What do you say at a robot funeral?
Rust in peace.
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Why is the Toblerone chocolate shaped like a triangle?
So that it’ll fit inside the box.
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A leprechaun walks into a bar...
I guess it wasn’t set very high.
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I told my Dr. I only smoke once every blue moon...
The problem is my refrigerator is full of them.
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When the Tooth fairy comes to your house, she takes your tooth and gives you money.
When Chuck Norris comes to your house, he breaks your tooth and takes your money.
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How do you get inside a locked cemetery at night?
Simple, use a skeleton key to unlock the gates.
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I was in my garden when I got the news that my father had fallen from a 20 feet ladder and was in the hospital.
I rushed to the hospital expecting that my father had some major fractures, but he was alright except for some minor cuts.
When I told him that it was a miracle, he disagreed and told me, “Son, I had just fallen from the first step of the ladder.”
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You know what they say about Anti Jokes?
She’s married to Uncle Jokes.
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There’s a new battle royale game launching on September 1st.
It’s called “Back to School!”.
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What is it called when shapes play pranks on each other?
Geometrick.
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A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Hey.”
The horse said, “Nah, just beer, please. I just ate.”
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It’s so hot Siri asked to be dipped in a glass of ice water.
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Got an email asking me to invest in Egyptian architecture.
Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.
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Yo momma so dumb when y’all were driving to Disneyland she saw a sign that said “Disneyland left” so she went home.
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It’s so hot that firecrackers light themselves.
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“Hey there buddy, I have a bunch of old albums, would you like 2 CD’s...?
“Sure thanks!”
“...to see DEEZ NUTZ!”
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What do you call a Viking who can’t catch fish?
A cod-less heathen.
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My sister said to me, “Mom wants you to help us fix Thanksgiving Day dinner.”
I said, “Why? Is it broken?”
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My girlfriend usually has peanut butter toast for breakfast, but this morning we were out of bread, and she’s been grouchy all day.
I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.
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Doctor: “I’m sorry to say you’ve got lung cancer.”
Patient (tearing up): “Oh god, no!”
Doctor: “Sorry to say it because it’s not true, lol April Fool!”
Patient (angry): “What the hell?!”
Doctor: “Yeah, pranked you, the cancer’s in your pancreas.”
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