What sickness did the minion get while travelling?
Yellow fever.
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What type of tomato smells best?
A Roma.
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Yo mama so fat Rick and Morty thought her belly button was a portal to another dimension.
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I hate explaining my own jokes. Mostly because I donβt get them either.
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My therapist says Iβm narcissistic.
How can someone whoβs perfect be narcissistic?
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The skeleton didnβt mind that everyone called him a bonehead.
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Which ice cream flavor is always celebrating?
Birthday cake!
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People say that Iβm creative and I couldnβt agree more because I create most of my own problems.
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What happens to pigs when they stay in the sun too long?
Turn into bacon.
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Ever since 2017, my New Yearβs resolution has been to work on my novel.
Many years going and Iβve almost finished reading it!
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Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
βWait a minute,β she said. βI had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.β
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The center of a donut is 100% fat-free.
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My New Yearβs resolution was to eat 1200 calories a day. Iβve been doing so great!
Iβve surpassed my goal every day so far!
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Aliens: βWeβve come to destroy the Earth.β
Greta: βItβs a bit late, right?β
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A mushroom walks up to a tomato and asks him out on a date.
As the evening wears on, the tomato is just sitting there, not saying much and looking miserable.
βWhatβs wrong?β the mushroom says. βArenβt you enjoying yourself?β
βI guess Iβm just not a fun-gi,β says the tomato.
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What do you get when you shave off a neckbeardβs neckbeard?
Mβstache.
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What car does a German vegetarian drive?
A Volks-vegan.
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My crush told me that Iβm pretty.
Well, the whole sentence was βYouβre pretty annoyingβ, but I focus only on the positive things.
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Can February march?
No, but April may.
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What do you call a computer covered in fruit chunks?
A pineApple Mac.
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