What is the favorite fruit of feminists?
Mangoes.
😄 😄 😄
I saw an interview with Sean Connery about how he used to scuba dive for seafood.
He said, “Every time I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically searching for a place to hide, so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself...
that’s shellfish.”
😄 😄 😄
Congratulations! You’ve reached the perfect age where you can still party like you’re 21, but recover like you’re 80.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call it when you can’t stop looking at Pinterest on your phone?
Pin-diction.
😄 😄 😄
What happens to Minecraft characters when they turn 16?
They grow cubic hair.
😄 😄 😄
Guess what the name of my new computer processor is?
Chip.
😄 😄 😄
A new study shows that dolphins are second in intelligence to man.
I guess that puts women in third.
😄 😄 😄
Why was the little strawberry crying?
Because his parents were in a jam.
😄 😄 😄
What did the barber say to the man after shaving his beard?
“All good things must comb to an end.”
😄 😄 😄
“911, what’s your emergency?”
“Hey, I know it’s been a week since Halloween is over, but I’m seriously starting to doubt the body hanging from my neighbor’s tree is not a decoration.”
😄 😄 😄
Hiroshima Nagasaki was nothing more than the result of Chuck Norris’ skydiving in Japan.
😄 😄 😄
I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school, and my friend asked, “You play an instrument?”
I replied, “Yeah, I play a little guitar.”
😄 😄 😄
I asked my boss if things were looking up with our company.
And he said the future was blue-skied and full of possibility.
😄 😄 😄
They’re vaccinating against bird flu again.
Call it a rooster shot.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the fan who just bought Taylor Swift’s hair comb in an online auction?
It’s his closest brush with fame.
😄 😄 😄
What did the space alien tell Franz Schubert?
“Take me to your Lieder!”
😄 😄 😄
What is the difference between a Chelsea fan and a Battery?
A battery has a positive side.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Doughnut.”
“Doughnut, who?”
“Doughnut forget to close the door!”
😄 😄 😄
Knick-knack paddywhack, guess what that old man gave his dog?
A bone.
😄 😄 😄
I went to the DIY store the other week and asked in which section I could find tools, bricks and tiles.
The guy said they were under Construction.
I asked when they would be finished.
😄 😄 😄
