Yo mama’s so fat, not even a ninja could carry her in a Fortnite battle.
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I asked my girlfriend if she does any other exercises...
Other than jumping to conclusions.
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Teacher: “Take a seat”.
Student: “Where do you want me to take it to?”
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I got a wooden bike with wooden handles and wheels. Guess what?
It woo-den start.
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I’m not buying this sweater.
It’s made of ex-boyfriend material.
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Yo momma so black, she makes Lando Calrissian look like Casper.
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I may be short, but short people can wear heels, ugly just can’t be fixed.
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A newcomer observes the inmates telling political jokes.
All the jokes are by now so deeply familiar that they simply refer to them by number.
“Forty-three,” says one. General hilarity.
“Two hundred and three”, says a second. Appreciative chuckles.
“Three hundred and twenty-nine,” says a third.
The newcomer decides to try his hand.
“Ninety-one”, he ventures. Total silence.
He tries again, “Three hundred and one.” Not a titter.
“Forty-two.” A deadly hush.
Puzzled, he asks his neighbor what he did wrong.
“Nothing,” he says. “It’s just the way you tell them.”
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You can’t lose weight by talking about it.
You need to keep your mouth shut.
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What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
Nacho Cheese.
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Guess what move pigs learn in martial arts class?
The pork chop.
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Do not be racist, be like Mario.
He’s an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
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Did you know they found water on the moon?
But only when it’s waning
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A donut walks into a church, approaches the priest and explains, “Excuse me, Father, I don’t mean to trouble you, but I’m very interested in joining the clergy. I was hoping that you could give me some pointers.”
The priest, after taking a moment to accept the fact that he’s speaking with a pastry, offers a warm smile in response.
“That is truly a noble calling,” he says. “Most frequently, individuals who wish to become priests begin by growing active in their parish, then entering a seminary. While in attendance there, would-be clergy members work to excel in every regard, reaffirming their beliefs and devoting themselves to the path of righteousness. When the time comes, a given initiate will be ordained as a deacon, which will allow them passage to the priesthood.”
“That sounds like a very involved process,” the donut confesses. “I’m not sure I have the time.”
“If you don’t mind me asking...” replies the priest. “What made you think you wanted to join the clergy if you’re not willing to commit to the process? Why do you want to be a priest at all?”
“Well...” the donut answers. “See, it’s because I’m holey.”
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Are aliens from invasion movies actually British?
Because all they do is colonize.
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I sold a thousand CDs but only made enough money to buy one ice cream.
Probably because each CD was Milli Vanilli.
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What vegetable can tie your shoes?
String beans.
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Why did the guy eat a poisonous mushroom?
He thought that any morel would do.
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Your mama so hot, when Electra and Haspiel saw her, they burned to death.
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What sign was hanging outside the room where all the donut lovers were having a meeting?
It was a sign that said “Donut disturb!”.
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