What kind of food says mean things about you behind your back?
Shiitake mushrooms.
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Why did Minnie hang up the phone on Mickey?
She was feeling Goofy at the time.
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The hardest part about working from home is the distractions, my girlfriend never stops talking to me while I’m on my PlayStation.
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Mrs. Lewis, a Sunday school teacher, asked her little children one Easter Sunday, as they were on the way to the church service, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”
Rebecca, a bright little girl piped up, “Because people are sleeping!”
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Yo head is so big if it were a bowling ball, score a strike every time.
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My friend told me that onions were the only things that could make him cry.
So I threw a bowling ball at him to prove him wrong.
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How does a robot eat its guacamole?
With micro-chips.
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What is more exciting than baseball?
Acidball.
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Minnie came out of her room after changing for a dinner party. Goofy was there.
Minnie asked, “Goofy, how do I look?”
Goofy replied, “Like everyone else, with your eyes!”
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What’s the square root of Minecraft?
There are three, actually: the potatoes, the carrots, and the beetroots.
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Wife: “I dreamed you gave me $500 for summer clothes last night. You would not spoil that dream, would you, Dear?”
Husband: “Of course not, Darling. You may keep the $500.”
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Guess what? I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised.
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How do you make a small fortune out of horses?
Start with a large fortune.
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My husband is as handsome as Frank Sinatra and as intelligent as Albert Einstein.
His name is Frankenstein.
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Why was ChatGPT bad at chess?
Because every time it said “check”, the system thought it was an error.
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Did you hear about the guy that washed his shorts with change in it?
He was arrested for money laundrying.
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Why are there only 239 beans in Irish stew?
Because one more, and it’d be too farty.
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Today I started an argument with my wife while riding in an elevator.
I was wrong on so many levels.
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Why was Jupiter disqualified from the race between the planets?
He was caught taking asteroids.
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When does a hot dog have a close shave?
At the barber-cue!
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