My family asked me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes.
I told them I couldn’t stop cold turkey.
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What do you call 10 Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 100 Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 1000 Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
Still a problem.
What do you call all of the Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
PROBLEM SOLVED!
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Guess who I bumped into on my way to the eye doctor?
Everybody.
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What did you tell the shopkeeper at the grocery store?
Donut mind me, I am here for the hole food.
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What did the alien think of the anti-gravity book?
He couldn’t put it down!
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What do you call a 60-year-old who hasn’t reached puberty?
A late boomer.
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What do you call an exploration mission to Uranus?
Colonoscopy.
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Why did the peanut butter and jelly get into a fight?
Because they couldn’t agree on which bread to use.
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Can you guess what the calendar worker got fired for?
He took a day off without telling anyone!
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The tree hated losing its foliage in September.
When it grew back in March, he was so re-lieved.
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What are the official sea creatures of National Pi Day?
Octopi.
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When I was a kid you could walk into a shop with a quarter and come out with 2 cokes, 3 bags of chips, 2 chocolate bars and an ice cream.
Nowadays, CCTV everywhere.
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Losing a wife can be very tough.
Some may even say impossible.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Anita.”
“Anita, who?”
“Anita piece of that birthday cake!”
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My lucky day! I didn’t have enough money for the Honda, but the dealership took pity on me and gave me an old Fiesta.
I couldn’t afford an Accord, but I was accorded a Ford.
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A little boy had a crush on his teacher, but she was dating a doctor.
So the boy brought his teacher an apple everyday.
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I suspect the moon wasn’t hungry last night.
It looked full.
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I went to watch Spider-Man playing baseball.
He was great at catching flies.
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What’s a toilet on a Portuguese jetty called?
A porto potty.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don’t know, lettuce sea.
😄 😄 😄
