How do robots exercise?
They do circuit training.
😄 😄 😄
A lot of people are afraid of heights.
Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so stupid Kylo Ren couldn’t force read her mind!
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris counted to infinity.
Twice.
😄 😄 😄
What would you call Israel if it disappeared away?
Wasreal.
😄 😄 😄
I was sick and told my mom I had a runny nose.
She told me, “You should tell it to walk instead.”
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the sky that fell?
It turned the whole world blue.
😄 😄 😄
Man tries to open a bank account.
Teller asks him, “Your name?”
“J-j-jj-hhh-on S-ss-mm-i-tthh.”
“Oh, you stutter?”
“No, my dad did, but the person, who did by birth certificate, was a complete moron!”
😄 😄 😄
Whatever you do, always give 100 %.
Unless you are donating blood.
😄 😄 😄
Why couldn’t the Cookie Monster make his bed?
He couldn’t find a cookie sheet!
😄 😄 😄
Why did the flu virus go to the theater?
It heard the play was infectious.
😄 😄 😄
A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave, discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave.
Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow, “What the heck are you doing down there?”
And the fellow shouts back, “Yoga!”
😄 😄 😄
Where do you smart hot dogs go?
On the honor role.
😄 😄 😄
If you don’t wake up soon, I will eat your breakfast.
😄 😄 😄
My New Year’s resolution was to eat 1200 calories a day. I’ve been doing so great!
I’ve surpassed my goal every day so far!
😄 😄 😄
A Mormon mother was preparing pancakes for her sons—Owen, 5, and Bill, 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, “Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.”
Owen turned to his younger brother and said, “Bill, you be Jesus.”
😄 😄 😄
My psychiatrist said I have a narcissistic personality.
I don’t know what that means, but must be pretty good if I’ve got it.
😄 😄 😄
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Kanga.”
“Kanga, who?”
“Actually, it’s kangaroo!”
😄 😄 😄
An Irishman walks into NASA and asks:
“Can Ireland my spaceship on the moon?”
😄 😄 😄
