What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S?
Automobile.
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I saw a blue crab today.
It was quite a claw-some sight.
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Yo mama so ugly when she was born, the nurse said, “I think it is a child...”
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The irate customer calling the newspaper offices, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.
“Ma’am,” said the employee, “today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until Sunday.”
There was quite a pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition, “So that’s why no one was in church today...”
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What do sweet potatoes wear to bed?
Yammies.
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I always seem to say the wrong thing. For example yesterday I complimented my best friend’s mustache.
Now she’s not talking to me.
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A priest buys a lawn mower at a yard sale. Back home, he pulls on the starter rope a few times with no results.
He storms back to the yard sale and tells the previous owner, “I can’t get the mower to start!”
“That’s because you have to curse to get it started,” says the man.
“I’m a man of the cloth. I don’t even remember how to curse.”
“You keep pulling on that rope, and it’ll come back to you.”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Wire.”
“Wire, who?”
“Wire you still not in my phone’s contacts list?”
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What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
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Why did the computer go to a cyber café?
Because it needed a byte to eat.
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What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
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There’s a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery.
The head of the group walks in and says, “I’m seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I’m pretty disappointed.”
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Why do single people look forward to Ramadan?
It’s the only month they might ever have a date.
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Yo momma’s so fat the Millenium Falcon can hide in her belly button.
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I’m a clown... and everyone nose.
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I was under the blues.
So I had to blue my nose occasionally.
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Yo mama so fat every time she turns around it’s her birthday.
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Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a snowman!”
Doctor: “Keep cool.”
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What is a volleyball player’s favorite drink?
Sets on the Beach.
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What’s the similarity between a fresh pair of shorts and a Bugatti bought by a shady businessman?
Both were laundered.
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