Yo mama so fat when she sat on the iPod she made the iPad!
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Yo mama so stupid she made an appointment with Dr Pepper.
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βHey, are you familiar with Landon?β
βLandon who?β
βSlip, fall then landon DEEZ NUTS!β
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The favorite colors of fishes are deep blue and aquamarine blue.
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What do you call a gangster who wears eyeliner?
An emoji.
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After a month of dieting, I lost 30 days.
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My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers.
He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
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What kind of bar is kid-friendly?
A chocolate bar.
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βArt.β
βArt, who?β
βArt you going to a birthday party?β
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Yo mama so hot when she got into the Arctic Ocean it turned into a hot tub.
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I recently heard that Turkeys arenβt allowed to play baseball.
No matter how many times they hit, theyβll always hit fowl balls.
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I finally achieved all my goals in life!
Then, the alarm clock went off.
Good morning, I guess.
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Before Marriage.
Boy: βAh at last. I can hardly wait.β
Girl: βDo you want me to leave?β
Boy: βNo, don't even think about it.β
Girl: βDo you love me?β
Boy: βOf Course. Always have and always will.β
Girl: βHave you ever cheated on me?β
Boy: βNever. Why are you even asking?β
Girl: βWill you kiss me?β
Boy: βHell no. Are you crazy?β
Girl: βCan I trust you?β
Boy: βYes.β
Girl: βDarling!β
After Marriage⦠(Read from bottom to top)
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Chuck Norris can speak Japanese in French.
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Your mama so dumb she watches βThe Three Stoogesβ and takes notes.
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Everyone always says that hot dogs suck.
I think German sausages are the wurst!
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Those who study the moon are real optimists, they tend to look at the bright side.
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Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, βAnd what starting salary are you looking for?β
The engineer replies, βIn the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.β
The interviewer inquires, βWell, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?β
The engineer sits up straight and says, βWow! Are you kidding?β
The interviewer replies, βYeah, but you started it.β
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What did the barber say to the man after shaving his beard?
βAll good things must comb to an end.β
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Libya changed its plain green flag to a crescent moon, but I think theyβll change it back.
Itβs only a phase, after all.
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