Where do Chicago worms play baseball?
Wiggly Field.
😄 😄 😄
Why was Portugal the best colonial power?
Spain had thousands of colonists, Britain had millions, but Portugal had BRAZILIANS.
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Yo mama’s so dumb she thought that Jar Jar comes with pickles pickles.
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As an April Fools’ joke, I told my SO that I was pregnant.
Sadly, she didn’t fall for it.
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What is the difference between a piano, a tuna and a glue?
You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.
And you probably wondering what about the glue...
I knew you would get stuck on that.
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After a month of dieting, I lost 30 days.
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How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam?
An itsy bitsy book.
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What did one Egyptian say to the other when they farted at the same time?
Looks like we’ve got a Tutankhamen.
😄 😄 😄
A stormtrooper and a redshirt are in a room.
The stormtrooper shoots the redshirt, but misses every shot.
The redshirt dies anyway.
😄 😄 😄
My bed and I love each other but the alarm clock is not clear!
Good morning!
😄 😄 😄
I saw a butterfly with no wings today.
I poured some Red Bull on it and BAM... it drowned.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a sausage who’s been sunbathing all day?
Done!
😄 😄 😄
Sherlock Holmes got audited by the IRS.
He had too many deductions.
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A preschool teacher asked her students in class, “Who can count from one to ten?”
Little 3-year-old Timmy swiftly raised his hand, “I can!” and started counting, “One, two, three four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!”
The teacher is impressed, “Well done Timmy! Who taught you that?”
“My uncle Bobby!” Timmy said.
“Can you count past ten?” The teacher asked Timmy.
“That’s easy!” Timmy continued, “Jack, Queen, King…”
😄 😄 😄
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
Every morning you will rise and shine!
😄 😄 😄
Black Friday came earlier this year for me...
My TV was stolen.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a leprechaun’s prank?
A St. Pat-trick!
😄 😄 😄
You’re so short that you need to put on stilts to drive a car to reach the pedal.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Mikey.”
“Mikey, who?”
“Mikey doesn’t work, can you let me in?”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the barber keep agreeing to shave the lion’s fur even though it was dangerous?
It was his mane source of income.
😄 😄 😄
