I took a road trip with my German buddy and when I accidentally dropped my hot dog out the window he swung the car around to go back and get it. . .
That’s when the whole trip really took a turn for the wurst.
😄 😄 😄
What is green, white, and red all over?
An elf with a sunburn.
😄 😄 😄
My dad and I were having donuts for lunch.
He said, “Enjoy the HOLE donut!”
😄 😄 😄
After Jesus’s trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
“I don’t know. I’ll keep you posted.”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so poor when I stepped on a cigarette to put it out she said “Hey, who turned off the heat?”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the astronaut grow a beard in space?
He wanted spacial hair.
😄 😄 😄
I caught bird flu while waiting for a flight at the airport.
I have since found out it is a terminal illness.
😄 😄 😄
How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. The narcissist holds the light bulb while the rest of the world revolves around him.
😄 😄 😄
What day do eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Doyathinkysaurus.
😄 😄 😄
Why is North Korea so good at geometry?
Because they have a supreme ruler!
😄 😄 😄
What did the French Fry say to the Hamburger?
I guess that’s a wrap!
😄 😄 😄
A hot dog and a hamburger are having a drink at the bar.
The hot dog says, “I’ve got some bad news for you and I can either sugarcoat it or give it to you straight.”
The hamburger replies, “Please, beef frank.”
😄 😄 😄
Kung Fu student asks his teacher, “Master, why does my ability not improve? I’m always defeated.”
And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, “My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seeming like flames?”
“Yes, my master, I have.”
“And a waterfall, spilling mightily over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?”
“Yes, my master, I have witnessed it.”
And the moon... when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?”
“Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon.”
“That is the problem. You keep watching all this poop instead of training!”
😄 😄 😄
What do diarrhea and eye colour have in common?
It runs in your genes.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the man help his friends trim their facial hair?
Shearing is caring.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of vehicle does a mushroom drive?
A spores car!
😄 😄 😄
What is Spider-Man’s favorite exercise?
Spin class.
😄 😄 😄
My favorite geology professor died today.
My sediments are with his family.
😄 😄 😄
Two flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other, “You’d better pick up your game, Louie, we’re playing in the cup tomorrow.”
😄 😄 😄
