Yo mama so fat when she sat on the iPod she made the iPad!
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so stupid she made an appointment with Dr Pepper.
😄 😄 😄
“Hey, are you familiar with Landon?”
“Landon who?”
“Slip, fall then landon DEEZ NUTS!”
😄 😄 😄
The favorite colors of fishes are deep blue and aquamarine blue.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a gangster who wears eyeliner?
An emoji.
😄 😄 😄
After a month of dieting, I lost 30 days.
😄 😄 😄
My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers.
He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of bar is kid-friendly?
A chocolate bar.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Art.”
“Art, who?”
“Art you going to a birthday party?”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so hot when she got into the Arctic Ocean it turned into a hot tub.
😄 😄 😄
I recently heard that Turkeys aren’t allowed to play baseball.
No matter how many times they hit, they’ll always hit fowl balls.
😄 😄 😄
I finally achieved all my goals in life!
Then, the alarm clock went off.
Good morning, I guess.
😄 😄 😄
Before Marriage.
Boy: “Ah at last. I can hardly wait.”
Girl: “Do you want me to leave?”
Boy: “No, don't even think about it.”
Girl: “Do you love me?”
Boy: “Of Course. Always have and always will.”
Girl: “Have you ever cheated on me?”
Boy: “Never. Why are you even asking?”
Girl: “Will you kiss me?”
Boy: “Hell no. Are you crazy?”
Girl: “Can I trust you?”
Boy: “Yes.”
Girl: “Darling!”
After Marriage… (Read from bottom to top)
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris can speak Japanese in French.
😄 😄 😄
Your mama so dumb she watches “The Three Stooges” and takes notes.
😄 😄 😄
Everyone always says that hot dogs suck.
I think German sausages are the wurst!
😄 😄 😄
Those who study the moon are real optimists, they tend to look at the bright side.
😄 😄 😄
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?”
The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”
The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?”
The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?”
The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”
😄 😄 😄
What did the barber say to the man after shaving his beard?
“All good things must comb to an end.”
😄 😄 😄
Libya changed its plain green flag to a crescent moon, but I think they’ll change it back.
It’s only a phase, after all.
😄 😄 😄
