What room has no doors, walls, or floor?
A mushroom.
😄 😄 😄
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
😄 😄 😄
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list.
Now I can’t read anything.
😄 😄 😄
“Why are you using our daughter as a guitar?” my wife asked.
“You told me to rock her to sleep,” I replied.
😄 😄 😄
Dating me is like dating your therapist who is also your mom and is also very disappointed in you.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat, she sweats butter and syrup, and has a full time job at Denny’s wiping pancakes across her forehead.
😄 😄 😄
I just couldn’t decide which Asian takeout food I like the best, Japanese or Chinese.
I ended up calling it a Thai.
😄 😄 😄
Facebook is like a fridge.
Even when you know there’s nothing new going on, you still go on and check it every 10 minutes.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the worst part about going to the doctor and being diagnosed with diabetes?
You don’t get a lollipop afterward.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so dumb she tried to eat pi.
😄 😄 😄
Why are there sidewalks alongside roads?
So Chevy owners have a safe place to walk home.
😄 😄 😄
Patient: “Doctor, doctor! I see double!”
Doctor: “Sit on the chair please.”
Patient: “Which one?”
😄 😄 😄
A family was having dinner once when the youngest boy asked his father whether worms tasted nice when we eat them. Both the parents reprimanded the little boy and told him that these things shouldn't be discussed over the dinner table.
When the father asked the boy after dinner why he had asked such a question, he replied, “Papa, I think worms taste okay because there was one in your spaghetti.”
😄 😄 😄
French Donuts...
...are the Beigne of my existence.
😄 😄 😄
I’d like to thank everyone who taught me the definition of ‘many’.
It really means a lot.
😄 😄 😄
If you ever find yourself being attacked by a gang of clowns...
You should go straight for the juggler.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a polar bear on the South Pole and another Polar Bear On The North Pole?
Polar Opposites.
😄 😄 😄
My wife and I share a sense of humor.
We have to because she doesn’t have one.
😄 😄 😄
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
😄 😄 😄
Chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, “Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”
“You mean aspirin?” asked the pharmacist.
“That’s it! I can never remember that word.”
😄 😄 😄
