Best Jokes (4)



I’m bald and I’m going to get a head tattoo of multiple rabbits.

So from a distance it looks like hares.

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What do authors eat for breakfast?

Synonym buns.

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Today is April Fools’ Day, so question everything and trust no one.

Basically, it’s Reddit Day.

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A ranger was assigned the task of hunting buffalo. He hired an aboriginal scout to assist him. They set out on their expedition to find buffalo.

After a while, the scout dismounts, places his ear to the ground, and says, β€œHumm, buffalo come.”

The ranger looks around with his binoculars but sees nothing.

β€œI see nothing,” he says to the scout, β€œhow do you know buffalo are coming?”

β€œEar sticky,” says the scout.

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Why did the llama cross the road?

Because it was the chicken’s day off.

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Do mummies enjoy being mummies?

Of corpse!

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If two avocado are β€œavocados”.

Then shouldn’t three avocado be β€œavocatres”, and four be β€œavoquatro”, and five be β€œavocinco”?

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What do you call alien eggs?

Eggstra-terrestrials!

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What do you call a Goldfish cracker laced with Coke?

The snack that’s also crack.

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Who is Greta Thunberg’s favorite comedian?

Amy Schumer, because she recycles all her jokes.

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When I was a kid I could go to the store with only $5 and come home with bread, milk, hot dogs and my favorite candy.

You can’t do that these days...

Too many damned security cameras.

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A man from Peru decided to visit America, although he spoke no English.

Upon reaching it, one of the first things he did was go into a department store.

He found his way to the menswear department, where a young lady offered to help him.

β€œQuiero calcetines (I want socks),” said the man.

β€œI don’t speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here,” said the salesgirl.

β€œNo, no quiero trajes, quiero calcetines (No, I don’t want suits, I want socks),” said the man.

β€œWell, these shirts are on sale this week,” declared the salesgirl.

β€œNo, no quiero camisas, quiero calcetines (No, I don’t want shirts, I want socks),” repeated the man.

β€œI still don’t know what you’re trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack,” offered the salesgirl.

β€œNo, no quiero pantalones, quiero calcetines (No, I don’t want pants, I want socks),” insisted the man.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair.

Holding them up, he proclaimed, β€œEso sΓ­ que es (Now that’s it)!”

β€œThen why didn’t you just spell it in the first place?!” yelled the salesgirl.

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It’s Black Friday, and people are lining up around the block at the local Best Buy.

The people in the line beat up a well-dressed man who comes to the front of the line. He attempts it again and is knocked down.

He then mutters, β€œIf people will be like that, I’m not opening the store.”

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Why do fungi have to pay extra on the bus?

Because they take up too mush-room.

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What is a cactus’s favorite Minions movie?

Des-prick-able Me.

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A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.

He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail.

The snail says, β€œWhat the hell was that all about?”

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Need a couch? Have you tried Sofa Kings?

Their prices are sofa king cheap!

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Never trust an electrician with no eyebrows.

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Why did ChatGPT get kicked out of school?

Because it knew too much.

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What is round, huge, and very gassy?

Uranus.

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