You are so short you fell from curb and nearly dies.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Anita.”
“Anita, who?”
“Anita piece of that birthday cake!”
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What’s the definition of Specimen?
An Italian astronaut.
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Yo mama’s so fat that she looks like Jabba the Hut before picture.
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Chuck Norris built the house in which he was born.
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Pro-tip for couples suddenly working from home together:
Get yourselves an imaginary coworker to blame things on.
In our apartment, Cheryl keeps leaving her dirty water cups all over the place and we really don’t know what to do about her.
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An older couple is watching TV and the man stands up and says, “I’m going to the kitchen. Do you want anything?”
His wife answers, “Yes, please get me some chocolate ice cream with sprinkles.”
The man starts to leave, when his wife says, “Honey, are you sure you don’t want to write that down, your doctor said you may need to in order to remember.”
“No, no, I’m sure I’ll remember what you asked for.”
A few minutes later, he returns with fried eggs and toast.
His wife says, “Well, see, you did need to write that down. You completely forgot my bacon!”
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Why do some people not like a Thanksgiving joke about turkeys?
Because of fowl language.
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Today’s working from home tip:
Blowing on the wine in the mug will help convince your Zoom meeting that your tea is hot.
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Why did the werewolf go to the dressing room when he saw the full moon?
He needed to change.
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Why should you marry an Egyptian woman?
They make great mummies.
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My girlfriend said I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to Batman.
What a Joker.
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What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle?
A tire.
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Did you hear the one about the roofer with the perfect safety record?
He never had a shingle accident.
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Have a fantastic day, weirdo!
😄 😄 😄
Who is the pizza savior?
Cheesus Crust.
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My twin brothers dressed up as a bird this Halloween, guess what they said?
Trick or tweet.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t admire the stars.
They admire him.
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If Shrek had been an average movie, it would’ve been...
Mediogre.
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What does a panda ghost eat?
Bam-BOO!
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