What do you call people with big ears?
Nothing, they might hear you.
π π π
The real estate agent led me through the impressive property.
βDo you think I could convert this bedroom into a second bathroom?β I asked.
βOf course!β he grinned. βI donβt see why not.β
βExcellent,β I replied, pulling down my trousers, βYou might want to look the other way.β
π π π
What do you call a dolphin that is out of the water?
Dolphout.
π π π
Chuck Norris invented the Giraffe when he roundhouse kicked a spotted Horse in the chin.
π π π
Iβve been listening to Harry Stylesβ new music recently and I must say...
He has gotten a lot better ever since he went in the other direction.
π π π
A Vietnamese farmer was working in the rice paddy field when he sees his son running to him.
βFather, father look,β the kid points to a newspaper and says excitedly. βThe Americans have gone to the moon.β
The farmer drops his plow and asks excitedly, βAll of them?β
βNo, just 3,β replies the kid.
βDamn it!β The father shakes his head in disappointment and goes back to the field.
π π π
Youβre so old you have hieroglyphics on your driverβs license.
π π π
A young French boy comes home with a wheel of cheese that he found.
His mother says, βMerci! Where did you find this Brillat-Savarin?β
The boy says, βNo mommy, itβs nacho cheese.β
His mother says, βAre you sure? It says Brillat-Savarin on the label.β
βI know,β says the boy, βbut when I found it, I heard a voice yell at me and say, βHey, thatβs nacho cheese!ββ
π π π
I brought you some fuel to kick-start your body engine.
Simply put, I brought you some coffee.
π π π
Why did Uranus become a rock star?
Because itβs always surrounded by gas.
π π π
Good morning!
Remember, life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.
π π π
Yo mama so ugly when she was born, the nurse said, βI think it is a child...β
π π π
How many Mcdonaldβs workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they canβt climb the ladder.
π π π
Unpaid interns are like slaves.
No pay, they just get experience in the field.
π π π
Why didnβt the barber ask the question about beards?
He was shaving it for later.
π π π
Top 3 situations that require witnesses:
1. Crimes
2. Accidents
3. Marriages
π π π
How can you tell when a violist is playing out of tune?
The bow is moving.
π π π
Why did the man named Penny keep shaving his beard?
A Penny shaved is a Penny earned.
π π π
What did officials say after budget cuts forced them to cancel the last few moon missions?
We APOLLO-gize!
π π π
What do you call Harry when heβs in a rush?
Hurry Styles.
π π π