The Oxford comma is necessary, critical and essential.
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What do you call an Italian mosquito?
Malario.
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Whatβs the difference between a hedgehog and the Man U team bus?
The Man U bus has more pricks.
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An anteater walks into a bar.
βHaving a nice day?β asks the barman.
βNoooooooo, noooooo, noooooo!β says the anteater.
βWhy the long nos?β asks the barman.
βItβs always been like this,β says the anteater.
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When you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.
So if I show someone a shower, do I become a shower?
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Chuck Norris doesnβt use a vibrating toothbrush.
His plastic one trembles in fear.
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My wife gave me a haircut on the balcony outside today.
Cleanup was a breeze.
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βYoda.β
βYoda, who?β
βYoda one getting older today!β
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It has no life but it still dies, guess who?
A battery.
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I ordered that new auto part for you.
Itβs Honda way.
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I thought I saw a squirrel on the roof.
But it was just a roofingΒ nut.
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Why do white people not like playing UNO with Mexicans?
They take all the green cards.
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Where do birds meet for coffee?
In a Nest-cafe.
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Golfer: βDo you think my game is improving?β
Caddy: βYes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.β
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My bank has a new feature where theyβll text you your bank balance. I think itβs pretty cool.
I just donβt think they should end the text with βLOLβ, though.
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I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
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Friend 1: βYouβre working from home because of the coronavirus?β
Friend 2: βIβm working from home because I donβt have a real job. We are not the same.β
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Some cyclists are like clowns:
They dress funny.
They donβt follow any rules.
If anything bad happens to them, everyone laughs at them.
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First Pole: βKnock-Knock!β
Second Pole: βCome in!β
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You must love staying outdoors.
I hear plants make oxygen just for you.
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