Why are orange jokes so dumb?
Because oranges are afraid to concentrate.
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What’s a cow’s favorite TV drama?
Graze Anatomy.
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I told my coworker I was going to wear a blue shirt to work.
And he said he was going to wear his blue-suit-of-armor.
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Yeah, and what’s the weather like up there?
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Yo mama’s so fat that carbonite was encased in her.
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What do you call a Puerto Rican dish that’s not spicy?
A mistake.
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Why couldn’t the moon eat anymore?
It was a full moon.
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Why did the astronaut bring a joke book to Uranus?
To break the space ice.
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Chuck Norris does not have near-death experiences.
Death has near Chuck Norris experiences.
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A wife was going to the UK.
Wife: “Should I bring you something from there?”
Husband: “Yeah. I’d like an English girl.”
The wife leaves for the UK.
After she returns.
Husband: “Did you bring me what I asked for?”
Wife: “Yes. You’ll get your English girl in 9 months.”
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It’s so hot that all the bread in the store is toast.
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What do you call a Volleyball player who hurt her knee diving for the ball?
Courtney.
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An alien drops by the White House and exclaims, “Take me to your leader.”
The alien is introduced to Donald Trump, who ushers it into the oval office to chat. 30 seconds later, the alien exits the room and walks back towards his ship.
“Where are you going?! Our worlds have so much to discuss and learn from one another!” calls a Senator.
“You are right,” responds the alien.
“See you on Thursday!”
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If I remember correctly, the last time that I was someone’s type was when I was donating blood in the blood drive.
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What do you call two depressed bears?
Bipolar.
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I was in a taxi the other day and the driver said, “Do you mind if I put some music on?”
I said, “Not at all.”
He said, “‘Kiss?’”
I said, “Let’s listen to the music first and see how we feel”
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Yo mama so ugly when she watches TV the channels change themselves.
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On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, “What are your parents’ names?”
The student replied, “My father’s name is Laughing and my mother’s name is Smiling.”
The teacher said, “Are you kidding?”
The student said, “No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking.”
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What’s the difference between E.T. and an illegal alien?
E.T. learned English and wanted to go home.
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My racehorse’s name is Mayo. Sometimes, Mayo neighs.
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