I met a girl last night and after so flirting asked her if she wanted to come home with me to play βDoctorβ.
So when we got to my place, I left her sitting on my couch with a bunch of outdated magazines on the end table for 2 1/2 hours before I came out of my bedroom.
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There are three guys on a boat, and they have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. What do they do?
They throw one cigarette overboard, and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βWitches.β
βWitches, who?β
βWitches the best way out of this neighborhood?β
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What would you call a cute and sassy donut?
Glazing adoughrable.
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You might be a civil engineer if you think that when people around you yawn, itβs because they did not get enough sleep.
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Yo mama so hairy when she auditioned for Planet of the Apes they made her pack leader.
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Love is like farting.
If you have to force it, itβs going to end in a mess.
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Chuck Norris once saw Spider-Man on a wall and then folded his newspaper.
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Harry Stylesβ birthday is coming up.
And Iβm so Styles-ed for it.
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Why canβt two ghosts make out?
They go right through each other.
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Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
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How did the barber win the bike race?
He took a short cut.
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On 4 July, what do you get when you put a photo of America in a locket?
Then it becomes in-da-pendant.
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What do you call a religious animal that loves sandwiches?
The Deli Llama.
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Why donβt we inhabit Uranus?
That place is a Gas Hole.
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Why is the moon a wanted criminal?
Itβs constantly mooning people.
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This is ridiculous. Itβs July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks.
One almost caught our Christmas decorations on fire.
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Guess why football stadiums are so cool?
Most seats have a fan on them!
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You look awfully familiar.
Donβt I know you from yesterday?
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Youβre so fat the only thing to compare you to is an elephant.
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