Why did the moon get a parking ticket?
They forgot to pay the parking meteor!
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The taller you are, the harder you’ll fall.
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A rabbit walks into a pharmacy and asks, “Do you sell carrots?”
The pharmacist, surprised, responds, “No, this is a pharmacy.”
The rabbit leaves only to return the next day and ask the same question.
This time, the man responds, “As I said before, no. Go to a grocery store.”
Again, the rabbit leaves and returns the following day with the same question.
Annoyed, the pharmacist says, “Look, rabbit, for the last time, we do not sell carrots. If you ask this once more, I swear I will punch you in the face.”
On the next day, the rabbit returns and asks, “Do you sell carrots?”
Furious, the pharmacist punches the rabbit so hard that its teeth get completely shattered.
The rabbit leaves... and comes back the next day,
“Do ya seh cahot juys?”
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What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
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What’s the only room in your house you can’t go into?
A mushroom.
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Which clients do short auditors like best?
Small businessmen.
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As cold as a witch’s tit in a brass bra.
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It’s so hot that Satan went back to hell to cool down.
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Who is Santa’s favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley.
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Which planet is the richest of them all?
Saturn, because it has many rings.
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What’s a Pinterest addict’s favorite exercise?
Re-pinning.
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My old school was sponsored by IKEA.
Assembly took ages.
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When you have a question, you check with Google.
When Google has a question, they check with Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris has a question, everybody better run!
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A doctor and an engineer went into a chocolate store.
As they were busy looking around, doctor stole 3 chocolate bars.
As they left the store, the doctor said to the engineer, “Man! I’m the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can’t beat that!”
The engineer replied, “You wanna see something better? Let’s go back to the shop and I’ll show you real stealing.”
So they went to the counter and the engineer said to the shop boy, “Do you wanna see magic?”
The shop boy replied, “Yes!!!”
The engineer said, “Give me one chocolate bar.”
The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it.
Then he asked for a second, and he ate that as well.
Finally, he asked for the third and finished that one too.
The shop boy asked, “But where’s the magic?”
The engineer replied, “Check in my friend’s pocket, and you’ll find them!”
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Dating me is like dating your therapist who is also your mom and is also very disappointed in you.
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What do you get when you cross a blue jay with a parrot?
A bird with no identity.
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What is the opposite of mango?
Womanstay.
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Here in Portugal we call bad jokes ‘dry jokes’. Do you want to see an example?
The desert.
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What do you call someone who doesn’t believe it is June yet?
A May-sayer.
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What’s a planet’s favorite keyboard key?
The space bar!
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