No one seems to want to help me look for my missing Greek lettuce.
They keep telling me it’s a lost cos.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Don.”
“Don, who?”
“Don be putting down the Irish now!”
😄 😄 😄
Guess what you call an alligator wearing a vest?
An investigator!
😄 😄 😄
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay.
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t mermaids play badminton?
They might get caught in the net.
😄 😄 😄
Yo momma so fat when she farts scientists on Tatooine think the star around Coruscant just went supernova.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call doctors who graduated online?
Google Docs.
😄 😄 😄
Guy 1: “Yesterday, my wife ran away with my best friend Mike.”
Guy 2: “And since when is Mike your best friend?”
Guy 1: “Yesterday.”
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?
Dude sold his soul to Santa.
😄 😄 😄
Edward Snowden was discovered trapped inside of one of his ski lodges this Saturday, November 19th.
“Edward Snowden Snowed in Snowden Snow Den”
😄 😄 😄
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
😄 😄 😄
Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of?
Because they’re easy to push around and never stand up for themselves.
😄 😄 😄
I entered a Roblox building competition.
But got disqualified because my design was a copy-pastemasterpiece.
😄 😄 😄
I auditioned for the role of Mickey Mouse, but I didn’t get the part.
The director said I was too Goofy.
😄 😄 😄
How does Uranus like its coffee?
Black, with a little bit of gas.
😄 😄 😄
Why are dyslexic people religious?
Because they think god is man’s best friend.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?
To get another rib.
😄 😄 😄
I wonder if the moon prefers coffee or gravi-tea?
😄 😄 😄
My mom had plumbers stop at the house to fix the drain. They made so much noise!
She told them to pipe down.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the bacon laugh?
Because the egg cracked a yolk!
😄 😄 😄
