At one army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.
One soldier mused, “Does it bother anyone else that the army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?”
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My pet turtle died.
I’m not upset—just shell-shocked.
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Yo mama so tall she tripped in America and landed in Australia.
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What’s the hardest part of the roofing business?
The overhead.
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What’s the difference between a black man and a white man?
As much as you see with your eyes!
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Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth?
It’s meteor.
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Chuck Norris was in a knife fight.
The knife lost.
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Why did the slave go to college?
To pick up his master’s degree.
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We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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Yo momma’s so hairy she looks like she has two Ewoks in a headlock.
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Why do hockey rinks have curved corners?
Because if they were 90 degrees, the ice would melt.
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How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for his birthday?
He felt his presents!
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What do you call a snowman made of yellow snow?
The “inedible snowman”.
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What is Spider-Man’s favorite road?
Peter parkway.
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What do you call four Spanish guys in a capsized boat?
Quatro sinko.
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“Do you know the difference between a fly and an elephant?”
“No.”
“Wow! You’d better see somebody then.”
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Yo mamma’s so ugly Rancors look at her and go “Damn, dude, she’s UGLY!”.
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The house cleaner told me that she was going to start working from home, so she sent me a list of chores.
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If you think that no one cares you’re alive...
Just try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
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What makes a traffic jam better?
Adding peanut butter to it.
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