What is dog’s favorite breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
😄 😄 😄
Why was Jupiter disqualified from the race between the planets?
He was caught taking asteroids.
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Why do blueberries make bad employees?
They always end up getting the blues.
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Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
It had great food, but no atmosphere.
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The child was a typical four-year-old girl—cute, inquisitive, and bright as a new penny.
When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.
One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.
“Now do you understand?” he asked.
“I think so,” she said. “That was when Mommy came to work for us?”
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What do bees use to build roads?
Nec-tar.
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You know the economy is bad when you pull into the McDonald’s drive thru and the person at the speaker asks:
“Can you afford fries with that?”
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A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit.
One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“I’m the Devil!” she responded.
“Well, come on home with me,” he said, “I married your sister.”
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Why didn’t the shark want to fight the octopus?
Because he knew the octopus was well armed.
😄 😄 😄
A miracle drug is one that has now the same price as last year.
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What’s the stupidest element on the periodic table?
Silicon.
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What did the blue paint brush say to the red paint brush?
“I blue you away.”
😄 😄 😄
After searching for a particular book on dinosaurs in the science section without luck, a customer looked to me for help.
She showed me a piece of paper with the title written on it: Thesaurus.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a zombie that writes the music?
Decomposer.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Howard.”
“Howard, who?”
“Howard you like to sing Christmas carols with me?”
😄 😄 😄
What’s an Amish person’s favorite dried fruit?
A barn raisin’.
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My wife was talking about funeral plans.
My Wife: “I said we’ll give you a military send off like the sailors on a ship.”
Me: “I was in the Air Force.”
My Wife: “OK, we’ll toss you out of an airplane.”
😄 😄 😄
It has been said about tax:
“For doing wrong, you are taxed a fine.
For doing well, you are fined a tax.”
😄 😄 😄
You so ugly on Halloween someone said, “Scary costume!”
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The baby blue eyes were coldly warm.
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