How is April Fools’ Day like a huge open mic night?
Millions of people go out of their way to demonstrate how unfunny they are.
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I entered a Roblox building competition.
But got disqualified because my design was a copy-pastemasterpiece.
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What’s the world’s biggest mushroom competition?
The champignon’s league.
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I haven’t tripped, but here I am in the fall.
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Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
He was feeling crummy.
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My girlfriend accused me of stealing her thesaurus.
Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.
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How was your ear operation?
Thursday.
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What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter what you call him, he ain’t gonna come.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Somebody too short to ring the doorbell!”
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Yo momma so old she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
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Yo mama so stupid when they told her she had no common sense she said, “You’re wrong!” and slammed 2 pennies onto the table.
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I was at the paint store the other day and after the guy put my paint on the counter he asks, “Do you wanna box for that?”
I replied, “No but I’ll wrestle you for it.”
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Husband: “Hello, 911? Yes, there’s this Hindu fellow who’s been following my wife around for the past few hours, and it’s starting to really creep us out. He just now got down on his knees, and he’s... praying, or something.”
911 operator: “Sir, calm down, there’s no issue here—Hindus are well known to worship cows.”
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A man enters a golfing tournament, but he is terrible at golf.
However, an evil leprechaun lives at the golf course.
He says to the man, “I see you are terrible at golf, but I can help you win the tournament, if you agree to never marry.”
The man agrees.
After he wins the tournament, the leprechaun asks for his name.
The man says, “Father Smith,” as he adjusts his priest’s collar.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Felix.”
“Felix, who?”
“Felix my ice cream, I’ll lick his!”
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What do heroes like Spider-Man and Ant-Man have in common?
They bug the villains!
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Kim Jong Un has promised a new clear future for North Korea.
Oops! Spelled ‘nuclear’ wrong.
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I recently heard about a study that said that all the so-called “brain foods” don’t actually help your brain at all. It’s all just pseudoscience.
Food for thought.
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Why couldn’t the joker enter the shop?
Because there was a board outside stating “No funny business”.
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What do you get when you shave off a neckbeard’s neckbeard?
M’stache.
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