Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Possum.”
“Possum, who?”
“Possum gravy on my potatoes.”
😄 😄 😄
Why do shoppers feel like cranberry sauce on Black Friday?
They get bruised, battered and squished into pulp trying to get to the bargain bin.
😄 😄 😄
People often ask me how I manage to smuggle chocolate into movie theaters.
Let’s just say, I have a few Twix up my sleeve...
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Two Americans were walking in the Arabian desert one morning when they came across a mosque.
They hadn’t had food or water for days and thought maybe the people in the mosque would give them some.
“Ok, Joe, we will tell these people we are Muslims, and maybe they will give us some food and something to drink. You’ll be Hassan, and I’ll be Muhammed,” said Roger.
“No way, man. I’m not going to say that, even if they won’t give us anything to drink,” replied Joe.
They go up and knock on the door.
A Muslim man with a smile on his face answers the door, “Yes, how may I help you?”
“Hello, I’m Muhammed and this is Joe. We were wondering if we could have something to eat and drink,” asked Roger.
“Why, of course! Joe, we will bring you some food, and for you, Muhammed, it is Ramadan and we won’t be breaking our fast until sundown.”
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Why was everyone keeping their food on my friend’s head?
He had got a bowl cut!
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What’s a dragon’s favorite snack?
Fire-crackers.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so stupid she combs the hair in her nose and not on her head.
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Girlfriend: “I’m sorry, babe, but I’ve cheated on you.”
Boyfriend: “I’m sorry as well, I have also cheated on you.”
Girlfriend: “April Fools’ Day!”
Boyfriend: “Mine was on 24th March.”
😄 😄 😄
A casket company has started marketing clear glass coffins.
I don’t know if they will be well received...
Remains to be seen.
😄 😄 😄
How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
They’re all girls! If they were boys, they’d be uncles.
😄 😄 😄
I just saw that Harry Potter film. I think it’s a bit unrealistic if you ask me.
I mean, a ginger kid with two friends? How?
😄 😄 😄
Your mama so fat she sat on a dollar and when she got up there were 4 quarters.
😄 😄 😄
Guess what kind of hike I went on today?
I hiked my pants.
😄 😄 😄
In 1973, my dad left to get ice cream and never came back.
Mom says he’s probably just lost because he hates stopping to ask for directions.
😄 😄 😄
Those who study the moon are real optimists, they tend to look at the bright side.
😄 😄 😄
Why will the Flat Earth Society never be popular?
Because they cant get the word a round.
😄 😄 😄
When Mario collects coins with his cap in Super Mario Odissey...
You for sure know he is very cappytalistic.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a guy who’s mad about his feet getting run over?
Lack-toes intolerant.
😄 😄 😄
An old Fiat breaks down on a remote road
The driver discovers he has no service and can’t call for help. Just as he starts walking, a shiny new BMW stops next to him.
“Hey man, having car trouble?” the driver asks.
“I’m afraid so,” the driver of the Fiat answers.
“Tell you what, my car is strong enough, I’ll tow you to the nearest garage,” says the BMW driver.
The Fiat driver is overjoyed at this and together they couple the little hatchback to the BMW using a rope.
As the BMW driver gets in, the Fiat driver asks him something, “This is an old car, so please drive carefully.”
The BMW driver nods his head, “Just honk if I’m going too fast.” With that, he gets in and they drive away.
They drive for a while, when suddenly a Porsche races by them. The BMW driver doesn’t like this blow to his ego at all and starts chasing down the Porsche.
As they race down the road, they pass a farm.
The farmer looks at the spectacle and walks inside.
“What’s the matter with you? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” his wife says.
The farmer replies, “I just saw a BMW and Porsche racing, and an old Fiat honking to get past.”
😄 😄 😄
Boy, it looks like you’ve been caught in my web... of love.
😄 😄 😄
