Did you hear about the hot dog stand on the moon?
The hot dogs were out of this world, but there was absolutely no atmosphere.
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My friend keeps saying, “Every time I go to Taco Bell, I get diarrhea.”
I said, “Try ordering Tacos instead.”
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A blonde, a redhead and a brunette were all lost in the desert.
After walking along for a while they eventually found a lamp and rubbed it.
A genie popped out and granted them each one wish.
The redhead wished to be back home.
Poof! She was transported back home.
The brunette wished to be back at home with her family.
Poof! She was magically transported back home.
The blonde then says, “Aww, I wish my friends were here.”
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What do you do when no one laughs at your science jokes?
Keep trying until you get a reaction.
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Have you heard about the new game getting released?
It’s AI is 20 years ahead of it’s time, the graphics are truly real life, it has an open world concept where anything you want to do is truly possible.
It’s called “Go outside and ride your bike!”.
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I tell you, my wife is a lousy cook.
After dinner, I don’t brush my teeth, I count them!
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I love you un-cone-ditionally.
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Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
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What do alcoholics and chemists have in common?
They both view alcohol as a solution.
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Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
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A mathematician, and physicist, and an engineer are asked to find the volume of a red rubber ball.
The mathematician knows that the volume of a sphere has been mathematically determined so he measures the radius and puts it into the proper formula.
The physicist knows that Archimedes discovered how to determine the volume of an object so they submerge it in water and record the change in water level.
The engineer finds the number on the ball then pulls out their book of red rubber balls and finds its specifications.
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Why did the llama cross the road?
Because it was the chicken’s day off.
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What is the best way to enjoy a hot dog?
Relish it.
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Who needs a day for the fools?
I’m surrounded by them all year.
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Why did the blue marker shy away from the red marker?
It was a little shy-nero.
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I have an archaeology exam tomorrow.
And it doesn’t matter if I pass or fail because either way my future’s in ruins.
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How are wives like Thanksgiving turkeys?
They eventually get fat and then stop gobbling.
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A computer scientist named Bob was about to leave to rent a movie.
As Bob was heading out, his wife said, “While you’re out, pick up some eggs.”
Bob never came back.
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Your Momma is so fat she takes her picture with Google Earth.
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What do you call a letter from a feminist?
Hate male.
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