Best Jokes (98)



Went to the seaside for a vacation last year.

The landlady said to me, β€œWe charge twenty pounds a nightβ€”bed and breakfastβ€”or twelve pounds if you make your own bed.”

β€œOh, all right,” I said, β€œI’ll make the bed.”

And the landlady gave me a saw, a hammer and some nails.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Yo mama’s so fat that even stormtroopers can’t miss her.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


I saw a blue crab today.

It was quite a claw-some sight.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Yo mama so ugly when she was born, the nurse said, β€œI think it is a child...”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


The irate customer calling the newspaper offices, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

β€œMa’am,” said the employee, β€œtoday is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until Sunday.”

There was quite a pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition, β€œSo that’s why no one was in church today...”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What do sweet potatoes wear to bed?

Yammies.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


I always seem to say the wrong thing. For example yesterday I complimented my best friend’s mustache.

Now she’s not talking to me.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


A priest buys a lawn mower at a yard sale. Back home, he pulls on the starter rope a few times with no results.

He storms back to the yard sale and tells the previous owner, β€œI can’t get the mower to start!”

β€œThat’s because you have to curse to get it started,” says the man.

β€œI’m a man of the cloth. I don’t even remember how to curse.”

β€œYou keep pulling on that rope, and it’ll come back to you.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?

A friend you can count on.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What do you call a vegetarian Viking?

Norvegan.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why do single people look forward to Ramadan?

It’s the only month they might ever have a date.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Yo momma’s so fat the Millenium Falcon can hide in her belly button.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


I was under the blues.

So I had to blue my nose occasionally.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Yo mama so fat every time she turns around it’s her birthday.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Patient: β€œDoctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a snowman!”

Doctor: β€œKeep cool.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What is a volleyball player’s favorite drink?

Sets on the Beach.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What’s the similarity between a fresh pair of shorts and a Bugatti bought by a shady businessman?

Both were laundered.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


I have a feeling my dying words will be β€œHoney, I was just joking.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


You’re so fat you wake up on both sides of the bed in the morning.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


A group of DnD players walk into a bar.

The bartender asks, β€œWhat’re you all in for?”

The group says, β€œWe’re hunting mimics.”

The bartender laughed, the group laughed, the table laughed.

They killed the table.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


















© 2022-2024 jokes.best