What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
😄 😄 😄
Why does the mushroom always get invited to birthday parties?
He’s a fun-gi.
😄 😄 😄
How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but it will take 6 episodes.
😄 😄 😄
I’m out of bed and I made it to the keyboard. What more do you want?
😄 😄 😄
Why should you take a pencil to bed?
To draw the curtains.
😄 😄 😄
I just saw a burglar kick in his own door.
It looks like he was working from home.
😄 😄 😄
I told my tailor that I would be choosing and putting on my own clothes for my upcoming wedding.
He said, “Suit yourself.”
😄 😄 😄
When I went to the doctor, I said, “Doctor, every time I stand up quickly, I see Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy.”
He replied, “How long have you been getting these Disney spells?”
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books.
He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
😄 😄 😄
I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon.
“Well,” he said, “it could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn’t decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we toss for it.”
“And he won?” I said.
“Well, no,” he mumbled. “The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder. The twat.”
😄 😄 😄
Why can’t Lionel Messi be a gardener?
Because he can’t handle the corners.
😄 😄 😄
Yo momma is so fat she makes Jabba look like Calista Flockhart.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the Pinterest user who tried to cook a recipe they found on the site?
Let’s just say they added a new pin to their recipe board “Order Takeout!”.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the ad agency hire an acrobat?
For their ability to jump through hoops for clients.
😄 😄 😄
You shouldn’t be superstitious about Friday the 13th.
It brings bad luck.
😄 😄 😄
Why is Apple offering a free case for all iPhone 6 buyers?
It doesn’t help with reception, but protects the iPhone when you throw it against the wall after dropping another call.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the alien invite Uranus to the party?
It knew Uranus would bring the atmosphere.
😄 😄 😄
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
😄 😄 😄
What if a buffalo and baboon mated?
Their child would be a real buffoon.
😄 😄 😄
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
😄 😄 😄
