You are so fat when you walk with your friends it looks like they are orbiting you.
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What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy bear.
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Why did the pig visit the physical therapist’s clinic?
It pulled a hamstring.
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It’s hotter than a Jamaican monkey’s butt.
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Mushrooms are the most virtuous of fungi...
they have the best morels.
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“Our face is kinda similar to a planet…”
“Oh yeah. Which one?”
“Uranus.”
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What is the difference between a piano, a tuna and a glue?
You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.
And you probably wondering what about the glue...
I knew you would get stuck on that.
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When the blueberry made a mistake, it had to blue-pologize.
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Yo mama so fat her preferred pronoun is they.
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Guess why I am standing here?
Because I want to be your Mr. Right.
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A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Hey.”
The horse said, “Nah, just beer, please. I just ate.”
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What’s a car’s favorite meal?
Brake-fast.
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What do you call a dog in August?
A hot dog.
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Why did the apple stop in the middle of the road?
Because he ran out of juice.
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I had to give up my job as a plumber.
It was just too draining.
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What sort of room can you eat?
A mushroom.
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My girlfriend usually has peanut butter toast for breakfast, but this morning we were out of bread, and she’s been grouchy all day.
I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.
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What do you do when you see a severely injured pig that requires immediate medical attention?
You call the hambulance.
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Have you heard about the new game getting released?
It’s AI is 20 years ahead of it’s time, the graphics are truly real life, it has an open world concept where anything you want to do is truly possible.
It’s called “Go outside and ride your bike!”.
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What's the sequel to Mario Sunshine?
Mario Sunburnt!
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