What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and a NASCAR driver?
Tiger Woods plays golf for a living, but enjoys smashing up his car on his days off.
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What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an elephant?
Great big holes all over Australia.
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A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. He comes out, goes to the bartender.
He says, “You’ve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Where are they?” The bartender turns to the band and yells, “Frank, I’ve got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!”
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Where do kids get ice cream cakes on their birthdays?
At sundae school.
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Why did the blue marker shy away from the red marker?
It was a little shy-nero.
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Love is a lot like peeing your pants.
Only you can feel the warm sensation from such an experience.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owl.”
“Owl, who?”
“Owl aboard.”
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What did one flea say to the other?
“Shall we walk or take the cat?”
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He’s a blue-chip investment for any company.
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I entered a Roblox building competition.
But got disqualified because my design was a copy-pastemasterpiece.
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What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
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What kind of key is edible?
A turkey on Thanksgiving.
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A thief got caught stealing pizza. Guess what the police told him?
His marinara rights.
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Why did the dyslexic couple learn karate?
They tried to get some marital counselling but ended up with martial training.
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What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
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What did you tell the shopkeeper at the grocery store?
Donut mind me, I am here for the hole food.
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A car salesman asked me, “What are you looking for in a car?”
I said, “It has to be affordable.”
He said, “I’m sorry, sir, I’ve never heard of a Ford Ibble.”
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Why did the smiley face have hair over its face?
It’s an emo-ji.
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What dog can’t bark?
A hot dog.
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My friend doesn’t like being called Squidward.
He told me, “But I hate SpongeBob!”
I said, “That’s the spirit!”
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