What’s something usually insulting, but not on Thanksgiving?
A family member giving you the bird.
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I missed a question on my biology exam today.
The question was: What are commonly found in cells?
I guess “prisoners” wasn’t the right answer.
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Yo momma is so fat she makes Jabba look like Calista Flockhart.
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I spent a year writing a romance novel where two blood cells meet and fall in love.
It never got published.
It was all in vein.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Interrupting cow.”
“Interrup...”
“Moooooooo!”
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My wife asked me if I had seen the dog bowl.
I replied that I didn’t know he played cricket.
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What do you call the guy who draws pictures of criminal suspects?
A con artist.
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I entered what I ate today into my new fitness app on my phone.
It sent an ambulance to my house.
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I love you with all my butt.
I would say my heart, but it’s just not as big.
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Pulled out a couple of nose hairs to see if it hurts.
Judging by the reaction of the man asleep next to me on the train, it seems very painful.
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What’s the first sign that you have caught bird flu?
Fowl symptoms.
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Your mama so dumb she watches “The Three Stooges” and takes notes.
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April Fools’ Day.
The day, every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.
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What did the turkey say during Thanksgiving?
It was too stuffed to say anything.
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What monster plays the most April Fools’ jokes?
Prankenstein!
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What’s a bowling ball’s favorite sweet?
Skittles!
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The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast.
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which is the most feminine candy?
it’s Hershey!
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Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends’ food looked like.
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It’s as cold as a brass toilet in an outhouse in Alaska.
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