A bard walks up to a bored leprechaun. How many tunes should the bard play?
Fortunes.
😄 😄 😄
My wife says she’s leaving me because of my obsession with Star Wars.
I said, “Please don’t go, honey. You’re the Obi-Wan for me.”
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris can fly, because gravity is too scared to make him obey her law.
😄 😄 😄
Why was the bearded man appointed as the sheriff in the town?
He had a gunslinger beard!
😄 😄 😄
I like working from home.
It’s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris doesn’t buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.
😄 😄 😄
Yo momma is so dumb she makes Gungans look smart.
😄 😄 😄
Bill and Melinda were happy for 27 years
And then Bill started working from home.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike.
😄 😄 😄
Somebody walks into an ice cream parlor and asks, “What flavors do you have?”
The attendant says, “Over there on the signs on the wall, you’ll see them all.”
Client goes, “Ehm, well I’ll have a cone with two scoops of ‘Mondays Closed’.”
😄 😄 😄
Bit nervous about my maths exam.
Think my chances of passing it are 40-40.
😄 😄 😄
What do farmers use to make crop circles?
A pro-tractor.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so fat she blew up the Deathstar.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the best way to talk to The Mind Flayer?
From a distance.
😄 😄 😄
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
😄 😄 😄
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have wicked smiles?
Because they just had their brains scooped out!
😄 😄 😄
What does Dr. Frankenstein call the cemetery?
Human Resources.
😄 😄 😄
I’ve decided to stop going to my doctor now I’ve found out he’s into astrology.
I went to get the results of a scan and all he had to say was “I’ve consulted your chart and I can see Cancer is rising in Uranus”.
😄 😄 😄
Last year, I had a job at the bowling alley.
It wasn’t for long though; I was only tenpin.
😄 😄 😄
Tesla founder Elon Musk is originally from South Africa, which is strange.
You’d think he was from mad-at-gas-car.
😄 😄 😄
