What is blue and lies under a mushroom?
Smurf poop.
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How did the cowboy save so much money?
His horse gave him a couple of bucks every day.
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Got a B in my computer programming class.
Call that a C++.
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I may be short, but short people can wear heels, ugly just can’t be fixed.
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Boyfriend: “I’d really like to have enough money to buy a white tiger!”
Girlfriend: “What on Earth would you do with a white tiger?!”
Boyfriend: “Who said I’d get a white tiger? I just want that much money!”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Canoe.”
“Canoe, who?”
“Canoe you buy me a donut?”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owl.”
“Owl, who?”
“Owl I can say is “Knock, knock”!”
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Guess what I found in the creepy old professors’ closet?
Narnia business
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When he was ten years old Warren Buffett called 911 to report a car had been in an accident near his local grocery store.
It was his first experience with a market crash.
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It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird.
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
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What do you call a chili with a PhD?
Dr. Pepper.
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I’m studying Human Anatomy.
It’s a polite way of saying “I’m watching people”.
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What do you call a dog that herds watermelons?
A Melon Collie.
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I was in a bar some days ago when a beautiful girl asked me, “What do you do?”
I replied, “I race motorcycles.”
She asked further, “Do you usually win many races?”
I said, “No, the bikes are much faster than I am.”
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I used to have a job collecting leaves.
I was raking it in.
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What does a minion mum call her offspring?
Mini-one.
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I met a girl last night and after so flirting asked her if she wanted to come home with me to play “Doctor”.
So when we got to my place, I left her sitting on my couch with a bunch of outdated magazines on the end table for 2 1/2 hours before I came out of my bedroom.
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There are three guys on a boat, and they have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. What do they do?
They throw one cigarette overboard, and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
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What would you call a cute and sassy donut?
Glazing adoughrable.
😄 😄 😄
You might be a civil engineer if you think that when people around you yawn, it’s because they did not get enough sleep.
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