I said to my doctor, “I wake up thinking I’m a penguin, and by the end of the day I believe I’m an arctic fox.”
He told me I was bipolar.
😄 😄 😄
In North Korea, you cannot throw fruits in the snow.
As they don’t have the right to freeze peach.
😄 😄 😄
A young Arab boy asks his father, “What is that strange hat you are wearing?”
The father said, “Why, my son, it is a “chechia”. In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”
“And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.
“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father, “It is very simple. This is a “djbellah”. As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My “djbellah” protects the entire body.”
The son then asked, “But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?”
“These are “babouches” my son,” the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These “babouches” keep us from burning our feet.”
“So tell me then,” added the boy.
“Yes, my son...”
“Why are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this shit?
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
😄 😄 😄
What is the name of a man who always knows where his wife is?
A widower.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call it when you can’t stop looking at Pinterest on your phone?
Pin-diction.
😄 😄 😄
A construction worker lost his hand in an workplace accident.
The insurance company is trying to figure out how it happened, but they can’t quite put their finger on it.
😄 😄 😄
Why do football players struggle at bowling?
Because they had a hard time kicking the ball!
😄 😄 😄
All this spending on Black Friday.
Better make sure you pay the electric bill first or next Friday will be Black Friday too.
😄 😄 😄
Spider-Man and Black Widow first met on the web.
😄 😄 😄
When does a farmer dance?
When he drops the beet.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris never won an Oscar because he is NOT acting.
😄 😄 😄
A man went on a business trip to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids.
He went to a shop and found a nice-looking VR set.
Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, “What happens if this doesn’t work?”
The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, ‘GUARANTEE NO SPOILED’.
Feeling assured, he paid for the VR set and returns to his hotel.
He tried to use the VR set after returning to the hotel, but it wouldn’t even switch on.
He quickly returned to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit.
When the shopkeeper refuses to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of the guarantee.
The shopkeeper then said, “Brother, you are in China. We read from the right to the left.”
😄 😄 😄
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining.
He just couldn’t find a role he could sink his teeth into.
😄 😄 😄
Black people are really fast...
It’s a race thing.
😄 😄 😄
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the watermelon have brown spots all over its skin?
It had melonoma.
😄 😄 😄
What did Yoda say to Anakin on his wedding day?
May divorce be with you.
😄 😄 😄
My father was stupid.
He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.
😄 😄 😄
Yo momma’s so black when she turned to the dark side the Sith became Jedis.
😄 😄 😄
