Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours.
They decided to call it a day.
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Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes.
Then they are each given a final request.
The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible.
His request is granted, and they poison him.
The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family.
This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes.
Now it is the third man’s turn.
He asks for a fork.
The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork.
As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, “To hell with your canoes!”
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An art dealer and a painter are having a conversation.
Art dealer: “I have good news and bad news. Good news is, a person came up to me this afternoon to ask about the value of your art. When I told him that it would increase in value after your death, he immediately bought ALL of them.”
Painter: “Wow! What’s the bad news?”
Art dealer: “He was your doctor.”
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What happens if an owl doesn’t wash?
It smells fowl.
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What is Thriday?
That moment when Thursday starts to feel a lot like a Friday.
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Why did the computer go to a cyber café?
Because it needed a byte to eat.
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Two Mormon missionaries knocked on my door.
One of the missionaries said, “Good afternoon, sir. I am Elder Mike and this is Elder James and we were wondering if you had a few moments to talk about the good news of Jesus Christ.”
I replied, “Wow! I had no idea Elder was such a common name!”
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My wife really is the sunshine of my life.
Too bad I’m a vampire.
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Customer: “Waiter, this food tastes kind of funny.”
Waiter: “Then why aren’t you laughing?”
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What did the Rams fan do when his team won the Super Bowl?
He turned off his XBox.
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What do you call a female crab who is also single?
Ms. Shell.
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Two hunters hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.They bagged six.
As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only three moose.
The two hunters objected strongly, stating, “Last year we shot six moose and the pilot let us put them all on board and he had the same plane as yours.”
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.
Unfortunately, even on full power, the little plane couldn’t handle the load and went down a few minutes after take off.
Climbing out of the wreck, one hunter asked the other, “Any idea where we are?”
He replied, “I think we’re pretty close to where we crashed last year.”
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I bet on a great horse yesterday!
It took seven horses to beat him.
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How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
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Student: “503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?”
Teacher: “502.”
Student: “How do you put an elephant in a fridge?”
Teacher: “No you can’t fit an elephant in a fridge!”
Student: “Just open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.”
Student: “How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?”
Teacher: “Open the door, put the giraffe in, close the door.”
Student: “No! Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.”
Student: “The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?”
Teacher: “The lion?”
Student: “No! The giraffe because he’s in a fridge.”
Student: “Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?”
Teacher: “Sally stepped on the alligator's mouth?”
Student: “The gators are at the party.”
Student: “But Sally dies anyway. Why?”
Teacher: “She drowned?!”
Student: “No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.”
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What is a pirate’s least favorite workout?
Planks. His favorite is chest day.
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My sister said to me, “Mom wants you to help us fix Thanksgiving Day dinner.”
I said, “Why? Is it broken?”
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Yo daddy is so dumb he got hit by a parked car.
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Why is Superman stupid?
Because he wears his underwear over his pants.
Why is Batman more stupid?
Because he wears his underwear over his pants and puts on a belt over his underwear.
Why is Robin even more stupid?
Because he followed what batman did.
Why is Wonder Woman stupid?
Because she wears a belt on her head.
Why is Spider-Man the most stupid superhero of them all?
Because he wears his underwear over his head.
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How is OpenAI improving ChatGPT?
Bit by bit.
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