Why did the Roblox character become a musician?
Because they wanted to compose block-sonatas.
😄 😄 😄
Yesterday I got stuck behind a young girl riding a horse. No matter what I did, I just couldn’t get past her. I was tooting my horn, and hanging out the window yelling at her. She still wouldn’t let me past.
There was a guy on a motorcycle behind me and he was waving too.
I was getting so wound up and frustrated. “It’s people like you that cause accidents!” I shouted.
Eventually, I just couldn’t take any more so I looked around to make sure the coast was clear... and then I jumped off the carousel.
😄 😄 😄
What’s worse than getting a job at McDonald’s?
Not getting the job at McDonald’s.
😄 😄 😄
What is the moon’s favorite cartoon?
Lunar-toons.
😄 😄 😄
Can a dog jump higher than a house?
Well, duh. Houses can’t jump.
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New Year’s Eve forecast:
Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
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What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
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A boss buys his employee a bottle of liquor to celebrate Labor Day.
The employee goes, “I haven’t bought alcohol in 15 years. I’m 15 years free.”
The boss replies, “I’m so sorry mate. I didn’t mean to break your sobriety!”
The employee responds, “Sobriety? No, I just have been stealing alcohol for 15 years and drinking it for free.”
😄 😄 😄
I’m all for three things:
Maintaining parallel structure, always using the Oxford comma and hypocrisy.
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Yo mama so fat Darth Vader couldn’t even force choke her.
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Yo sister so fat that when she took a selfie, Instagram crashed.
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What did Microsoft employees say to Bill Gates after his motivational speech?
Word.
😄 😄 😄
What does Spider-Man do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall.
😄 😄 😄
Alcoholics don’t run in my family.
But sometimes they fall down the stairs.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of flu do Chinese people have?
Kung flu.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call tea made with weed and koala bears?
A High Koala Tea Beverage.
😄 😄 😄
Why are dyslexic people religious?
Because they think god is man’s best friend.
😄 😄 😄
I met Buzz Aldrin once and asked how he felt being the second man on the moon.
“Well,” he said, “it could have been anyone. Right up until we landed, we hadn’t decided who would be first out the door. Then, once we touched down, Neil suggested we toss for it.”
“And he won?” I said.
“Well, no,” he mumbled. “The coin was still in the air when Neil jumped down the ladder. The twat.”
😄 😄 😄
Why was the designer fired from the ad agency?
Because they kept kerning away from their work.
😄 😄 😄
What happens to pigs when they stay in the sun too long?
Turn into bacon.
😄 😄 😄
