If I had a dollar for every time Iโve used algebra in my life.
Iโd have n dollars.
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What did the Mandalorian say about how to cook the Thanksgiving turkey?
โโฆThis is the way.โ
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Why did the pineapple stop in the middle of the road?
Because he ran out of juice.
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Baby Yodaโs first word...
Probably came after his second word.
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In Pokรฉmon, I never understood why bug types were supereffective against dark types.
But then I thought about malaria in Africa and it all made sense.
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Alcoholics donโt run in my family.
But sometimes they fall down the stairs.
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An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a general check-up.
The doctor was surprised to see his happy demeanor.
Doctor: โWhat is the secret of your good health?โ
Old man: โI get up before the sun rises and go out for cycling. And then come back and drink two glasses ofย wine!
Maybe this is the secret of my health.โ
Doctor: โOkay, but can I ask you how old was your father when he died?โ
Old man: โMy father died! Who told you that he died?!โ
Doctor (surprised): โYou mean that you are 80 years old, and your father is still alive? So how old is he now?โ
Old man: โHe is 102 years old and cycled with me this morning and then took two glasses of wine.โ
Doctor: โThis is very good. This means that the long life is in your familyโs genes. So, how old was your grandfather when he died?โ
Old man: โMy grandfather died! Who told you that he died?!โ
Doctor (puzzled): โYou mean that you are 80 years old, and your grandfather is still alive very much! What is his age?โ
Old man: โYes, he is 123 years old.โ
Doctor: โIย think he too must have cycled with you this morning and taken wine too?โ
Old man: โNo, Grandpa could not go this morning, because he is getting married today.โ
Doctor (on the verge of going mad): โWhy would he want to get married at the age of 123?โ
Old man: โWho said he wanted to get married? He had to be forced.โ
Doctor (shouted): โBut why?!โ
Old man: โThe Girl is pregnant, thatโs why.โ
The doctor has been cycling regularly and drinking wine ever since. The clinic is closed.
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Itโs always good to find out youโre going to be working from home.
Unless youโre a firefighter.
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Teacher: โI hope I didnโt see you looking at Timโs exam paper.โ
Pupil: โI hope you didnโt see me either!โ
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Your mama is so short she doesnโt roll dice she pushes them.
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What is the definition of overcast?
Whenย Harry Potterย messes up a spell.
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My boss told me that work might be a little blue today.
But I didnโt know that meant the copiers were taking the day off.
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Police have arrested a gang of corn flakes that they allege committed a spree of armed robberies throughout the metro area.
A Police spokesman described them as cereal offenders.
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One fine day Ole decided to take Lena for a drive in his new car.
As they were driving through town, a policeman pulled them over and told Ole that he was doing 50 miles an hour in a 30 zone.
โOh no,โ Ole protested, โI was only doing tirty, officer.โ
โNo, you were doing fifty,โ replied the cop.
โReally, officer, I was only doing tirtyโ, Ole replied stubbornly.
โWell,โ bellowed the cop, โI clocked you doing FIFTY!โ
At that point, Lena, sitting in the back seat and trying to be helpful, spoke up, โOfficer, you really shouldnโt argue with Ole ben heโs been drinking.โ
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A man walks into the doctorโs office.
A penne stuck in one of his ears, a spaghetti in the other ear, and a tortellini stuck in one nostril.
Man: โDoctor, this is terrible. Whatโs wrong with me?โ
Doctor: โWell, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.โ
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Why did Harry Styles become a detective?
Heโs just trying to solve the mystery of his own Styles.
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A lorry carrying LEGO bricks overturned on the motorway.
The police say they donโt know what to make of it.
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Your mama's got a leather wig with suede sideburns.
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What do you say to an angry baked sweet potato?
Anything, just butter him up.
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What do you call a chili with a PhD?
Dr. Pepper.
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