
All the physicists meet up in heaven and decide to play a game of hide and seek.
They decide that Fermi will be the seeker, so he closes his eyes and begins counting to 100.
All the physicists scatter, except for Newton, who calmly reaches into his pocket, takes out some chalk, and draws a square one meter on a side.
Fermi finishes counting and turns around, seeing Newton standing in his chalk square he yells, βI found Newton. Newton is out!β
Newton protests, βNo, Iβm Newton in a meter squareβIβm Pascal. Pascal is out!β
π π π
Why is the sun not very heavy to carry?
Because it is really very light.
π π π
Your mommaβs so short she can bungee-jump off a curb!
π π π
Why are cooks funny?
They can crack yolks.
π π π
How is a dyslexic cow like a Buddhist monk?
Both say βommmmmmmmm.β
π π π
How do dogs make sandwiches?
With purebred.
π π π
Did you hear about the American Indian who died from drinking too much tea?
He drowned in his own tepee.
π π π
What did the nervous spider say to the audience?
βForgive me, guys, but Iβve got butterflies in my stomach.β
π π π
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia.
The librarian says, βTheyβre right behind you!β
π π π
βYou know, I think itβs your turn to pick wild mushrooms.β My girlfriend said.
So I gather.
π π π
What does Yoda say when he is drunk?
βDear me, it appears I have imbibed alcohol in sufficient quantity to impair my speech.β
π π π
Why did the owl βowl?
Because the woodpecker would peck βer.
π π π
What do you call someone whoβs really into stationary biking?
A cyclepath.
π π π
Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βAvery.β
βAvery, who?β
βAvery Merry Christmas to you!β
π π π
Whatβs a hipsterβs favorite type of surgery?
A hip replacement.
π π π
A woman asks a waiter, βWhat is this fly doing in my Ice cream?!β
The waiter says, βShivering, madam.β
π π π
Roses are red, violets are blue.
You look like a donkey, and smell like one too.
π π π
I donβt put ketchup and mustard on my hot dog, I relish it.
π π π
You canβt lose weight by talking about it.
You need to keep your mouth shut.
π π π
I donβt hate leg day.
Itβs the two days after I canβt stand.
π π π