The cactus is talking to his wife.
Wife: “You’re so selfish. You have to remember that it’s cact-US.”
Cactus: “Actually, the plural of cactus is catc-I.”
😄 😄 😄
AI will never take away my job.
Only an idiot would do my job.
😄 😄 😄
You’re so fat that the only job interview question they ask is if you can fit through the door.
😄 😄 😄
People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician.
😄 😄 😄
Your head is so big that the rest of your body will never get a tan.
😄 😄 😄
Virtual background on Zoom?
But, we need virtual outfits!
😄 😄 😄
Your mama so short she needs a ladder to touch the ground.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call the people born in April who aren’t particularly intelligent?
April fools.
😄 😄 😄
Where does the moon go to get its qualifications?
Moon-iversity!
😄 😄 😄
Why didn’t the shark want to fight the octopus?
Because he knew the octopus was well armed.
😄 😄 😄
“Do you know who is coming to our party later on?”
“Yeah, Dee is.”
“Dee, who?”
“DEEZ NUTS!“
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a striker playing a June match?
A spring forward.
😄 😄 😄
I went to watch Spider-Man playing baseball.
He was great at catching flies.
😄 😄 😄
The orthopedic doctor was feeling a bit patella-tive after a long day of surgeries.
😄 😄 😄
Reverend Clive Morgan was completing his homily in St John’s Church about the dangers of alcohol and the need for moderation and temperance.
He announced at the end of the sermon in a loud, clear voice, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
With even greater emphasis he added, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
Finally, he intoned in an extremely serious manner, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
The Reverend Morgan then sat down.
Jerry, St John’s leading chorister stood up and announced with a smile, “For our closing hymn this Sunday, let us sing together hymn number 109: Shall We Gather at the River.”
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Crush: “Why should I trust you? All the guys I’ve been dating have been dogs.”
Me: “...”
Crush: “Well? Aren’t you going to say anything?”
Me: “... meow?”
😄 😄 😄
In honor of the eve of April Fools’ Day, just remember that tomorrow you need to be cautious of many tweets and news reports because most of them will be lies and simply there to try and trick you. Believe nothing, and trust no one.
Just treat it like it’s any other day.
😄 😄 😄
What is a math teacher’s favorite sum?
Summer!
😄 😄 😄
Why can’t the UK and the USA play chess anymore?
Because one lost its queen and the other lost its two towers.
😄 😄 😄
Judge: “Lady, you shoplifted a can of tomatoes, so I sentence you to four weeks in prison, one for each tomato.”
Lady’s husband: “Your honor, don’t forget, she also stole a can of peas.”
😄 😄 😄
