My geometry teacher is really upset that her pet parrot died yesterday.
Polly gone.
😄 😄 😄
What looks like half a flamingo?
The other half.
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An atheist was rowing on Loch Ness in Scotland one day when suddenly the Loch Ness monster attacked and grabbed him from his boat.
He panicked and shouted, “God, help me!” and suddenly, the monster and everything around him just froze.
A voice from the heavens boomed “You say you don’t believe in me, but now you’re asking for my help?”
The atheist looked up and said, “Well, ten seconds ago I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness Monster either.”
😄 😄 😄
Where does a Viking clown go when they die?
To ValHaHa.
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You’re so fat when you walk, everyone yells “EARTHQUAKE!!”.
😄 😄 😄
An Indian walks into a café with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He says to the waiter, “Me want coffee.”
The waiter says, “Sure chief, coming right up.”
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning, the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, “Me want coffee.”
The waiter says, “Whoa, Tonto. We’re still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?”
The Indian smiles and proudly says, “Me in training for upper management: come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day.”
😄 😄 😄
Which nut has the most calories for the human body?
The Donut.
😄 😄 😄
There is a beaver in our local zoo who is quite the celebrity. His name is Clint.
Clint EatsWood.
😄 😄 😄
I work at a barber shop and I recently started giving free eyebrow trims to anyone that got a haircut.
Everyone looks surprised.
😄 😄 😄
I didn’t wear my glasses to the party because I wanted to make a spectacle of myself.
😄 😄 😄
A small business owner was dismayed when a brand new corporate chain much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST BLACK FRIDAY DEALS.
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST BLACK FRIDAY PRICES.
The small business owner panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read MAIN ENTRANCE.
😄 😄 😄
I confused Thanksgiving with Tanksgiving.
Now I’m in trouble with the U.S. Army.
😄 😄 😄
What is Bob Marley called on a motorbike?
Bob Harley.
😄 😄 😄
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a moth this morning.
You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
😄 😄 😄
How do bulls write?
With a bullpen.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so ugly when she was born, the nurse said, “I think it is a child...”
😄 😄 😄
It's the season to be fall-y.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Poop.”
“Poop, who?”
“Hahaha, you said poo twice!”
😄 😄 😄
Ever since 2017, my New Year’s resolution has been to work on my novel.
Many years going and I’ve almost finished reading it!
😄 😄 😄
I’ve finally saved up enough for solar panels.
What’s holding me back is that I can’t afford a house.
😄 😄 😄
