I am sweating like a dog at a Chinese restaurant.
😄 😄 😄
In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than a terrorist attack.
Those damn moose limbs.
😄 😄 😄
Why was the glasses so expensive?
Because they were designer spectacles.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call it when rodents invade a beaver colony?
Hamsterdam.
😄 😄 😄
Look up “rib” in the dictionary and it says “To vex, irritate or annoy”.
Look up “rib” in the Bible and it says “Woman”.
Coincidence?
😄 😄 😄
No thanks, pants! I am working from home today.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the karate master who joined the military?
He saluted and nearly chopped off his own head.
😄 😄 😄
A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave, discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave.
Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow, “What the heck are you doing down there?”
And the fellow shouts back, “Yoga!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“I eat mop.”
“I eat mop, who?”
“That’s revolting!”
😄 😄 😄
“Why don’t you want to taco about it?”
“Because I’m nacho friend anymore.”
😄 😄 😄
How many Gen Z’ers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They’ll just take a selfie in the dark.
😄 😄 😄
What did the peanut butter say to the jelly when it won the lottery?
“We’re rich and jellyous!”
😄 😄 😄
Why was the surfer such a bad cook?
All he could handle was the microwave.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between a bassist and god?
God doesn’t think he’s a bassist.
😄 😄 😄
Your mama so hot her hugs give third-degree burns.
😄 😄 😄
A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.
“Behave, my bubaleh,” she says.
“Take good care of yourself and think about your mother, tataleh!”
“And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh.”
“Your mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!”
At the end of the school day, the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.
“So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?”
The boy answers, “I learned my name is David.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a beautiful woman on a bass player’s arm?
A tattoo.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the farthest planet humans can see with their naked eye?
Uranus.
😄 😄 😄
Too many spiders in your house can turn it into a no fly zone.
😄 😄 😄
On Teachers’ Day, why did the student gift his Maths teacher a flight ticket to New York City?
To visit his favorite spot, Times Square.
😄 😄 😄
