Why did the blood-sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic.
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It’s so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
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Why does Mario prefer to hang out with Toad more than Luigi?
Because he’s a fun-gi.
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Yo Mamas teeth are so yellow I can’t believe it’s not butter.
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Why do vegans lose their eyesight earlier than meat-eaters?
From reading all those tiny ingredient labels.
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Why did the Roblox character get arrested?
He was caught brick-handed.
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Yo mama’s so dumb she thought that Jar Jar comes with pickles pickles.
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Why did the man who couldn’t grow a beard tape a rabbit to his face?
Then he would get the facial hare he always wanted.
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Why didn’t the octopus fight the shark?
Because he was spineless.
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I figured out the ending of Joker.
It’s the names of the people who worked on the movie.
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When should you wear flip-flop sandals?
On a Toesday.
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You’re so observant, would you like me to pat you on your back?
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Men need to stop staring and yelling at me when I wear yoga pants.
I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for me, because it’s comfortable.
Who cares if you can see my balls?
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What do you call the people born in April who aren’t particularly intelligent?
April fools.
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Yo mama so stupid she thought The Exorcist was a workout video.
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I’ve just finished writing a book on snakes.
It would have been much easier if I’d just written in on paper...
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The CEO of IKEA was just elected president in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.
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What did the egg say to the frying pan?
You crack me up.
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New Year’s Eve forecast:
Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
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I tried to organize my life like Pinterest.
But it ended up looking more like a messy DIY project.
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