Can you guess what the calendar worker got fired for?
He took a day off without telling anyone!
😄 😄 😄
The tree hated losing its foliage in September.
When it grew back in March, he was so re-lieved.
😄 😄 😄
What are the official sea creatures of National Pi Day?
Octopi.
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When I was a kid you could walk into a shop with a quarter and come out with 2 cokes, 3 bags of chips, 2 chocolate bars and an ice cream.
Nowadays, CCTV everywhere.
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Losing a wife can be very tough.
Some may even say impossible.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Anita.”
“Anita, who?”
“Anita piece of that birthday cake!”
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I went to watch Spider-Man playing baseball.
He was great at catching flies.
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What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don’t know, lettuce sea.
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What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
Plenty of room.
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A boxer was throwing nothing but right hooks at a punching bag.
His trainer walked up and asked, “What gives?”
The boxer replied, “I’m exercising my rights.”
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My best mates and I played a game of hiding and seek.
It went on for hours... Well, good friends are hard to find.
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A senator is visiting a primary school.
In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a tragedy.
One little boy stands up and offers, “If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,” the senator says, “that would be an ACCIDENT.”
A girl raises her hand, “If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside… that would be a tragedy.”
“I’m afraid not,” explains the senator. “That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.”
The room is silent—none of the other children dare volunteer.
“What?” asks the Senator, “Isn’t there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”
Finally, Little Johnny in the back raises his hand.
In a timid voice, he says, “If an airplane carrying a senator was blown up by a bomb, that would be a tragedy.”
“Marvelous!” the senator beams. “And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?”
“Well,” says Johnny, “because it wouldn’t be an accident, and it certainly wouldn’t be any great loss.”
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People treat me like a god.
They ignore my existence unless they want something from me.
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Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he’ll bellowulf at you, then he’ll shakespeare.
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Why do we call the aliens creating the pyramids a conspiracy theory?
It’s obviously a pyramid scheme.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?
Take away its chair.
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I’m proud to announce I have stuck to my New Year’s resolution and did not bite my nails the entire month of January.
My feet have never looked better.
😄 😄 😄
What did one boat say to the other boat?
Are you interested in a little row-mance?
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An atheist is someone with no invisible means of support.
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What did the taco say to the depressed donut?
Taco: “Want to taco bout it?”
Donut: “I donut know what to say.”
😄 😄 😄
