Why did the donut visit the dentist?
He needed a chocolate filling.
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Yo mama so fat, she wears two watches.
One for each time zone sheβs in.
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I was in a taxi the other day and the driver said, βDo you mind if I put some music on?β
I said, βNot at all.β
He said, ββKiss?ββ
I said, βLetβs listen to the music first and see how we feelβ
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What do you give an alien?
Some space!
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Why did the cops arrest the donut baker?
He was caught pinching the salt.
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Why is teamwork important?
It helps to put the blame on someone else!
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A boxer was throwing nothing but right hooks at a punching bag.
His trainer walked up and asked, βWhat gives?β
The boxer replied, βIβm exercising my rights.β
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Why are colds bad criminals?
Because theyβre easy to catch.
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Joe Palmer, the late racing expert, told about a man from Idaho who breezed into Kentucky with a six-year-old horse that had never raced before, but which he entered for a race.
The horse won easily and paid a whopping price.
The racing stewards did not like the look of the thing and questioned the owner.
βIs this horse unsound?β they asked.
βNot a bit,β said the owner.
βIn that case,β asked the stewards, βwhy have you never raced him before?β βMister,β said the man from Idaho, βwe couldnβt even catch the critter until he was five years old.β
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It must be hot in here, because youβre making me melt.
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Some say that nobody should keep too much to themselves.
The IRS office is of the same opinion.
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What was the snowman doing in the vegetable patch?
Picking his nose!
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A salad was arrested for public indecency.
I guess it shouldβve gotten dressed before leafing.
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Guess why elephants always get the first word?
Because their opinion carries a lot of weight!
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My husband and I purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters.
Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the houseβs lack of insulation.
βIf they could live here all those years, so can we!β my husband confidently declared.
One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost.
My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm.
After a rather brief conversation, he hung up.
βFor the past 30 years,β he muttered, βtheyβve gone to Florida for the winter.β
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How do construction workers party?
They raise the roof.
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What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?
An Apocaclipse.
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Iβm trying to learn how to find a ripe avocado.
Itβs not that hard.
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What do you call six witches in a Jacuzzi?
A self-cleaning coven.
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Yo mamaβs so fat, not even a ninja could carry her in a Fortnite battle.
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