Best Jokes (98)



What does the youngest flower child say?

β€œLast bud not least!”

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Yo daddy is soΒ dumb the computer said β€œpress any key to continue”, and he was looking for the any key BUTTON.

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A telephone rang.

β€œHello! Is your phone number 444-4444?”

β€œYes, it is,” came the reply.

β€œThank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone.”

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Husband: β€œHappy Anniversary honey! I was just remembering how happy we were 30 years ago.

Wife: β€œYou idiot, we did not know each other 30 years ago.”

Husband: β€œThat’s why we were so happy!”

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Broccoli looks into the trunk of his car.

He sees an extra tire and exclaims, β€œOh! I have a-spar-a-gus!”

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œAugust.”

β€œAugust, who?”

β€œA gust of wind knocked me over!”

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œPat.”

β€œPat, who?”

β€œPat on your coatβ€”we’re going to the St. Patty’s Day parade.”

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Are aliens from invasion movies actually British?

Because all they do is colonize.

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Just because someone found out how to connect a keyboard and a portable radio together doesn’t make them a nerd

That would be stereotyping.

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My boyfriend and I always laugh about how competitive we are.

But I laugh harder.

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You so dumb you think intermittent fasting is a kind of speedwork.

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Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends’ food looked like.

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Never fight a math teacher. You’ll always be outnumbered.

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As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply.

After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves...

So Noah asked them, β€œWhy aren’t you multiplying?”

The snakes replied, β€œWe can’t, we’re adders.”

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Teacher: β€œIf your father has $10, and you

asked for $5, how much will your father

have?”

Akpos: β€œ$10.”

Teacher: β€œYou don’t know maths.”

Akpos: β€œYou don’t know my father!”

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Working from home is weird. I got so sick of sitting at my desk, I wrote my last blog from my kids’ trampoline.

The time-on-page was pretty good, but the bounce rate was really high.

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What happened when the pun misbehaved in school?

He was pun-alized with detention.

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Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders?

Because they have spirit.

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Why did the bearded man decline the invitation to a charity event?

It was a fund razor.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œNorma Lee.”

β€œNorma Lee, who?”

β€œNorma Lee I don’t eat this much!”

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