A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
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Where do you park a camel?
At the Camelot.
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Nobody wants to be alone.
A recently divorced friend of mine is hopeful of once again finding romance. Beer belly, completely bald...
I don’t like her chances.
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Why didn’t SpongeBob hear the doorbell when he was reading his magazine?
Because he was too absorbed in his reading.
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Once, there was a man who came from Spain to America.
He couldn’t speak English, so he went to a choir and learned how to say, “Me me me me me me.”
Then he went to the store and saw a little girl say, “He stole my dolly.”
On his way home, he went to get meat from the butcher and learned how to say, “Big butcher knife, big butcher knife.”
Then he went home and watched an air freshener commercial and learned how to say, “Plug it in, plug it in.”
Later, he went to the store, and there was a murder.
The police said, “Who killed this man?”
The foreigner said, “Me me me me me me.”
The police said, “Why did you kill him?”
The man said, “He stole my dolly.”
The policeman said, “What did you kill him with?”
The man said, “Big butcher knife, big butcher knife.”
Then they took him to jail and sentenced him to death.
The policeman said, “Any last words?”
The foreigner said, “Plug it in, plug it in.”
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My horse came in so late the jockey was wearing pijamas.
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My crush told me, “Come over, no ones home.”
I went over... no one was home.
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What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S?
Automobile.
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Lawyer: “Everybody hates lawyers until they need one.”
Architect: “Everybody loves architects until they need one.”
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Do you know that moment in the morning right after you wake up when you feel fully rejuvenated and high in energy?
Yeah, me neither.
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How does a Gen Z’er tell a joke?
Idk bc fml lmao.
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How do Tusken Raiders cheat on their taxes?
They always single file, to hide their numbers.
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What do you call a guy leaning against a wall?
Art.
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People always pick their noses, but I never did.
I have always liked the one nose that I was born with.
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Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
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A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo at night.
Knowing that he could hop really high, the zoo officials decided to put up a ten-foot fence.
However, they were amazed to find the kangaroo was out again the next morning, just roaming around the zoo.
So they put up a twenty-foot fence instead.
Again the next morning, they were amazed to find the kangaroo had still go out.
So they started to put up a forty foot high fence.
As the animals in the zoo watch this, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?”
The kangaroo replied, “About a thousand feet, unless somebody starts locking the gate at night.”
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If a spider can bite you and make you a Spider-Man, can you bite me so I can be your man?
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Dear math,
Please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
Thanks!
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Why is the sun such a famous celeb?
Because he is literally a shining star, as everyone knows.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Nicholas.”
“Nicholas, who?”
“Nicholas half as much as a dime.”
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