My wife, who is an economics professor told me she wants a divorce.
I’m not surprised, over the years I’ve felt she lost interest on me.
😄 😄 😄
What’s a hen’s favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
😄 😄 😄
The 5 secrets to happiness for men:
1. Find a woman who can make you laugh.
2. Find a woman who can cook.
3. Find a woman who really listens to you.
4. Find a woman who is great in bed.
5. Make sure these 4 women don’t find out about each other.
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True love is like a pillow: you can hug it when you’re in trouble, you can cry on it when you’re in pain, you can embrace it when you’re happy.
So when you need true love, Buy a pillow!
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama is so fat a bus hit her and she said “a mosquito”.
😄 😄 😄
How does a red panda flirt with her crush?
She gives them a bamboozling smile.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris visited the sun and stayed for 2 nights.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris never won an Oscar because he is NOT acting.
😄 😄 😄
One snowman asks another, “How do you stay in such good shape?”
He answers, “All I do is set the hairdryer on high heat and pounds just melt away.”
😄 😄 😄
CEO of Tesla invented solar-energy gathering grass!
I love the stuff. My only complaint is that it had a real e-lawn musk smell to it.
😄 😄 😄
Gen Z should change their name to Quaranteens.
😄 😄 😄
So hot dog, we meat again.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama is so fat that the National Weather Service names each of her farts.
😄 😄 😄
An engineer, a scientist, a mathematician, and a philosopher are hiking through the hills of Scotland, when they see a lone black sheep in a field.
The engineer says, “What do you know, it looks like the sheep around here are black.”
The scientist looks at him skeptically and replies, “Well, at least SOME of them are.”
The mathematician considers this for a moment and replies, “Well, at least ONE of them is.”
Then the philosopher turns to them and says, “Well, at least ON ONE SIDE.”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ginger.”
“Ginger, who?”
“The Ginger Bread Man!”
😄 😄 😄
A group chat in messenger.
Frank: “The party starts at 7 pm! We’ll have a BBQ so I was wondering if anyone was vegetarian?”
Karen: “I am! That’s so sweet of you to ask.”
Frank removed Karen from the chat.
😄 😄 😄
My son is three years old and I took him shopping.
When we got home, he had a chocolate bar in his pocket.
Now, I didn’t buy it and he certainly didn’t buy it, so I marched him straight back to the shopping center and went to the jewelers.
😄 😄 😄
A child asked his father, “How were people born?”
So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”
The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!”
His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”
😄 😄 😄
Why can’t two ghosts make out?
They go right through each other.
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s no mush-room.
😄 😄 😄
