Best Jokes (4)



Our local politician just opened a neighborhood pharmacy store.

He is now a piller of the community.

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I always wanted a life like a Disney princess.

I should have specified not the part where they are stuck at home, cleaning the whole day.

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My grandma was famous for her delicious strawberries.

She made me promise that when she died I would plant strawberries over her grave so everyone could visit and enjoy them.

I fulfilled her wish.

She’s dead and berried.

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How does the Easter Bunny feel after Easter?

Eggs-hausted.

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How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, but it will take 6 episodes.

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I just joined a gym for religious minorities.

Jehovah’s Fitness.

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Donut judge me for being a dessert lover!

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Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes, and you have to smear them with avocado?

I really suck at guac-a-mole.

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What happened when the sparrow flew into the electric fan?

Shredded tweet.

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If I ever go missing, I would like my photo, but on wine bottles instead of milk cartons.

This way my friends will know where to look for me.

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Why can’t you take a picture with a cat in Alabama?

You can’t take a picture with a cat anywhere. You have to use a camera!

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Your mama so short she thought the cracks in the sidewalk were part of a maze.

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A sailor walks into a thrift store after he lost a limb to a giant octopus.

He said, β€œI heard this is a second-hand shop, where they at?”

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How does Uranus stay clean?

It takes meteor showers.

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If a spider can bite you and make you a Spider-Man, can you bite me so I can be your man?

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Little Ahmed is doing his biology homework.

He comes upon a question:

What separates the head from the body?

Ahmed answers:

The axe.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œDoughnut.”

β€œDoughnut, who?”

β€œDoughnut forget to close the door!”

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What do you call a boring person from Finland?

A dolphin.

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What do the New York Yankees and pancakes have in common?

They both need a good batter!

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A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel’s elevator.

On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, β€œGiorgio, $100 an ounce.”

On the next floor, an equally beautiful woman steps on and says, β€œChanel, $150 an ounce.”

The old lady’s floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, β€œBroccoli, 49 cents a pound.”

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