What sickness did the minion get while travelling?
Yellow fever.
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What type of tomato smells best?
A Roma.
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Yo mama so fat Rick and Morty thought her belly button was a portal to another dimension.
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I hate explaining my own jokes. Mostly because I don’t get them either.
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My therapist says I’m narcissistic.
How can someone who’s perfect be narcissistic?
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The skeleton didn’t mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
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Which ice cream flavor is always celebrating?
Birthday cake!
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People say that I’m creative and I couldn’t agree more because I create most of my own problems.
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What happens to pigs when they stay in the sun too long?
Turn into bacon.
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Ever since 2017, my New Year’s resolution has been to work on my novel.
Many years going and I’ve almost finished reading it!
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Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”
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The center of a donut is 100% fat-free.
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My New Year’s resolution was to eat 1200 calories a day. I’ve been doing so great!
I’ve surpassed my goal every day so far!
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Aliens: “We’ve come to destroy the Earth.”
Greta: “It’s a bit late, right?”
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A mushroom walks up to a tomato and asks him out on a date.
As the evening wears on, the tomato is just sitting there, not saying much and looking miserable.
“What’s wrong?” the mushroom says. “Aren’t you enjoying yourself?”
“I guess I’m just not a fun-gi,” says the tomato.
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What do you get when you shave off a neckbeard’s neckbeard?
M’stache.
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What car does a German vegetarian drive?
A Volks-vegan.
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My crush told me that I’m pretty.
Well, the whole sentence was “You’re pretty annoying”, but I focus only on the positive things.
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Can February march?
No, but April may.
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What do you call a computer covered in fruit chunks?
A pineApple Mac.
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