What is a cactus’s favorite Minions movie?
Des-prick-able Me.
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A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, “What the hell was that all about?”
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Need a couch? Have you tried Sofa Kings?
Their prices are sofa king cheap!
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Never trust an electrician with no eyebrows.
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Why did ChatGPT get kicked out of school?
Because it knew too much.
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What is round, huge, and very gassy?
Uranus.
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What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
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A bear walks into an ice cream shop.
Ice cream man: What can I get for ya?
Bear: Hi, I’d like a scoop of chocolate...
Ice cream man: ...
Bear: ...
Ice cream man: ...
Bear: ...chip.
Ice cream man: Alright! One scoop of chocolate chip coming right up! By the way, what’s with the pause?
Bear (waving paws in the air): I'm a bear!
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Which Marvel supervillain loves being under the sun?
Tan-os.
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Two Karens are out for lunch.
The waiter approaches them and asks, “Is anything OK?”
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What do you call it when a whole bunch of cacti fall over?
A cac-tas-trophy.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ice cream.”
“Ice cream, who?”
“I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!
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My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer.
Wait. Never mind. That wasn’t my waiter.
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Why don’t marketers make good chefs?
Because they’re too obsessed with serving ads rather than actual cooking.
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What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
The turkey trot.
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My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients.
I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry.
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You’re the reason why I don’t believe in Sleeping Beauty.
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I got really bad sunburn after falling asleep on my stomach at the beach.
I wanted emergency medical attention, but 911 never returned my call.
I guess they put it on the back burner.
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I got caught cheating on my physics exam.
Furious, my professor said to me, “I hope you understand the gravity of the situation!”
But if I had known that, I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.
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What’s the difference between Elon Musk and a lemur?
Elon Musk made an electric car.
Lemur Mad-a-gas-car.
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