What language do Brazilian geese speak?
Portu-geese.
😄 😄 😄
Mushrooms are the most virtuous of fungi...
they have the best morels.
😄 😄 😄
I told my wife I’d never leave her unless aliens came to take me.
It has taken 30 years but I finally have enough for Industrial Light and Magic to do an alien abduction scene.
😄 😄 😄
What do elves make sandwiches with?
Shortbread.
😄 😄 😄
No thanks, pants! I am working from home today.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so tall even Titans can look up her skirt.
😄 😄 😄
I loved the sound a bird made this morning.
So I re-tweeted it.
😄 😄 😄
Math teacher: “James, what do you get when you subtract 897 from 1824 and add 176 and divide the answer by 3?”
James: “A Headache ma’am.”
😄 😄 😄
Coach: “Your roommate and the captain of the team reported that you have many bad words for me in your sleep! So do you abuse me in your sleep!”
Football Player: “Coach, It is just not true!”
Coach: “What is not true, I trust the captain and I am asking this in front of him!”
Football player: “Coach, It is untrue that I was sleeping!”
😄 😄 😄
Teacher: “Take a seat”.
Student: “Where do you want me to take it to?”
😄 😄 😄
It was the first day of school.
Harry’s mother went into his bedroom and said, “Come on Harry, get up now. You have to go to school today.”
“But I don’t want to go to school,” replied Harry, “I want to stay in bed. Why do I have to go to school?”
“Because,” answered his mother, “you’re a teacher!”
😄 😄 😄
Why are German hot dogs the most controversial?
It’s because they make the best and the wurst ones.
😄 😄 😄
You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, which is kinda the same thing.
😄 😄 😄
You call it short, but I call it down-to-earth.
😄 😄 😄
What do bees use to build roads?
Nec-tar.
😄 😄 😄
Yo daddy so fat when God said “let there be light”, he asked him to move out of the way.
😄 😄 😄
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a computer covered in fruit chunks?
A pineApple Mac.
😄 😄 😄
Me: “I have a Zoom meeting later.”
My cat: “Oh, me too.”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so fat that she looks like Jabba the Hut before picture.
😄 😄 😄
