I know an untidy guy who’s excellent at playing soccer.
What a messi guy.
😄 😄 😄
No woman should have kids after 40.
Really, 40 kids is more than enough!
😄 😄 😄
Your mama is so fat that she took geometry at the school because she heard there would be some pi.
😄 😄 😄
Wife asks, “Why are you watching our wedding video backwards?”
Husband: “I like the part when I take the ring off your finger, leave church and go to the bar with friends.”
😄 😄 😄
Where does a Viking clown go when they die?
To ValHaHa.
😄 😄 😄
If two avocado are “avocados”.
Then shouldn’t three avocado be “avocatres”, and four be “avoquatro”, and five be “avocinco”?
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the blue plane that crashed?
They said it was a skyblunder.
😄 😄 😄
How did the 30-year-old marathon runner celebrate their birthday?
By going the extra mile!
😄 😄 😄
I told my husband that the National Zoo’s sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies.
He said, “Now she’s guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony.”
😄 😄 😄
“Guess what?”
“What?”
“I said guess.”
😄 😄 😄
What did 0 say to 8?
Nice belt!
😄 😄 😄
How many pretty girls are there at a monastery?
Nun.
😄 😄 😄
A young artist exhibits his work for the first time and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, “Would you like my opinion on your work?”
“Yes,” says the artist.
“It’s worthless,” says the critic.
The artist replies, “I know, but tell me anyway.”
😄 😄 😄
Watching the first presidential debate was like watching two people who shouldn’t play with legos argue.
One acted like he was under 4 years old and the other acted like he was over 99.
😄 😄 😄
What is the result of an art competition?
A draw.
😄 😄 😄
Three kids one day found a magical slide.
There was a sign next to it saying “whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down”.
One kid stepped up and slid down, he wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.
The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money, he then landed in a pile of money.
The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”
😄 😄 😄
Pepito tells his mother from the shower, “Mom, the shampoo is over.”
Mother: “Well, Pepito, use mine then.”
Pepito: “Can’t.”
Mother: “Because?”
Pepito: “Because it says it’s for dry hair, and I already have it wet.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did Yoda cross the road?
Because the chickens forced him to.
😄 😄 😄
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
😄 😄 😄
Why couldn’t the Forsaken get across the road?
Because he didn’t have any guts.
😄 😄 😄
