which is the most feminine candy?
it’s Hershey!
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What kinds of beer makes you urinate vowels?
IPAs.
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Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends’ food looked like.
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It’s as cold as a brass toilet in an outhouse in Alaska.
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Daisy: “Why do you have two different colored socks on? One’s blue, but the other is green.”
Little Johnny: “I’m not sure. It’s weird. There was another pair exactly like this one at home.”
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What US state is round on the sides but tall in the center?
Ohio.
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What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios?
“Wow! Donut seeds!”
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If a spider can bite you and make you a Spider-Man, can you bite me so I can be your man?
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How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
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I used to confuse Star Wars with Star Trek.
It was a Wookie mistake.
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Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning?
He was a good conductor.
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I tried to organize my life like Pinterest.
But it ended up looking more like a messy DIY project.
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Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
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Yo daddy so ugly yo momma first saw him at the zoo.
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What music does the Easter Bunny listen to while hiding eggs?
Hip hop.
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You got the whole world in your nose. How lucky are you.
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Did you know, some fleas spend their lives jumping for the moon?
Lunar-tics.
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Once a boy was killing mosquitoes.
The girl asked him, “How many mosquitoes have you killed?”
He replied, “3 female and 2 male.”
She asked, “How did you know that they were male or female?”
He replied, “3 were sitting in front of the mirror and the 2 were sitting on the treadmill.”
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Chuck Norris has a polar bear rug on his floor.
It’s actually a live bear but it’s too scared to move.
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Having your own child is like living in a frat house—nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.
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