Best Jokes (4)



The lobster is one shell of an animal.

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Chuck Norris can blow up things, without a bomb.

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What’s a Jews favorite band?

Nickelback.

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Yo mama so ugly Instagram tagged her selfies β€œexplicit content’.

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A man went to the doctor and said, β€œI think I am upside down.”

When the doctor asked why he felt like that, the man said, β€œBecause my feet smell and my nose runs.”

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A cricketer walks into a hospital with blood pouring out of his eyes.

The doctor says, β€œEbola?”

And the cricketer replies, β€œNah, I’m a batsman.”

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Did you hear about the ketchup thief?

He was caught red-handed.

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Father’s Day at school, and all the students are supposed to make cards by drawing a picture of their father at work.

Teacher asks, β€œLogan, what does your father do?”

β€œMy dad is a cop. I’m gonna draw him catching a bad guy.”

Then the teacher asks, β€œBriei, what does your father do?”

Briei says, β€œMy dad is a writer. I’m going to draw him with his new book.”

Teacher gets to Jake, β€œAnd what does your father do, Jake?”

Jake says, β€œMy dad is dead.”

β€œOh my,” teacher says. β€œWhat did your father do before he died?”

Jake: β€œHe turned blue and pooped on the floor.”

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I recently took a trip to learn more about Greek culture and to gain a greater appreciation of their amazing works of art and architecture.

The British Museum is a really cool place.

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On Teachers’ Day, why did the student gift his Maths teacher a flight ticket to New York City?

To visit his favorite spot, Times Square.

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A guy runs into a bar, and yells, β€œQuick! How tall is a penguin?”

The bartender says, β€œThree feet tall.”

The guy says, β€œOh my God! I just ran over a nun!”

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At the bank, I told the cashier, β€œI would like to open a joint account.”

He asked, β€œWith whom?”

I answered, β€œWith whomsoever has lots of money.”

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œOx.”

β€œOx, who?”

β€œOx me nice and I will take you out for ice cream.”

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What should you never put in an ice cream sundae?

A Spoon.

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My Sister works at a pharmacy.

As a pharmasister.

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How does Tom Brady have a bad haircut before every game?

He always asks for the Super β€œBowl Cut”.

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Yo mama’s so stupid she thought Fortnite was fork night.

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An Australian guy was playing Mama Mia on his didgeridoo.

I thought, that’s aboriginal.

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What’s the secret to Jesus’ summer beach body?

Cross fit.

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I had to fire the fruit delivery guy today.

I really had to let the mango he was driving me bananas.

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