Best Jokes (99)



Why did the dolphin go to the dentist?

He had an appointment.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


It’s always coming but never comes, can you guess what it is?

Tomorrow.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What happens when developers ask a silly question?

They get a silly ANSI.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


A senator is visiting a primary school.

In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stands up and offers, β€œIf my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy.”

β€œNo,” the senator says, β€œthat would be an ACCIDENT.”

A girl raises her hand, β€œIf a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside… that would be a tragedy.”

β€œI’m afraid not,” explains the senator. β€œThat is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.”

The room is silentβ€”none of the other children dare volunteer.

β€œWhat?” asks the Senator, β€œIsn’t there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”

Finally, Little Johnny in the back raises his hand.

In a timid voice, he says, β€œIf an airplane carrying a senator was blown up by a bomb, that would be a tragedy.”

β€œMarvelous!” the senator beams. β€œAnd can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?”

β€œWell,” says Johnny, β€œbecause it wouldn’t be an accident, and it certainly wouldn’t be any great loss.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Last night I made fish tacos.

They looked at them and just swam away.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


My wife was talking about funeral plans.

My Wife: β€œI said we’ll give you a military send off like the sailors on a ship.”

Me: β€œI was in the Air Force.”

My Wife: β€œOK, we’ll toss you out of an airplane.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What are the official sea creatures of National Pi Day?

Octopi.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why did the donut visit the dentist?

He needed a chocolate filling.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Did you hear about the flat Earth conspiracy?

It’s spreading around the globe.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What’s a Pinterest user’s favorite type of weather?

Rainy, so they have an excuse to stay in and pin all day.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why did the ice cream truck break down?

Because of the rocky road.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why is it okay to tell Helen Keller jokes?

Because she can’t hear them anyway!

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?

A thesaurus.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What does the pun writer use to write his puns?

A pun-cil.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Where do electricians get their supplies?

The Ohm Depot.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer.

Wait. Never mind. That wasn’t my waiter.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


I was walking down the road along with my dog, looking cool in my black sunglasses when a YouTuber pulled me aside.

He said, β€œIf you can walk round the park and back to me, I’ll give you 10 bucks. The catch is that you will have to do it blindfolded.”

I accepted his challenge and completed it in under 5 minutes. He was surprised and asked me how I did it so quickly.

I replied, β€œIt was just a walk in the park for me. As a blind person, I can’t even see the problem with your challenge.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What are a prisoner’s favorite building materials?

Steal and cement.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


A man makes a phone call to an export office in a port in France and asks whether they can ship a 20’ container with live geese properly stored in their appropriate places.

β€œOui, monsieur. What is the destination port for this load?”

β€œI’m sending them to the zoo in Brazil.”

β€œWouldn’t you be better off calling the export office in Portugal?”

β€œWhy is that, sir?”

β€œIf you’re sending them to Brazil to avoid bureaucracy, then you should contact the Portuguese, of course!”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why Mark Zuckerberg’s mom is the best mom in the world?

Because she is the only mom in the world, who says, β€œSon, please focus properly on Facebook and WhatsApp.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


















© 2022-2024 jokes.best