An elephant, a giraffe and a penguin walk in to a bar.
It’s at this point I realize that there is something wrong with my pint.
😄 😄 😄
In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than a terrorist attack.
Those damn moose limbs.
😄 😄 😄
My wife complained that I never take her to expensive places anymore.
So I took her to the gas station.
😄 😄 😄
Whenever autumn comes around, I like to walk around and collect the colorful leaves.
It sounds better than saying I’m a street sweeper.
😄 😄 😄
What did the fancy bearded goat order at the café?
A goa-tea.
😄 😄 😄
Boomer to a Millennial: “Nothing in life is free.”
Also boomer to a Millennial: “The job doesn’t pay money, but it pays you in experience.”
😄 😄 😄
Co-pilot: “Why did you become a pilot?”
Pilot: “To overcome my greatest fear.”
Co-pilot: “Heights?”
Pilot: “No, dying alone.”
😄 😄 😄
You are so ugly when you looked in the mirror your reflection walked away.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Gopher.”
“Gopher, who?”
“Gopher me, obviously.”
😄 😄 😄
Why do gamers hate nature?
Because it’s full of bugs.
😄 😄 😄
Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor?
Rabbit De Niro.
😄 😄 😄
Your hairline goes so far back, even Dora the Explorer couldn’t find it.
😄 😄 😄
What do a fine wine and Chelsea F.C. have in common?
They both spend a lot of time in the cellar, cost too much and are only enjoyed on select occasions.
😄 😄 😄
Why is ChatGPT always ready for a pop quiz?
Because it’s always in a “state of learning”.
😄 😄 😄
The economy’s so bad the other day I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
😄 😄 😄
What does a British real estate agent care most about?
His proper tea.
😄 😄 😄
Patient: “Doctor, there’s a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom.”
The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him.
The man asks, “Is it serious, doctor?”
And the doctor replies, “I’m sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg.”
😄 😄 😄
An old man was on his deathbed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him.
He called his priest, his doctor, and his real estate agent to his bedside.
“Here’s $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me.”
At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin.
Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, “I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery.”
“Well, since we’re confiding in each other,” said the doctor. “I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000.”
The real estate agent was aghast, “I’m ashamed of both of you, I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000.”
😄 😄 😄
Non-autistic person: “Autistic people take everything literally.”
Autistic person: “No, that’s kleptomaniacs.”
😄 😄 😄
Spider-Man came all the way down here to tell me I dropped his phone number.
😄 😄 😄
