Why do blueberries get along with everyone?
They’re naturally blue-tiful.
😄 😄 😄
The baby tomato was running late for school. Guess what his mommy said?
“Come on, ketch-up!”
😄 😄 😄
Where can you get 100% off on everything on Black Friday?
At home by not going out.
😄 😄 😄
A telephone rang.
“Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?”
“Yes, it is,” came the reply.
“Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone.”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
😄 😄 😄
On my tombstone, please write “Not appreciating my puns was a grave mistake.”
😄 😄 😄
What time is it when you see a crocodile?
Time to run.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lilly.
😄 😄 😄
What did dad say when he got a universal remote for Father’s Day?
This changes everything!
😄 😄 😄
Yo momma is so dumb she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
😄 😄 😄
Why can’t an elephant ride a bicycle?
Because he doesn’t have a thumb to ring the bell.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call when you mix brandy, shiitake mushrooms, rat poison and a dash of vanilla essence?
The ambulance.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owl.”
“Owl, who?”
“Owl always love you.”
😄 😄 😄
A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are out fishing in a boat on a big lake when the priest realizes that he has to go to the bathroom.
Not wanting to disturb the fishing of the others in the boat by having them take him to shore, he gets out of the boat, walks across the water to do his business, and then returns to the boat.
A little while later the minister has to go also and he does the same. He walks across the water, does his business, and returns across the water to the boat.
Finally, the rabbi feels the urge to go to the bathroom too, so he climbs out of the boat. But instead of walking across the water, he falls into the water and starts to wildly splash around.
The priest and the minister finally drag the rabbi back into the boat and the priest turns to the minister and says, “Maybe we should have told him where the rocks were.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the hip bone go to the coffee shop?
Because it needed a little perk-me-up after surgery.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who is there?”
“Justin.”
“Justin, who?”
“Just in time to eat all the birthday donuts.”
😄 😄 😄
When the economy is good, people drink. When the economy is bad, people drink.
The moral?
Invest in alcohol.
😄 😄 😄
What drink breaks the ice?
Flirt-Tea.
😄 😄 😄
What happened to the cannibal who showed up late to Halloween dinner?
They gave him the cold shoulder.
😄 😄 😄
I bought a toilet brush since I saw one in pretty much everyone’s bathroom.
But after giving it a try for a week I decided to go back to using toilet paper.
😄 😄 😄
