Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are.
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Why did Puerto Rico become a state?
Because they couldn’t find enough parking.
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How does a Facebook employee greet each other?
Hey there, whatsapp!
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In North Korea, you cannot throw fruits in the snow.
As they don’t have the right to freeze peach.
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Why should you take a pencil to bed?
To draw the curtains.
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Did you hear the one about the roofer with the perfect safety record?
He never had a shingle accident.
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What do you call an extraterrestrial that speaks Portuguese?
A Brazalien.
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Relationships are a lot like algebra.
Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
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I saw a 50% off sign on a sushi restaurant today.
Sounds fishy to me.
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Did you hear about the man who solved a puzzle in 10 minutes?
Even though the box said 2-4 years.
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The biker’s idea was revolutionary.
It was a real handlebar moment.
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What do you call a food that turns black people on?
An afro-disiac.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“I eep.”
“I eep, who?”
“Gross, you eat poo?!”
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Has anyone else’s gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I’ve grown bigger ever since.
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I don’t know why marvel hasn’t tried to advertise on the hulk.
He’s a giant banner after all.
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As a Mormon, heritage is very important to me.
From a very young age, I learned all about my forefathers.
And my five mothers.
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I’d like to thank everyone who taught me the definition of ‘many’.
It really means a lot.
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Cars look both ways in case Chuck Norris is crossing the street.
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What did the buffalo say to his son just before he passed away?
Bison.
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I’ve seen a meteor shower...
But never seen a meteor take a bath.
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