During a business meeting yesterday, a very nice guy asked me about my background.
So I told him about my family, education, career, dreams and goals.
Turns out he was asking what’s behind me on our Zoom call.
😄 😄 😄
I asked a programmer what his New Year’s resolution will be.
He answered, “640 x 480.”
😄 😄 😄
I went to a blues concert dressed in all black.
I guess I wasn’t feeling very blues-sympathetic.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a lizard that hates Fortnite YouTubers?
An Ali-hater.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Peas.”
“Peas, who?”
“Peas tell me more knock knock jokes!”
😄 😄 😄
Why does Spider-Man have shaky hands?
He has Peter Parkinsons.
😄 😄 😄
The dad says, “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.”
The kid replies, “I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!”
😄 😄 😄
I am so single. I went to Grand Canyon, alone.
I yelled “I love you” just to hear it said back to me.
😄 😄 😄
My grandma was famous for her delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died I would plant strawberries over her grave so everyone could visit and enjoy them.
I fulfilled her wish.
She’s dead and berried.
😄 😄 😄
Why was the blueberry muffin so sad?
It was feeling a little crumby.
😄 😄 😄
I met a witch at the restaurant the other day, guess what she ordered?
Spook-eti.
😄 😄 😄
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I thought Voldemort was ugly, then I saw you.
😄 😄 😄
What’s an HR professional’s favorite hobby?
Filing. They just love putting everyone in their place.
😄 😄 😄
How do you keep your jewelry from being stolen?
Leave it in a bass guitar case.
😄 😄 😄
How many Sith Lords does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because they prefer it a little on the dark side.
😄 😄 😄
Manager: “Sir, our employees are so habitual of working from home and can’t work in a normal office.”
“For a better environment, we have made the office look and facility like Home and ask them to come in their pajamas.”
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
😄 😄 😄
What a strange morning.
First, I find a hat full of money in the street.
And then I get chased by an angry guy with a guitar!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a computer covered in fruit chunks?
A pineApple Mac.
😄 😄 😄
If God really made everything…
He’s Chinese, right?
😄 😄 😄
