How did the 30-year-old gardener celebrate their birthday?
By receiving a thirtree as a gift!
😄 😄 😄
If my nose runs, should I catch it?
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Donut underestimate the power of baked goods.
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Flight attendant: “Do we have a doctor on board?”
Me: “I have a PhD in mathematics.”
Flight attendant: “One passenger is having a heart attack and one passenger is having an asthma attack.”
Me (nodding): “That makes two.”
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Your mama so short she has to slam dunk her bus fare.
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What’s the problem with twin witches?
You never know which witch is which.
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I was at the paint store the other day and after the guy put my paint on the counter he asks, “Do you wanna box for that?”
I replied, “No but I’ll wrestle you for it.”
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Today I made a big pot of pasta,
but when I went to dump the pot into the sink, I think I strained something.
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Yo mama so stupid she brought a spoon to the Superbowl.
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A person checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room.
Five minutes later, he calls the desk and say, “You’ve given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?”
The desk clerk says, “Sir, that’s absurd. Have you looked for the door?”
The person says, “Well, there’s one door that leads to the bathroom. There’s a second door that goes into the closet. And there’s a door I haven’t tried, but it has a “Do not disturb” sign on it.”
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God initially planned to use wasps to pollinate flowers.
But in the end, he went with plan Bee.
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I wonder if the moon prefers coffee or gravi-tea?
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Next time someone complains about Millennials, remind them which generation linoleumed over all those beautiful hard-wood floors.
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Chuck Norris assigns his teachers homework.
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Officer: “Do you know why I stopped you?”
Blonde: “Because I didn’t pull out of the donut shop too fast?”
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What type of music do Amish people like?
Tech no.
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My teacher always tells me to follow my dreams, but she won’t let me sleep in class.
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Every Spider-Man needs a Mary Jane...
Can you be my Mary Jane?
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“Guess what?”
“What?”
“Good guess.”
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What do you call a guy floating up and down in the water?
Bob.
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