Dispatcher: “911, what is your emergency?”
Caller: “Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn... I think I’m going to pass out.”
Dispatcher: “Sir, where are you calling from?”
Caller: “I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster.”
Dispatcher: “Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?”
Caller: “No.”
Dispatcher: “What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?”
Caller: “Running from the police.”
😄 😄 😄
The doctor’s office blocked my number after I kept calling about Pokémon.
I don’t know what the hell they’re talking about, but I really need someone to take a look at this bulbous sore I have.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a guy who’s laying down in front of a door?
Matt.
😄 😄 😄
What happened to the wolf that fell into the washing machine?
It became a wash and wearwolf.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat she uses the highway as a slip and slide.
😄 😄 😄
I wanted to go bowling, but the pins were on strike.
😄 😄 😄
It only takes Chuck Norris 10 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
😄 😄 😄
How does a physical chemist wash their glassware?
They get an organic chemist to do it.
😄 😄 😄
Everyone knows about Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.
But few know about Harold the Brown Nose Reindeer.
He was as strong as the rest, and could fly as high... he just couldn’t stop as fast.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
😄 😄 😄
What does a sick ninja practice?
Kung flu.
😄 😄 😄
I’m gonna quit my job on a submarine.
I’m under a lot of pressure.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat NASA thought she was a planet.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the chef join Pinterest?
Because they wanted to find the perfect recipe for pin-teresting meals!
😄 😄 😄
“Our face is kinda similar to a planet…”
“Oh yeah. Which one?”
“Uranus.”
😄 😄 😄
Your mama’s so short that she has to get a running start to get up on the toilet.
😄 😄 😄
I love all these new Forsaken quests.
They’re really jaw-dropping.
😄 😄 😄
Why was the pizza ringing?
It had some bell peppers on it.
😄 😄 😄
Always a seasonal delight, today we will look at how to make a pumpkin roll:
Step 1. Get a pumpkin.
Step 2. Take your pumpkin to the top of a hill.
Step 3. Give it a little push.
Step 4. Enjoy.
😄 😄 😄
What would’ve been a better name for the lion instead of King of the Jungle?
Emperoar.
😄 😄 😄
