Henning Brand discovered phosphorous by boiling urine.
Thatβs why they call it P.
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Do you know what they say about wheelchairs?
People canβt stand being in them.
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Yo mama so dumb when she got locked in a grocery store she starved to death.
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Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
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Where did Luke get his cybernetic hand?
The second hand store.
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Death must be really boring for subway drivers.
A light at the end of the tunnel is just a regular workday.
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What do you call a Chinese man with one leg?
Tai Wan Shu.
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What do you call a sad berry?
A blue-fruit.
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Did you hear about the aristocratic horse?
He was the last of his race!
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What did the little boy take his bicycle to bed with him?
Because he didnβt want to walk in his sleep.
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40 is when you finally get your head together...
And your body has other ideas.
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What is an Italianβs favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
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βAm I mentioned in the will?β the nephew asked anxiously.
βYou certainly are,β replied the lawyer. βRight here in the third paragraph, your uncle says: To my niece Sarah, I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars, to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars, and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say βHi, Charlesβ.β
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Karen walks up to a stable in Bethlehem and screams, βI demand do speak to your manger!β
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My geometry teacher is really upset that her pet parrot died yesterday.
Polly gone.
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Why was the mermaid couple so indecisive?
Because they both refused to wear the pants in the relationship.
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What do you call a mushroom that has nothing nice to say?
A shii-talkin mushroom.
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How do deer celebrate April Foolβs Day?
They pronk each other.
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Last night, I changed a light bulb, crossed a road, walked into a bar and chatted with an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman.
Thatβs when I realized my entire life is a joke...
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What do you call a stick with autism?
Autistic.
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