How do you make a small fortune out of horses?
Start with a large fortune.
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My husband is as handsome as Frank Sinatra and as intelligent as Albert Einstein.
His name is Frankenstein.
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Why was ChatGPT bad at chess?
Because every time it said “check”, the system thought it was an error.
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Did you hear about the guy that washed his shorts with change in it?
He was arrested for money laundrying.
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Why are there only 239 beans in Irish stew?
Because one more, and it’d be too farty.
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Today I started an argument with my wife while riding in an elevator.
I was wrong on so many levels.
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Why was Jupiter disqualified from the race between the planets?
He was caught taking asteroids.
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When does a hot dog have a close shave?
At the barber-cue!
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Why did the red panda become an actor?
It had a panda-mic personality.
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A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time, the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up, but it won’t fit unless he cuts it into smaller pieces. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn’t realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal worker says, “You can’t send a salad like that, it needs adressing.”
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What is the Easter Bunny’s favourite color?
Egg white.
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A woman told her friend, “I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.”
She said, “So, I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But by the time I got my leotards on, the class was already over.”
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What is the name of a skinny Pakistani cow?
A moo-slim.
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What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
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How does Spider-Man communicate with all his superhero buds?
On the World Wide Web.
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“Dee was asking after you the other day.”
“Who is Dee?”
“DEEZ NUTS!”
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I’m bald and I’m going to get a head tattoo of multiple rabbits.
So from a distance it looks like hares.
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What do authors eat for breakfast?
Synonym buns.
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Today is April Fools’ Day, so question everything and trust no one.
Basically, it’s Reddit Day.
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A ranger was assigned the task of hunting buffalo. He hired an aboriginal scout to assist him. They set out on their expedition to find buffalo.
After a while, the scout dismounts, places his ear to the ground, and says, “Humm, buffalo come.”
The ranger looks around with his binoculars but sees nothing.
“I see nothing,” he says to the scout, “how do you know buffalo are coming?”
“Ear sticky,” says the scout.
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