What is the only thing that can cure a sick donut?
An antidought!
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βZoom.β
βZoom, who?β
βZoom did you expect.β
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Why do blue people make bad singers?
Theyβre always feeling blue.
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What did Jesus say when he rose from the dead on Easter Sunday?
βApril Fool! Iβm not really dead!β
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When should you wear flip-flop sandals?
On a Toesday.
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My small friend always argues that vanilla, chocolate and strawberry are the three best ice cream flavors.
I think he has a Neapolitan complex.
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An old country gentleman sent his son off to engineering school.
Four years later, upon his sonβs return, he asked him what he had learned at college.
The son replied, βPi r square.β
The dad exclaimed, βYou didnβt learn nothinβ, boy! Pie are round, breadβs square.β
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Why did the medium cross the road?
To speak to the other side.
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My girlfriend has an OnlyFans account and itβs doing really well.
I just have to figure out how to break the news to her.
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Why is Auburn always in the dark?
Because theyβre afraid of Alabama Power.
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Your ears are so big you donβt need an alarm clock.
You can hear the sun come up in the morning.
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Mary-Jo was going to the Christmas office party but needed a new dress.
So she went out shopping and in the clothing store she asked the assistant, βMay I try on that dress in the window, please?β
βCertainly not, madamβ, responded the salesgirl, βYouβll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.β
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A lawyer, a priest, and an engineer meet each week for a game of golf.
One day, they get stuck behind the slowest group of players they had ever seen. They were hitting the balls all over the place, getting stuck in just about every trap and patch of rough, and missing just about every putt.
Finally, the group gets frustrated and heads to the clubhouse to find the manager.
βWhatβs with that group of players? Theyβre the worst Iβve ever seen! Theyβre holding up the course!β
The manager looks sheepish, βTheyβre retired firefighters, they lost their eyesight running into a burning orphanage to save the children. They love golf, so I let them play for free for charity.β
The priest looks ashamed of himself, βAs a man of God, I feel terrible for getting angry at those men. At my next sermon, Iβll see if I can get a collection going for their families.β
The lawyer likewise looks chagrined, βSame here, Iβll check with my firm and see if we canβt open a case to get them awarded restitution for their pain and injuries.β
The engineer says, βWhy canβt they play at night?β
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What did the first person to get April fooled say?
βJesus! I thought you were dead!β
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Thought I would be fine having another drink. Woke up later in an alley.
Then, the bowling ball hit me.
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A reporter was interviewing a 102-year-old woman.
βWhatβs the secret to your longevity?β, he asked.
Old woman: βSimple. The biggest cause of aging is stress, and the biggest cause of stress is arguing with people. So I never argue with anyone.β
The reporter laughed, βThatβs ridiculous. That canβt be the real reason.β
The old lady smiled and nodded, βYouβre probably right.β
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Whoever said laughter is the best medicine.
Clearly hasnβt tried curing diarrhea with a tickle fight.
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Whatβs brown and very bad for your dental health?
A baseball bat.
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What did the guy with big ears say when his boss asked if he could have a word with him?
βIβm all ears.β
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What is the best college to apply to learn about solar radiation?
U.V. Ray.
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