Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
The man replies, “And how would you do that?”
The woman says, “Just wait and see.”
She then hangs upside down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?”
The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”
The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?”
The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”
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Why did the dyslexic couple learn karate?
They tried to get some marital counselling but ended up with martial training.
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I said to my doctor, “I wake up thinking I’m a penguin, and by the end of the day I believe I’m an arctic fox.”
He told me I was bipolar.
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In North Korea, you cannot throw fruits in the snow.
As they don’t have the right to freeze peach.
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What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
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What is the name of a man who always knows where his wife is?
A widower.
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A construction worker lost his hand in an workplace accident.
The insurance company is trying to figure out how it happened, but they can’t quite put their finger on it.
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Why do football players struggle at bowling?
Because they had a hard time kicking the ball!
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All this spending on Black Friday.
Better make sure you pay the electric bill first or next Friday will be Black Friday too.
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When does a farmer dance?
When he drops the beet.
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I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining.
He just couldn’t find a role he could sink his teeth into.
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Black people are really fast...
It’s a race thing.
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I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.
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Why did the watermelon have brown spots all over its skin?
It had melonoma.
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What did Yoda say to Anakin on his wedding day?
May divorce be with you.
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My father was stupid.
He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.
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Yo momma’s so black when she turned to the dark side the Sith became Jedis.
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Rise and conquer, adventurer!
Today’s mission: navigate through the day without putting your shirt on inside-out.
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I may be short, but short people can wear heels, ugly just can’t be fixed.
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What do trees do during September?
Turn over to a new leaf.
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