Best Jokes (4)



Yo mamma so hairy that Han Solo mistaken her for Chewbackaο»Ώ.

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What do you call a sad little blue planet?

A gloom.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œUranus.”

β€œUranus, who?”

β€œUranus is a gas giant.”

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What do you call a unicorn’s dad?

Popcorn.

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Teachers deserve a lot of credit.

Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldn’t need it.

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Why is North Korea so good at geometry?

Because they have a supreme ruler!

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Did you hear about the evangelical atheist?

She went door to door with a book full of blank pages.

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His true blue loyalty was betrayed by his green envy.

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Why does Spider-Man hate driving with his evil twin?

Because he’s a bad parallel Parker.

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What did Darth Vader say to the Emperor at the Star Wars auction?

β€œWhat is thy bidding, my master?”

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The teacher asks her students, β€œWhat is the closest planet to Earth?”

The class all respond by yelling out, β€œThe sun!”

Little Johnny then puts his hand up as says, β€œUranus.”

The teacher looks confused and asks, β€œWhy do you think that, Johnny?”

Little Johnny replies to her, β€œBecause it is right behind you, Miss.”

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A guy is late for an important meeting. But he can’t find a place to park. In desperation, he begins to pray:

β€œPlease Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink vodka again!”

A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance.

β€œNever mind. Found one!”

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How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to film it so fundamentalists won’t claim that god did it.

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What would be the first thing communists do if they ruled the solar system?

Rename Uranus to Ouranus.

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What does CHEVROLET stand for?

Cheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time.

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My great uncle Chuck started the Elf on a Shelf tradition.

Well, actually he was a drunk on a bunk, but we toned it down for the kids.

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I’m trying to learn how to find a ripe avocado.

It’s not that hard.

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Why is the woman afraid of the vampire?

Because he is all bite and no bark.

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What is it called when your crush has a crush on you too?

Imagination.

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What do an insurance policy and a woman have in common?

They are both expensive, difficult to understand, and what you get is not guaranteed.

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