At a meeting, the Boss told a joke.
Everyone on the team laughed except one guy.
The Boss asked him, “Didn’t you understand my joke?”
The guy replied, “Oh, I understood it, but I resigned this morning.”
😄 😄 😄
I was arguing with a construction worker. We were getting bogged down in cementics.
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Why don’t people like Dracula?
He’s a pain in the neck.
😄 😄 😄
Everyone keeps wishing a happy Father’s Day to “The best dad in the world”.
I’m flattered. But I hope everyone wishes their own dad a happy Father’s Day as well.
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Where do sailors go when they feel sick?
The dock-tor.
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Your forehead is a 20-mile taxi ride from your eyebrows to your hairline.
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What should you never put in an ice cream sundae?
A Spoon.
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I asked my wife whether I should get another tattoo, and she said that if I do, I should get it in a place that doesn’t matter.
So I’m planning to get one in Oklahoma.
😄 😄 😄
I emailed Netflix and asked if they had Batman Forever.
They said, “No, just until the end of June.”
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the bingo caller who had a tumor?
Luckily, the tumor was B-9.
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Yo Mamas teeth are so yellow I can’t believe it’s not butter.
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John, a wealthy 60 year old man, shows up at the country club one day with his new wife, a smoking hot 22 year old blonde.
His buddies are amazed, “There is no way someone that young and attractive would agree to marry an old geezer like you. How did you pull it off?”
“It’s simple,” John says, “I lied to her about my age.”
“Did you tell her you were 50?” his friends ask.
John shakes his head no.
“There is no way she could believe you were 40.”
John shakes his head again.
Friends: “So how old did you tell her you were exactly?”
John smiles and says, “85.”
😄 😄 😄
A local pizza chain just folded.
The new restaurants serve only calzones now.
😄 😄 😄
What’s worse than getting a job at McDonald’s?
Not getting the job at McDonald’s.
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Why can’t you trust an atom?
They make up everything.
😄 😄 😄
What did the man, eating pickles, say to two of his friends who were complaining about Wednesday?
“You two have got to dill with this hump today!”
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I told my mom I wanted to play Roblox for a living.
She said she didn’t want me to have such a block-and-white career.
😄 😄 😄
Why can’t violins finish a crossword puzzle?
Because violins never solved anything.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
😄 😄 😄
Who came after Augustus?
Septembrus.
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