Best Jokes (4)



Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons.

Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphs.

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Whatโ€™s Stephen Hawkingโ€™s least favorite song?

โ€œStairway to Heaven.โ€

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Knock! Knock!

โ€œWhoโ€™s there?โ€

โ€œBanana.โ€

โ€œBanana, who?โ€

Knock! Knock!

โ€œWhoโ€™s there?โ€

โ€œBanana.โ€

โ€œBanana, who?โ€

Knock! Knock!

โ€œWhoโ€™s there?โ€

โ€œOrange.โ€

โ€œOrange, who?โ€

โ€œOrange you glad I didnโ€™t say banana!โ€

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Your mama so dumb she watches โ€œThe Three Stoogesโ€ and takes notes.

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Have you heard of the golfer who opened a colonoscopy clinic?

He does 18 holes a day.

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Knock! Knock!

โ€œWhoโ€™s there?โ€

โ€œIvana.โ€

โ€œIvana, who?โ€

โ€œIvana kiss your lips.โ€

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What makes nuts healthy?

They have many nut-rients.

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Why was the book of incantations useless?

Because the author failed to do a spell-check.

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Itโ€™s the cold and flu time of year.

Or, as I like to call it, Vitamin C-son.

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How did the cowboy save so much money?

His horse gave him a couple of bucks every day.

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What do you call a nosy pepper?

Jalapeรฑo business.

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Having your own child is like living in a frat houseโ€”nobody sleeps, everythingโ€™s broken, and thereโ€™s a lot of throwing up.

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Whatโ€™s under the Pillsbury Doughboyโ€™s apron?

Donuts.

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A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit.

One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.

When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.

โ€œWho are you?โ€ he asked.

โ€œIโ€™m the Devil!โ€ she responded.

โ€œWell, come on home with me,โ€ he said, โ€œI married your sister.โ€

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What kind of vehicle does a mushroom drive?

A spores car!

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Shouldnโ€™t you be minding your business and looking out for low flying objects?

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Chuck Norris didnโ€™t survive the first night in Minecraft, the first night survived Chuck Norris.

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What type of construction are dogs good at?

Roofing.

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A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up.

The boss says, โ€œWhat happened to your ears?โ€

He says, โ€œYesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang, and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron.โ€

The boss says, โ€œWell, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?โ€

He says, โ€œWell, geez, I had to call the doctor.โ€

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Why do Jack-o-lanterns have wicked smiles?

Because they just had their brains scooped out!

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