You know you’re 40 when you have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize.
😄 😄 😄
A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat.
She thinks to herself, “Here’s another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat,” and she pushes him back onto the seat.
A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again.
She is insulted again and refuses to let him up.
Finally, the man says, “Look, lady, you’ve got to let me get up. I’m two miles past my stop already.”
😄 😄 😄
When the cow jumped over the moon...
Never have the steaks been so high.
😄 😄 😄
My family asked me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes.
I told them I couldn’t stop cold turkey.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call 10 Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 100 Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 1000 Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
Still a problem.
What do you call all of the Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
PROBLEM SOLVED!
😄 😄 😄
Guess who I bumped into on my way to the eye doctor?
Everybody.
😄 😄 😄
What did you tell the shopkeeper at the grocery store?
Donut mind me, I am here for the hole food.
😄 😄 😄
What did the alien think of the anti-gravity book?
He couldn’t put it down!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a 60-year-old who hasn’t reached puberty?
A late boomer.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an exploration mission to Uranus?
Colonoscopy.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the peanut butter and jelly get into a fight?
Because they couldn’t agree on which bread to use.
😄 😄 😄
Can you guess what the calendar worker got fired for?
He took a day off without telling anyone!
😄 😄 😄
The tree hated losing its foliage in September.
When it grew back in March, he was so re-lieved.
😄 😄 😄
What are the official sea creatures of National Pi Day?
Octopi.
😄 😄 😄
When I was a kid you could walk into a shop with a quarter and come out with 2 cokes, 3 bags of chips, 2 chocolate bars and an ice cream.
Nowadays, CCTV everywhere.
😄 😄 😄
Losing a wife can be very tough.
Some may even say impossible.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Anita.”
“Anita, who?”
“Anita piece of that birthday cake!”
😄 😄 😄
My lucky day! I didn’t have enough money for the Honda, but the dealership took pity on me and gave me an old Fiesta.
I couldn’t afford an Accord, but I was accorded a Ford.
😄 😄 😄
A little boy had a crush on his teacher, but she was dating a doctor.
So the boy brought his teacher an apple everyday.
😄 😄 😄
I suspect the moon wasn’t hungry last night.
It looked full.
😄 😄 😄
