Why did the dyslexic couple learn karate?
They tried to get some marital counselling but ended up with martial training.
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What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
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What did you tell the shopkeeper at the grocery store?
Donut mind me, I am here for the hole food.
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A car salesman asked me, “What are you looking for in a car?”
I said, “It has to be affordable.”
He said, “I’m sorry, sir, I’ve never heard of a Ford Ibble.”
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Why did the smiley face have hair over its face?
It’s an emo-ji.
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What dog can’t bark?
A hot dog.
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My friend doesn’t like being called Squidward.
He told me, “But I hate SpongeBob!”
I said, “That’s the spirit!”
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Did you hear about the $4,000,000 Alabama State Lottery?
The winner gets $4 a year for a million years.
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A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and, if they have avocados, get six.”
A short time later, the husband returns with six cartons of milk.
“Why did you buy six cartons of milk?” the wife asks.
He replies, “They had avocados.”
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“Dude, guess what?”
“What?”
“I can’t believe they’re still together after all that crap they’ve been through?”
“Who?”
“My butt cheeks.”
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Those who study the moon are real optimists, they tend to look at the bright side.
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A guy is sitting in a bar and turns to the Asian guy next to him and asks, “Hey, do you know Tae Kwon Do, Jiu Jitsu, Kung Fu or anything like that?”
Offended, the Asian man replies, “What you think that just because I’m Asian, I know martial arts?”
The man replies, “Nah, it’s because you’re drinking my damn bourbon!”
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In North Korea, you cannot throw fruits in the snow.
As they don’t have the right to freeze peach.
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It’s hotter than a handful of hells out here!
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Guess what horses, donkeys, cows, goats, and sheep all have in common?
They’re all very stable animals.
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Fourteen mushrooms were sitting at a lunch table. One more asked to join.
One of them said, “Sorry there is not mush-room.”
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What did the planets drink when they wanted to bulk up?
Milky Whey.
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What is a cactus’s favorite Minions movie?
Des-prick-able Me.
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You are so dumb you returned a puzzle because it was broken.
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What did the dad say to his son when he became afraid of the full moon?
“Don’t worry! It’s just a phase it’s going through!”
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