What’s an owl’s favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
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A man ordered for a voice-automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.
He got the car and started sending it on errands. He became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes.
One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school as she was very tired.
The man agreed and said to the car, “Car, go and bring my children from school.”
The car went and didn’t return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong.
Several hours later and no car, the man became apprehensive.
He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police station.
As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children.
The car parked right in front of them and said, “These are your children, sir.”
In the car were their landlady’s two daughters, their choir mistress’s two sons, his wife’s best friend’s daughter, their pastor’s son, and their neighbor’s two sons.
The wife said angrily, “I demand to know if these are all your children?!”
The man asked her calmly, “Just as soon as you tell me why our children aren’t in the car.”
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Why shouldn’t you iron a 4 leaf clover?
You don’t want to press your luck!
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The military was standing outside my house, guess what I did?
I-ran.
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I guess I don’t need any sunshine anymore.
Because your smile is going to brighten up my day!
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Yo mama’s so fat not even a ninja could carry her in a Fortnite battle.
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Who do you sell second hand bikes to?
A re-cyclist.
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Your nose is so big that when you sneeze... Everyone runs for cover!
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I would like to start doing yoga but I can never find the time to.
I am not very flexible.
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Why is the sun such an egomaniac?
He believes that everything revolves around him.
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Why did the Croissants take the Donuts and Bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
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Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
He had nobody to go with.
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An old country gentleman sent his son off to engineering school.
Four years later, upon his son’s return, he asked him what he had learned at college.
The son replied, “Pi r square.”
The dad exclaimed, “You didn’t learn nothin’, boy! Pie are round, bread’s square.”
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The moon landing is obviously fake.
Like come on, the moon is still up there. It never landed.
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What drink breaks the ice?
Flirt-Tea.
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Why do pigs go to New York City?
To see the Big Apple.
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The best time to propose is on April 1st.
If they say no, you can yell “April Fool!”.
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Did you hear about the new strategy where companies collaborate with ill celebrities?
It’s called influenza marketing.
It’s really going viral.
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What’s my blood type?
Pumpkin spice!
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How did the telephone boyfriend propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
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