Why did the dolphin go to the dentist?
He had an appointment.
π π π
Itβs always coming but never comes, can you guess what it is?
Tomorrow.
π π π
What happens when developers ask a silly question?
They get a silly ANSI.
π π π
A senator is visiting a primary school.
In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a tragedy.
One little boy stands up and offers, βIf my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy.β
βNo,β the senator says, βthat would be an ACCIDENT.β
A girl raises her hand, βIf a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone insideβ¦ that would be a tragedy.β
βIβm afraid not,β explains the senator. βThat is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.β
The room is silentβnone of the other children dare volunteer.
βWhat?β asks the Senator, βIsnβt there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?β
Finally, Little Johnny in the back raises his hand.
In a timid voice, he says, βIf an airplane carrying a senator was blown up by a bomb, that would be a tragedy.β
βMarvelous!β the senator beams. βAnd can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?β
βWell,β says Johnny, βbecause it wouldnβt be an accident, and it certainly wouldnβt be any great loss.β
π π π
Last night I made fish tacos.
They looked at them and just swam away.
π π π
My wife was talking about funeral plans.
My Wife: βI said weβll give you a military send off like the sailors on a ship.β
Me: βI was in the Air Force.β
My Wife: βOK, weβll toss you out of an airplane.β
π π π
What are the official sea creatures of National Pi Day?
Octopi.
π π π
Why did the donut visit the dentist?
He needed a chocolate filling.
π π π
Did you hear about the flat Earth conspiracy?
Itβs spreading around the globe.
π π π
Whatβs a Pinterest userβs favorite type of weather?
Rainy, so they have an excuse to stay in and pin all day.
π π π
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
Because of the rocky road.
π π π
Why is it okay to tell Helen Keller jokes?
Because she canβt hear them anyway!
π π π
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
π π π
What does the pun writer use to write his puns?
A pun-cil.
π π π
Where do electricians get their supplies?
The Ohm Depot.
π π π
My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer.
Wait. Never mind. That wasnβt my waiter.
π π π
I was walking down the road along with my dog, looking cool in my black sunglasses when a YouTuber pulled me aside.
He said, βIf you can walk round the park and back to me, Iβll give you 10 bucks. The catch is that you will have to do it blindfolded.β
I accepted his challenge and completed it in under 5 minutes. He was surprised and asked me how I did it so quickly.
I replied, βIt was just a walk in the park for me. As a blind person, I canβt even see the problem with your challenge.β
π π π
What are a prisonerβs favorite building materials?
Steal and cement.
π π π
A man makes a phone call to an export office in a port in France and asks whether they can ship a 20β container with live geese properly stored in their appropriate places.
βOui, monsieur. What is the destination port for this load?β
βIβm sending them to the zoo in Brazil.β
βWouldnβt you be better off calling the export office in Portugal?β
βWhy is that, sir?β
βIf youβre sending them to Brazil to avoid bureaucracy, then you should contact the Portuguese, of course!β
π π π
Why Mark Zuckerbergβs mom is the best mom in the world?
Because she is the only mom in the world, who says, βSon, please focus properly on Facebook and WhatsApp.β
π π π