What happens when developers ask a silly question?
They get a silly ANSI.
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Why did the hip bone go to theย coffeeย shop?
Because it needed a little perk-me-up after surgery.
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What is the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you did not know you had in a way you donโt understand.
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Did you know that according to 911 choking on a handful of gummies does not constitute a โbear attackโ.
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Reverend Clive Morgan was completing his homily in St Johnโs Church about the dangers of alcohol and the need for moderation and temperance.
He announced at the end of the sermon in a loud, clear voice, โIf I had all the beer in the world, Iโd take it and throw it into the river.โ ย
With even greater emphasis he added, โAnd if I had all the wine in the world, Iโd take it and throw it into the river.โ
Finally, he intoned in an extremely serious manner, โAnd if I had all the whiskey in the world, Iโd take it and throw it into the river.โ
The Reverend Morgan then sat down.
Jerry, St Johnโs leading chorister stood up and announced with a smile, โFor our closing hymn this Sunday, let us sing together hymn number 109: Shall We Gather at the River.โ
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What type of salad did they serve on the Titanic?
Iceberg lettuce.
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Iโm going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water.
Itโs an untapped market.
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I had to put my motorbike in the shop.
It needed a wheelignment.
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Success is like a fart.
It only bothers people when itโs not their own.
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Knock! Knock!
โWhoโs there?โ
โBeak.โ
โBeak, who?โ
โBeak careful that you donโt get pranked on April Foolsโ Day.โ
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Teacher: โClass, choose between money and brain.โ
Akpos: โIโd go for the money!โ
Teacher: โIโd go for brain!โ
Akpos: โWell, everybody goes for what he doesnโt have.โ
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Guess what happened to the man who was addicted to doing the โHokey Pokeyโ?
He turned himself around.
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Why do cats hate laptops?
They donโt have a mouse.
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Two drunk guys walk into a hotel.
Skippering one word after another, they finally manage to make themselves understood by the girl at the reception.
โSo you want the cheapest double room we have, right? The only free one is on the 100th floor, but the elevator is broken.โ
The two guys, in order not to spend the night sleeping on a bench, load their luggage and leave for the staircase.
Since one hundred floors, drunk and with heavy bags is a really tough challenge, they decide to tell a joke every five floors.
When they reach the fiftieth floor, one of them starts laughing.
โWhat happened? Have you remembered a very good joke?โ asks the first.
โThis joke is just so hilarious! Actually, itโs so good that Iโll save it for later!โ answers the second guy.
When they reach the 75th floor, the same guy bursts laughing even harder.
โAre you okay? Are you still thinking about that joke from earlier?โ asks worried the first.
โYeah, but this one is soooooo good, Iโll save it for when we finish,โ answers the other guy.
Finally, exhausted and tired, they reach the 100th floor.
Panting, the first boy asks, โSo, what is this joke that has tormented you so much?โ
Still breathless, the other replies, โHey, do you remember the girl who was at the reception? Here, we left before she gave us the keys.โ
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A couple had been married for 30 years and was celebrating the husbandโs 60th birthday.
During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife said, โWeโve been so poor all these years, and Iโve never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world.โ
The fairy waved her wand and POOF!
She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husbandโs turn.
He paused for a moment, and then said, โWell, Iโd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me.โ
The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.
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The phone rang in the principalโs office.
Principal: โHello?โ
Caller: โUmm, yes, hi, my son wonโt be coming to school today because heโs got the flu.โ
Principal: โOK, and who may I ask is speaking?โ
Caller: โUmm, my dad.โ
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My girlfriend has an OnlyFans account and itโs doing really well.
I just have to figure out how to break the news to her.
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A turtle is crossing the road when heโs mugged by two snails.
When the police show up, they ask him what happened.
The shaken turtle replies, โI donโt know. It all happened so fast.โ
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A young child told his mother, โWhen I grow up Iโm going to play the bass guitar.โ
His mother responded, โWell, honey, you know you canโt do both.โ
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In a house full of caffeine addicts, they found their coffee maker broken this morning.
And now thereโs trouble brewing.
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