My wife is a light eater.
As soon as it’s light she starts to eat.
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Yo mama so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing.
😄 😄 😄
Your forehead is so big it could carry all the passengers of the Titanic.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the boy stop eating donuts?
Because he got bored with the hole thing.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call racist jokes that are made about black people?
Dark humor.
😄 😄 😄
Two corns in a field were telling each other corny jokes.
They were the laughing stalk of the field.
😄 😄 😄
What do nuclear plants serve their workers for the Labor Day party?
Fission Chips.
😄 😄 😄
I finally was chosen to pick toppings for the hot dogs!
I relished the opportunity!
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If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank you” is all I need.
Not all this “How did you get in my house??!!!” business.
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I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Jesus.”
“Jesus, who?”
“Jesus Christ, open the door.”
😄 😄 😄
You are just like my car.
You drive me crazy.
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A child asks, “Mommy, does God use our bathroom?”
The mother replies, “No, darling. Why do you ask?”
The child says, “Because every morning daddy bangs on the door and shouts, “Oh God, are you still in there?!”
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My brother wanted a dinosaur as a gift for his birthday.
Then I told him, “They’re all extinct.”
Hearing that, he said, “No, I don’t want a stinky dinosaur.”
😄 😄 😄
Two monsters went to a party.
Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”
😄 😄 😄
Your mama so short she sleeps in a mini house.
😄 😄 😄
I love my motorcycle, it’s great for getting to the front of queues quicker.
It does always terrify the other people in the post office though.
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I met my wife while we were working at the same museum.
Our first date was in the geology section, the second in paleontology, and the rest was history.
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Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
😄 😄 😄
Yesterday I got stuck behind a young girl riding a horse. No matter what I did, I just couldn’t get past her. I was tooting my horn, and hanging out the window yelling at her. She still wouldn’t let me past.
There was a guy on a motorcycle behind me and he was waving too.
I was getting so wound up and frustrated. “It’s people like you that cause accidents!” I shouted.
Eventually, I just couldn’t take any more so I looked around to make sure the coast was clear... and then I jumped off the carousel.
😄 😄 😄
