An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office.
I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said, “No, this is light.”
😄 😄 😄
One day at football practice, the nose was sad.
It was probably because he didn’t get picked.
😄 😄 😄
Today I’m making fish cakes covered in bread crumbs.
It will be a challenge because I’ve never been covered in breadcrumbs before.
😄 😄 😄
Where do vegetarian vampires live?
Plantsylvania.
😄 😄 😄
Don’t you love sitting on the sofa late at night with a glass of wine in your hand?
Until the police come along and kick you out of IKEA.
😄 😄 😄
Like a garbage phoenix, you shall rise from the gutter you call bed.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat the horse on her polo shirt is real.
😄 😄 😄
Which bakery should you go to on the Fourth of July?
The one that sells pastries with stars and stripes. The rest are just un-pastry-otic.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the sun not go to college?
Because it already has a million degrees!
😄 😄 😄
The EU was invited to a Thanksgiving dinner.
But they refused to have turkey.
😄 😄 😄
My friends came over for band practice.
My dad came downstairs with a jar of peanut butter and said, “I brought this to go with your jam.”
😄 😄 😄
Your ears are so big you use shower heads as earbuds.
😄 😄 😄
How did the hot dog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a unicorn with two horns?
A goat.
😄 😄 😄
My mother-in-law has a massive case of diarrhea.
She won’t find out until she unpacks her luggage.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so stupid I said “Kool-Aid” and she jumped through the wall.
😄 😄 😄
Santa saw your Facebook pictures...
You’re getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.
😄 😄 😄
My husband is as handsome as Frank Sinatra and as intelligent as Albert Einstein.
His name is Frankenstein.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Cargo.”
“Cargo, who?”
“Nope. Owl go who. Car go beep beep.”
😄 😄 😄
A blind man walks into a bar...
And a wall, and a tree, and a cactus.
😄 😄 😄
