Best Jokes (4)



Haven’t you heard? All good things come in small packages.

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What do my ex-wife and the economy have in common?

Inflation over time.

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Why do women talk less in February?

Cause there are only 28 days.

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Guess who I bumped into on my way to the eye doctor?

Everybody.

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A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up.

The boss says, β€œWhat happened to your ears?”

He says, β€œYesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang, and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron.”

The boss says, β€œWell, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?”

He says, β€œWell, geez, I had to call the doctor.”

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Why do blueberries get along with everyone?

They’re naturally blue-tiful.

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Yo moma is so fat Luke Skywalker that yo moma was the Death Star.

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What do you give a panda when it is sick?

Pandadol.

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What do you call a boat in training?

An apprenticeship.

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Why did the red panda bring a ladder?

It wanted to reach new heights-bear.

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I’m a clown... and everyone nose.

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A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, β€œIn English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.”

But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, β€œYeah, right.”

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Why did the orthopedicΒ surgeonΒ bring a radio into surgery?

Because he wanted to tune into the hip-est station.

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What is great in the US but awful in the UK?

Losing pounds.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œOrange.”

β€œOrange, who?”

β€œOrange you going to open your birthday presents?”

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Dating me is like owning a parrot that only says β€œI’m tired”.

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Make sure to always be careful when eating mushrooms.

If you eat the wrong one you could be in truffle.

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My dad always said there are two ways you know that you’re getting old.

The first is that you start to forget things. I can never remember the second one.

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When Uranus threw a party, everyone was over the moon!

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œLettuce.”

β€œLettuce, who?”

β€œLettuce in, it’s cold out here.”

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