Best Jokes (4)



Where do late sailors come from?

Missed-his-shippi.

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Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

He wanted to get to the bottom.

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What would you hear at a very long opera about aliens?

Aria 51.

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What do you call six witches in a Jacuzzi?

A self-cleaning coven.

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It turns out my high school chemistry teacher was right.

Alcohol is a solution.

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Some aliens in a flying saucer offered to fly me to the moon.

But they wouldn’t let us land because the moon was full.

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Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?

No, they eat the fingers separately.

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What is a pressing thought of every pig?

β€œWhy do all bacon get cooked and cookies get baked?”

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Your mama’s so short that she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

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Chuck Norris can blow up things, without a bomb.

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How do you tell a good monster from a bad one?

If it’s a good one you will be able to talk about it later!

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My mother-in-law just asked for bath stuff for her birthday.

She seemed unimpressed with the toaster I bought her.

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Husband whispers to wife as they’re going to sleep, β€œGood night, mother of six.”

β€œGood night, father of one,” she replies.

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Wanna know why skeletons are so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

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People have become very naughty on WhatsApp.

Even married women have put their status as AVAILABLE.

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What do you call a skeleton who lays around all day?

Lazy bones.

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Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.

Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

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Guess what monkeys eat in space?

Space bananas!

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What’s a good winter tip?

Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.

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A man went to the pet shop to buy a budgie.

β€œI would like a blue budgie please” he said to the assistant.

β€œI haven’t got a blue one,” the assistant replied. β€œI’ll sell you a green one and a tin of paint. You can paint it yourself.”

β€œOK,” said the man, β€œthat’ll do.”

The next day, the man comes back. The budgie is dead.

β€œLook at this,” said the man. β€œIt died while I was painting it.”

β€œThat’s odd,” said the assistant, β€œI’m sure that paint was safe.”

The man replies, β€œI never got round to painting it. It died when I was burning the old paint off…”

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