What monster plays the most April Foolsβ jokes?
Prankenstein!
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Whatβs a bowling ballβs favorite sweet?
Skittles!
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The easiest time to add insult to injury is when youβre signing someoneβs cast.
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which is the most feminine candy?
itβs Hershey!
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Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friendsβ food looked like.
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Itβs as cold as a brass toilet in an outhouse in Alaska.
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What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios?
βWow! Donut seeds!β
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I used to confuse Star Wars with Star Trek.
It was a Wookie mistake.
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Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning?
He was a good conductor.
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Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
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Yo daddy so ugly yo momma first saw him at the zoo.
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What music does the Easter Bunny listen to while hiding eggs?
Hip hop.
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You got the whole world in your nose. How lucky are you.
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Did you know, some fleas spend their lives jumping for the moon?
Lunar-tics.
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Once a boy was killing mosquitoes.
The girl asked him, βHow many mosquitoes have you killed?β
He replied, β3 female and 2 male.β
She asked, βHow did you know that they were male or female?β
He replied, β3 were sitting in front of the mirror and the 2 were sitting on the treadmill.β
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Chuck Norris has a polar bear rug on his floor.
Itβs actually a live bear but itβs too scared to move.
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Having your own child is like living in a frat houseβnobody sleeps, everythingβs broken, and thereβs a lot of throwing up.
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From the death notice of a local newspaper:
After a very hard and painful life, Mr. Miller finally found his peace.
The funeral of his wife Mathilda will take place on the 26th of December.
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Jesus made his usual rounds in heaven when he noticed a wizened, old man with long white hair and a white beard sitting in a corner looking very disconsolate.
The next week he was disturbed to come across him again, looking equally miserable, and a week later he stopped to talk to him.
βSee here, old fellow,β said Jesus kindly, βthis is heaven. The sun is shining, youβve got all you could want to eat, all the instruments you might want to playβyouβre supposed to be blissfully happy! Whatβs wrong?β
βWell,β said the old man, βyou see, I was a carpenter on earth, and lost my only, dearly beloved son at an early age. And here, in heaven, I was hoping more than anything to find him.β
Tears sprang from Jesusβ eyes.
βFATHER!β he cried.
The old man jumped to his feet, bursting into tears, and sobbed, βPINOCCHIO!β
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What kind of exercise do sloths do?
Waitlifting.
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