Best Jokes (4)



A hot dog and a hamburger are having a drink at the bar.

The hot dog says, β€œI’ve got some bad news for you and I can either sugarcoat it or give it to you straight.”

The hamburger replies, β€œPlease, beef frank.”

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Why do Polish people have ski at the end of their names?

Because they can’t spell toboggan.

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Harry Potter needs 8 movies to seek and destroy Voldemort.

Chuck Norris needs 4 seconds.

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A tourist driving across rural England decided to stay the night in a small town.

The only place with rooms available was a quaint English pub β€œThe George and Dragon” which had a lovingly painted sign with a Knight beside a defeated dragon blowing in the evening breeze.

Entering the barroom, which while empty had a roaring fire against the back wall, leather-padded booths, and a mahogany bar with brass rails, polished to a shine, they went up to the bar and asked for a room.

β€œRooms cost Β£20 per night, we don’t accept euros, and you must be out by 7am tomorrow, or else you pay for both days.”

β€œAlright then, could I get something to eat, ma?”

β€œThe kitchen closed at 6, and I am not going back there until 11am tomorrow, no matter what you say. Anything else?”

β€œYes, could I please talk to George?”

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You’re so short you would need a lift to kiss your bride.

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What did the drummer call his twin sons?

Tom.

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A jockey is walking down the road leading a racehorse when he bumps into a friend.

β€œWhat are you planning to do with that nag?” the man asks.

β€œRace it,” replies the jockey, surprised.

β€œWell, by the look of it,” the man says, β€œyou’ll win!”

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What’s the largest species of ants?

Gi-ants.

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What do you call a dog, with one eye and one leg?

Lucky.

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Ohayo means β€œgood morning” in Japanese.

And that is the most interesting thing about Ohio.

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When asked the temperature I enjoy giving it in Kelvin.

I’m losing my friends by degrees.

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A colonoscopy doctor walks into the bank.

He says to the banker, β€œI’d like to deposit a check.”

The banker says, β€œSure but I’m going to need you to sign here.”

The doctor reaches into his pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer.

He then says, β€œDammit, some asshole took my pen!”

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911 operator: β€œ911.”

β€œHello, my wife was cooking dinner, and she fell,” says the husband.

β€œWhat’s the emergency?”

The husband replies, β€œHow do I know when the rice is ready?”

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Do not be racist, be like Mario.

He’s an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

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What is a myth?

A female moth.

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What is the difference between PokΓ©mon Go and Tinder?

On PokΓ©mon Go you swipe up to try and capture fake characters in a virtual world.

On Tinder, you swipe right.

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Guess what the name of my new computer processor is?

Chip.

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There’s a reason our nose is in the middle of our face.

It’s because that’s the scenter.

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Where does a beard stylist buy their grooming products?

At a Shaven Eleven.

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Why did the baker stop making donuts?

He got tired of the HOLE business.

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