Best Jokes (4)



Why are ghosts terrible liars?

You can see right through them!

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I asked Uranus about its love life.

And it replied, β€œIt’s complicated, I’m in a gas-tly relationship.”

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I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.

And now I’m paying for it.

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If bats could talk, what would they say about the coronavirus?

Now you know how it feels to have your world turned upside down!

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A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. He comes out, goes to the bartender.

He says, β€œYou’ve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Where are they?” The bartender turns to the band and yells, β€œFrank, I’ve got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!”

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If a spider can bite you and make you a Spider-Man, can you bite me so I can be your man?

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What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses?

Tulips.

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How does the Easter Bunny feel after Easter?

Eggs-hausted.

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What sound does a turkey’s phone make?

β€œWing, wing.”

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Here in Portugal we call bad jokes β€˜dry jokes’. Do you want to see an example?

The desert.

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One eye told the other, β€œBetween you and me, something smells.”

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You make me hap-pea.

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Why did the spaceship bring a snack to Uranus?

It wanted to have a gas-tro picnic.

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Why was the book of incantations useless?

Because the author failed to do a spell-check.

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I said to my doctor, β€œI wake up thinking I’m a penguin, and by the end of the day I believe I’m an arctic fox.”

He told me I was bipolar.

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Dev was a coder and wanted to marry a girl, but his parents opposed.

DEVELOPED.

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β€œI wanna be the sun of your life!”

β€œThen stay at 1 000 000 km of me!”

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Husband: β€œIt says here, that over 5,000 camels are used to make paintbrushes each year.”

Wife: β€œIsn’t it amazing what they can teach camels to do nowadays?”

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œKen.”

β€œKen, who?”

β€œKen you please loan me some money?”

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Teacher: β€œWhy didn’t you come to school on the first day?”

Dave: β€œMy father is still in the hospital.”

One week later.

Teacher: β€œIs your father still in the hospital, Dave?”

Dave: β€œHe is, indeed, a doctor.”

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