Yo mama’s so dumb she wasn’t looking for the droids in the first place!
😄 😄 😄
I know it’s 3 meals a day.
But how many should I eat at night?
😄 😄 😄
You know why barrel racers need to be cremated?
Because if you bury them they’ll bitch about the dirt.
😄 😄 😄
What type of elf has lots of books?
A bookshelf.
😄 😄 😄
If people want to learn more about witchcraft...
Do they go to Wiccapedia?
😄 😄 😄
My addiction to helium is out of control, but...
No one is taking my cries for help seriously.
😄 😄 😄
Yesterday I had an Adele chocolate Easter Bunny.
The first half was delicious, but it was hollow from the other side.
😄 😄 😄
Lady says to pharmacist, “Why does my prescription medication have 40 side effects?”
Pharmacist replies, “Cause that’s all we’ve documented so far.”
😄 😄 😄
Guess what horses, donkeys, cows, goats, and sheep all have in common?
They’re all very stable animals.
😄 😄 😄
My boyfriend and I always laugh about how competitive we are.
But I laugh harder.
😄 😄 😄
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia.
The librarian says, “They’re right behind you!”
😄 😄 😄
Henning Brand discovered phosphorous by boiling urine.
That’s why they call it P.
😄 😄 😄
Millennial milestone:
I finally moved out of my parents and moved in with my girlfriend. Her parents were supportive, too. They even let us bring food upstairs.
😄 😄 😄
What do Michael Jackson and the USA have in common?
They both desperately wanted to be white. And the last great thing they did was a moon walk.
😄 😄 😄
Yo daddy so fat when he went to school, he sat next to everybody.
😄 😄 😄
Two hunters are walking along in the deep of autumn, stalking a buck, when they come across a clean-cut, 10-ft diameter hole, that goes too deep to see the bottom.
“A sinkhole?” one hunter asks, “How deep does this go?”
The other shrugs.
The first hunter looks around and finds a stick, drops it down the ten-foot hole, and leans over trying to hear it hit the bottom of the hole.
They pause for a moment in silence, but hear nothing.
“Something heavier,” they agree.
The second hunter finds a rock about the size of a softball and drops it down as well, leaning over trying to hear it.
They pause for a moment in silence, but hear nothing.
Just as the second hunter turns around, the first finds a cinder block. They nod, thinking surely this will be heavy enough to make a noise as it hits the bottom.
They both heave the cinder block down the clean-cut, ten-foot, seemingly bottomless pit. They lean over, just as before, cupping their hands around their ears.
Suddenly, a loud racket comes up from behind them. They both dodge out of the way as a brown goat sprints past them, nearly knocking them in, and dives headfirst down the hole, into the darkness below.
Shocked at this occurrence, both hunters agree to speak to the owner of the land they’d been on. They find the farmer’s house and knock on her door.
When she answers, both of them attempt to explain what had happened.
“We found this ten-foot hole about a quarter mile that way,” one said. “It’s clean-cut and we couldn’t tell how deep it was. We dropped a stick and didn’t hear anything, we tried a rock too and didn’t hear anything either. Then this goat came barreling past us, nearly knocked us in, and dove straight down.”
The farmer looked puzzled.
“Was it a brown goat?” she asked.
The two hunters nodded, and the farmer shook her head.
“That’s impossible, I had him tied to a cinder block.”
😄 😄 😄
There are three guys on a boat, and they have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. What do they do?
They throw one cigarette overboard, and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
😄 😄 😄
Love is like farting.
If you have to force it, it’s going to end in a mess.
😄 😄 😄
Wanna know why skeletons are so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
😄 😄 😄
Boyfriend: “I love you.”
Girlfriend: “Is that you or the wine talking?”
Boyfriend: “It’s me talking to the wine.”
😄 😄 😄
