Guess what the name of my new computer processor is?
Chip.
😄 😄 😄
Blonde enters the pharmacy.
“Do you have a pregnancy test?”
“Yes, we do.”
“Are questions hard?”
😄 😄 😄
There’s a reason our nose is in the middle of our face.
It’s because that’s the scenter.
😄 😄 😄
Where does a beard stylist buy their grooming products?
At a Shaven Eleven.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the baker stop making donuts?
He got tired of the HOLE business.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the bearded man sue the barber who sneakily shaved off his beard?
He barber-ed a grudge against him.
😄 😄 😄
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
😄 😄 😄
What is a moth’s favorite type of glasses?
Lampshades.
😄 😄 😄
“Knock! Knock!”
“Who’s there?”
“Dee.”
“Dee, who?”
“DEEZ NUTS!”
😄 😄 😄
My favorite geology professor died today.
My sediments are with his family.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the name of the Democratic skeleton from Brooklyn, New York who’s running for president?
Bony Sanders.
😄 😄 😄
A boy was riding his bicycle, and he sees his mom on the porch.
He releases the handle and yells to his mom, “Look mom, no hands!”
His mom replies, “Be careful, honey.”
Then he releases his legs from the pedals and says, “Look mom, no legs!”
His mom replies more sternly, “Be careful, honey.”
The little boy then abruptly falls, to the dismay of his mom.
The boy slowly gets back up and says, “Look mom, no teeth!”
😄 😄 😄
What do aliens like to eat?
Unidentified frying objects!
😄 😄 😄
A man goes to an ice cream stall in Siberia.
The owner asks, “Which type of ice cream? The ice cream from the freezer, or the ice cream on the display cabinet?”
The man replies, “The one in the freezer, I’m pretty sure it’s warmer in there.”
😄 😄 😄
What did the fungi say when he was offered seconds at dinner?
“No thanks. I don’t have mush-room left in my stomach.”
😄 😄 😄
How does a man from Alabama hold up his pants?
With a bible belt.
😄 😄 😄
Scientists have discovered that, on occasion, an octopus will “punch” a fish for no reason other than spite.
That’s called Toxic Molluskulinity.
😄 😄 😄
It is hotter than jalapenos and spice on rye.
😄 😄 😄
My uncle always refused to obey his controlling wife.
He was defy-aunt.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the manaless Syndra run from the team fight?
She didn’t have the balls.
😄 😄 😄
