Best Jokes (4)



There are no jokes about Chuck Norris.

It’s all true.

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Where should a 500-pound alien go?

On a diet.

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I think the girl at the American Airlines check-in just threatened me.

She looked me dead in the eye and said, β€œWindow or aisl?”

I laughed right in her face and replied, β€œWindow or you’ll what?”

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What did people say when the headless horseman started dating a zombie?

He’s lost his head!

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On the day my friends were hosting my birthday celebration, I had diarrhea.

I was a party pooper.

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Some say that nobody should keep too much to themselves.

The IRS office is of the same opinion.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œMary.”

β€œMary, who?”

β€œMary Christmas!”

Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œAnna.”

β€œAnna, who?”

β€œAnna Happy New Year!”

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What do a man who’s had a vasectomy and a Christmas tree have in common?

Decorative balls.

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An American and a German architect bet who can build a skyscraper in the least amount of time.

After a month, the American mails the German, β€œOnly 10 days and I’ll be finished.”

The German writes back, β€œHah, that’s nothing. Only 10 forms left and I am allowed to start.”

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My sinus infection is really getting into the Christmas Spirit.

It’s all coming out green and red.

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I might have gotten the flu in China.

Well, WHO cares?

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Yo momma is so fat when she jumped in the ocean the whales started singing β€œWe are family ...”

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Congratulations, you’ve finally reached the wonder years!

Wonder where your car is parked? Wonder where you left your phone? Wonder where your glasses are? Wonder what day it is?

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How did the beaver build the insides of a dam using logs?

He logged in.

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What did the man tell his friends who asked for his secret to preparing the turkey for Thanksgiving?

β€œEasy, I tell the bird he is going to die.”

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Things I learned in organic chemistry:

How to draw hexagons.

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I have inner beauty.

And I have the video from my colonoscopy to prove it.

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Adam meets a witch.

The witch tells him: β€œTell me I am pretty, or you will be cursed!”

Adam: β€œSorry, but I don’t find you attractive.”

Witch: β€œTake that back, or you most surely will be cursed!

Adam: β€œNope. You’re hideous.”

The witch then transformed him into an ant.

Witch: β€œLook where your rudeness brought you!”

Adam: β€œYeah, this sucks, but you still look like a moldy potato.”

Witch: β€œVery well, then. You will remain in this form until you repent and call me pretty!”

He is still adamant.

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What’s Uranus’ favorite ice cream flavor?

Gas-tronomic swirl.

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Hockey players are good at making new friends.

They break the ice really quickly.

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