What state has the most math teachers?
Math-achusetts.
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What is the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Their seasoning.
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A pigeon flies out of a coffeeshop and hits a seagull.
Two birds, one stoned.
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How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just sit and talk about how good the old one was.
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What's the sequel to Mario Sunshine?
Mario Sunburnt!
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Chuck Norris was once bitten by a cobra snake.
After 3 long days of suffering, the snake died.
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What was the name of the frog’s favorite crisp dish?
Croaky bacon.
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Zoom meetings is a stupid name, and it’s branded.
We should call it a bit more casual like “coworker video chat” or something shorter, like “co-vid”.
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What do you call a landing page with a high bounce rate?
A takeoff page.
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Why is chess just like real life?
The king can only take a step at a time and the queen can do as she pleases.
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It’s game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court.
He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty.
He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there.
He responds, “No, the seat’s empty.”
The first man exclaims, “What?! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?”
The neighbor responds, “Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven’t been together.”
The first man responds,” I’m sorry to hear that. Wasn’t there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could’ve taken that seat?”
The neighbor responds, “No, they’re all at the funeral.”
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Which kind of donuts can fly?
The plane ones.
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From the depths of your slumber, I summon thee.
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You’re so short that you had to use a toothpick to compete in the javelin.
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What did the dad say to his son when he became afraid of the full moon?
“Don’t worry! It’s just a phase it’s going through!”
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When I won the lottery, I decided to share it with my ex-wife.
So I rang her and said, “Guess what, I won the jackpot.”
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It’s a good thing snakes and dogs don’t interbreed.
Nobody wants a loyal snake.
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How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
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If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila!
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When Uranus threw a party, everyone was over the moon!
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