Your mama is so short she has to cuff her underwear.
😄 😄 😄
It’s so hot that I saw a fire hydrant chasing a dog.
😄 😄 😄
“Guess what?”
“What?”
“Good guess.”
😄 😄 😄
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
“Why of course”, comes the reply.
The first man then asks, “Where are you from?”
“I’m from Scotland”, replies the second man.
The first man responds, “You don’t say, I’m from Scotland too! Let’s have another round to Scotland.”
“Of Course”, replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks, “Where in Scotland are you from?”
“Aberdeen”, comes the reply.
“I can’t believe it”, says the first man. “I’m from Aberdeen too! Let’s have another drink to Aberdeen.”
“Of course”, replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, “What school did you go to?”
“Saint Andrews”, replies the second man. “I graduated in ’62.”
“This is unbelievable!”, the first man says. “I went to Saint Andrew’s and graduated in ’62, too!”
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
“What’s been going on?”, he asks the bartender.
“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The MacClyde twins are drunk again.”
😄 😄 😄
What do rednecks and aristocrats have in common?
Both groups like marrying their cousins.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the bingo caller who had a tumor?
Luckily, the tumor was B-9.
😄 😄 😄
I love my motorcycle, it’s great for getting to the front of queues quicker.
It does always terrify the other people in the post office though.
😄 😄 😄
What is the moon’s favorite cartoon?
Lunar-toons.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a mermaid in a wheelchair?
Sushi roll.
😄 😄 😄
My boss told me that work might be a little blue today.
But I didn’t know that meant the copiers were taking the day off.
😄 😄 😄
We really should look into colonizing Mars and other planets or moons.
If you look at the studies, 100% of deaths occur here on earth.
😄 😄 😄
I’m an annoying on the outside, but I’m like an onion.
You peel back the layers, find the same thing and just start crying.
😄 😄 😄
Workout in the morning before your brain figures out what you’re doing.
😄 😄 😄
Your mama so stupid she cut holes in her umbrella to see if it was raining.
😄 😄 😄
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
“OK Boomer.”
😄 😄 😄
Why do retirees smile all the time?
Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying!
😄 😄 😄
Why did the blue paint laugh at the brown paint?
Because he was blue-tiful.
😄 😄 😄
What did the internal auditor do to liven up the office party?
He didn’t show up.
😄 😄 😄
A young boy knocked on my door on Halloween night and said, “Trick or treat?”
I looked at him and asked, “What have you come as?”
He said, “A werewolf.”
I said, “But you’re not wearing a costume. You’ve just got your normal clothes on.”
He said, “Yeah well, it’s not a full moon yet, is it?”
😄 😄 😄
You’re so short that you had to use a toothpick to compete in the javelin.
😄 😄 😄
