What do you call people with big ears?
Nothing, they might hear you.
😄 😄 😄
The real estate agent led me through the impressive property.
“Do you think I could convert this bedroom into a second bathroom?” I asked.
“Of course!” he grinned. “I don’t see why not.”
“Excellent,” I replied, pulling down my trousers, “You might want to look the other way.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a dolphin that is out of the water?
Dolphout.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris invented the Giraffe when he roundhouse kicked a spotted Horse in the chin.
😄 😄 😄
I’ve been listening to Harry Styles’ new music recently and I must say...
He has gotten a lot better ever since he went in the other direction.
😄 😄 😄
A Vietnamese farmer was working in the rice paddy field when he sees his son running to him.
“Father, father look,” the kid points to a newspaper and says excitedly. “The Americans have gone to the moon.”
The farmer drops his plow and asks excitedly, “All of them?”
“No, just 3,” replies the kid.
“Damn it!” The father shakes his head in disappointment and goes back to the field.
😄 😄 😄
You’re so old you have hieroglyphics on your driver’s license.
😄 😄 😄
A young French boy comes home with a wheel of cheese that he found.
His mother says, “Merci! Where did you find this Brillat-Savarin?”
The boy says, “No mommy, it’s nacho cheese.”
His mother says, “Are you sure? It says Brillat-Savarin on the label.”
“I know,” says the boy, “but when I found it, I heard a voice yell at me and say, ‘Hey, that’s nacho cheese!’”
😄 😄 😄
I brought you some fuel to kick-start your body engine.
Simply put, I brought you some coffee.
😄 😄 😄
Why did Uranus become a rock star?
Because it’s always surrounded by gas.
😄 😄 😄
Good morning!
Remember, life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so ugly when she was born, the nurse said, “I think it is a child...”
😄 😄 😄
How many Mcdonald’s workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they can’t climb the ladder.
😄 😄 😄
Unpaid interns are like slaves.
No pay, they just get experience in the field.
😄 😄 😄
Why didn’t the barber ask the question about beards?
He was shaving it for later.
😄 😄 😄
Top 3 situations that require witnesses:
1. Crimes
2. Accidents
3. Marriages
😄 😄 😄
How can you tell when a violist is playing out of tune?
The bow is moving.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the man named Penny keep shaving his beard?
A Penny shaved is a Penny earned.
😄 😄 😄
What did officials say after budget cuts forced them to cancel the last few moon missions?
We APOLLO-gize!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call Harry when he’s in a rush?
Hurry Styles.
😄 😄 😄
