An old country gentleman sent his son off to engineering school.
Four years later, upon his son’s return, he asked him what he had learned at college.
The son replied, “Pi r square.”
The dad exclaimed, “You didn’t learn nothin’, boy! Pie are round, bread’s square.”
😄 😄 😄
The moon landing is obviously fake.
Like come on, the moon is still up there. It never landed.
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What drink breaks the ice?
Flirt-Tea.
😄 😄 😄
Why do pigs go to New York City?
To see the Big Apple.
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The best time to propose is on April 1st.
If they say no, you can yell “April Fool!”.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the new strategy where companies collaborate with ill celebrities?
It’s called influenza marketing.
It’s really going viral.
😄 😄 😄
What’s my blood type?
Pumpkin spice!
😄 😄 😄
How did the telephone boyfriend propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
😄 😄 😄
Where do mushrooms hang out on Saturday night?
The salad bar.
😄 😄 😄
I just saw a squirrel bury a nut in my back yard.
I’m going to dig it up and replace it with a chocolate bar.
That’ll blow his mind.
😄 😄 😄
Are you made of ice cream?
Because I can’t wait to eat you up!
😄 😄 😄
What was the full name of Eddie Murphy’s character in Shrek?
Donkey Ho-tay!
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My son’s asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It’s really cheap though so I don’t mind.
I’m not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
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Why are tall people always so well rested?
Because they sleep longer in bed.
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An employee asked his boss, “Can I have a few days off seeing as it’s so close to Christmas?”
The boss said, “It’s May.”
“Sorry,” the employee replied, “May I have a few days off seeing as it’s so close to Christmas?”
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So all the animals gathered and having a party. Everybody is drinking and talking and having a good time.
Suddenly, a chameleon get to the middle of the room, “Check this out,” and start changing color of his skin for a minute straight.
Once he done he say, “Lets see any of you do the same.”
Suddenly, octopus appear from the crowd and says, “Hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer.”
😄 😄 😄
What is a feminist’s favorite type of candy?
Her-Shes.
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At one army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.
One soldier mused, “Does it bother anyone else that the army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?”
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A preschool teacher asked her students in class, “Who can count from one to ten?”
Little 3-year-old Timmy swiftly raised his hand, “I can!” and started counting, “One, two, three four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!”
The teacher is impressed, “Well done Timmy! Who taught you that?”
“My uncle Bobby!” Timmy said.
“Can you count past ten?” The teacher asked Timmy.
“That’s easy!” Timmy continued, “Jack, Queen, King…”
😄 😄 😄
My pet turtle died.
I’m not upset—just shell-shocked.
😄 😄 😄
