My friend showed me his huge comic book collection.
It was quite a Marvel.
😄 😄 😄
Boyfriend: “I love you.”
Girlfriend: “Is that you or the wine talking?”
Boyfriend: “It’s me talking to the wine.”
😄 😄 😄
In 1945 Chuck Norris drank a Red Bull and jumped out of a plane.
For image results, Google the word Hiroshima.
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A blonde crashed a helicopter.
The police officer asked her what happened.
She says, “It got cold, so I turned off the fan.”
😄 😄 😄
Teacher: “Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.”
No one stands up.
Teacher: “Oh c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb.” Waves her finger around the left side of the room.
Little Johnny stands up.
Teacher: “Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?”
Little Johnny: “No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a man who is unable to stand up?
Neal.
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How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because the keyboard player can do it with his left hand.
😄 😄 😄
My grandfather was a very intelligent man. He was an inventor. He invented the cold air balloon.
Only problem was it never really took off.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between an orchestra and a bull?
On the bull the horns are in the front and the asshole is in the back.
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Why did the elf put his bed in the fireplace?
Because he wanted to sleep like a log.
😄 😄 😄
Why did Stephen Hawking stop playing hide and seek with his wife?
Because she kept using a metal detector.
😄 😄 😄
A Sioux woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist.
“I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want any painkillers because I’m in a big hurry,” the Sioux woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way.”
The dentist was quite impressed, “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?”
The Sioux woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear.”
😄 😄 😄
I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns.
It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry.
😄 😄 😄
My PhD was about torque.
I guess that makes me a spin doctor.
😄 😄 😄
Star Wars Episode 7-9 Titles Revealed.
Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens
Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Sleeps For Five More Minutes
Star Wars Episode IX: The Force Is Late For Work
😄 😄 😄
To what would you change the name of a kid named Hunter if he becomes a vegetarian?
Gatherer.
😄 😄 😄
What does a philosophy student feel when they fail a module on empiricism?
Hume-iliation.
😄 😄 😄
I’m not buying this sweater.
It’s made of ex-boyfriend material.
😄 😄 😄
An engineering student designed a robot that would take his exams for him.
The other designed a robot that could cheat off the first robot.
😄 😄 😄
