An ant approaches an elephant and asks, “Would you like to play?”
“Sure,” replies the elephant.
“So, what’s your favorite game?” the ant inquires.
“Squash,” says the elephant.
😄 😄 😄
Why is a panda the most dangerous animal in the animal kingdom?
Because the panda eats shoots and leaves.
😄 😄 😄
Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?
To find Pluto.
😄 😄 😄
How do people in the navy work from home?
Play Battleship.
😄 😄 😄
An atheist was rowing on Loch Ness in Scotland one day when suddenly the Loch Ness monster attacked and grabbed him from his boat.
He panicked and shouted, “God, help me!” and suddenly, the monster and everything around him just froze.
A voice from the heavens boomed “You say you don’t believe in me, but now you’re asking for my help?”
The atheist looked up and said, “Well, ten seconds ago I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness Monster either.”
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between an architect and an engineer?
If architects built all the buildings, they would fall down on their own.
If engineers built all the buildings, they’d be so ugly, we’d tear them all down.
😄 😄 😄
People treat me like a god.
They ignore my existence unless they want something from me.
😄 😄 😄
Father’s Day was near when I brought my son to the card store. Inside, I showed him the cards for dads and told him to pick one.
When I looked back, my son was picking up one card after another, opening them up, and quickly shoving them back into slots, every which way.
“Son, what are you doing?” I asked. “Haven’t you found a nice card for daddy yet?”
“No,” he replied. “I’m looking for one with money in it.”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Police.”
“Police who?”
“Police tell me I’m your type!”
😄 😄 😄
How can Minecraft players avoid sunburn?
Sunblock.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.
😄 😄 😄
Two students are building a model of the solar system.
Student 1: “Did you remember to bring Uranus like I asked you?”
Student 2: “I never leave home without it!”
😄 😄 😄
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast.
😄 😄 😄
What do Spanish phantoms say when they like something?
Me ghosta.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ken.”
“Ken, who?”
“Ken you please loan me some money?”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a dog with a fever?
Hot dog.
😄 😄 😄
What did one roll of toilet paper say to the other?
“I’m feeling wiped out!”
😄 😄 😄
What do you put in a female balloon?
Shelium.
😄 😄 😄
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said, “Wow, that’s cool!”
And he replied, “Sorry, ma’am, it can only warm.”
😄 😄 😄
What’s a pun’s best trait?
His pun-ctuality.
😄 😄 😄
