
What dinosaur would Harry Potter be?
The Dinosorcerer.
π π π
What do you call a female horse that refuses to work while the sun is up?
A Nightmare!
π π π
Whatβs an Amish personβs favorite dried fruit?
A barn raisinβ.
π π π
A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Dominoβs Pizza:
Customer: βYoooo, I ordered a pizza, and it came with no toppings on it or anything, itβs just bread!β
Dominoβs: βWeβre sorry to hear about this.β
Customer (minutes later): βNever mind, I opened the pizza upside down...β
π π π
At St. Peterβs Catholic Church, they have weekly husbandsβ marriage seminars.
At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, βWella, Iβva tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!β
The priest responded, βGiuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?β
Giuseppe proudly replied, βI gonna go picka her up.β
π π π
What is the result of an art competition?
A draw.
π π π
How does a man from Alabama hold up his pants?
With a bible belt.
π π π
Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βCumin.β
βCumin, who?β
βCan I cumin? Itβs cold out here!β
π π π
Yo mama is so ugly that most Snapchat filters make her better looking.
π π π
What did the little boy take his bicycle to bed with him?
Because he didnβt want to walk in his sleep.
π π π
I met a witch at the restaurant the other day, guess what she ordered?
Spook-eti.
π π π
Yo mama so fat when I saw her on Tinder, swiped left and she was still on the screen.
π π π
A blind man walks into a bar...
And a wall, and a tree, and a cactus.
π π π
Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise.
π π π
Yo mama so tall when she did a backflip she digs God in the face.
π π π
Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βSue.β
βSue, who?β
βSue-prise! Itβs April Fool!β
π π π
What did the people call the bad hot dog stand?
The WURST!
π π π
Itβs so cold, your false teeth chatter, and they are still in the glass.
π π π
Good morning!
Today is a good day to have a good day, especially if you've had your coffee.
π π π
Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βWho.β
βWho, who?β
βI didnβt know that you are an owl!β
π π π