Murphy’s Laws of Computing:
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.
3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.
5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
6. To err is human… to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.
7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
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Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?
To be fair, it’s really hard for geese to kill sharks.
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Do you know the reason all the bat boys in major league baseball are replaced when they turn 18?
Because otherwise you’d have to call him Batman.
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After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath.
She wasn’t content. I’m so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
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What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?
The bogeyman.
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I looked at the bottom of a tuna tin and it said “Best Before Date”.
I thought, “No, it isn’t.”
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The best way to find a Puerto Rican?
Turn off the music and listen for the complaints.
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My uncle always refused to obey his controlling wife.
He was defy-aunt.
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What do you call a leprechaun’s prank?
A St. Pat-trick!
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A pigeon flies out of a coffeeshop and hits a seagull.
Two birds, one stoned.
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Avril Lavigne could have just called her song Skater boy instead of Sk8er Boi.
Why’d you have to go and make things so complicated?
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How is April Fools’ Day like a huge open mic night?
Millions of people go out of their way to demonstrate how unfunny they are.
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I entered a Roblox building competition.
But got disqualified because my design was a copy-pastemasterpiece.
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What’s the world’s biggest mushroom competition?
The champignon’s league.
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I haven’t tripped, but here I am in the fall.
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Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
He was feeling crummy.
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How was your ear operation?
Thursday.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Somebody too short to ring the doorbell!”
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Yo mama so stupid when they told her she had no common sense she said, “You’re wrong!” and slammed 2 pennies onto the table.
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I was at the paint store the other day and after the guy put my paint on the counter he asks, “Do you wanna box for that?”
I replied, “No but I’ll wrestle you for it.”
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