A biker is riding a new motorbike on the highway.
While passing a car, he knocks on the window.
The driver of the car opens the window, “Yes?”
“Ever driven a Honda motorbike?”
“No, I haven’t.”
The biker drives on, until he sees the next car. While passing it, he knocks on the window.
The driver of the car opens the window, “Yes?”
“Ever driven a Honda motorbike?”
“No, I haven’t.”
Then suddenly there is a curve, the biker sees it too late. He crashes off the road into a ditch.
A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky biker.
Covered in blood, the biker asks, “Ever driven a Honda motorbike?”
“Yes, I have. I had a Honda for 20 years.”
The biker says, “Tell me, where are the brakes?”
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Why is Auburn always in the dark?
Because they’re afraid of Alabama Power.
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What’s the difference between a hedgehog and the Man U team bus?
The Man U bus has more pricks.
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What did the orange pumpkin say to the green pumpkin?
“Are you feeling ill?”
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I like working from home.
It’s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.
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My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is.
I told him, “My door is always open!”
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My tight-fisted neighbor doesn’t want to pay for an electrician to re-wire his house so he’s going to try and do it himself.
“How hard can it be?” he said.
I think he’s in for a shock.
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What do you call a dumb carnivore?
A meathead.
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You must secretly be a nuclear technician because you’re both radiant and glowing!
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What happened to the fungi who moved into a New York apartment?
He didn’t have mush-room.
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Why is chess just like real life?
The king can only take a step at a time and the queen can do as she pleases.
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Why are two blonde girls fighting on a motorcycle?
They are fighting because they both want to sit next to the window.
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An elephant and an ape go to a party together. They want to bring some snacks: crackers and dips.
Which of them buys the crackers?
The elephant. Because the ape always buys the dip.
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Why should you never race a Muslim during Ramadan?
They fast during Ramadan.
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What does the gym instructor say after having loads of desserts?
“I donut care anymore.”
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What is the perfect profession for narcissists?
Architect. Because they’ll forever be making entrances and drawing stairs.
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If you were a food what would you be?
Friend 1: “Pizza because I’m so cheesy.”
Friend 2: “Chocolate chip cookie because I have lots of friends.”
Me: “Donut because I’m so empty inside.”
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What is the difference between a piano, a tuna and a glue?
You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.
And you probably wondering what about the glue...
I knew you would get stuck on that.
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If you drink too much alcohol you are an alcoholic.
If you drink too much Fanta, does that make you Fantastic?
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Black people are really fast...
It’s a race thing.
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