What is the result of an art competition?
A draw.
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Three kids one day found a magical slide.
There was a sign next to it saying “whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down”.
One kid stepped up and slid down, he wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.
The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money, he then landed in a pile of money.
The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”
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Pepito tells his mother from the shower, “Mom, the shampoo is over.”
Mother: “Well, Pepito, use mine then.”
Pepito: “Can’t.”
Mother: “Because?”
Pepito: “Because it says it’s for dry hair, and I already have it wet.”
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Why did Yoda cross the road?
Because the chickens forced him to.
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What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
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Why couldn’t the Forsaken get across the road?
Because he didn’t have any guts.
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I entered what I ate today into my new fitness app on my phone.
It sent an ambulance to my house.
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I asked my friend what he was doing to stay happy in his job.
And he said he was always searching for blue skies.
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I’m going to take you out for a morning walk.
Whether you’re sleeping or not!
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A boy went up to the counter serving orange punch.
He saw there was a huge line and so, he came back after an hour. Guess what?
There was no punchline.
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Facebook is a lot like ancient Egypt.
People write on walls, use emojis, and worship cats.
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Why did the Japanese guy get mad and kick the mushroom?
He was sick of all its shii-take.
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I had a race with an Asian today.
It was a Thai.
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I don't believe in aliens... they lie too much.
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I watched a baseball game once, where the umpire kept wandering about and was eventually knocked out by a ball.
It was the fall of the roamin’ umpire.
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What do you call a hot dog race?
Wiener takes all.
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Lawyer: “Everybody hates lawyers until they need one.”
Architect: “Everybody loves architects until they need one.”
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My teacher always tells me to follow my dreams, but she won’t let me sleep in class.
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How was your ear operation?
Thursday.
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I recently heard about a study that said that all the so-called “brain foods” don’t actually help your brain at all. It’s all just pseudoscience.
Food for thought.
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