My wallet is like an onion.
Whenever I open it my eyes tear up.
π π π
Why wonβt my motorbike run?
Because itβs two tired.
π π π
Whatβs the difference between retail workers and turkeys?
We let the turkey rest on Thanksgiving.
π π π
Iβve done some terrible things for money. Like getting up early to go to work on a Minion Day.
π π π
Why did the boy stop eating donuts?
Because he got bored with the hole thing.
π π π
What is Spider-Manβs favorite online music app?
Spot-a-fly.
π π π
What is Lokiβs least favorite day of the week?
Thorβs Day.
π π π
I just found out that the UK doesnβt have a kidney bank.
But at least it has a Liverpool.
π π π
How do you make a pool table laugh?
Tickle its balls.
π π π
Why do lemons use sun tan lotion?
Because if they donβt theyβll peel!
π π π
The sun and moon walked into a coffee shop.
Sun: βOh man, I forgot my wallet!β
Moon: βDonβt worry, Iβll cover you.β
π π π
The ice cream parlor asks for my order.
Parlor: βHello Sir, can I take your order?β
Me: βYes, Iβd like a male hot fudge sundae please.β
Parlor: βIβm sorry Sir, a male hot fudge sundae?β
Me: βYes, with nuts.β
π π π
When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
In a dictionary.
π π π
When the red panda got tired, it decided to take a koala-ty nap.
π π π
How do you call a cow in Ramadan?
A Mooslim.
π π π
Your sister is so fat her Apple Watch is an iPad Pro on a rope.
π π π
Why didnβt the vampire bite Taylor Swift?
Because she had bad blood.
π π π
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
π π π
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.
π π π
A guy in a plane stood up and shouted, βHIJACK!β
All the passengers got scared.
From the other end of the plane, a guy shouted back, βHI JOHN!β
π π π