How many nuns are there in a temple?
Nun.
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Mooning is very ASStrological.
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What did the fungi say when he was offered seconds at dinner?
โNo thanks. I donโt have mush-room left in my stomach.โ
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Shouldnโt you be minding your business and looking out for low flying objects?
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Santa was drawing money from an ATM.
A person, who was just behind him in the line, said, โHa, ha, haaa! Iโve seen your password. Itโs 4 asterisks.โ
Santa replies, โHa, ha, ha! You are wrong. Itโs 1258.โ
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Whatโs Uranusโ favorite subject?
Gas-tronomy.
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Slice me, baby. I am all yours tonight.
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Yo mommaโs so fat she could put Coruscant out of orbit.
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What do you call a person who overuses emojis?
ยฏ\_(ใ)_/ยฏ
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Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.
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What to give a man whoโs got everything?
A woman. Sheโll tell him how everything works.
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Two little boys were known troublemakers, stealing everything they could get their hands, even from the church.
One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, โWhere is God?โ
The boy shrugged and the priest repeated, โWhere is God?โ
The boy ran out of the cathedral crying to his home where he hid in a closet.
Eventually, his brother found him and asked, โWhatโs wrong?โ
The crying boy replied, โWeโre in trouble now! God is missing and they think we took him!โ
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My husband is as handsome as Frank Sinatra and as intelligent as Albert Einstein.
His name is Frankenstein.
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Your mama is so short she has to cuff her underwear.
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Itโs so hot that I saw a fire hydrant chasing a dog.
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โGuess what?โ
โWhat?โ
โGood guess.โ
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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
โWhy of courseโ, comes the reply.
The first man then asks, โWhere are you from?โ
โIโm from Scotlandโ, replies the second man.
The first man responds, โYou donโt say, Iโm from Scotland too! Letโs have another round to Scotland.โ
โOf Courseโ, replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks, โWhere in Scotland are you from?โ
โAberdeenโ, comes the reply.
โI canโt believe itโ, says the first man. โIโm from Aberdeen too! Letโs have another drink to Aberdeen.โ
โOf courseโ, replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, โWhat school did you go to?โ
โSaint Andrewsโ, replies the second man. โI graduated in โ62.โ
โThis is unbelievable!โ, the first man says. โI went to Saint Andrewโs and graduated in โ62, too!โ
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
โWhatโs been going on?โ, he asks the bartender.
โNothing much,โ replies the bartender. โThe MacClyde twins are drunk again.โ
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What do rednecks and aristocrats have in common?
Both groups like marrying their cousins.
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Did you hear about the bingo caller who had a tumor?
Luckily, the tumor was B-9.
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I love my motorcycle, itโs great for getting to the front of queues quicker.
It does always terrify the other people in the post office though.
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