Whatβs the problem with twin witches?
You never know which witch is which.
π π π
I was at the paint store the other day and after the guy put my paint on the counter he asks, βDo you wanna box for that?β
I replied, βNo but Iβll wrestle you for it.β
π π π
Today I made a big pot of pasta,
but when I went to dump the pot into the sink, I think I strained something.
π π π
Yo mama so stupid she brought a spoon to the Superbowl.
π π π
A person checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room.
Five minutes later, he calls the desk and say, βYouβve given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?β
The desk clerk says, βSir, thatβs absurd. Have you looked for the door?β
The person says, βWell, thereβs one door that leads to the bathroom. Thereβs a second door that goes into the closet. And thereβs a door I havenβt tried, but it has a βDo not disturbβ sign on it.β
π π π
God initially planned to use wasps to pollinate flowers.
But in the end, he went with plan Bee.
π π π
Chuck Norris assigns his teachers homework.
π π π
Officer: βDo you know why I stopped you?β
Blonde: βBecause I didnβt pull out of the donut shop too fast?β
π π π
My teacher always tells me to follow my dreams, but she wonβt let me sleep in class.
π π π
Every Spider-Man needs a Mary Jane...
Can you be my Mary Jane?
π π π
βGuess what?β
βWhat?β
βGood guess.β
π π π
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
π π π
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
π π π
Whenever I make chocolate chip or blueberry muffins, I make sure one muffin is just batter.
I like to play Muffin Roulette.
π π π
What did the chef say to his staff on Labor Day?
βLetβs take a break and cook up some fun!β
π π π
When it gets to January, Iβm going to overthrow the Government!
Itβll be my New Yearβs Revolution.
π π π
Why did the circus lion eat the tightrope walker?
He wanted a well-balanced meal.
π π π
What is the funniest thing you can say to a bald man?
βYou are so bald that I can simply rub your head and start predicting futures!β
π π π
I got a haircut today, but Iβm never going back to that barber.
I asked for one hair cut, and he cut all of them.
π π π
What sound does a turkeyβs phone make?
βWing, wing.β
π π π