Two drunkards are from their usual drinking spree on their way home when they spot a mango fruit up the tree.
They start tossing stones at the fruit to fell it, after what seems like a lifetime missing the target.
One says to the other, “Maybe it is not even ripe, let me scale up the tree and take a closer look.”
The other agrees.
He tediously scales up the tree and gently squeezes the fruit to feel if it is ripe.
He comes down joyfully to his friend and say, “Yeap, the fruit is damn ripe, let’s get it.”
And they continue tossing the stones to the fruit.
😄 😄 😄
Roses are red, violets are blue.
Every time I flush the toilet, I think of you.
😄 😄 😄
What do clouds wear under their shorts?
Thunderpants.
😄 😄 😄
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between UFOs and an honest politician?
It is possible that UFOs exist.
😄 😄 😄
Why do they call it ‘beauty sleep’ when you wake up looking like a troll.
Good morning!
😄 😄 😄
What’s the favorite genre of music on Uranus?
Space Opera.
😄 😄 😄
The good news is Elon Musk is turning Twitter headquarters into a homeless shelter.
The bad news is it can only house 280 characters or less.
😄 😄 😄
An Australian aborigine owns a boomerang that will not return to him no matter how many times he throws it.
Frustrated, he seeks assistance from the witch doctor.
When the witch doctor asks where he obtained the boomerang, the aborigine says it was from a souvenir shop on Ayer’s Rock.
The witch doctor says, “You bloody fool, didn’t you see the sign by the cash register that says ‘NO RETURNS’.”
😄 😄 😄
I do have to say though, groom, just how lucky you are. You will leave here today with a wife who is warm, loving and caring.
And, bride, how lucky you are as well. You leave here today having gained a lovely dress and a wonderful bouquet of flowers.
😄 😄 😄
What is a Mexican’s favorite anime?
Juan Piece.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the blue paint laugh at the brown paint?
Because he was blue-tiful.
😄 😄 😄
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large tray of hot dogs.
The nun posted a sign on the hot dog tray “Take only one, God is watching”.
Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
One child whispered to another, “Take all you want. God is watching the hot dogs.”
😄 😄 😄
Dropped a huge bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused severe pain to-ma-toes.
😄 😄 😄
What do feminists say at the end of their prayers?
Awomen.
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“It’s your birthday? How old are you?” asks the man’s friend.
“I’m seven and one-seventh,” replies the man.
“How’s that, you look about 50 to me?” asks the friend.
“Every time I chat up a nice lady she calls me an old dog, so I figure I get to count age in dog years now!”
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Why did the man who couldn’t grow a beard tape a rabbit to his face?
Then he would get the facial hare he always wanted.
😄 😄 😄
What did the basketball player who loved donuts say after the match?
Let’s go to Dunkin’ Donuts for the hole food protein!
😄 😄 😄
I went on a blind date where her online profile said she had an infectious smile.
Turns out they were cold sores.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Disguise.”
“Disguise, who?”
“Disguise your boyfriend!”
😄 😄 😄
