I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
😄 😄 😄
Why did Neil Armstrong pee right after he made his first step on the moon?
He wanted to go where no man had gone before.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the bearded man’s shaving product business flop?
Because of the razor-thin margins.
😄 😄 😄
I’m thinking of switching my major to geology.
I think I’d do well because I keep discovering a new rock bottom.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?
A woolly jumper.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of fish works in a hospital?
Nurse shark.
😄 😄 😄
Yo daddy is so dumb he got hit by a parked car.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a sad blueberry?
A blueberry muffin.
😄 😄 😄
Politicians are like diapers.
They need to be changed often, and for the same reasons.
😄 😄 😄
The peach couple is in love.
They seem to be born for peach other.
😄 😄 😄
My friend Jim told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space.
I mean, what a thing to say to a friend. It totally ruined our bath!
😄 😄 😄
Why did the Japanese guy get mad and kick the mushroom?
He was sick of all its shii-take.
😄 😄 😄
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it’s neck and neck.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you mix a motorbike with a joke?
A Yamahaha.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
😄 😄 😄
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in a desert.
The brunette says, “I brought some water so we don’t get dehydrated.”
The redhead says, “I brought some suntan lotion so we don’t get sunburned.”
Then the blonde says, “I brought a car door.”
The other girls ask, “Why did you bring that?”
The blonde says, “So I can roll down the window if it gets hot.”
😄 😄 😄
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
😄 😄 😄
Why does the mushroom always get invited to birthday parties?
He’s a fun-gi.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a red-haired baker?
The ginger bread man.
😄 😄 😄
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
😄 😄 😄
