After several attempts to get the customer service agent on the phone to understand his name, my Asian-American friend Appappa decided to spell it out.
βA for apple,β he began, βP for pineapple, p for pineapple, a for apple, p for pineapple, p for...β
The flustered agent interrupted, βI have a better idea,β she said, βjust tell me how many apples and how many pineapples.β
π π π
Did you hear about the scientist who recently said that the βperfect earthquakeβ was going to strike your city soon?
The evidence to support his claim was shaky at best.
π π π
Itβs so hot fire ants are really on fire.
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βDonβt sit on that!β
βSit on what?β
βSit on DEEZ NUTS!β
π π π
Why didnβt the moon go outside?
Because it was waning.
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Why did Puerto Rico become a state?
Because they couldnβt find enough parking.
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I got a job at a paperless office.
Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.
π π π
Recently, Iβve started teaching a poetry class in a maximum security prison.
Itβs a tough job, but I enjoy it.
It really has its prose and cons.
π π π
My 2 year old sisterβs stinky feet were smelling like cheese.
My dad was wondering what happened, so I told him that she had chee-toes.
π π π
I avoid bike trails after dark.
They are full of cycle paths.
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He may have been a fun-gi, but he sure did have questionable morels.
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Did you hear that I won the Thanksgiving turkey cookoff?
You butterball-ieve it.
π π π
So, itβs about 1961, and I am ever so proudly part of a land survey crew working in a local neighborhood.
A young boy comes out from his house and states, βMy mom wants to know what you are doing here!β
I state, βWell, weβre surveyors!β
And as the crew continues down the street, I hear his mom ask, βWell, what are they doing, Tommy?β
To which Tommy responds, βDonβt worry, mom, they are survivors!β
π π π
My wife has a whale tattooed on her butt.
It used to be a dolphin.
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Why donβt orphans play baseball?
They donβt know where home is.
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βGhost says.β
βGhost says, who?β
βNo, a ghost says booooo!β
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A marvelous morning to you, my friend.
You are someone who never quits, mainly because you never start.
π π π
Why could Spider-man not drive a car decently even once?
Because he always confused drifting with spinning and end of in accidents.
π π π
Why did the cowboy take hay to bed?
To feed his nightmares.
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What did the hipster tell his chef friend with a beard?
βYou ought to shavour every bite!β
π π π