I think I am going to need knee surgery.
Every day I am with you, I fall for you all over again.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the rapper shave off his fancy mustache?
It couldn’t handle the bars.
😄 😄 😄
Which clients do short auditors like best?
Small businessmen.
😄 😄 😄
Why do toadstools grow so close together?
They don’t need mush-room.
😄 😄 😄
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
“I’m taking you into crustody.”
😄 😄 😄
What does Spider-man wear when it gets cold out?
A Peter Parka.
😄 😄 😄
“It’s a long tale,” said the fox.
“I’m all ears,” said the elephant.
😄 😄 😄
Mornings are all about pancakes and bacon.
Now, will you please wake up and make breakfast for me?
😄 😄 😄
Quarantine has been hard. I’ve run out of toilet paper, and have to use lettuce leaves.
It’s only going to get worse, though... this is just the tip of the iceberg.
😄 😄 😄
My orthopedic surgeon has the bone-dacity to tell jokes during surgery.
😄 😄 😄
What goes up when April showers come down?
An umbrella.
😄 😄 😄
What are Michael Jackson’s pronouns?
He/Hee.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the moon break up with Uranus?
It wanted someone with a brighter personality.
😄 😄 😄
My friend said he was going to start a feeling-blue club, but I declined.
I’m more of an upbeat kind of person.
😄 😄 😄
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
😄 😄 😄
Why are writers really good at coding?
Because they are really into Pro grammar.
😄 😄 😄
There are 3 types of rings common to the Millennial marriage:
the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and tindering.
😄 😄 😄
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?
Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.
😄 😄 😄
A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday.
The following week, she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned.
Susie said, “He was born in a manger.” Bobby said, “He threw the money changers out of the temple.”
Little Johnny said, “He has a red pickup truck but he doesn’t know how to drive it.”
Curious, the teacher asked, “And where did you learn that, Johnny?”
“From my daddy,” said Johnny. “Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and daddy yelled at him, ‘Jesus Christ! Why don’t you learn how to drive?!’”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call Spider-Man with 20 eyes?
Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider-Man.
😄 😄 😄
