What’s faster: lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank?
He came in with buns glazing.
😄 😄 😄
For April Fools, my girlfriend replaced my Alpha-Bits with Cheerios.
I have no words to say how angry I am.
😄 😄 😄
Why shouldn’t you worry about gaining a few extra pounds?
Fat people are harder to kidnap.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Juliet.”
“Juliet, who?”
“Juliet pancakes for breakfast.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a guy who is afraid of Santa?
Claustrophobic.
😄 😄 😄
Why are orange jokes so dumb?
Because oranges are afraid to concentrate.
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Friend 1: “You’re working from home because of the coronavirus?”
Friend 2: “I’m working from home because I don’t have a real job. We are not the same.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the waitress say when Rick Astley asked to fast track his order of apple pie and vanilla ice cream?
I’m never gonna run around and dessert you.
😄 😄 😄
What did the moon say to the sun?
“Hello, Sun.”
What did the sun say to the moon?
“Dad?”
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Henning Brand discovered phosphorous by boiling urine.
That’s why they call it P.
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I had to give up my job as a plumber.
It was just too draining.
😄 😄 😄
Where are bearded prisoners sent?
The Gilette-ine.
😄 😄 😄
The absolute value of 0 is no laughing matter.
“lol”.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a snail holding a baseball bat?
A slugger.
😄 😄 😄
I’ve just finished writing a book on snakes.
It would have been much easier if I’d just written in on paper...
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Olive.”
“Olive, who?”
“Olive the other reindeer.”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so dumb she wasn’t looking for the droids in the first place!
😄 😄 😄
I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.
I suppose we aren’t gonna work out.
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t we have a Reality Show where flat Earthers walk to the end of the Earth?
Because that would be edgy.
😄 😄 😄
