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Yo head is so big if it were a bowling ball, score a strike every time.

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Why do all Fortnite players have healthy gums?

Because they floss regularly.

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What would you hear at a very long opera about aliens?

Aria 51.

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Guess who woke up with 20 missed calls from his ex?

My ex!

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What do prisoners in Denver County lockup eat for breakfast?

Jail-y Donuts.

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When I first heard the proposal to rename Oklahoma City after Ohio, I was confused as to why anyone would want that.

But after hearing someone explain the logic behind it, I thought to myself:

β€œOH, OK.”

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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee.

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Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?

The p is silent.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œWitch.”

β€œWitch, who?”

β€œWitch one of you can fix my broomstick?”

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I lost my whole Lord of The Rings Lego set.

Now I’m Legoless.

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Did you hear about the $4,000,000 Alabama State Lottery?

The winner gets $4 a year for a million years.

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A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled-up newspaper around his head.

Wife: β€œWhat are you doing dear?”

Husband: β€œSwatting flies. I got three males and two females”

Wife: β€œHow on Earth do you know which gender they were?”

Husband: β€œEasy: three were on the beer, and the other two were on the phone.”

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Why do fat people cause earthquakes?

Because they’re always moving plates.

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Chuck Norris plays the violin with a piano.

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Two scientists walk into a bar.

One says, β€œI’ll have an H2O please.”

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Two nuns stand by the road, holding a sign which reads, β€œYou’re headed down a dark and dangerous path, turn back before it’s too late!”

The next busy driver, who looks at the inscription, shows a finger and disappears behind the curve. A second later, a loud crash is heard.

One of the nuns thoughtfully says, β€œSister, shall we just write β€˜Attention, the bridge is demolished’?”

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Akpos told his servant, β€œGo and water the plants.”

Servant: β€œIt’s already raining.”

Akpos: β€œSo what, take an umbrella and go!”

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Yo mama so fat every time she turns around it’s her birthday.

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Why do brides cry at the wedding?

Because they never marry the best man.

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I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar.

I guess there is life on Mars after all.

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