A rabbit walks into a pharmacy and asks, “Do you sell carrots?”
The pharmacist, surprised, responds, “No, this is a pharmacy.”
The rabbit leaves only to return the next day and ask the same question.
This time, the man responds, “As I said before, no. Go to a grocery store.”
Again, the rabbit leaves and returns the following day with the same question.
Annoyed, the pharmacist says, “Look, rabbit, for the last time, we do not sell carrots. If you ask this once more, I swear I will punch you in the face.”
On the next day, the rabbit returns and asks, “Do you sell carrots?”
Furious, the pharmacist punches the rabbit so hard that its teeth get completely shattered.
The rabbit leaves... and comes back the next day,
“Do ya seh cahot juys?”
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Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts!
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?
To find Pluto.
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According to a new poll, 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are BMW owners.
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How do you repair a broken jack o’ lantern?
Use a pumpkin patch.
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A few guys in Spider-Man costumes walked into a bar.
Apparently, they were web designers!
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Yo mama so dumb, when she got locked in a grocery store, she starved to death.
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I love your sweater.
I think it’s made out of spouse material.
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Did you hear about the pharmacist who got hit with a bottle of omega 3?
They are okay, the injuries were superfishoil.
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It’s been raining for 3 days without stopping.
My wife is in depression, she is standing and looking through the window.
If the rain doesn’t stop tomorrow, I’ll have to let her in.
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I brought you a small spoon, in case you wanted to sample my flavor.
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Guess what kind of hike I went on today?
I hiked my pants.
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Babe, guess what would look good on you?
Me.
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What do prisoners in Denver County lockup eat for breakfast?
Jail-y Donuts.
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The guy goes into a pub.
He orders 7 pints of beer. He drinks the first pint, the third pint, the 5th and the 7th pint, and gets up to leave.
The barman says, “Why are you not drinking the other three pints?”
He says, “Doctors orders.”
“What do you mean by that?” asks the barman.”
“I am on medication and my doctor said to me the odd pint is okay.”
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What do you use to hold things on the moon?
Crate-rs.
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Why does Spider-Man get so frustrated with the World Wide Web?
Because Google thinks his name is Spiderman, not Spider-Man!
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You so dumb, you once tried to exchange a bib number because you thought the whole thing was printed upside down.
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What did the sad man say to the man at the dessert counter?
Donut kill my vibe!
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Math teacher: “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?”
Student: “A drinking problem.”
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