If two vegetarians have a heated argument, can it still be called “beef”?
Nah, it’s just a case of two people who have bad “tempehs.”
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Chocolate is like guns.
If you pull it out in school, then everybody is suddenly your friend.
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What’s a hairdresser’s favorite Christmas song?
“Oh, comb all ye faithful...”
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What’s the square root of Minecraft?
There are three, actually: the potatoes, the carrots, and the beetroots.
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Is your name Google?
Because you have everything I’m searching for.
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Yo mama so tall she tripped in America and landed in Australia.
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Yo mama so fat when she walked out in August in her yellow sun dress and the kids said, “Mommy, it’s time for school!”
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What does space smell like?
Uranus!
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The new Australian short-sleeved, marsupial shirts are REALLY good!
In fact, you could say they have a high level of koala-t
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ivana.”
“Ivana, who?”
“Ivana piece of your birthday cake.”
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The irate customer calling the newspaper offices, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.
“Ma’am,” said the employee, “today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until Sunday.”
There was quite a pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition, “So that’s why no one was in church today...”
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I might have to reconsider my kosher hot dog business...
For some reason, Anne’s Franks hasn’t been very popular with the target audience.
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My girlfriend told me I care more about my programming job than about her.
I told her she is the #1 thing I care about.
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Did you know, you can make any dish an autumn dish by adding one simple step?
Try dropping it on the floor.
It really gives it that fall flavor.
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The economy’s so bad the other day I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
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How do you get a D&D player to go out with you?
You ask them for a d8.
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Why are there gingerbread men but not gingerbread women?
It’s a pastryarchy.
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What’s the worst thing about having a big nose?
Birds are always perching on it!
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What number do you call in a Taco emergency?
Nine Juan Juan.
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What do you call a chocolate Easter Bunny that was out in the sun too long?
A runny bunny.
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