A physicist is watching a man who believes he can fly. Every time he goes up the steep hill, he jumps off and hurts himself.
The physicist watches this for 7 days.
On the 8th day, he goes to the man and says, “I don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation.”
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My mom said if I was awake playing Roblox, still she said she was going to bang my head against the keyboardhxhdhduhxbsfj...
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What is in 2020s calendar?
January, February, Lockdown, December.
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What is the Easter Bunny’s favourite color?
Egg white.
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Usually, when kids go to sleep they sleep with a teddy bear.
Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear.
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Last night I was but by a bloodsucker from the moon.
Damn lunatics!
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A young girl comes home from a date looking rather sad. Her mother asks her what’s wrong.
She says, “Bill proposed to me an hour ago.”
Her mother asks, “Why are you so sad then?”
The girl replies, “Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a hell.”
Her mother says, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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Would evil alternate-universe Spider-Man be a bad parallel parker?
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I’ve just started to read a horror novel in braille.
Something bad is going to happen. I can feel it.
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Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of?
Because they’re easy to push around and never stand up for themselves.
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Did you hear about Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother?
His name was Brocco Lee.
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Hot dog, it’s your birthday!
Let’s be Frank, you’re probably planning to party your buns off, so go ahead – don’t be a weenie!
Relish every moment of your celebration!
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Did you know Avatar is a sequel to Titanic?
It picks up where Titanic left off, in the sense that half the cast is blue and dying.
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It’s so hot, that you could actually cook a full English breakfast on my forehead.
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There was a statistics teacher who would always accelerate hard when driving through intersections and then slow down after passing through.
One day he drove a colleague to work who was noticeably uncomfortable with his driving.
The colleague asked, “Why do you always drive so fast through intersections?”
To which the statistics teacher responded, “Well, statistically speaking, you’re more likely to have an accident in an intersection, so I make sure to get through them as fast as possible!”
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When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
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When do franks tell insults?
At a wienie roast.
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Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz is by far the greatest character of all time.
No one could hold a candle to him.
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The Brazilian president and his spouse are staying at a hotel in the USA, in room 222.
Close to 17:00, he calls room service from the landline and says the following.“Tu ti, tu tututu.”
The attendant has a hard time understanding the request and, considering that it is the president, not just some regular customer, concludes that he must have overheard an encoded message meant for a Brazilian operative currently undercover. He calls the CIA and describes the situation. Shortly after, two agents are dispatched to the location.
After some hours of work and observation, they are unable to decipher any meaning from the encoded message.
The president eventually calls again and says, “Hello. Tu ti, tu tututu.”
The two agents recorded the enigmatic message and, after some more frustration, decided to call in a specialist in the Portuguese language.
The specialist, after learning of the situation, decides that the best course of action is to go undercover as room service to the president’s room.
When the specialist returned, he explained. “All the president wanted was some tea delivered to his room, Two tea, to two two two.”
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