Best Jokes (4)



Yo mama so old she knew Burger King when he was just a prince.

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I love my motorcycle, it’s great for getting to the front of queues quicker.

It does always terrify the other people in the post office though.

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What do you call an alien that lives in a bog?

A marsh-in!

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If vegetarians eat vegetables... what do humanitarians eat?

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You have 30 chocolate bars. You eat 20 in 1 day. What do you have now?

Diabetes.

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If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?

Shelf it for later.

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Boy: β€œI’m a superhero. Guess my name?”

Girl: β€œIron Man? Spider-Man?”

Boy: β€œYourman!”

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My kid has a stuffed alpaca toy.

I call it her Dolly Llama.

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What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?

Toot-and-come-in.

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Why didn’t the man want a spring mattress?

Because it was still winter.

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A young man is passing by a bar when he sees an old woman fishing with a stick and a string in a puddle by the sidewalk. β€œShe must be a poor old fool,” he thinks to himself, and out of the kindness of his heart, he invites the woman in for a drink.

After he’s paid for their round and the two are sitting quietly, he asks her, β€œSo how many have you caught today?” The old woman grins, takes a big sip of her drink, and replies, β€œYou’re the eighth.”

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What did Jesus say when he rose from the dead on Easter Sunday?

β€œApril Fool! I’m not really dead!”

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My barber wanted me to sign a long-term service agreement before giving me a haircut, but I refused.

I couldn’t accept all those perms and conditions.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œOwls.”

β€œOwls, who?”

β€œYou’re right; tawny owls do hoot.”

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Your mama’s so short that she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

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When you work from home, a Tuesday looks pretty much like a Saturday.

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What day do eggs hate the most?

Fry-day.

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I used to own a raven. It could speak English.

But the only word it could speak was β€œcar”.

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Why aren’t people inΒ recoveryΒ good dancers?

They lose interest afterΒ twelve steps.

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Why did the apple stop in the middle of the road?

Because he ran out of juice.

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