Best Jokes (4)



Yo mama so fat Obi-Wan Kenobi said β€œThat’s no moonβ€”that’s Yo mama!”.

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I asked Alexa if she was considering running for President, but she said she was better suited for Speaker of the House.

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What’s the motto of an ice cream shop in paradise?

Heaven ice day!

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Dropped a huge bottle of ketchup on my foot.

It caused severe pain to-ma-toes.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No ideer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no ideer.

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What’s the best thing to play a bass guitar with?

A razor blade.

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Student: β€œ503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?”

Teacher: β€œ502.”

Student: β€œHow do you put an elephant in a fridge?”

Teacher: β€œNo you can’t fit an elephant in a fridge!”

Student: β€œJust open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.”

Student: β€œHow do you put a giraffe in the fridge?”

Teacher: β€œOpen the door, put the giraffe in, close the door.”

Student: β€œNo! Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.”

Student: β€œThe Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?”

Teacher: β€œThe lion?”

Student: β€œNo! The giraffe because he’s in a fridge.”

Student: β€œSally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?”

Teacher: β€œSally stepped on the alligator's mouth?”

Student: β€œThe gators are at the party.”

Student: β€œBut Sally dies anyway. Why?”

Teacher: β€œShe drowned?!”

Student: β€œNo! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.”

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Yo mama so stupid she tried to smell her own nose.

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Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?

Because there were so many knights.

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Why did the Smurfs kick Papa Smurf out of their village?

He was giving them all the blues.

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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused a Novocain injection during root canal treatment?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

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Father’s Day at school, and all the students are supposed to make cards by drawing a picture of their father at work.

Teacher asks, β€œLogan, what does your father do?”

β€œMy dad is a cop. I’m gonna draw him catching a bad guy.”

Then the teacher asks, β€œBriei, what does your father do?”

Briei says, β€œMy dad is a writer. I’m going to draw him with his new book.”

Teacher gets to Jake, β€œAnd what does your father do, Jake?”

Jake says, β€œMy dad is dead.”

β€œOh my,” teacher says. β€œWhat did your father do before he died?”

Jake: β€œHe turned blue and pooped on the floor.”

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What do cops call it when they’re called out to the local donut bakery?

Bread Alert!

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How many viola players does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They can’t reach that high.

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My favorite character in the wizard of oz is the scarecrow.

I mean, come on, it’s a no-brainer!

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What do you get when you shave off a neckbeard’s neckbeard?

M’stache.

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From now on, I will avoid food that gives me diarrhea.

It’s a solid plan.

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Man: β€œDude, my wife just crashed my Mustang!”

Friend: β€œOMG, is she okay?”

Man: β€œWell, she may need some buffering and a new coat of paint, but she should be alright.”

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What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?

Neck-romance-y.

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I went to Dunkin’ Donuts and ordered 4 blueberry donuts and the cashier asked if I wanna box...

I’ve been banned for life from that shop.

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