Why did the dolphin go to the dentist?
He had an appointment.
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It’s always coming but never comes, can you guess what it is?
Tomorrow.
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What happens when developers ask a silly question?
They get a silly ANSI.
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A senator is visiting a primary school.
In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a tragedy.
One little boy stands up and offers, “If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,” the senator says, “that would be an ACCIDENT.”
A girl raises her hand, “If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside… that would be a tragedy.”
“I’m afraid not,” explains the senator. “That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.”
The room is silent—none of the other children dare volunteer.
“What?” asks the Senator, “Isn’t there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
Finally, Little Johnny in the back raises his hand.
In a timid voice, he says, “If an airplane carrying a senator was blown up by a bomb, that would be a tragedy.”
“Marvelous!” the senator beams. “And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?”
“Well,” says Johnny, “because it wouldn’t be an accident, and it certainly wouldn’t be any great loss.”
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Last night I made fish tacos.
They looked at them and just swam away.
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My wife was talking about funeral plans.
My Wife: “I said we’ll give you a military send off like the sailors on a ship.”
Me: “I was in the Air Force.”
My Wife: “OK, we’ll toss you out of an airplane.”
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What are the official sea creatures of National Pi Day?
Octopi.
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Why did the donut visit the dentist?
He needed a chocolate filling.
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Did you hear about the flat Earth conspiracy?
It’s spreading around the globe.
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What’s a Pinterest user’s favorite type of weather?
Rainy, so they have an excuse to stay in and pin all day.
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Why did the ice cream truck break down?
Because of the rocky road.
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Why is it okay to tell Helen Keller jokes?
Because she can’t hear them anyway!
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What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
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What does the pun writer use to write his puns?
A pun-cil.
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Where do electricians get their supplies?
The Ohm Depot.
😄 😄 😄
My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer.
Wait. Never mind. That wasn’t my waiter.
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I was walking down the road along with my dog, looking cool in my black sunglasses when a YouTuber pulled me aside.
He said, “If you can walk round the park and back to me, I’ll give you 10 bucks. The catch is that you will have to do it blindfolded.”
I accepted his challenge and completed it in under 5 minutes. He was surprised and asked me how I did it so quickly.
I replied, “It was just a walk in the park for me. As a blind person, I can’t even see the problem with your challenge.”
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What are a prisoner’s favorite building materials?
Steal and cement.
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A man makes a phone call to an export office in a port in France and asks whether they can ship a 20’ container with live geese properly stored in their appropriate places.
“Oui, monsieur. What is the destination port for this load?”
“I’m sending them to the zoo in Brazil.”
“Wouldn’t you be better off calling the export office in Portugal?”
“Why is that, sir?”
“If you’re sending them to Brazil to avoid bureaucracy, then you should contact the Portuguese, of course!”
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Why Mark Zuckerberg’s mom is the best mom in the world?
Because she is the only mom in the world, who says, “Son, please focus properly on Facebook and WhatsApp.”
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