Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service.
😄 😄 😄
Why are haircuts so cheap in Morocco?
Because they’ve got so many Berbers!
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
After a very long pause.
“Java.”
😄 😄 😄
Jesus made his usual rounds in heaven when he noticed a wizened, old man with long white hair and a white beard sitting in a corner looking very disconsolate.
The next week he was disturbed to come across him again, looking equally miserable, and a week later he stopped to talk to him.
“See here, old fellow,” said Jesus kindly, “this is heaven. The sun is shining, you’ve got all you could want to eat, all the instruments you might want to play—you’re supposed to be blissfully happy! What’s wrong?”
“Well,” said the old man, “you see, I was a carpenter on earth, and lost my only, dearly beloved son at an early age. And here, in heaven, I was hoping more than anything to find him.”
Tears sprang from Jesus’ eyes.
“FATHER!” he cried.
The old man jumped to his feet, bursting into tears, and sobbed, “PINOCCHIO!”
😄 😄 😄
What’s the best thing about having a big nose?
You’re the first to know when dinner’s ready!
😄 😄 😄
Arthas and Ulther walk into a room.
Arthas notices a switch on the wall and asks Uther what it’s for.
Uther looks at him and replies, “FOR THE LIGHT!”
😄 😄 😄
Petrol prices are now so high that one company is selling a fuel that is derived from insect urine.
I believe it’s called BP.
😄 😄 😄
A photographer from a well know national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. The magazine wanted to show the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled the blaze.
When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level.
He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate.
He jumped in with his bag and shouted, “Let’s go!”
The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air.
The photographer said, “Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures.”
“Why?” asked the pilot.
“Because I am a photographer,” he responded, “and photographers take photographs.”
The pilot was silent for a moment.
Finally he stammered, “You mean you’re not the flight instructor?”
😄 😄 😄
In honor of Area 51, what do you call too many aliens in one place?
Extra terrestrials.
😄 😄 😄
Psychiatrist: “What seems to be the problem?”
Patient: “I think I'm a chicken.”
Psychiatrist: “How long has this been going on?”
Patient: “Ever since I came out of my shell.”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ireland.”
“Ireland, who?”
“Ire land you in time-out, so be nice.”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so old not even the time stone could make her young.
😄 😄 😄
I was going to buy an exotic spider from the pet shop.
Then I realised I could just get one on the web.
😄 😄 😄
I’m a bipolar Star Trek fan.
I just went to the hospital to have my dilithium level checked.
😄 😄 😄
I saw an interview with Sean Connery about how he used to scuba dive for seafood.
He said, “Every time I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically searching for a place to hide, so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself...
that’s shellfish.”
😄 😄 😄
I am sweating like a cactus in a greenhouse.
😄 😄 😄
You know you’re 50 when you and your teeth have decided that a separation is the best thing for your relationship.
😄 😄 😄
Which part of a computer is Spider-Man’s favorite?
The web cam.
😄 😄 😄
An Irishman walks into NASA and asks:
“Can Ireland my spaceship on the moon?”
😄 😄 😄
I dreamed last night that I was making pancakes whilst driving along a twisty road.
I tossed and turned all night.
😄 😄 😄
