Best Jokes (98)



I’d like to thank everyone who taught me the definition of β€˜many’.

It really means a lot.

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If you ever find yourself being attacked by a gang of clowns...

You should go straight for the juggler.

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What do you call a polar bear on the South Pole and another Polar Bear On The North Pole?

Polar Opposites.

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My wife and I share a sense of humor.

We have to because she doesn’t have one.

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Why is it called β€œafter dark” when it really is β€œafter light”?

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Chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, β€œDo you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”

β€œYou mean aspirin?” asked the pharmacist.

β€œThat’s it! I can never remember that word.”

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It is my first time in court and I heard the judge shouting, β€œOrder!”

So I replied, β€œFried chicken, mac and cheese, and cola.”

Now I’m being escorted out by two officers. I think we are going to a restaurant.

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What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blueberry.

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What do you call an Irish reptile?

Croc O’Dile.

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Chuck Norris doesn’t wear shoes to protect his feet from the ground.

He wears them to protect the ground from his feet.

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I think I am going to need knee surgery.

Every day I am with you, I fall for you all over again.

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Why did the rapper shave off his fancy mustache?

It couldn’t handle the bars.

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Which clients do short auditors like best?

Small businessmen.

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Why do toadstools grow so close together?

They don’t need mush-room.

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What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?

β€œI’m taking you into crustody.”

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What does Spider-man wear when it gets cold out?

A Peter Parka.

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β€œIt’s a long tale,” said the fox.

β€œI’m all ears,” said the elephant.

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Mornings are all about pancakes and bacon.

Now, will you please wake up and make breakfast for me?

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Quarantine has been hard. I’ve run out of toilet paper, and have to use lettuce leaves.

It’s only going to get worse, though... this is just the tip of the iceberg.

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My orthopedic surgeon has the bone-dacity to tell jokes during surgery.

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