Why did the donut visit the dentist?
He needed a chocolate filling.
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Yo mama so fat, she wears two watches.
One for each time zone she’s in.
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I was in a taxi the other day and the driver said, “Do you mind if I put some music on?”
I said, “Not at all.”
He said, “‘Kiss?’”
I said, “Let’s listen to the music first and see how we feel”
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What do you give an alien?
Some space!
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Why did the cops arrest the donut baker?
He was caught pinching the salt.
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Why is teamwork important?
It helps to put the blame on someone else!
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A boxer was throwing nothing but right hooks at a punching bag.
His trainer walked up and asked, “What gives?”
The boxer replied, “I’m exercising my rights.”
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Why are colds bad criminals?
Because they’re easy to catch.
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Joe Palmer, the late racing expert, told about a man from Idaho who breezed into Kentucky with a six-year-old horse that had never raced before, but which he entered for a race.
The horse won easily and paid a whopping price.
The racing stewards did not like the look of the thing and questioned the owner.
“Is this horse unsound?” they asked.
“Not a bit,” said the owner.
“In that case,” asked the stewards, “why have you never raced him before?” “Mister,” said the man from Idaho, “we couldn’t even catch the critter until he was five years old.”
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It must be hot in here, because you’re making me melt.
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Some say that nobody should keep too much to themselves.
The IRS office is of the same opinion.
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What was the snowman doing in the vegetable patch?
Picking his nose!
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A salad was arrested for public indecency.
I guess it should’ve gotten dressed before leafing.
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Guess why elephants always get the first word?
Because their opinion carries a lot of weight!
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My husband and I purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters.
Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house’s lack of insulation.
“If they could live here all those years, so can we!” my husband confidently declared.
One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost.
My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm.
After a rather brief conversation, he hung up.
“For the past 30 years,” he muttered, “they’ve gone to Florida for the winter.”
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How do construction workers party?
They raise the roof.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?
An Apocaclipse.
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I’m trying to learn how to find a ripe avocado.
It’s not that hard.
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What do you call six witches in a Jacuzzi?
A self-cleaning coven.
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Yo mama’s so fat, not even a ninja could carry her in a Fortnite battle.
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