brunette: “Christmas is on a Friday this year.”
Blonde: “I hope it’s not the 13th.”
😄 😄 😄
I tried to call Spider-Man, but he was busy browsing in the web.
😄 😄 😄
Every day she takes the car out, she comes back with the same question:
“Guess who I ran into?”
😄 😄 😄
I looked at the bottom of a tuna tin and it said “Best Before Date”.
I thought, “No, it isn’t.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you say to a stressed snowman?
Chill out!
😄 😄 😄
What did the orange pumpkin say to the green pumpkin?
“Are you feeling ill?”
😄 😄 😄
My bed and I love each other but the alarm clock is not clear!
Good morning!
😄 😄 😄
A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel’s elevator.
On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, “Giorgio, $100 an ounce.”
On the next floor, an equally beautiful woman steps on and says, “Chanel, $150 an ounce.”
The old lady’s floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, “Broccoli, 49 cents a pound.”
😄 😄 😄
Shouldn’t you be minding your business and looking out for low flying objects?
😄 😄 😄
Why did the Oreo cookie go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you cross Labor Day with a golfer?
A day to tee off and relax.
😄 😄 😄
Guess what you call someone who never falls down the stairs?
A stair-voyant.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the hot dog stand on the moon?
The hot dogs were out of this world, but there was absolutely no atmosphere.
😄 😄 😄
My friend keeps saying, “Every time I go to Taco Bell, I get diarrhea.”
I said, “Try ordering Tacos instead.”
😄 😄 😄
A blonde, a redhead and a brunette were all lost in the desert.
After walking along for a while they eventually found a lamp and rubbed it.
A genie popped out and granted them each one wish.
The redhead wished to be back home.
Poof! She was transported back home.
The brunette wished to be back at home with her family.
Poof! She was magically transported back home.
The blonde then says, “Aww, I wish my friends were here.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you do when no one laughs at your science jokes?
Keep trying until you get a reaction.
😄 😄 😄
