An English couple decided to adopt a little German boy.
After two years, the child doesn’t speak and his parents start to worry about him.
After three years, he still has not spoken and after four years, he has yet to utter a word.
The English couple figure he is never going to speak but he is still a lovely child, and on his next birthday, they throw him a party and make him a chocolate cake with orange icing.
The parents are in the kitchen when the boy comes in and says, “Mother, Father, I do not care for the orange icing on the chocolate cake.”
“My God,” says his mother. “You can speak?”
To which the German boy replies, “Of course.”
“How come you’ve never spoken before?” asks his father.
“Well,” says the boy, “up until now, everything has been satisfactory.”
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Please, donut break my heart.
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A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
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What’s Uranus’ favorite subject?
Gas-tronomy.
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It’s always difficult texting someone to tell them a loved one has passed away.
Especially when your name is Lol.
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What do you get when you cross a Tyrannosaurus rex with explosives?
Dino-mite.
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I’ve studied Basic Human Anatomy so much.
I know it like the back of my hand.
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I’m not Superman, I’m not Batman, I’m not Spider-Man...
But I’m your Man.
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What do Arsenal and a shampoo bottle have in common?
Both struggle with “no more tears”.
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What type of computer does Ronald McDonald use?
A big mac.
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Why does it take 100 mink to make a fur coat?
Because they are lazy and have small hands.
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Why do all hot dogs look the same after coming off the grill?
Because they are in-bred.
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Yo mama so poor she chases after the garbage truck with a shopping list.
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How do Tusken Raiders cheat on their taxes?
They always single file, to hide their numbers.
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I am sweating like a Christian in a science class.
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A king had ten wild dogs. He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him.
A minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn’t like at all. So he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs.
The minister said, “I served you loyally ten years, and you do this?”
The king was unrelenting.
Minister pleaded, “Please give me ten days before you throw me to the dogs.”
The king agreed.
In those ten days the minister went to the keeper of the dogs and told him he wanted to serve the dogs for the next ten days. The guard was baffled, but he agreed.
So when the ten days were up, the king ordered that the minister be thrown to the dogs as sentenced.
When he was thrown in, everyone was amazed at what they saw. The dogs were wagging their tails playing with the condemned minister and licking his feet.
The king was baffled at what he saw.
“What happened to the dogs?!” He growled.
The minister then said, “I served the dogs for only ten days, and they didn’t forget my service. Yet I served you for ten years, and you forgot all at the first mistake.”
The king realised his mistake and...
Replaced the dogs with crocodiles.
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What happens to corny jokesters who get jailed on April Fools’ Day?
They go to the pun-itentiary.
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What is a NASA office worker’s favorite part of the workday?
Launchtime.
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I just saw that Harry Potter film. I think it’s a bit unrealistic if you ask me.
I mean, a ginger kid with two friends? How?
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What is round, huge, and very gassy?
Uranus.
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