One alien says to another, “The dominant life forms on the planet earth appear to have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons.”
The second alien replies, “Are they an emerging intelligence?”
The first alien says, “I don’t think so, they have them aimed at themselves.”
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I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed.
Good morning!
😄 😄 😄
Why was the cat afraid of the tree?
Because of it’s bark.
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You know what they say about Anti Jokes?
She’s married to Uncle Jokes.
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It’s hotter than sports day in Africa out there.
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I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
😄 😄 😄
Why did Neil Armstrong pee right after he made his first step on the moon?
He wanted to go where no man had gone before.
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Why did the bearded man’s shaving product business flop?
Because of the razor-thin margins.
😄 😄 😄
I’m thinking of switching my major to geology.
I think I’d do well because I keep discovering a new rock bottom.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?
A woolly jumper.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of fish works in a hospital?
Nurse shark.
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Yo daddy is so dumb he got hit by a parked car.
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What do you call a sad blueberry?
A blueberry muffin.
😄 😄 😄
Politicians are like diapers.
They need to be changed often, and for the same reasons.
😄 😄 😄
The peach couple is in love.
They seem to be born for peach other.
😄 😄 😄
My friend Jim told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space.
I mean, what a thing to say to a friend. It totally ruined our bath!
😄 😄 😄
Why did the Japanese guy get mad and kick the mushroom?
He was sick of all its shii-take.
😄 😄 😄
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it’s neck and neck.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you mix a motorbike with a joke?
A Yamahaha.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
😄 😄 😄
