I’m gonna quit my job on a submarine.
I’m under a lot of pressure.
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Yo mama so fat NASA thought she was a planet.
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What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
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Why did the chef join Pinterest?
Because they wanted to find the perfect recipe for pin-teresting meals!
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“Hey there buddy, I have a bunch of old albums, would you like 2 CD’s...?
“Sure thanks!”
“...to see DEEZ NUTZ!”
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“Our face is kinda similar to a planet…”
“Oh yeah. Which one?”
“Uranus.”
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Your mama’s so short that she has to get a running start to get up on the toilet.
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I love all these new Forsaken quests.
They’re really jaw-dropping.
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Why was the pizza ringing?
It had some bell peppers on it.
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Always a seasonal delight, today we will look at how to make a pumpkin roll:
Step 1. Get a pumpkin.
Step 2. Take your pumpkin to the top of a hill.
Step 3. Give it a little push.
Step 4. Enjoy.
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What would’ve been a better name for the lion instead of King of the Jungle?
Emperoar.
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Good morning!
The boss is out sick so I’m taking it upon myself to declare today a sick day for us all. Go back to bed!
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During a business meeting yesterday, a very nice guy asked me about my background.
So I told him about my family, education, career, dreams and goals.
Turns out he was asking what’s behind me on our Zoom call.
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I asked a programmer what his New Year’s resolution will be.
He answered, “640 x 480.”
😄 😄 😄
I went to a blues concert dressed in all black.
I guess I wasn’t feeling very blues-sympathetic.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a lizard that hates Fortnite YouTubers?
An Ali-hater.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Peas.”
“Peas, who?”
“Peas tell me more knock knock jokes!”
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Why does Spider-Man have shaky hands?
He has Peter Parkinsons.
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The dad says, “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.”
The kid replies, “I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!”
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I am so single. I went to Grand Canyon, alone.
I yelled “I love you” just to hear it said back to me.
😄 😄 😄
