
The cactus is talking to his wife.
Wife: βYouβre so selfish. You have to remember that itβs cact-US.β
Cactus: βActually, the plural of cactus is catc-I.β
π π π
AI will never take away my job.
Only an idiot would do my job.
π π π
Youβre so fat that the only job interview question they ask is if you can fit through the door.
π π π
People are usually shocked when they find out Iβm not a very good electrician.
π π π
Your head is so big that the rest of your body will never get a tan.
π π π
Virtual background on Zoom?
But, we need virtual outfits!
π π π
Your mama so short she needs a ladder to touch the ground.
π π π
What do you call the people born in April who arenβt particularly intelligent?
April fools.
π π π
Where does the moon go to get its qualifications?
Moon-iversity!
π π π
Why didnβt the shark want to fight the octopus?
Because he knew the octopus was well armed.
π π π
ββDo you know who is coming to our party later on?β
βYeah, Dee is.β
βDee, who?β
βDEEZ NUTS!β
π π π
What do you call a striker playing a June match?
A spring forward.
π π π
I went to watch Spider-Man playing baseball.
He was great at catching flies.
π π π
The orthopedic doctor was feeling a bit patella-tive after a long day of surgeries.
π π π
Reverend Clive Morgan was completing his homily in St Johnβs Church about the dangers of alcohol and the need for moderation and temperance.
He announced at the end of the sermon in a loud, clear voice, βIf I had all the beer in the world, Iβd take it and throw it into the river.β Β
With even greater emphasis he added, βAnd if I had all the wine in the world, Iβd take it and throw it into the river.β
Finally, he intoned in an extremely serious manner, βAnd if I had all the whiskey in the world, Iβd take it and throw it into the river.β
The Reverend Morgan then sat down.
Jerry, St Johnβs leading chorister stood up and announced with a smile, βFor our closing hymn this Sunday, let us sing together hymn number 109: Shall We Gather at the River.β
π π π
Crush: βWhy should I trust you? All the guys Iβve been dating have been dogs.β
Me: β...β
Crush: βWell? Arenβt you going to say anything?β
Me: β... meow?β
π π π
In honor of the eve of April Foolsβ Day, just remember that tomorrow you need to be cautious of many tweets and news reports because most of them will be lies and simply there to try and trick you. Believe nothing, and trust no one.
Just treat it like itβs any other day.
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What is a math teacherβs favorite sum?
Summer!
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Why canβt the UK and the USA play chess anymore?
Because one lost its queen and the other lost its two towers.
π π π
Judge: βLady, you shoplifted a can of tomatoes, so I sentence you to four weeks in prison, one for each tomato.β
Ladyβs husband: βYour honor, donβt forget, she also stole a can of peas.β
π π π