Best Jokes (98)



Why would marketers make good football players?

Because they’re good at β€œconverting” opportunities.

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A group of ducks flew overhead in a V formation.

Do you know why one side of the V is longer than the other?

It has more ducks.

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Pepito tells his dad, β€œDad I got a 10 in school today.”

Pepito’s father asks him delighted, β€œHow wonderful, Pepito! In which area did you get that qualification?”

Pepito responds, β€œI got 5 in spelling and 5 in history.

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What do gymnasts use to season their food in June, July, and August?

Somersault.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œOwl.”

β€œOwl, who?”

β€œOwl good things come to those who wait.”

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A man with a wooden eye is at a dance.

During a slow dance, he can’t find a partner to dance with him.

He sees from the opposite side of the dance floor a girl with a large nose.

Seeing that she is also without a dance partner, he makes his move.

He approaches her and is frank with her, asking, β€œWould you dance with me?”

Filled with excitement, she yells, β€œWould I!”

Without missing a beat, the man retorts, β€œBIG NOSE BIG NOSE BIG NOSE!!!”

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Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts!

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I’m on medication for my PokΓ©mon Go addiction.

Gotacachemol.

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How do you make a skeleton laugh?

Tickle their funny bones.

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A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

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Every oven in the greasy hot dog restaurant was broken.

So the diners got a raw deal.

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Did you know bees become indecisive after April?

They become maybees.

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I had a great conversation with a dolphin the other day.

We just... I don’t know. We just clicked.

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A brief rise in suicide is related to the Covid pandemic.

Murderers are working from home.

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My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers.

He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

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How many Puerto Ricans does it take to change a lightbulb.

Just Juan.

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What do you call the guy who draws pictures of criminal suspects?

A con artist.

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A crab walks into a bar.

The barman says, β€œI can’t serve you mate, you’re already walking sideways.”

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Two otters are going on a journey in a van. Who is driving?

Animal control.

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Patient: β€œDoctor, doctor! I’ve broken my arm in three places!”

Doctor: β€œWell, stop going to those places then.”

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