Why does nobody trust the man on the moon?
He has a dark side.
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What music does the Easter Bunny listen to while hiding eggs?
Hip hop.
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What did the doctor ask the composer right before his colonoscopy?
“How many movements?”
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Who was the fastest runner in the race?
Adam, because he was first in the human race.
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How does a social media marketer stay cool during a crisis?
They just keep refreshing their feed until it blows over.
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My wife suggested I start growing a beard, to which I was against initially against...
But now, I must say, it’s growing on me.
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What did the snowman say to the birthday girl?
Have an ice day!
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Wishing you a warm and bright 40th birthday!
It couldn’t be any other way with that many candles on your cake.
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What kind of tea is sometimes hard to swallow?
Reality.
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I told my mom I wanted to play Roblox for a living.
She said she didn’t want me to have such a block-and-white career.
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A bard walks up to a bored leprechaun. How many tunes should the bard play?
Fortunes.
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You’re so observant, would you like me to pat you on your back?
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What do single people call Valentine’s Day?
Happy Independence Day.
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I tried to dye my hair blue, but it didn’t work out.
I guess you could say it was a dye-lemma.
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I used to work at an orange juice factory but was fired because I couldn’t concentrate.
So I tried my hand at being a lumberjack. I couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
Then I gave being a barber a go. But I didn’t cut it.
I was then hired as a tailor and found I wasn’t suited for the job.
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Chuck Norris can clap with one hand!
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Why are cop donut shop jokes always so funny?
They never get mold.
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A family was driving in their car through an Arizona desert.
When they ran into a family of skunks.
They stop the car and get out so that they could check on the family of skunks to make sure they were alright.
They found all of the skunks to be ok except for one little baby skunk.
The wife then asked the husband if they could take the baby skunk to the vet to get it the medical attention that it needed.
They come up at the California border checkpoint and the wife starts freaking out, “There’s no way they let us take this skunk across the border, what are we gonna do?”
The husband thinks for a second and says, “Hey I got it! Take the baby skunk and put it under your dress.”
The wife replies, “Well what about the smell?”
The husband says, “It’ll be alright, just hold its nose.”
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When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out.
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Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They’re always getting ripped off.
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