Best Jokes (4)



Knock! Knock!

โ€œWhoโ€™s there?โ€

โ€œBeak.โ€

โ€œBeak, who?โ€

โ€œBeak careful that you donโ€™t get pranked on April Foolsโ€™ Day.โ€

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Teacher: โ€œClass, choose between money and brain.โ€

Akpos: โ€œIโ€™d go for the money!โ€

Teacher: โ€œIโ€™d go for brain!โ€

Akpos: โ€œWell, everybody goes for what he doesnโ€™t have.โ€

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Guess what happened to the man who was addicted to doing the โ€œHokey Pokeyโ€?

He turned himself around.

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Why do cats hate laptops?

They donโ€™t have a mouse.

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Two drunk guys walk into a hotel.

Skippering one word after another, they finally manage to make themselves understood by the girl at the reception.

โ€œSo you want the cheapest double room we have, right? The only free one is on the 100th floor, but the elevator is broken.โ€

The two guys, in order not to spend the night sleeping on a bench, load their luggage and leave for the staircase.

Since one hundred floors, drunk and with heavy bags is a really tough challenge, they decide to tell a joke every five floors.

When they reach the fiftieth floor, one of them starts laughing.

โ€œWhat happened? Have you remembered a very good joke?โ€ asks the first.

โ€œThis joke is just so hilarious! Actually, itโ€™s so good that Iโ€™ll save it for later!โ€ answers the second guy.

When they reach the 75th floor, the same guy bursts laughing even harder.

โ€œAre you okay? Are you still thinking about that joke from earlier?โ€ asks worried the first.

โ€œYeah, but this one is soooooo good, Iโ€™ll save it for when we finish,โ€ answers the other guy.

Finally, exhausted and tired, they reach the 100th floor.

Panting, the first boy asks, โ€œSo, what is this joke that has tormented you so much?โ€

Still breathless, the other replies, โ€œHey, do you remember the girl who was at the reception? Here, we left before she gave us the keys.โ€

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Which is the clumsiest candy bar?

A Butterfinger!

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A couple had been married for 30 years and was celebrating the husbandโ€™s 60th birthday.

During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife said, โ€œWeโ€™ve been so poor all these years, and Iโ€™ve never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world.โ€

The fairy waved her wand and POOF!

She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husbandโ€™s turn.

He paused for a moment, and then said, โ€œWell, Iโ€™d like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me.โ€

The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.

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The phone rang in the principalโ€™s office.

Principal: โ€œHello?โ€

Caller: โ€œUmm, yes, hi, my son wonโ€™t be coming to school today because heโ€™s got the flu.โ€

Principal: โ€œOK, and who may I ask is speaking?โ€

Caller: โ€œUmm, my dad.โ€

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My girlfriend has an OnlyFans account and itโ€™s doing really well.

I just have to figure out how to break the news to her.

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A turtle is crossing the road when heโ€™s mugged by two snails.

When the police show up, they ask him what happened.

The shaken turtle replies, โ€œI donโ€™t know. It all happened so fast.โ€

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Why did the bearded man sue the barber who sneakily shaved off his beard?

He barber-ed a grudge against him.

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A young child told his mother, โ€œWhen I grow up Iโ€™m going to play the bass guitar.โ€

His mother responded, โ€œWell, honey, you know you canโ€™t do both.โ€

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In a house full of caffeine addicts, they found their coffee maker broken this morning.

And now thereโ€™s trouble brewing.

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Whatโ€™s Uranusโ€™ favorite subject?

Gas-tronomy.

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What do you call a bear who lives in the Arctic and has extreme mood swings?

A bi-polar bear.

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What do you call a lazy kangaroo on Labor Day?

A pouch potato.

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You know youโ€™re in Texas when you can say 110 degrees without fainting.

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My kids have recently been super obsessed with the moon and my wife is starting to get worried.

I told her not to worry, itโ€™s only a phase.

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Why does Harry Styles keep splitting up with his girlfriends?

Heโ€™s got the X Factor.

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Why do golfers love donuts?

Always a hole-in-one!

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