Why is math said to be a codependent?
It relies on others to solve its problems.
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You enter the laboratory and see an experiment.
How will you know which class is it?
If it’s green and wiggles, it’s biology.
If it stinks, it’s chemistry.
If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.
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What did the beard say after growing back on the man’s face?
“I’ve been hair before!”
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What’s an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
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I asked my friend what spiders eat.
He didn’t know.
He said I should go and check on the web.
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When do you start on red and stop on green?
When you are eating a watermelon.
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A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake.
After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice.
Then from the heavens a voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate, and started to cut yet another hole in the ice.
The voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”
This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice.
Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”
The very scared blonde raised her head and said, “Is that you, Lord?”
The voice answered, “NO, IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE HOCKEY RINK!”
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I hurt my back in Egypt.
It got so bad that I had to visit a cairopractor.
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What do the Backstreet Boys and algebra teachers have in common?
They both want you to tell them Y.
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The biggest kept secret is that Uranus is not a planet, you are actually sitting on it!
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A blonde works in a petrol station filling up cars.
One day, a spaceship with “UFO” written on the side lands next to the blonde. The blonde cheerfully fills it with fuel and the spaceship flies off.
The blonde’s boss, shocked, comes out to ask why she filled it up.
“Do you know what “UFO” stands for?” He asks.
“Of course.” She replies, “Unleaded Fuel Only.”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Yah.”
“Yah, who?”
“No thanks, I use Bing or Google.”
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What do you call it when a whole bunch of cacti fall over?
A cac-tas-trophy.
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What is Spider-Man’s favorite part of the joke?
The punch line!
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My kids are buying me gifts for Father’s Day.
I hope I can afford it.
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Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
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I am sweating like a Christian in a science class.
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Patient: “Doctor, doctor! I’ve broken my arm in three places!”
Doctor: “Well, stop going to those places then.”
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a bass player’s arm?
A tattoo.
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Yo momma so short she can’t say a thing without a microphone!
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