What’s God’s favorite beer?
Busch Light.
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Chuck Norris made the llama extinct.
Never spit in his face.
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A Sunni and a Shia Muslim have a child together.
They name her Sushi.
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If I had a dollar for every time someone called me a boring nerd...
I’d have a mean daily income of $5.64 with a standard deviation of $1.25
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There are no losers when eating hot dogs.
Only wieners.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Hoo.”
“Hoo, who?”
“Are you an owl?”
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Yo momma is so ugly she made an onion cry.
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Lady says to pharmacist, “Why does my prescription medication have 40 side effects?”
Pharmacist replies, “Cause that’s all we’ve documented so far.”
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The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad.
It was tearable.
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What do you call a Puerto Rican construction worker?
A renaissance man.
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What’s a clockmaker’s favorite social media site?
TikTok.
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A man was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.
“What seems to be the problem?” asked the bee.
“I’m out of petrol,” the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away.
Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.
After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
“Try it now,” said the bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
“Wow!” the man exclaimed. “What did you put in my petrol tank?”
“BP,” answered the bee.
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Yo mama’s so hairy that people run up to her and say “Chewbacca, can I get your autograph?”.
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A world-renowned chemist has passed away.
His will specifies that all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be put in his body.
“Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?” they ask his wife.
To which she replies, “No, just Barium.”
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Why do people call organic chemistry the meanest science?
Because it’s always pushing electrons around.
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How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving?
He was very thinkful.
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In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it.
A student handed in his work with “The Magna Carta was signed in 1215” written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, “Why did you write this?”
The boy replied, “Because you always say that history repeats itself!”
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Why are synagogues round?
So the Jews can’t hide in the corner when the collection box comes around.
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Apparently, Jude Law has a vegetarian son.
Coles Law.
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I can’t take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.
I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure-bread dog.
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