Why don’t they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
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What did the farmer say to his workers on Labor Day?
“I don’t carrot all, take the day off and lettuce celebrate!”
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How Chuck Norris plays golf?
He stares at the ball and the ball goes into the hole to hide.
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I think I am going to need knee surgery.
Every day I am with you, I fall for you all over again.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number, you answer the wrong phone.
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What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
Nothing, you just run away!
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Why was Jupiter disqualified from the race between the planets?
He was caught taking asteroids.
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Science is amazing. Some European scientists made a breakthrough and invented an Anti-Thieves Machine. It detects and catches thieves in the streets of various cities around the world with an accuracy of 99.9%!
Naturally, various countries were interested. Germany got 2 machines, France got 3, Greece got 4, Italy got 5, and Portugal, true to its showoff image, got 10.
After one hour, in Germany, 100 thieves were caught. In France, more than 250 thieves were caught. In Greece, more than 350 thieves were caught. In Italy, more than 500 thieves were caught. In Portugal, after 30 minutes, all the machines were stolen.
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How do dogs make sandwiches?
With purebred.
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A stormtrooper and a redshirt are in a room.
The stormtrooper shoots the redshirt, but misses every shot.
The redshirt dies anyway.
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My wife has been mad at me lately because she says I need to get my priorities straight.
I told her we can talk about it after this episode of SpongeBob.
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With great power comes a great electricity bill.
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What do you get when you cross Spider-Man with a flatbread?
Pita Parker.
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Why does Spider-Man only have 11 months on his calendar?
Because he lost May.
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Intaxifcation: The wonderful feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.
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Did you hear about the flat Earther who got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove all wrong?
He’ll come around eventually.
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Why shouldn’t you worry about gaining a few extra pounds?
Fat people are harder to kidnap.
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The moon landing is obviously fake.
Like come on, the moon is still up there. It never landed.
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Somewhere, in the universe, there is a world with no war, no hate, no hunger and no poverty.
And also no oxygen.
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What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner?
The casse-role.
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