Best Jokes (4)



How many nuns are there in a temple?

Nun.

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Mooning is very ASStrological.

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What did the fungi say when he was offered seconds at dinner?

โ€œNo thanks. I donโ€™t have mush-room left in my stomach.โ€

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Shouldnโ€™t you be minding your business and looking out for low flying objects?

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Santa was drawing money from an ATM.

A person, who was just behind him in the line, said, โ€œHa, ha, haaa! Iโ€™ve seen your password. Itโ€™s 4 asterisks.โ€

Santa replies, โ€œHa, ha, ha! You are wrong. Itโ€™s 1258.โ€

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Whatโ€™s Uranusโ€™ favorite subject?

Gas-tronomy.

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Slice me, baby. I am all yours tonight.

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Yo mommaโ€™s so fat she could put Coruscant out of orbit.

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What do you call a person who overuses emojis?

ยฏ\_(ใƒ„)_/ยฏ

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Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.

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What to give a man whoโ€™s got everything?

A woman. Sheโ€™ll tell him how everything works.

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Two little boys were known troublemakers, stealing everything they could get their hands, even from the church.

One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, โ€œWhere is God?โ€

The boy shrugged and the priest repeated, โ€œWhere is God?โ€

The boy ran out of the cathedral crying to his home where he hid in a closet.

Eventually, his brother found him and asked, โ€œWhatโ€™s wrong?โ€

The crying boy replied, โ€œWeโ€™re in trouble now! God is missing and they think we took him!โ€

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My husband is as handsome as Frank Sinatra and as intelligent as Albert Einstein.

His name is Frankenstein.

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Your mama is so short she has to cuff her underwear.

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Itโ€™s so hot that I saw a fire hydrant chasing a dog.

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โ€œGuess what?โ€

โ€œWhat?โ€

โ€œGood guess.โ€

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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

โ€œWhy of courseโ€, comes the reply.

The first man then asks, โ€œWhere are you from?โ€

โ€œIโ€™m from Scotlandโ€, replies the second man.

The first man responds, โ€œYou donโ€™t say, Iโ€™m from Scotland too! Letโ€™s have another round to Scotland.โ€

โ€œOf Courseโ€, replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks, โ€œWhere in Scotland are you from?โ€

โ€œAberdeenโ€, comes the reply.

โ€œI canโ€™t believe itโ€, says the first man. โ€œIโ€™m from Aberdeen too! Letโ€™s have another drink to Aberdeen.โ€

โ€œOf courseโ€, replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, โ€œWhat school did you go to?โ€

โ€œSaint Andrewsโ€, replies the second man. โ€œI graduated in โ€™62.โ€

โ€œThis is unbelievable!โ€, the first man says. โ€œI went to Saint Andrewโ€™s and graduated in โ€™62, too!โ€

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.

โ€œWhatโ€™s been going on?โ€, he asks the bartender.

โ€œNothing much,โ€ replies the bartender. โ€œThe MacClyde twins are drunk again.โ€

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What do rednecks and aristocrats have in common?

Both groups like marrying their cousins.

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Did you hear about the bingo caller who had a tumor?

Luckily, the tumor was B-9.

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I love my motorcycle, itโ€™s great for getting to the front of queues quicker.

It does always terrify the other people in the post office though.

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