Why did the Smurfs kick Papa Smurf out of their village?
He was giving them all the blues.
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It’s hotter than a witch’s boiling pot during Halloween.
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My Ph.D. thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii.
To understand it all, I had to visit the ancient mooins.
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I try to avoid making nun jokes, but it’s a farce of habit.
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One time Chuck Norris was pulled over, he let the cop off with a warning.
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My Tinder match said she’d talk to me again when she got home.
Guess she’s homeless.
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What did Bruce Banner say to Spider-Man?
Don’t bug me!
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I told my husband that the National Zoo’s sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies.
He said, “Now she’s guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony.”
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I bought some blue shoes to wear to the office.
But they made me feel downright feet-talistic.
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What do you call someone who doesn’t believe it is June yet?
A May-sayer.
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Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!
Can I come over yet?
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Where does a kangaroo go that can’t hop?
Hopspital.
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Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.
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Why do cats like August month?
Because it marks the end of the dog days of summer.
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The road to success is always under construction.
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Spider-Man and Black Widow first met on the web.
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I visited a real graveyard yesterday...
I logged back into Myspace.
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Guess what I found in the creepy old professors’ closet?
Narnia business
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What do we learn from cows, buffaloes, and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
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A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.
After looking the man over he says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?”
The man gets really annoyed and says, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”
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