Patient: “Doctor, doctor! I see double!”
Doctor: “Sit on the chair please.”
Patient: “Which one?”
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What do you call an amazing day up a mountain?
A peak experience.
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Why is the moon so grumpy?
It’s just going through one of its phases.
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What happens if a tree falls into mud?
It leafs an impression.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch.
He decides what time it is.
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What’s a toilet on a Portuguese jetty called?
A porto potty.
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It’s always good to find out you’re going to be working from home.
Unless you’re a firefighter.
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What do you call a hip bone that’s late for surgery?
Hip-late.
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I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm, next time Alpaca lunch.
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I smiled right after getting up.
I think I dislocated my face.
Good morning!
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What made the pig go to the kitchen?
Because he felt like bacon.
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A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
“If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”, he asked her.
The secretary replied, “Everything but my earrings.”
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You’re so observant, would you like me to pat you on your back?
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Why aren’t people in recovery good dancers?
They lose interest after twelve steps.
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My girlfriend usually has peanut butter toast for breakfast, but this morning we were out of bread, and she’s been grouchy all day.
I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.
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It’s hotter than a redhead’s getting a parking ticket.
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Yo sister so fat the only way she burns calories is when her food catches on fire.
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Away from their official duties, soccer players love dancing at a soccer ball.
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Is your dad an alien because you’re out of this world?
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I’m a clown... and everyone nose.
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