My dog has no sense of humor.
Every time I say “knock knock” he just starts barking.
😄 😄 😄
My teacher told me I couldn’t make a joke about Uranus in class.
But hey, it’s my orbit!
😄 😄 😄
Why did the alien throw beef on the asteroid?
He wanted it a little meteor!
😄 😄 😄
Why did Messi bring string to the game?
Because he wanted to tie the score.
😄 😄 😄
Why was the jack-o’-lantern afraid to cross the road?
He had no guts.
😄 😄 😄
Where does a beard stylist buy their grooming products?
At a Shaven Eleven.
😄 😄 😄
Spider-Man borrowed his mom’s car to take it out for a spin.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a crab that throws things?
A lobster.
😄 😄 😄
Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline.
If you’d like to lose a half pound right now, press “1” 18 000 times.
😄 😄 😄
Yo daddy so drunk his breath gave you liver failure.
😄 😄 😄
Yesterday I complimented my dad that he smells good.
He just replied, “That’s because I use both my nostrils.”
😄 😄 😄
Do or donut, there is no try.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
To get chocolate milk.
😄 😄 😄
A man worked for a road crew. One day he woke up ill with a touch of laryngitis but being a dedicated employee he went to work.
The boss felt sorry for him and didn’t want him to do any physical labor although they were repairing a part of the freeway.
He said to the worker, “Why don’t you go down the road and tell people to slow down going through the construction?”
The worker is glad for the easy day and does as instructed. He stops the first vehicle that comes along.
“Sir,” he whispers, his throat feeling worse, “Please slow down, there’s a road crew up ahead.”
“Okay,” the driver whispers back, “I’ll try not to wake them.”
😄 😄 😄
I’ve finally worked out why Spain is so good at football.
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
😄 😄 😄
The mathematician served something special for dessert. Guess what?
It was a pi.
😄 😄 😄
I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 o’clock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.
😄 😄 😄
How do you know when an octopus has diarrhea?
It leaves squid-marks.
😄 😄 😄
Why was Aunt May worried about Peter Parker?
He was spending too much time on the world wide web.
😄 😄 😄
Why was Uranus sad at the solar system party?
It felt left out of the loop.
😄 😄 😄
