Customer: “Waiter! Waiter! What is the moldy stuff?”
Waiter: “That’s a bean taco.”
Customer: “I’m sure it’s been a taco, but what is it now?!?”
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Who was Alexander Graham Kowalski?
The first telephone Pole.
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Before you say “Tesla” backwards, make sure everyone’s ready.
All set?
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Which is older, the moon or the sun?
The moon, because it can stay out all night.
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In case you were wondering, chocolate identifies as female.
Preferred pronouns are Her/she.
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Next time someone complains about Millennials, remind them which generation linoleumed over all those beautiful hard-wood floors.
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Why are hamburgers so happy at barbeques?
They get to meet all their old flames.
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What do you get when you put an Undead in a bath?
Soup.
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What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Bacon.”
“Bacon, who?”
“Bacon a cake for your birthday.”
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A bard walks up to a bored leprechaun. How many tunes should the bard play?
Fortunes.
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Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
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What did Ernie say when Bert asked if he wanted ice cream?
“Sure, Bert.”
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What does a volleyball player do at prom?
Spike the punch.
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A stormtrooper and a redshirt are in a room.
The stormtrooper shoots the redshirt, but misses every shot.
The redshirt dies anyway.
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How does an astronaut tell the time?
They just check their rocket watch.
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I saw a 50% off sign on a sushi restaurant today.
Sounds fishy to me.
😄 😄 😄
My girlfriend told me I care more about my programming job than about her.
I told her she is the #1 thing I care about.
😄 😄 😄
911 operator: “911, what’s your emergency?”
Me: “Hi, I need to report a kidnapping. My son is taking a nap in my room right now.”
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Are you Wi-Fi? Cause I’m totally feeling a connection.
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