Why are writers really good at coding?
Because they are really into Pro grammar.
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What did Uranus say to Earth?
“You’re always following me around. Give me some space!”
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Bread is like the Sun:
It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
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What is a soldier’s most active day of the year?
March forth!
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Did you know that China has a policy where a certain amount of pandas must live in the country?
To be fair, it’s the bear minimum.
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Yo mama so tall when she did a backflip she digs God in the face.
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What do you call two ducks who walk like, act like, and believe they are geese?
A paradux.
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What do you call six witches in a Jacuzzi?
A self-cleaning coven.
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What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
Nothing, you just run away!
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I once tried to kill a giant mouse with a baseball bat.
Now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyworld.
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If you were ice cream, you would be my favorite flavor.
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I’m making a comic book about a superhero toilet.
“Billionaire Bidet, Crime Fighter by Night”
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Sometimes I feel like Stephen Hawking in the morning.
Because I can’t get out of bed.
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My girlfriend accused me of stealing her thesaurus.
Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.
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The shady workers behind the Mexican restaurant...
That’s nacho business.
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How many nuns are there in a temple?
Nun.
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I hated my haircut at first...
But now it’s starting to grow on me.
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What if the Indians would have given the Pilgrims a donkey instead of a turkey?
We’d all be having a piece of ass for Thanksgiving.
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Why did the apple stop in the middle of the road?
Because he ran out of juice.
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If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed.
That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
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