How many autistic people does it take to change a lightbulb?
“One, but what do you want me to change it into?”
😄 😄 😄
Who was the fastest runner in the race?
Adam, because he was first in the human race.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Nicholas.”
“Nicholas, who?”
“Nicholas half as much as a dime.”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Pat.”
“Pat, who?”
“Pat on your coat—we’re going to the St. Patty’s Day parade.”
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Yo mama so tall even Titans can look up her skirt.
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“The neighbors hate us.”
“Why?”
“Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?”
“Yeah, that was really fun.”
“And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband’s arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?”
“Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we’d done...”
“We were still holding our marshmallow sticks...”
😄 😄 😄
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
😄 😄 😄
My son played soccer in the mud all day.
He was a little Messi.
😄 😄 😄
Good morning, workmate!
Being around you has inspired me... to quit as well as locate a new work!
😄 😄 😄
What’s black and white and green in the middle?
Two zebras, fighting over a pickle.
😄 😄 😄
You know you’re 50 when that come hither look you used to have in your eyes just doesn’t look as enticing through your bifocals.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call the mother who gave birth to Super Mario?
Mario Maker.
😄 😄 😄
I got in trouble for calling Uranus a gasbag.
But let’s be honest, it’s full of hot air!
😄 😄 😄
July 1st is International Reggae Day.
This is the day I dread.
😄 😄 😄
What did the donuts do on their date?
They glazed into each other’s eyes.
😄 😄 😄
How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
😄 😄 😄
How does Uranus like its coffee?
Black, with a little bit of gas.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Witches.”
“Witches, who?”
“Witches the best way out of this neighborhood?”
😄 😄 😄
Guess what is my favorite tea?
I would say you Hot tea.
😄 😄 😄
What’s an owl’s favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
😄 😄 😄
