Best Jokes (4)



An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.

β€œDoctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night,” he says.

β€œHave you tried counting sheep?” inquires the doctor.

β€œThat’s the problem. I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”

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Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

Because it’s pointless.

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In honor of Area 51, what do you call too many aliens in one place?

Extra terrestrials.

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YouTube disabled the dislike counter.

I would say that everyone disliked that, but I honestly can’t tell.

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What is a math teacher’s favorite tree?

Geometry.

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Yo mama’s so fat that she caused Kamino to flood when her water broke.

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A little boy had a crush on his teacher, but she was dating a doctor.

So the boy brought his teacher an apple everyday.

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Every year, after Thanksgiving, I give up all my bad habits.

I can do it because I have lots of cold turkey.

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TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there.

I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem.

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What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?

Must-turd.

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Whats the difference between a diamond player and a master player in League of Legends?

About 1400 dollars.

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Teacher: β€œWhich is the best hand to use when writing something, the left hand or the right hand?”

Pupil: β€œNone of them. It’s better to use a pen or pencil.”

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Yo mama’s so hairy that when she was born she looked like Chewbacca!

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What’s faster: lightning, light, or diarrhea?

Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.

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Chuck Norris can one hit kill a creeper in Minecraft... with a stick.

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You know you’re 50 when your face has more wrinkles than an elephant’s backside.

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If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

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Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons.

Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphs.

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What’s Stephen Hawking’s least favorite song?

β€œStairway to Heaven.”

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œBanana.”

β€œBanana, who?”

Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œBanana.”

β€œBanana, who?”

Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œOrange.”

β€œOrange, who?”

β€œOrange you glad I didn’t say banana!”

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