Why is teamwork important?
It helps to put the blame on someone else!
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I met a nun that wiped her nose on her clothes.
She had a nasty habit.
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Chuck Norris once saw Spider-Man on a wall and then folded his newspaper.
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You can’t fit inside a tuna can.
But a tuna can.
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What part of a flamingo has the most feathers?
The outside.
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How many viola players does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They can’t reach that high.
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Guess who I saw at school today?
Everyone I looked at.
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My friend thought he was better Super Mario player than me.
But he was wrong on so many levels.
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No woman should have kids after 40.
Really, 40 kids is more than enough!
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What’s the scariest thing to do on Friday the 13th?
Check your bank account.
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Scientists say they may be able to synthesize a completely clean biofuel using the enzymes in finely shredded fungi, such as mushrooms...
Some critics have questioned the ethics of the process, but admit they are comforted by the researchers’ strong morel fiber.
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What do you call doctors who graduated online?
Google Docs.
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What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?
Toot-in-common.
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The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
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When the rapper needed surgery, he got a hip-hop replacement.
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Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
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Why didn’t the roast chicken cross the road?
It didn’t have the guts anymore.
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My kids are the sunshine of my life.
Over-exposition invariably leads to burnout.
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Why are hamburgers so happy at barbeques?
They get to meet all their old flames.
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What’s the difference between a beautiful night and a horror night?
Beautiful night is when you hug your teddy bear and sleep.
Horror night is...
When your teddy bear hugs you BACK.
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