The attorney kept trying to sue the car dealership over their faulty vehicles.
It was a case of lemon-law.
π π π
Those soldiers thought they could blow up that submarine with their bomb...
But they needed to sea mine.
π π π
Me: βSiri, why am I so bad at relationships with women?β
Siri: βThis is Alexa.β
π π π
Why did the optimistic electrician lose his job?
He kept on turning negatives into positives.
π π π
Iβve tried calling Stephen Hawking many times.
I keep getting his answering machine.
π π π
My overweight boss asked me to roast him at his retirement party.
I told him that as a lifelong Muslim, I was forbidden from consuming pork.
π π π
Whatβs the fastest speed at which a seahorse swims?
At a scallop.
π π π
Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chickenβs foot.
π π π
I am sweating like an igloo in an oven.
π π π
Patient: βDoctor, am I going to be alright?β
Doctor: βIβm not too sure, Mercury is in Uranus now.β
Patient: βBut I donβt know much about astronomy and space.β
Doctor: βNeither do I, but I do know that my thermometer just snapped inside you.β
π π π
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
π π π
You so ugly when who were born the doctor threw you out the window and the window threw you back.
π π π
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, βThis is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.β
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, βWhich do you want, son?β
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
βWhat did I tell you?β, said the barber. βThat kid never learns!β
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
βHey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?β
The boy licked his cone and replied, βBecause the day I take the dollar, the game is over!β
π π π
What do you call the phenomenon where nobody can hear you on Zoom?
A Mute-ation.
π π π
Only you can prevent narcissism.
And if anyone tells you otherwise, theyβre just jealous!
π π π
I seek to promote the welfare of a certain baked dish.
Iβm a flanthropist.
π π π
Two yokels were driving to the next villageβs May Day Fair.
They came to a sign that said: May Day Fair Left.
So they turned around and went home.
π π π
With a forehead like yours, Dora would get lost exploring it.
π π π
I donβt mean to sound o-moon-ous, but that meteor looks awfully big!
π π π
Your mamaβs so short you can make a life-size sculpture of her using one can of Play-Doh.
π π π