I decided to donate my body to science.
For the time being, Iβm following a routine to preserve it with ethanol until they need it.
π π π
Why do programmers and coders hate nature?
It has too many bugs.
π π π
Why are PC gamers always sad?
Because they canβt console each other.
π π π
What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
There have been sightings of UFOs.
π π π
An atheist is someone with no invisible means of support.
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Why does August always get upset at the calendar?
Because it knows that summer is about to βfallβ apart!
π π π
What do you call a leprechaunβs prank?
A St. Pat-trick!
π π π
What do you call an Irish guy coming back with more cakes?
Flanagan.
π π π
Now that Iβm teaching remotely, I canβt reward my students for their good work.
So I tell them to visit my website for cookies instead.
π π π
The pope dies and arrives in Heaven. St. Peter awaits him and asks who he is.
The pope: βI am the pope.β
St. Peter: βWho? Thereβs no such name in my book.β
The pope: βIβm the representative of God on Earth.β
St. Peter: βDoes God have a representative? He didnβt tell me.β
The pope: βBut I am the leader of the Catholic church.β
St. Peter: βThe Catholic church... Never heard of it. Wait, Iβll check with the boss.β
St. Peter walks away through Heavenβs Gate to talk with God.
St. Peter: βThereβs a dude standing outside who claims heβs your representative on earth.β
God: βI donβt have a representative on earth, not that I know of. Wait, Iβll ask Jesus.β
God yells for Jesus.
Jesus: βYes father, whatβs up?β
God and St. Peter explain the situation.
Jesus: βWait, Iβll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow.β
Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why heβs laughing.
Jesus: βRemember that fishing club Iβve started 2000 years ago? It still exists!β
π π π
An English teacher was getting late for school on Teachersβ Day.
Suddenly, a cop pulled him over and asked for papers.
He gladly gave him all of his studentsβ essays to grade and drove off.
π π π
Whatβs the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
π π π
My physicist girlfriend told me that she loves me to the moon and back.
Iβm worried she means displacement, not distance.
π π π
Went to a pancake restaurant, and asked if my dinner would be long.
The waiter replied, βNo, sir, round.β
π π π
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
He had an arrow escape.
π π π
What do you call a penny that thinks for itself?
A centient.
π π π
Ice Cream gets tested positive for Covid in China.
I hope theyβve put it straight into iceolation.
π π π
In case you were wondering, chocolate identifies as female.
Preferred pronouns are Her/she.
π π π
The attorney kept trying to sue the car dealership over their faulty vehicles.
It was a case of lemon-law.
π π π
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist sees the glass completely fullβhalf with liquid and half with air.
π π π