What do Spanish phantoms say when they like something?
Me ghosta.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ken.”
“Ken, who?”
“Ken you please loan me some money?”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a dog with a fever?
Hot dog.
😄 😄 😄
What did one roll of toilet paper say to the other?
“I’m feeling wiped out!”
😄 😄 😄
What do you put in a female balloon?
Shelium.
😄 😄 😄
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said, “Wow, that’s cool!”
And he replied, “Sorry, ma’am, it can only warm.”
😄 😄 😄
What’s a pun’s best trait?
His pun-ctuality.
😄 😄 😄
I bought some blue shoes to wear to the office.
But they made me feel downright feet-talistic.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the mushroom break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was toxic!
😄 😄 😄
Stephen Hawking is a very paranoid man.
He’s always looking over his shoulder.
😄 😄 😄
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible.
The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it.
The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock.
The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
😄 😄 😄
My mom said if I was awake playing Roblox, still she said she was going to bang my head against the keyboardhxhdhduhxbsfj...
😄 😄 😄
“Mr. Jones, I’ve reviewed this case very carefully,” said the divorce court judge, “and I’ve decided to give your wife $300 a week.”
“That’s very fair, your honor,” said the husband. “I’ll try and send her a few bucks myself every now and then too.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the Croissants take the Donuts and Bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
😄 😄 😄
A blond goes up to the librarian.
Blond: “Can I have a hot dog?”
Librarian: “Sorry, Madam, but this is a library.”
Blond: “Oh, sorry!” says quietly. “Can I have a hot dog?”
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the woman who tried to bribe the police with pennies?
She was taken in by the coppers.
😄 😄 😄
It’s true women do make less money than men. But it’s their fault because they choose the lower-paying jobs.
Men, for example, choose higher-paying jobs like doctor or lawyer.
Whereas women choose lower-paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
😄 😄 😄
My wife hates it when I swap her chocolate bar wrappers round.
It gets her Snickers in a Twix.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a hot dog race?
Wiener takes all.
😄 😄 😄
