Henning Brand discovered phosphorous by boiling urine.
That’s why they call it P.
😄 😄 😄
Do you know what they say about wheelchairs?
People can’t stand being in them.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so dumb when she got locked in a grocery store she starved to death.
😄 😄 😄
Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
😄 😄 😄
Where did Luke get his cybernetic hand?
The second hand store.
😄 😄 😄
Death must be really boring for subway drivers.
A light at the end of the tunnel is just a regular workday.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg?
Tai Wan Shu.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a sad berry?
A blue-fruit.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the aristocratic horse?
He was the last of his race!
😄 😄 😄
What did the little boy take his bicycle to bed with him?
Because he didn’t want to walk in his sleep.
😄 😄 😄
40 is when you finally get your head together...
And your body has other ideas.
😄 😄 😄
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
😄 😄 😄
“Am I mentioned in the will?” the nephew asked anxiously.
“You certainly are,” replied the lawyer. “Right here in the third paragraph, your uncle says: To my niece Sarah, I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars, to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars, and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say ‘Hi, Charles’.”
😄 😄 😄
Karen walks up to a stable in Bethlehem and screams, “I demand do speak to your manger!”
😄 😄 😄
My geometry teacher is really upset that her pet parrot died yesterday.
Polly gone.
😄 😄 😄
Why was the mermaid couple so indecisive?
Because they both refused to wear the pants in the relationship.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a mushroom that has nothing nice to say?
A shii-talkin mushroom.
😄 😄 😄
How do deer celebrate April Fool’s Day?
They pronk each other.
😄 😄 😄
Last night, I changed a light bulb, crossed a road, walked into a bar and chatted with an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman.
That’s when I realized my entire life is a joke...
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a stick with autism?
Autistic.
😄 😄 😄
