Best Jokes (4)



I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.

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What do you call a man who keeps vomiting?

Chuck.

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Wake up, you lazy!

I pray your day be profoundly fruitful.

I know it is very hard in your case, but at least try.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œIce cream.”

β€œIce cream, who?”

β€œIce cream if you don’t let me in!”

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Two friends were discussing what they wanted to do with their lives.

One of them suggested data science.

β€œI’d much rather date a person, thank you,” said another.

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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Tri-tip.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Your mom!

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What was the mermaid doing at the bottom of the sea?

She dropped out of school.

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What do you call a haunted chicken?

A poultry-geist.

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What farm animal keeps the best time?

A watch dog.

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Dating me is like adopting a hungry kid.

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I bought a chessboard cake from the baker’s today.

I took one bite and said, β€œIt’s stale, mate.”

He seemed surprised and said, β€œNo, mate.”

I handed it to him and said, β€œCheck mate.”

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What’s a hairdresser’s favorite Christmas song?

β€œOh, comb all ye faithful...”

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Boebert asked her coworker, β€œDo you have any kids?”

β€œYes,” she replied, β€œI have one child that’s just under two.”

Then Boebert said, β€œI might be stupid, but I know how many one is.”

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A guy got pulled over by a cop for speeding.

The cop said, β€œDo you know how fast you were going, Sir?”

The guy replied, β€œI was just trying to keep up with the traffic.”

The cop said, β€œThere is no traffic, Sir.”

The guy answered, β€œThat’s how far behind I am?!”

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Thought I heard someone say β€œHello” in Arabic.

But it was a false salaam.

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Hey, I know you’re in love, but it’s time to break up with your bed and get out of there.

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The bird developed an illness.

I think it started when the bird flu.

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What do aliens spread on their toast?

Space jam.

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Why did the watermelon go crazy?

He lost his rind.

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I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.

They smell just like burned toast.

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