What do Darth Vader and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both escaped the dark side.
😄 😄 😄
What did the emergency dispatcher say when they were asked if they worked indoors or outdoors?
“911 is an inside job.”
😄 😄 😄
Started working from home recently building boats in my attic...
Sails are through the roof.
😄 😄 😄
“Do you know who is coming to our party later on?”
“Yeah, Dee is.”
“Dee, who?”
“DEEZ NUTS!“
😄 😄 😄
What state has the most math teachers?
Math-achusetts.
😄 😄 😄
An employee asked his boss, “Can I have a few days off seeing as it’s so close to Christmas?”
The boss said, “It’s May.”
“Sorry,” the employee replied, “May I have a few days off seeing as it’s so close to Christmas?”
😄 😄 😄
Why is the moon a wanted criminal?
It’s constantly mooning people.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call it when Shrek works more than 40 hours a week?
Ogretime.
😄 😄 😄
As I was driving to work this morning, this truck driver swerved right through the traffic, cutting up the other road users before smashing into the back of a car.
On the back of his truck was a sign saying, “How am I driving?”.
I thought to myself, “I’ve got no idea either.”
😄 😄 😄
How does a robot eat its guacamole?
With micro-chips.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the dyslexic refuse to wear a polo shirt?
Because he was Lacoste intolerant.
😄 😄 😄
What did the hipster tell his chef friend with a beard?
“You ought to shavour every bite!”
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t they have Mother’s Day sales?
Because mothers are priceless.
😄 😄 😄
Yo sister so fat she has two watches, one for each time zone she’s in.
😄 😄 😄
My wife has banned me from making any more breakfast puns.
She says if I make anymore, I’m toast.
But my kids keep egging me on.
😄 😄 😄
Me: “Dad, how did you guys manage without WhatsApp and Facebook?
My Dad: “We used to keep useless information to ourselves.”
😄 😄 😄
Where does a Viking clown go when they die?
To ValHaHa.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between a rock guitarist and a folk guitarist?
A rock guitarist can play all night without tuning, and folk guitarist can tune all night without playing.
😄 😄 😄
I asked my girlfriend if she does any other exercises...
Other than jumping to conclusions.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer.
😄 😄 😄
