Best Jokes (4)



Why did they arrest the volleyball player?

They suspected foul play.

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A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.

The salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of

feminine product for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

The salesgirl says confused, β€œSir, I thought you were looking for some

feminine product for your wife?”

He answers, β€œYou see, it’s like this, yesterday I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it’s so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own... so does she.”

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Why can’t diabetics have vengeance?

Because vengeance is sweet.

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What’s Uranus’ favorite ice cream flavor?

Gas-tronomic swirl.

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Last Halloween there was a knock on the door.

I looked out of the window and then shouted upstairs to my wife, β€œHoney there’s a witch at the door. What shall I do?”

She shouted back, β€œJust give her some candy and tell her to get lost.”

My mother-in-law hasn’t spoken to me since.

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What’s a cow’s favorite TV drama?

Graze Anatomy.

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They wanted me for the lead role in Twelve Years a Slave, but id only been married for 10.

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What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?

To brie.. or not to brie...

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What’s a donut’s favorite day of the week?

Fry-day.

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Guess what monkeys eat in space?

Space bananas!

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What do you call a man with a shovel on his head?

An ambulance, he’s clearly injured.

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What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry?

Shrekspeare.

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On what day of the week, do monsters eat people?

Chewsday.

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What do you call a tired kangaroo?

Out of bounds.

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Good morning!

The boss is out sick so I’m taking it upon myself to declare today a sick day for us all. Go back to bed!

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Diet day 1:

I removed all the fattening food from my house.

It was delicious.

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What did the butter say to the bread?

β€œI’m on a roll!”

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Why do Jews wear yarmulkes?

Because the hats with little propellers cost extra!

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Broccoli looks into the trunk of his car.

He sees an extra tire and exclaims, β€œOh! I have a-spar-a-gus!”

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I know a lot of jokes in sign language and I guarantee you that no one has ever heard them.

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