Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Goat.”
“Goat, who?”
“Goat on a limb and open the door.”
😄 😄 😄
What did Shrek use to propose to Fiona?
An onion ring.
😄 😄 😄
What do the San Francisco 49ers playoff run and the Civil War have in common?
Both of them were ended by a man named Sherman.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
😄 😄 😄
What does an English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
“To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question.”
😄 😄 😄
Your eyes are as blue as toilet water.
😄 😄 😄
The favorite colors of fishes are deep blue and aquamarine blue.
😄 😄 😄
Guess what you call someone who never falls down the stairs?
A stair-voyant.
😄 😄 😄
I’ve just finished writing a book on snakes.
It would have been much easier if I’d just written in on paper...
😄 😄 😄
Wife asks, “Why are you watching our wedding video backwards?”
Husband: “I like the part when I take the ring off your finger, leave church and go to the bar with friends.”
😄 😄 😄
I was reading a story about dragons the other day It just seemed to drag-on and on.
😄 😄 😄
Somebody walks into an ice cream parlor and asks, “What flavors do you have?”
The attendant says, “Over there on the signs on the wall, you’ll see them all.”
Client goes, “Ehm, well I’ll have a cone with two scoops of ‘Mondays Closed’.”
😄 😄 😄
I watched the cricket for four hours today and I finally understand it...
It uses its legs to make a noise.
😄 😄 😄
Did you know they found water on the moon?
But only when it’s waning.
😄 😄 😄
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was, “I bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me.”
😄 😄 😄
It only takes Chuck Norris 10 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
😄 😄 😄
I got so sick of trick-or-treaters on Halloween night that I finally turned off all the lights and pretended I wasn’t home.
Forget the ships! My lighthouse, my rules!
😄 😄 😄
For Father’s Day, my wife and kid made me breakfast in bed.
I’d have preferred they made it in the kitchen, but it’s the thought that counts.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Uranus.”
“Uranus, who?”
“Uranus is a gas giant.”
😄 😄 😄
I didn’t really know where to start so I thought I’d trawl the internet.
After a couple of hours I’d found some really, really good stuff.
But then I remembered that I was supposed to be writing a speech.
😄 😄 😄
