I’ve just finished writing a book on snakes.
It would have been much easier if I’d just written in on paper...
😄 😄 😄
I’m not Superman, I’m not Batman, I’m not Spider-Man...
But I’m your Man.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Olive.”
“Olive, who?”
“Olive the other reindeer.”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so dumb she wasn’t looking for the droids in the first place!
😄 😄 😄
I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.
I suppose we aren’t gonna work out.
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t we have a Reality Show where flat Earthers walk to the end of the Earth?
Because that would be edgy.
😄 😄 😄
Getting dress for work is so stressful. Should I put on yoga pants or sweatpants?
😄 😄 😄
Coding Rules:
• If it’s working, don’t touch it.
• Bad code can’t be debugged. Neither can good code.
• If you don’t know something, Google it.
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The English teacher in India.
Teacher: “Tell me a sentence that starts with an ‘I’.”
Student: “I is the...”
Teacher: “Stop! Never put ‘is’ after an ‘I’. Always put ‘am’ after an ‘I’.”
Student: “OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
😄 😄 😄
An ant approaches an elephant and asks, “Would you like to play?”
“Sure,” replies the elephant.
“So, what’s your favorite game?” the ant inquires.
“Squash,” says the elephant.
😄 😄 😄
It will be 20 years since I last had a drink on the 5th of January.
I drink on all of the other days.
😄 😄 😄
People call my obsession with the afterlife suicidal.
Truth be told, I’m dying to find out if there is life after death.
😄 😄 😄
Where does the moon go to get its qualifications?
Moon-iversity!
😄 😄 😄
Why do people who have TikTok get sick?
Because of all the influenzas.
😄 😄 😄
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of nut doesn’t have a shell?
A donut.
😄 😄 😄
My horse came in so late the jockey was wearing pijamas.
😄 😄 😄
It only takes Chuck Norris 10 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a female crab who is also single?
Ms. Shell.
😄 😄 😄
A boy calls 911.
“911, what is your emergency?”
The boy replied, “My parents are fighting, and I’m scared..”
“Well, who’s your father?”
“Well, that’s what they’re fighting about.”
😄 😄 😄
