A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in a desert.
The brunette says, “I brought some water so we don’t get dehydrated.”
The redhead says, “I brought some suntan lotion so we don’t get sunburned.”
Then the blonde says, “I brought a car door.”
The other girls ask, “Why did you bring that?”
The blonde says, “So I can roll down the window if it gets hot.”
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Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
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Why does the mushroom always get invited to birthday parties?
He’s a fun-gi.
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What do you call a red-haired baker?
The ginger bread man.
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At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
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I bought a toilet brush since I saw one in pretty much everyone’s bathroom.
But after giving it a try for a week I decided to go back to using toilet paper.
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What did the Rams fan do when his team won the Super Bowl?
He turned off his XBox.
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Why are the most attractive males in the anthill also very learned?
Because they’re stud-ants.
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Never trust an electrician with no eyebrows.
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No woman should have kids after 40.
Really, 40 kids is more than enough!
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What’s a koala’s favorite end-of-the-world food?
Apocalyptus.
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How does a hip replacement like to relax?
By taking a joint vacation.
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What type of music do Amish people like?
Tech no.
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Why did the employee get a camel in the office building?
Because the boss said, “Bring in the hump day.”
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What do you call a guy floating up and down in the water?
Bob.
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What’s faster: lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
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Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank?
He came in with buns glazing.
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My doctor warned me that constantly singing Frank Sinatra songs was bad for my health, but I just wouldn’t listen.
And now, the end is near.
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For April Fools, my girlfriend replaced my Alpha-Bits with Cheerios.
I have no words to say how angry I am.
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Why shouldn’t you worry about gaining a few extra pounds?
Fat people are harder to kidnap.
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