The Oxford comma is necessary, critical and essential.
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What do you call an Italian mosquito?
Malario.
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What’s the difference between a hedgehog and the Man U team bus?
The Man U bus has more pricks.
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An anteater walks into a bar.
“Having a nice day?” asks the barman.
“Noooooooo, noooooo, noooooo!” says the anteater.
“Why the long nos?” asks the barman.
“It’s always been like this,” says the anteater.
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When you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.
So if I show someone a shower, do I become a shower?
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Chuck Norris doesn’t use a vibrating toothbrush.
His plastic one trembles in fear.
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My wife gave me a haircut on the balcony outside today.
Cleanup was a breeze.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Yoda.”
“Yoda, who?”
“Yoda one getting older today!”
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It has no life but it still dies, guess who?
A battery.
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I ordered that new auto part for you.
It’s Honda way.
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I thought I saw a squirrel on the roof.
But it was just a roofing nut.
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Why do white people not like playing UNO with Mexicans?
They take all the green cards.
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Where do birds meet for coffee?
In a Nest-cafe.
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Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?”
Caddy: “Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.”
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My bank has a new feature where they’ll text you your bank balance. I think it’s pretty cool.
I just don’t think they should end the text with “LOL”, though.
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I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
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Friend 1: “You’re working from home because of the coronavirus?”
Friend 2: “I’m working from home because I don’t have a real job. We are not the same.”
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Some cyclists are like clowns:
They dress funny.
They don’t follow any rules.
If anything bad happens to them, everyone laughs at them.
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First Pole: “Knock-Knock!”
Second Pole: “Come in!”
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You must love staying outdoors.
I hear plants make oxygen just for you.
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