Why did the moon get a parking ticket?
They forgot to pay the parking meteor!
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The taller you are, the harder youβll fall.
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A rabbit walks into a pharmacy and asks, βDo you sell carrots?β
The pharmacist, surprised, responds, βNo, this is a pharmacy.β
The rabbit leaves only to return the next day and ask the same question.
This time, the man responds, βAs I said before, no. Go to a grocery store.β
Again, the rabbit leaves and returns the following day with the same question.
Annoyed, the pharmacist says, βLook, rabbit, for the last time, we do not sell carrots. If you ask this once more, I swear I will punch you in the face.β
On the next day, the rabbit returns and asks, βDo you sell carrots?β
Furious, the pharmacist punches the rabbit so hard that its teeth get completely shattered.
The rabbit leaves... and comes back the next day,
βDo ya seh cahot juys?β
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What is a snakeβs favorite dance?
The Mamba.
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Whatβs the only room in your house you canβt go into?
A mushroom.
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Which clients do short auditors like best?
Small businessmen.
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As cold as a witchβs tit in a brass bra.
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Itβs so hot that Satan went back to hell to cool down.
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Who is Santaβs favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley.
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Which planet is the richest of them all?
Saturn, because it has many rings.
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Whatβs a Pinterest addictβs favorite exercise?
Re-pinning.
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My old school was sponsored by IKEA.
Assembly took ages.
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When you have a question, you check with Google.
When Google has a question, they check with Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris has a question, everybody better run!
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A doctor and an engineer went into a chocolate store.
As they were busy looking around, doctor stole 3 chocolate bars.
As they left the store, the doctor said to the engineer, βMan! Iβm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You canβt beat that!β
The engineer replied, βYou wanna see something better? Letβs go back to the shop and Iβll show you real stealing.β
So they went to the counter and the engineer said to the shop boy, βDo you wanna see magic?β
The shop boy replied, βYes!!!β
The engineer said, βGive me one chocolate bar.β
The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it.
Then he asked for a second, and he ate that as well.
Finally, he asked for the third and finished that one too.
The shop boy asked, βBut whereβs the magic?β
The engineer replied, βCheck in my friendβs pocket, and youβll find them!β
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Dating me is like dating your therapist who is also your mom and is also very disappointed in you.
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What do you get when you cross a blue jay with a parrot?
A bird with no identity.
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What is the opposite of mango?
Womanstay.
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Here in Portugal we call bad jokes βdry jokesβ. Do you want to see an example?
The desert.
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What do you call someone who doesnβt believe it is June yet?
A May-sayer.
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Whatβs a planetβs favorite keyboard key?
The space bar!
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