Why did the hip bone go to the coffee shop?
Because it needed a little perk-me-up after surgery.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who is there?”
“Justin.”
“Justin, who?”
“Just in time to eat all the birthday donuts.”
😄 😄 😄
When the economy is good, people drink. When the economy is bad, people drink.
The moral?
Invest in alcohol.
😄 😄 😄
What drink breaks the ice?
Flirt-Tea.
😄 😄 😄
What happened to the cannibal who showed up late to Halloween dinner?
They gave him the cold shoulder.
😄 😄 😄
I bought a toilet brush since I saw one in pretty much everyone’s bathroom.
But after giving it a try for a week I decided to go back to using toilet paper.
😄 😄 😄
If I had a dollar for every time someone called me a boring nerd...
I’d have a mean daily income of $5.64 with a standard deviation of $1.25
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a pencil with two erasers?
Pointless.
😄 😄 😄
Professionals who think they can work uninterruptedly 9 hours a day end up watching Netflix and drinking a full bottle of coke.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so ugly Freddy and his friends hide from her.
😄 😄 😄
Why did yogurt hate bacon?
Because he was uncultured.
😄 😄 😄
You can’t run through a campsite.
You can only run because it’s past tents.
😄 😄 😄
A mother noticed her little daughter praying.
“Please, God,” the little girl kept saying, “Bless my father and my mother and make Melaka the capital city of Malaysia.”
“Why did you make such as strange request?” the mother asked.
“Because that’s what I wrote in my Geography test this morning!”
😄 😄 😄
Rise, shine, and try not to spill your coffee. Life’s too short for bad coffee.
Cheers to a spill-tacular day!
😄 😄 😄
What does an owl need after taking a bath?
A t-owl.
😄 😄 😄
How do you make a pool table laugh?
Tickle its balls.
😄 😄 😄
How do you spot a narcissist in a grocery store?
He’ll be doing the self-checkout.
😄 😄 😄
What does CPA stand for?
Can’t Pass Again.
😄 😄 😄
How you can tell that Santa is real?
You can always sense his presents!
😄 😄 😄
Where do fish sleep in the summer?
On the seabed.
😄 😄 😄
