Why don’t they have Mother’s Day sales?
Because mothers are priceless.
😄 😄 😄
Where do vegetarian vampires live?
Plantsylvania.
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Pros of working from home:
· No pants
· Loud music.
Cons of working from home:
· You have to make your own coffee
· You talk to yourself too much.
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What prize do you get for putting your phone on vibrate?
The no bell prize.
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My English teacher used to quote Lord of the Rings to us.
She used to say “You shall not pass!”
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I told my niece that I saw a moose on the way to work this morning.
She said, “How do you know he was on his way to work?”
😄 😄 😄
Public Service Announcement:
“If you get a new baby bunny for Easter, it is not laying little brown chocolate eggs”
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What room has no doors, walls, or floor?
A mushroom.
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A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are:
1. Heart disease
2. Chuck Norris
3. Cancer
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It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
😄 😄 😄
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list.
Now I can’t read anything.
😄 😄 😄
“Why are you using our daughter as a guitar?” my wife asked.
“You told me to rock her to sleep,” I replied.
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What do you call someone dressed as a clown who falls down the stairs?
An ambulance.
😄 😄 😄
A dragon would never explode.
But a dino might.
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How do you make a small fortune out of horses?
Start with a large fortune.
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Dating me is like dating your therapist who is also your mom and is also very disappointed in you.
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Yo mama so fat, she sweats butter and syrup, and has a full time job at Denny’s wiping pancakes across her forehead.
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I just couldn’t decide which Asian takeout food I like the best, Japanese or Chinese.
I ended up calling it a Thai.
😄 😄 😄
Facebook is like a fridge.
Even when you know there’s nothing new going on, you still go on and check it every 10 minutes.
😄 😄 😄
The banker fell overboard from a friend’s sailboat.
The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, “Can you float alone?”
“Obviously,” the banker replied, “but this is a heck of a time to talk business.”
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