I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining.
He just couldn’t find a role he could sink his teeth into.
😄 😄 😄
Black people are really fast...
It’s a race thing.
😄 😄 😄
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the watermelon have brown spots all over its skin?
It had melonoma.
😄 😄 😄
What did Yoda say to Anakin on his wedding day?
May divorce be with you.
😄 😄 😄
My father was stupid.
He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.
😄 😄 😄
Yo momma’s so black when she turned to the dark side the Sith became Jedis.
😄 😄 😄
I learn a lot in meetings.
For instance, did you know that by bending a paper clip once, you can make a pretty cool ‘S’?
😄 😄 😄
Rise and conquer, adventurer!
Today’s mission: navigate through the day without putting your shirt on inside-out.
😄 😄 😄
I’m going to open a clothing alteration shop that focuses on doing all jobs within an hour.
It will be called, Tailor Swift.
😄 😄 😄
I may be short, but short people can wear heels, ugly just can’t be fixed.
😄 😄 😄
What do trees do during September?
Turn over to a new leaf.
😄 😄 😄
Which is the clumsiest candy bar?
A Butterfinger!
😄 😄 😄
I’ve decided to stop going to my doctor now I’ve found out he’s into astrology.
I went to get the results of a scan and all he had to say was “I’ve consulted your chart and I can see Cancer is rising in Uranus”.
😄 😄 😄
A teacher told her first grade class, “A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!”
A little girl gasped, “How about the married ones?”
😄 😄 😄
Your mama so short she committed suicide by jumping off the curb.
😄 😄 😄
How is the solution to the toilet paper shortage the same as the solution to a crossword puzzle?
One square at a time.
😄 😄 😄
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors.
It’s always the first to rose and shine.
😄 😄 😄
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list.
Now I can’t read anything.
😄 😄 😄
Why did all the tissue roll in the wall mart not enough for Spider-man?
Because Spider-man was more into flypaper kind of tissue roll.
😄 😄 😄
