Not to be Mushy but since it is your birthday I just want to say: I think you are the most Fungiing awesome mom, you are cute as a Button, you put in the fun in Fungus, you have always been there for Morel support, and you are like a Truffleβhard to find and incredibly valuable.
You are the Champion of Moms! I mean I turned out alright, not to toot my own Trumpet.
π π π
I hated my haircut at first...
But now itβs starting to grow on me.
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What did the registered nurse say to the medicine maker when he got sick?
βLet me give you a taste of your own medicine.β
π π π
When a peanut butter hears a sweet song it exclaims:
βThatβs my jam!β
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βGladys.β
βGladys, who?β
βGladys Christmas. You too?β
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βThe word of the day is βcontagiousβ,β said the teacher. βWho can use it in a sentence?β
Little Jenny stood up and said, βMy dad has a cold and said itβs contagious.β
The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.
Billy stood up and said, βMiss, my mum has the flu, and I think itβs contagious.β
Happy with Billyβs response, the teacher asked for one more student to stand up and give an example.
Little Johnny stood up, βMiss, my next door neighbor is painting his house with a 1-inch brush and my dad said itβs going to take the contagious.β
π π π
Went to the seaside for a vacation last year.
The landlady said to me, βWe charge twenty pounds a nightβbed and breakfastβor twelve pounds if you make your own bed.β
βOh, all right,β I said, βIβll make the bed.β
And the landlady gave me a saw, a hammer and some nails.
π π π
Yo mamaβs so fat that even stormtroopers canβt miss her.
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I saw a blue crab today.
It was quite a claw-some sight.
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Yo mama so ugly when she was born, the nurse said, βI think it is a child...β
π π π
The irate customer calling the newspaper offices, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.
βMaβam,β said the employee, βtoday is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until Sunday.β
There was quite a pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition, βSo thatβs why no one was in church today...β
π π π
What do sweet potatoes wear to bed?
Yammies.
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I always seem to say the wrong thing. For example yesterday I complimented my best friendβs mustache.
Now sheβs not talking to me.
π π π
A priest buys a lawn mower at a yard sale. Back home, he pulls on the starter rope a few times with no results.
He storms back to the yard sale and tells the previous owner, βI canβt get the mower to start!β
βThatβs because you have to curse to get it started,β says the man.
βIβm a man of the cloth. I donβt even remember how to curse.β
βYou keep pulling on that rope, and itβll come back to you.β
π π π
What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
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What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
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Why do single people look forward to Ramadan?
Itβs the only month they might ever have a date.
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Yo mommaβs so fat the Millenium Falcon can hide in her belly button.
π π π
I was under the blues.
So I had to blue my nose occasionally.
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Yo mama so fat every time she turns around itβs her birthday.
π π π