Yo daddy so drunk his breath gave you liver failure.
😄 😄 😄
A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up.
The boss says, “What happened to your ears?”
He says, “Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang, and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron.”
The boss says, “Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?”
He says, “Well, geez, I had to call the doctor.”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat every time she turns around it’s her birthday.
😄 😄 😄
What is the proper way to use a stress ball at work?
To throw it at the last person that upset you. Instant de-stress.
😄 😄 😄
I tell you, my wife is a lousy cook.
After dinner, I don’t brush my teeth, I count them!
😄 😄 😄
Who is the only Looney Tunes character with a doctorate?
Elmer PhD.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a possessed bird?
A polter-goose.
😄 😄 😄
Air used to be free at the gas station, now it costs 2.50. You want to know why?
Inflation.
😄 😄 😄
A burglar broke into our house last night.
I didn’t shoot him. I just put the red laser dot on his forehead.
Our three cats did the rest.
😄 😄 😄
The physics student asks to go to the bathroom. Professor asks, “Liquid, Solid or Gas?”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so ugly when she watches TV the channels change themselves.
😄 😄 😄
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t Mexicans use ChatGPT?
Cos they’ll never cheat on an essay.
😄 😄 😄
How many pharmacists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, every six hours for the next ten days.
😄 😄 😄
I went to my first full moon party at the weekend, I have to say, it eclipsed my expectations!
😄 😄 😄
2 hockey players were fighting on the rink.
Both were swinging at each other full strength. Until one lands a nice right-handed to the jaw and the hockey player lands face first onto the ice.
A player on the bench says, “At least he got ice on it right away.”
😄 😄 😄
I had a nightmare last night that my TikTok account was deleted.
It was scary because I thought I had a TikTok account for a second.
😄 😄 😄
Uranus’ puns are my favorite kind of humor.
They’re truly universal.
😄 😄 😄
I’m in a really boring geology class.
I dust can’t sand it.
😄 😄 😄
How do you know it’s time to retire?
It’s when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it!
😄 😄 😄
