
In a place without geometry...
Life is pointless.
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Ohayo means βgood morningβ in Japanese.
And that is the most interesting thing about Ohio.
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On your 40th birthday, you might feel old.
You might be right!
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What do you call people with big ears?
Nothing, they might hear you.
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A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.
He turns on his signal lamp and sends, βChange your course, 10 degrees west.β
The light signals back, βChange yours, 10 degrees east.β
The captain gets a little annoyed.
He signals, βIβm a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.β
The light signals back, βIβm a Seaman First Class. You must change your course, sir.β
Now the captain is mad.
He signals, βIβm an aircraft carrier. Iβm not changing my course.β
The light signals back a final message, βIβm a lighthouse. Your call.β
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Patient: βDoctor, doctor! Iβve swallowed my money!β
Doctor: βTake this, and weβll see if thereβs any change in the morning.β
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I was too lazy to go out shopping today, so to make it feel like Black Friday, I punched a few family members while online shopping.
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Yo Mamas teeth are so yellow I canβt believe itβs not butter.
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Why didnβt the zombie go to school?
He felt rotten!
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I thought I saw a squirrel on the roof.
But it was just a roofingΒ nut.
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Why do one-legged people like beer?
Because itβs made with hops.
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Why did the influenza virus break up with its girlfriend?
She was too cold to him.
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Blessed be your morning, o holy one!
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What is Spider-Manβs favorite online music app?
Spot-a-fly.
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A marvelous morning to you, my friend.
You are someone who never quits, mainly because you never start.
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Why donβt pumpkins get into arguments?
Because they have no stomach for fighting.
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The Leaning Tower of Pisa is in Italy.
So itβs italicized!
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Have you heard of the golfer who opened a colonoscopy clinic?
He does 18 holes a day.
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Chuck Norris doesnβt admire the stars.
They admire him.
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What did one hip replacement say to the other?
βYou crack me up!β
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