As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme.
They stopped building monuments immediately.
😄 😄 😄
I told my dad I couldn’t believe I’d failed my biology exam.
He said, “I’m your mum!”
😄 😄 😄
Two Karens are out for lunch.
The waiter approaches them and asks, “Is anything OK?”
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“I eat mop.”
“I eat mop, who?”
“That’s revolting!”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the dog pour nacho cheese over people’s feet?
He wanted Dori-toes.
😄 😄 😄
So a five-dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey, this is a singles bar.”
😄 😄 😄
What’s a mountain goat’s favorite name?
Cliff.
😄 😄 😄
Good morning!
Remember, life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.
😄 😄 😄
My girlfriend left me once I stopped taking her to seafood restaurants.
Turns out she was only with me for my mussels.
😄 😄 😄
My mother-in-law just asked for bath stuff for her birthday.
She seemed unimpressed with the toaster I bought her.
😄 😄 😄
You might be a barrel racer if:
· Your lucky shirt is held together with safety pins and duct tape.
· You take your own temperature and think 102 is normal...
· You can eat a taco on the way to a race and stay in the lines without dropping anything.
· Your husband says he has a backache and you head to the barn to get the Banamine and Bigel Oil.
· Your friend goes to borrow your hairbrush and has to pull horse hair out of it first.
😄 😄 😄
How does a dyslexic person spell “baldy”?
Badly.
😄 😄 😄
Teacher: “I hope I didn’t see you looking at Tim’s exam paper.”
Pupil: “I hope you didn’t see me either!”
😄 😄 😄
85% of people in America don’t know basic math.
Thanks God I’m from the other 25%.
😄 😄 😄
What can a whole pizza do that a half pizza cannot do?
A whole one can look round.
😄 😄 😄
Some say that nobody should keep too much to themselves.
The IRS office is of the same opinion.
😄 😄 😄
An Australian aborigine owns a boomerang that will not return to him no matter how many times he throws it.
Frustrated, he seeks assistance from the witch doctor.
When the witch doctor asks where he obtained the boomerang, the aborigine says it was from a souvenir shop on Ayer’s Rock.
The witch doctor says, “You bloody fool, didn’t you see the sign by the cash register that says ‘NO RETURNS’.”
😄 😄 😄
I asked my German friend how many planets are in our Solar System.
Surprisingly he said, “Nine.”
😄 😄 😄
What kind of sandwiches do whales eat?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
😄 😄 😄
