I’m going to host a boat race. The winner will get pasta.
It will be called the Penne Regatta.
😄 😄 😄
What did the mermaid wear to her math class?
An algae bra.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the hairdresser?
She dyed.
😄 😄 😄
A white man comes across a Native American who is lying on the ground with his ear pressed against the ground between two tire tracks.
“What’s going on?” the white man asks.
“White Chevy Tahoe. Four doors. License plate XPV 14785. Has a Coexist bumper sticker,” replies the Native American.
“Wow, you can tell all that from just listening to the ground?”
“No, you idiot! That’s what the asshole who hit me was driving.”
😄 😄 😄
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
He lost his rind.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so flatulent that she forced the Mustafarians to wear masks!
😄 😄 😄
“911, what’s your emergency?”
“Hey, I know it’s been a week since Halloween is over, but I’m seriously starting to doubt the body hanging from my neighbor’s tree is not a decoration.”
😄 😄 😄
Guess what the name of my new computer processor is?
Chip.
😄 😄 😄
If Chuck Norris is defusing a bomb and has a choice of red wire, yellow wire and green wire, he chooses blue.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so poor she chases after the garbage truck with a shopping list.
😄 😄 😄
What do you do if you get rejected for a job at the sunscreen company?
Reapply.
😄 😄 😄
Why do frogs love St. Patrick’s Day?
They’re always wearing green.
😄 😄 😄
How can you tell a police horse from a normal horse?
The police horse goes “Neigh-naw-neigh-naw-neigh-naw”.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so fat when Vader cut off her hand gravy would have come out had it not been cauterized by the lightsaber.
😄 😄 😄
What did Santa get the day after Christmas?
Diabetes.
😄 😄 😄
Got an ice cream for my girlfriend.
Best trade I ever made.
😄 😄 😄
I don’t like people who do not cover their mouths and noses when they sneeze.
These people make me sick.
😄 😄 😄
They say it’s good luck for a seagull to poo on you.
It is, for the seagull, obviously, not for you.
😄 😄 😄
Before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, be sure to lift your left leg.
That way you will start off the new year on the right foot.
😄 😄 😄
