I have so mush-room in my heart for you.
😄 😄 😄
Why do white people not like playing UNO with Mexicans?
They take all the green cards.
😄 😄 😄
Two falcons are watching an air show where fighter pilots are racing their jets against one another.
One falcon turns to the other and says, “Man, I thought we were fast, but those guys are insane.”
The second falcon turns back and says, “You’d also fly that fast if your ass was on fire.”
😄 😄 😄
Good morning!
Today is a good day to have a good day, especially if you've had your coffee.
😄 😄 😄
What is the result of an art competition?
A draw.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so fat she crashed the Fortnite servers.
😄 😄 😄
My sister and I decided that we want to start our own businesses.
She’s going to open a furniture store called “Sofa King” and I’m going to open a soup restaurant next door called “Stew Pit”.
😄 😄 😄
Why do zombies speak Latin?
Because it’s a dead language.
😄 😄 😄
Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.
😄 😄 😄
Why are T-Rex’s unable to clap their hands?
Because they are extinct.
😄 😄 😄
It’s hard to have a serious conversation with an astronaut, you would think they would understand the gravity of the situation!
😄 😄 😄
I just scored a 170 on an online IQ test and only had to answer three simple questions.
1. My credit card number.
2. My social security number.
3. Uploading a signed copy of my birth certificate.
😄 😄 😄
A skunk fell into the river and stank to the bottom.
😄 😄 😄
I was on the phone with my wife and said, “I’m almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on.”
After a twenty-second pause, I asked, “You still there sweetheart?”
She replied, “Yeah... but I don’t think the coffee maker wants to talk right now.”
😄 😄 😄
My kid has a stuffed alpaca toy.
I call it her Dolly Llama.
😄 😄 😄
What did the Mandalorian say about how to cook the Thanksgiving turkey?
“…This is the way.”
😄 😄 😄
Your mama so stupid she put a watch in the piggy bank and said she was saving time.
😄 😄 😄
Two blokes were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read:
“Here lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Chelsea fan.”
So, one of them asked the other: “When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?”
😄 😄 😄
What is the difference between a Chelsea fan and a Battery?
A battery has a positive side.
😄 😄 😄
An ant approaches an elephant and asks, “Would you like to play?”
“Sure,” replies the elephant.
“So, what’s your favorite game?” the ant inquires.
“Squash,” says the elephant.
😄 😄 😄
