What’s the difference between Elon Musk and a lemur?
Elon Musk made an electric car.
Lemur Mad-a-gas-car.
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Why did two women walk into a saloon pointing bananas at people and shouting, “GIVE US YER LOOT”?
They were both blonds.
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A man in a French restaurant asks the waiter, “Do you have frog legs?”
The waiter looks offended, “No, I’ve always walked like that!”
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Why was Spider-Man such a bad driver?
Because he was always spinning out.
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You’re so observant, would you like me to pat you on your back?
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If you were to clean a vacuum, would you be a vacuum cleaner?
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When I saw your hairline I thought you worked at McDonald’s.
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Little Johnny was sitting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life.
She asks him: “Little Johnny, what do you want your wife to be like?”
He: “Like the moon.”
The teacher: “That’s such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful”.
Little Johnny: “No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning.”
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Guess what I found in the creepy old professors’ closet?
Narnia business
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The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
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I went to a party in blue shoes.
But everyone said it was a blue-sy idea.
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The Koreans were printing with movable type in 1403.
I was in 1402 and the noise kept me awake all night.
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If your wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it’s a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
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Did you hear that Spider-Man is in trouble with the law?
They caught him on the web looking for Mary-Jane.
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I went to travel to the meadow where I always used to play when I was a child.
There were familiar scents all over.
It was very nose-talgic.
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You have a message, wake up, lazybones!
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Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn.
He dares it to grow.
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What do leprechauns barbecue on St. Patrick’s Day?
Short ribs.
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Which vegetables go best with jacket potatoes?
Button mushrooms.
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What was the full name of Eddie Murphy’s character in Shrek?
Donkey Ho-tay!
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