I went out the other day and there was a butterfly wrapped up in a web.
A few days later it had turned into a spider.
Natures amazing.
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What’s a Christian’s favorite flower?
Jesus Rose.
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What do you call a Polish ape?
Chimpanski.
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Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
“Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath, “You scared us half to death—we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?”
“Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”
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Johnny was a preschool student who did not know grammar or math very well.
While in class, his teacher asked, “What’s 2+2?”
Johnny answered, “I four-get.”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Yah.”
“Yah, who?”
“Wow, you’re really excited about Christmas!”
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Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
To the peach.
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How do robots exercise?
They do circuit training.
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You know, you’re being a little moon-dy, I hope it’s just a phase!
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“July.”
“July, who?”
“July’d to me when you said you didn’t eat my ice cream!”
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Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
Because it had appeal.
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Did you know that according to 911 choking on a handful of gummies does not constitute a “bear attack”.
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Yo mama so fat and ugly she didn’t need a suit to play Jamba the Hutt.
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Yo mama’s so stupid Kylo Ren couldn’t force read her mind!
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Ancient Egyptian architect: “Do you know how to build a pyramid?”
Ancient Egyptian builder: “Well, err yeah, up to a point.”
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What do aliens like to read?
Comet books!
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Broccoli: “Hey, I look like a tree.”
Mushroom: “Wow, I look just like an umbrella.”
Walnut: “I look exactly like a brain.”
Banana: “Man, can we change the topic please?”
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If a Bengal tiger is attacking your mother-in-law and spouse, who will you save?
The Bengal tiger of course! They’re getting extinct in the world.
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What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
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What do you call the child of a civil engineer?
A truss fund baby.
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