
Where do Chicago worms play baseball?
Wiggly Field.
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Why was Portugal the best colonial power?
Spain had thousands of colonists, Britain had millions, but Portugal had BRAZILIANS.
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Yo mamaβs so dumb she thought that Jar Jar comes with pickles pickles.
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As an April Foolsβ joke, I told my SO that I was pregnant.
Sadly, she didnβt fall for it.
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What is the difference between a piano, a tuna and a glue?
You can tune a piano, but you canβt tuna fish.
And you probably wondering what about the glue...
I knew you would get stuck on that.
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After a month of dieting, I lost 30 days.
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How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam?
An itsy bitsy book.
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What did one Egyptian say to the other when they farted at the same time?
Looks like weβve got a Tutankhamen.
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A stormtrooper and a redshirt are in a room.
The stormtrooper shoots the redshirt, but misses every shot.
The redshirt dies anyway.
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My bed and I love each other but the alarm clock is not clear!
Good morning!
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I saw a butterfly with no wings today.
I poured some Red Bull on it and BAM... it drowned.
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What do you call a sausage whoβs been sunbathing all day?
Done!
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Sherlock Holmes got audited by the IRS.
He had too many deductions.
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A preschool teacher asked her students in class, βWho can count from one to ten?β
Little 3-year-old Timmy swiftly raised his hand, βI can!β and started counting, βOne, two, three four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!β
The teacher is impressed, βWell done Timmy! Who taught you that?β
βMy uncle Bobby!β Timmy said.
βCan you count past ten?β The teacher asked Timmy.
βThatβs easy!β Timmy continued, βJack, Queen, Kingβ¦β
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What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
Every morning you will rise and shine!
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Black Friday came earlier this year for me...
My TV was stolen.
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What do you call a leprechaunβs prank?
A St. Pat-trick!
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Youβre so short that you need to put on stilts to drive a car to reach the pedal.
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βMikey.β
βMikey, who?β
βMikey doesnβt work, can you let me in?β
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Why did the barber keep agreeing to shave the lionβs fur even though it was dangerous?
It was his mane source of income.
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