What do you call guys who love math?
Algebros.
😄 😄 😄
A Man was watching TV one day, when all of a sudden he began screaming in terror.
“Don’t go in the Church!” he cried. “It’s a trap!”
“Mom, is Dad watching a horror movie?” his son asked.
“No, dear, he’s watching our wedding video,” the mom replied.
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t retirees mind being called seniors?
The term comes with a 10 percent discount.
😄 😄 😄
Two Hippies are walking along a railroad track, stoned.
One Hippie says, “This is a really long staircase, man!”
The other Hippie says, “I don’t mind the stairs, man. It’s this low handrail thats killing me.”
😄 😄 😄
What did the blue paint say to the red paint when they met?
“You’re looking rosy!”
😄 😄 😄
An alien drops by the White House and exclaims, “Take me to your leader.”
The alien is introduced to Donald Trump, who ushers it into the oval office to chat. 30 seconds later, the alien exits the room and walks back towards his ship.
“Where are you going?! Our worlds have so much to discuss and learn from one another!” calls a Senator.
“You are right,” responds the alien.
“See you on Thursday!”
😄 😄 😄
Guess who Dracula brings with him to movie premieres?
His ghoul-friend!
😄 😄 😄
Good morning!
I hope you woke up on the right side of the bed...
Because I moved all the furniture to the left side.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the investment banker who became a horse breeder?
He was always looking for the most stable returns.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the blood-sucking insect learn Latin?
It wanted to be a Roman-tic.
😄 😄 😄
Guess what’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of nut doesn’t have a shell?
A donut.
😄 😄 😄
A lost hiker is on one side of a raging river when he sees a Buddhist monk on the other side.
There are no bridges. He has no boat.
He shouts out to the monk on the opposite bank, “How do I get to the other side?”
The Buddhist monk shouts back, “You are on the other side!”
😄 😄 😄
A businessman is driving through a small town, on his way to an important presentation, when he realizes he needs a haircut and doesn’t have much extra time.
He remembers there’s a little barbershop on the corner so he stops, and a short while later he’s back on his way.
A week or two passes, and he pulls into the little barbershop again.
“Hello again, Sir,” the barber says. “What can I do for you?”
“Oh, I’d like another haircut, but I’m awfully particular. Can I make a few requests this time?”
“Of course,” says the barber. “Anything you want. Take a seat.”
The businessman sits down.
“So what would you like?” asks the barber.
“Well, for starters, I want you to cut my right sideburn an inch shorter than my left.
For my mustache, I want the sides chopped so it looks a little like Hitler’s.
Cut the hair on the nape of my neck at a 5-degree angle instead of straight across. Make sure to give me a slight cowlick.
I want my hair parted on the left, but unevenly.
Cut exactly two little divots out on the back of my head.
When you use the clippers, I want the two sides slightly different lengths.
Blend the sides in, but don’t blend in the back.
And when you put the hair gel in, comb the front straight forward and the hair on the top of my head to the rear.”
The barber is taken aback by all these odd requests.
“I can’t do all that!” he says.
“Why not?” the businessman asks. “That’s what you did last time.”
😄 😄 😄
Let’s go to Dunkin!
We need more hole foods!
😄 😄 😄
Two kids were discussing their back to school sets.
Kid 1: “I have a pen that can write underwater.”
Kid 2: “Wow really?!”
Kid 1: “Yep. It can write other words, too.”
😄 😄 😄
What happened to the man that stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days.
😄 😄 😄
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
😄 😄 😄
Akpos: “Why are all these people running?”
Man: “This is a race, the winner will get the cup.”
Akpos: “If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?”
😄 😄 😄
I am sweating like an igloo in an oven.
😄 😄 😄
