Ice Cream gets tested positive for Covid in China.
I hope they’ve put it straight into iceolation.
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In case you were wondering, chocolate identifies as female.
Preferred pronouns are Her/she.
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The attorney kept trying to sue the car dealership over their faulty vehicles.
It was a case of lemon-law.
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The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist sees the glass completely full—half with liquid and half with air.
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What does CHEVROLET stand for?
Cheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.
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How did Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
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What do you get if you cross a lobster with a telephone?
A snappy talk.
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What did the plumber call his restroom?
A home office.
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I just joined a gym for religious minorities.
Jehovah’s Fitness.
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Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?
To get another rib.
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A man goes to an ice cream stall in Siberia.
The owner asks, “Which type of ice cream? The ice cream from the freezer, or the ice cream on the display cabinet?”
The man replies, “The one in the freezer, I’m pretty sure it’s warmer in there.”
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An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the Top End.
On their way to Kakadu he was describing the abilities of the Australian aborigine to track man or beast over land, through the air, under the sea.
The Americans were incredulous.
Later in the day, the tour rounded a bend on the highway and discovered, lying in the middle of the road, an aborigine.
He had one ear pressed to the white line, whilst his left leg was held high in the air.
The tour stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around the prostrate aborigine.
“Jacky,” said the tour guide, “what are you tracking and what are you listening for?”
The aborigine replied, “Down the road about 25 miles is a 1971 Valiant Ute. It’s a red one. The left front tire is bald. The front ends out of whack, and him got bloody dents in every panel. There are 9 black fellas in the back, all drinking warm sherry. There are 3 kangaroos on the roof rack and 6 dogs on the front seat.”
The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and detailed knowledge.
“God man, how do you know all that?,” asked one.
The aborigine replied, “I fell out off the pucken thing about half an hour ago!”
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Why did the Arsenal fan bring an umbrella to the stadium?
In case the tears started pouring.
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Philosophy:
A study which enables man to be unhappy more intelligently.
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Did you hear about the aspiring YouTube star that died from the flu?
He finally went viral.
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Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking?
Because it was making him Moody.
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Why did the bones cross the road?
They didn’t, the dogs ate them.
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Why is Patrick Star Arabic?
Because he lives under Iraq.
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What type of computer does Ronald McDonald use?
A big mac.
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How do Japanese Chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
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