Chuck Norris has a polar bear rug on his floor.
It’s actually a live bear but it’s too scared to move.
😄 😄 😄
911 operator: “What’s your emergency?”
Kangaroo: “I can’t find my children.”
Kangaroo 911: “Did you check your pockets?”
Kangaroo: “Oh, never mind.”
😄 😄 😄
Friend 1: “You’re working from home because of the coronavirus?”
Friend 2: “I’m working from home because I don’t have a real job. We are not the same.”
😄 😄 😄
The math teacher saw that Little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, “Johnny, what are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?”
Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!”
😄 😄 😄
Why doesn’t ChatGPT need a vacation?
Because it’s already on cloud nine.
😄 😄 😄
Why is Minecraft so popular with kids?
Because they love to hang out on corners.
😄 😄 😄
Which city in Ohio has the best bakery?
Toledough.
😄 😄 😄
What’s black and blue and lying in a ditch?
A guitarist who’s told too many drummer jokes.
😄 😄 😄
A terrified mother called 911.
“Help me!” she said. “My son just swallowed a fork!”
The 911 operator told her not to worry and that he would send over an ambulance right away.
“What should I do until it arrives?” the mother asked him.
Operator: “Use a spoon.”
😄 😄 😄
How do astronauts eat their ice creams?
In floats.
😄 😄 😄
Guess what method of transportation self-driving cars use on their day off?
A human driver.
😄 😄 😄
My girlfriend accused me of stealing her thesaurus.
Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Alpaca.”
“Alpaca, who?”
“Alpaca your bags, we’re going on vacation!”
😄 😄 😄
You know what happened to humanity’s most intelligent ancestor?
He decided having kids wasn’t worth it.
😄 😄 😄
There’s a new battle royale game launching on September 1st.
It’s called “Back to School!”.
😄 😄 😄
Where do all planets go for their higher education?
To the universe-ity.
😄 😄 😄
My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up.
Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house anymore.
😄 😄 😄
Spider-Man gets a job in the CIA.
What does the officer tell him?
Spy-there-man!
😄 😄 😄
Boy: “I’m a superhero. Guess my name?”
Girl: “Iron Man? Spider-Man?”
Boy: “Yourman!”
😄 😄 😄
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
😄 😄 😄
