Does anyone know where I can find the Surrender emoji?
Nevermind the French flag works fine.
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Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”
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There’s a contest going around and if you win 1st place you get a whole solar system named after you.
Second place is just a constellation prize.
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It’s always coming but never comes, can you guess what it is?
Tomorrow.
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911 operator: “What’s your emergency?”
Kangaroo: “I can’t find my children.”
Kangaroo 911: “Did you check your pockets?”
Kangaroo: “Oh, never mind.”
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What’s the most common operation in a Lego hospital?
Plastic surgery.
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A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, “In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.”
But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”
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My pet parrot—Nickel—just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
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Someone came to the door asking if I’ve considered selling elevators to my friends and family.
I’m so sick of Multi Level Marketing.
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What do you put in a female balloon?
Shelium.
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You can’t run through a campsite.
You can only run because it’s past tents.
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What’s the world’s biggest mushroom competition?
The champignon’s league.
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In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it.
A student handed in his work with “The Magna Carta was signed in 1215” written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, “Why did you write this?”
The boy replied, “Because you always say that history repeats itself!”
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The dad says, “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.”
The kid replies, “I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!”
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I’m on the rotation diet.
Every time I turn around, I eat.
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How do you keep your jewelry from being stolen?
Leave it in a bass guitar case.
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Your head is so big that when it rains, your body never gets wet.
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You must be a gelato, because you make ice creams look bad.
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What do you call a werewolf for sale?
A warewolf.
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My English teacher asked if I could explain brevity better.
“Short answer – no. Long answer – yes.”
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