Yo daddy so drunk his breath gave you liver failure.
π π π
A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up.
The boss says, βWhat happened to your ears?β
He says, βYesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang, and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron.β
The boss says, βWell, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?β
He says, βWell, geez, I had to call the doctor.β
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Yo mama so fat every time she turns around itβs her birthday.
π π π
What is the proper way to use a stress ball at work?
To throw it at the last person that upset you. Instant de-stress.
π π π
I tell you, my wife is a lousy cook.
After dinner, I donβt brush my teeth, I count them!
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Who is the only Looney Tunes character with a doctorate?
Elmer PhD.
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What do you call a possessed bird?
A polter-goose.
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Air used to be free at the gas station, now it costs 2.50. You want to know why?
Inflation.
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A burglar broke into our house last night.
I didnβt shoot him. I just put the red laser dot on his forehead.
Our three cats did the rest.
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The physics student asks to go to the bathroom. Professor asks, βLiquid, Solid or Gas?β
π π π
Yo mama so ugly when she watches TV the channels change themselves.
π π π
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
βYou donβt pepper-own me.β
π π π
Why donβt Mexicans use ChatGPT?
Cos theyβll never cheat on an essay.
π π π
How many pharmacists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, every six hours for the next ten days.
π π π
I went to my first full moon party at the weekend, I have to say, it eclipsed my expectations!
π π π
2 hockey players were fighting on the rink.
Both were swinging at each other full strength. Until one lands a nice right-handed to the jaw and the hockey player lands face first onto the ice.
A player on the bench says, βAt least he got ice on it right away.β
π π π
I had a nightmare last night that my TikTok account was deleted.
It was scary because I thought I had a TikTok account for a second.
π π π
Uranusβ puns are my favorite kind of humor.
Theyβre truly universal.
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Iβm in a really boring geology class.
I dust canβt sand it.
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How do you know itβs time to retire?
Itβs when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it!
π π π