Why should you never race a Muslim during Ramadan?
They fast during Ramadan.
😄 😄 😄
What does the gym instructor say after having loads of desserts?
“I donut care anymore.”
😄 😄 😄
What is the perfect profession for narcissists?
Architect. Because they’ll forever be making entrances and drawing stairs.
😄 😄 😄
If you were a food what would you be?
Friend 1: “Pizza because I’m so cheesy.”
Friend 2: “Chocolate chip cookie because I have lots of friends.”
Me: “Donut because I’m so empty inside.”
😄 😄 😄
What is the difference between a piano, a tuna and a glue?
You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.
And you probably wondering what about the glue...
I knew you would get stuck on that.
😄 😄 😄
If you drink too much alcohol you are an alcoholic.
If you drink too much Fanta, does that make you Fantastic?
😄 😄 😄
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk?
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books.
He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
😄 😄 😄
My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me, “Do you smoke or drink coffee?”
I told him I drink it.
😄 😄 😄
An art dealer and a painter are having a conversation.
Art dealer: “I have good news and bad news. Good news is, a person came up to me this afternoon to ask about the value of your art. When I told him that it would increase in value after your death, he immediately bought ALL of them.”
Painter: “Wow! What’s the bad news?”
Art dealer: “He was your doctor.”
😄 😄 😄
What did one vegetarian say to the other vegetarian?
We have to stop meating like this.
😄 😄 😄
What sickness did the minion get while travelling?
Yellow fever.
😄 😄 😄
What type of tomato smells best?
A Roma.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat Rick and Morty thought her belly button was a portal to another dimension.
😄 😄 😄
I hate explaining my own jokes. Mostly because I don’t get them either.
😄 😄 😄
My therapist says I’m narcissistic.
How can someone who’s perfect be narcissistic?
😄 😄 😄
The skeleton didn’t mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
😄 😄 😄
Which ice cream flavor is always celebrating?
Birthday cake!
😄 😄 😄
People say that I’m creative and I couldn’t agree more because I create most of my own problems.
😄 😄 😄
What happens to pigs when they stay in the sun too long?
Turn into bacon.
😄 😄 😄
