A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?”, said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
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Only you can prevent narcissism.
And if anyone tells you otherwise, they’re just jealous!
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I seek to promote the welfare of a certain baked dish.
I’m a flanthropist.
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With a forehead like yours, Dora would get lost exploring it.
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I don’t mean to sound o-moon-ous, but that meteor looks awfully big!
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Outbreak: New strain of bird flu discovered!!!
It’s called Chirpies.
It’s a canarial disease.
It’s untweetable.
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What did Zeus use to make the best fries ever?
Ancient Greece.
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So apparently, everyone on my husband’s Zoom work call finds my singing distracting.
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Did you hear the one about the blonde fox that got stuck in a trap?
She chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
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When a white guy is scared, he gets even whiter.
When he is cold, he turns blue.
When he is angry, he turns red.
When he is sick, he turns green.
When a black guy is scared, he stays black.
When he is cold, he stays black.
When he is angry, he stays black.
When he is sick, he stays black.
Black man to white man, “And you call us colored.”
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Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with a slow Internet connection to see who they really are.
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Why did Puerto Rico become a state?
Because they couldn’t find enough parking.
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How does a Facebook employee greet each other?
Hey there, whatsapp!
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In North Korea, you cannot throw fruits in the snow.
As they don’t have the right to freeze peach.
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Why should you take a pencil to bed?
To draw the curtains.
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Did you hear the one about the roofer with the perfect safety record?
He never had a shingle accident.
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What do you call an extraterrestrial that speaks Portuguese?
A Brazalien.
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Relationships are a lot like algebra.
Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
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I saw a 50% off sign on a sushi restaurant today.
Sounds fishy to me.
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Did you hear about the man who solved a puzzle in 10 minutes?
Even though the box said 2-4 years.
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