How does a Facebook employee greet each other?
Hey there, whatsapp!
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In North Korea, you cannot throw fruits in the snow.
As they don’t have the right to freeze peach.
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Yo mama so fat every time she took a step it caused an earthquake.
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Why should you take a pencil to bed?
To draw the curtains.
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Did you hear the one about the roofer with the perfect safety record?
He never had a shingle accident.
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What do you call an extraterrestrial that speaks Portuguese?
A Brazalien.
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Relationships are a lot like algebra.
Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
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I saw a 50% off sign on a sushi restaurant today.
Sounds fishy to me.
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Did you hear about the man who solved a puzzle in 10 minutes?
Even though the box said 2-4 years.
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The biker’s idea was revolutionary.
It was a real handlebar moment.
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At the marketplace, a seller advertises “1 lettuce for $3, 3 lettuces for $10”.
A customer passing by stops and speaks with the seller.
Customer: “That’s not right!”
Seller: “What do you mean?”
Customer: “Well, that’s not an offer—3 lettuces cost $9.”
Seller: “No, sir, it says here that 3 lettuces cost $10.”
Customer: “I know, but if I buy 1 lettuce, how much do I pay?”
Seller: “$3.”
Customer: “And if I buy 2?”
Seller: “$6.”
Customer: “Yes, because 3+3=6, now what about 3+3+3?”
Seller: “That makes 9.”
Customer: “So, 3 lettuces cost $9.”
Seller: “No sir, they cost $10, it’s written just over there, on that board.”
The client can’t fathom such a stubbornness in another human being and proceeds to prove his point to the seller.
Customer: “Here, let me buy a lettuce.”
Seller: “That will be $3, sir.”
Customer: “Now, I’d like one more lettuce.”
Seller: “That will be $3 again, sir.”
Customer: “Finally, let me buy one last lettuce.”
Seller: “That will also be $3, sir.”
Customer: “How much did I pay you those 3 lettuces?”
Seller: “$3+$3+$3, your paid $9.”
Customer: “See? 3 lettuces are worth $9, not $10, you won’t sell many lettuces if you do it this way.”
Seller: “Yes sir, I almost sold all my stock to people like you wanting to prove they’re smarter than me by buying 3 lettuces they don’t need, just to make sure they are superior. My technique works! Besides, I can overprice those lettuces to $3 and no one bats an eye!”
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What do you call a food that turns black people on?
An afro-disiac.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“I eep.”
“I eep, who?”
“Gross, you eat poo?!”
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My uncle always refused to obey his controlling wife.
He was defy-aunt.
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Has anyone else’s gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I’ve grown bigger ever since.
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I don’t know why marvel hasn’t tried to advertise on the hulk.
He’s a giant banner after all.
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As a Mormon, heritage is very important to me.
From a very young age, I learned all about my forefathers.
And my five mothers.
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I’d like to thank everyone who taught me the definition of ‘many’.
It really means a lot.
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Cars look both ways in case Chuck Norris is crossing the street.
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What did the buffalo say to his son just before he passed away?
Bison.
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