Akpos told his servant, “Go and water the plants.”
Servant: “It’s already raining.”
Akpos: “So what, take an umbrella and go!”
😄 😄 😄
What do truckers celebrate in December?
The haul-idays.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the nun become an archaeologist?
She had a knack for digging up old habits.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the clown car that crashed in the middle of nowhere?
There were 30 casualties.
😄 😄 😄
On your 40th birthday, you might feel old.
You might be right!
😄 😄 😄
I guess your parents are bakers.
Because they made such a cutie pie!
😄 😄 😄
What is an Indian’s favorite place to be?
Indiana.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call when you mix brandy, shiitake mushrooms, rat poison and a dash of vanilla essence?
The ambulance.
😄 😄 😄
What are the official sea creatures of National Pi Day?
Octopi.
😄 😄 😄
Guess what I found in the creepy old professors’ closet?
Narnia business
😄 😄 😄
My girlfriend said I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to Batman.
What a Joker.
😄 😄 😄
An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic.
He puts a sign outside the clinic “A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500, we’ll pay you $1,000 if we fail”.
A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.
Doctor: “I have lost my sense of taste.”
Engineer: “Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Doctor: “This is Gasoline!”
Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”
The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.
Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
Engineer: “Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Doctor: “But that is Gasoline!”
Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”
The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several days, more determined than ever to make his money back.
Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.”
Engineer: “Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 11 and put 3 drops in the patient’s eyes.”
The nurse walks in carrying box 22.
Doctor: “Wait, that’s the box with the gasoline in it!”
Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your vision back! That will be $500.”
😄 😄 😄
I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up...
I now suffer from anxiety and depression.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the husband refuse to watch Dr. Strange for a movie night with his wife?
He had Stranger Things to watch.
😄 😄 😄
I signed up for yoga, and our new instructor is awesome.
She really bends over backwards for us.
😄 😄 😄
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
😄 😄 😄
In Jamaica, how do you know if a mango is ripe?
Pokémon GO!
😄 😄 😄
How do you tell poisonous mushrooms apart from edible ones?
You give them to someone else to eat first.
😄 😄 😄
What does a fish say when it hits a brick wall?
Dam.
😄 😄 😄
