Student: “Teacher, is it true that if you get married on Friday the 13th, you will be unhappy?“
Teacher: “Of course. Why should that day be an exception?”
😄 😄 😄
It’s said that Jesus could walk on water...
That’s nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
😄 😄 😄
My friend had mushrooms during the party.
Now he’s a fun-gi.
😄 😄 😄
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn on the light.
He turns off the dark.
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A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
Stock boy: “No, ma’am. They’re dead.”
😄 😄 😄
I’ve been programming too much.
I can barely cout of my eyes.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the motto of an ice cream shop in paradise?
Heaven ice day!
😄 😄 😄
I looked at the bottom of a tuna tin and it said “Best Before Date”.
I thought, “No, it isn’t.”
😄 😄 😄
What’s a Gen Z’er’s favorite punctuation mark?
The LOL emoji.
😄 😄 😄
I’ve decided that from January 1st, I’m only going to watch things that are 1080p and above.
It’s my New Year’s resolution.
😄 😄 😄
My son and I both have knee problems.
It is a joint issue.
😄 😄 😄
What do love and fatty foods have in common?
They both go straight for your heart!
😄 😄 😄
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”
And the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a snail holding a baseball bat?
A slugger.
😄 😄 😄
How does a cyclist train for a race?
He recycles.
😄 😄 😄
Congratulations! You’ve reached the perfect age where you can still party like you’re 21, but recover like you’re 80.
😄 😄 😄
This guy was sitting in his attorney’s office.
His lawyer says, “Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?”
“Give me the bad news first,” he says.
“Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars,” his lawyer informs him.
“That’s the bad news?” asks the man incredulously. “I can’t wait to hear the terrible news.”
“The terrible news is that it’s of you and your secretary.”
😄 😄 😄
Firstly I’d like to say I’m very nervous about making this speech.
In fact this must be the third time today that I’ve stood up from a warm seat with pieces of paper in my hand.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Pat.”
“Pat, who?”
“Pat on your coat—we’re going to the St. Patty’s Day parade.”
😄 😄 😄
