When Chuck Norris tells a joke about Will Smith’s wife, Will Smith slaps himself.
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What is a boxer’s favorite drink?
Punch.
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I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
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If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while.
They’re normally around 90 degrees.
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How was the cyclops so effective that she was awarded the best teacher award on Teachers’ Day?
She only had one pupil!
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Cargo.”
“Cargo, who?”
“Nope. Owl go who. Car go beep beep.”
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My small friend always argues that vanilla, chocolate and strawberry are the three best ice cream flavors.
I think he has a Neapolitan complex.
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What do moon people do after they get married?
Go on their honey-earth!
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What happens to Minecraft characters when they turn 16?
They grow cubic hair.
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What do you call a dancing ghost?
Polka-haunt-us.
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I was once in a relationship with Math.
I had to leave it though, there were just too many problems.
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Guess what number of pessimists it takes to screw in a light bulb?
None – they gave up.
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What happens when you go to the beach in hell?
You get a SaTan.
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What would be the first thing communists do if they ruled the solar system?
Rename Uranus to Ouranus.
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What do you call people who design icons in League of Legends?
Lolicons.
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What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes.
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Your nose was on time, but you must have been a few minutes late.
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Lily went to a nearby pharmacy to buy her partner some deodorant.
A salesclerk comes up to her and asks what she’s looking for.
“I’m looking for some deodorant for my boyfriend, but I don’t know what kind he uses.”
“Is it the ball type?”
“No,” she replied. “It’s for his armpits.”
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What is a prankster’s favorite toy?
Silly String.
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What’s the difference between science and religion?
Science flies you to the moon while religion flies you into buildings.
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