Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
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Why was the florist afraid of roses?
Quite honestly, she didn’t know where the fear stemmed from.
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What two things can you never eat for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner!
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When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out.
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What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says “Spit your gum out!” and the train says “Chew, chew!”
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What do moon people do after they get married?
Go on their honey-earth!
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owls.”
“Owls, who?”
“Yes, the last time I checked, they do.”
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The teacher asks her students, “What is the closest planet to Earth?”
The class all respond by yelling out, “The sun!”
Little Johnny then puts his hand up as says, “Uranus.”
The teacher looks confused and asks, “Why do you think that, Johnny?”
Little Johnny replies to her, “Because it is right behind you, Miss.”
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Which rapper is the most acceptable to Muslims?
Halal Cool J.
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Yo mama’s so fat that if she was thrown into the second Death Star’s reactor core, she could have blown up the entire Imperial fleet.
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So hot dog, we meat again.
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Two mushrooms were talking about politics.
One mushroom said, “I think that women shouldn’t be allowed to vote.”
The other said, “That’s a shiitake.”
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What did a dam say to the river?
“Water you thinking?”
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Why do people on Earth like the way the planet rotates?
Because it makes their day.
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Why are they called the armed forces?
Because it’s hard to fight a war with just your legs.
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An American goes to the train station so he can start his big trip.
He notices there a machine with the indication: “Put a dollar in the slot and the machine will tell you who you are!”
Curious, he puts the dollar inside the slot and waits.
The machine suddenly sounds:
“You’re John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You’re about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago.”
The man blacked out with the machine’s ability.
So, he decided to trick the machine.
He wore a fake mustache and putted another dollar inside the slot.
“You’re John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You’re about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago,” says the machine.
“But it’s impossible!” screamed the man, acquiring a maniac need to trick the machine.
He ran to the toilet and disguised as an Arab.
Then, he did the same routine.
“You’re John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You’re about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago.”
Furious then, he disguises as a woman and puts the dollar as usual in the slot.
“You’re John Bull, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall, 90 kilos and with your bullshits you... lost the train!”
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Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
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Want to hear a car joke?
BMW 2 Series.
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Where do fish sleep in the summer?
On the seabed.
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Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock... boom!
Good morning!
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