Best Jokes (98)



Why should you never race a Muslim during Ramadan?

They fast during Ramadan.

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What does the gym instructor say after having loads of desserts?

β€œI donut care anymore.”

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What is the perfect profession for narcissists?

Architect. Because they’ll forever be making entrances and drawing stairs.

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If you were a food what would you be?

Friend 1: β€œPizza because I’m so cheesy.”

Friend 2: β€œChocolate chip cookie because I have lots of friends.”

Me: β€œDonut because I’m so empty inside.”

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What is the difference between a piano, a tuna and a glue?

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

And you probably wondering what about the glue...

I knew you would get stuck on that.

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If you drink too much alcohol you are an alcoholic.

If you drink too much Fanta, does that make you Fantastic?

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Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk?

It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.

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Chuck Norris doesn’t read books.

He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

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My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me, β€œDo you smoke or drink coffee?”

I told him I drink it.

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An art dealer and a painter are having a conversation.

Art dealer: β€œI have good news and bad news. Good news is, a person came up to me this afternoon to ask about the value of your art. When I told him that it would increase in value after your death, he immediately bought ALL of them.”

Painter: β€œWow! What’s the bad news?”

Art dealer: β€œHe was your doctor.”

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What did one vegetarian say to the other vegetarian?

We have to stop meating like this.

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What sickness did the minion get while travelling?

Yellow fever.

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What type of tomato smells best?

A Roma.

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Yo mama so fat Rick and Morty thought her belly button was a portal to another dimension.

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I hate explaining my own jokes. Mostly because I don’t get them either.

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My therapist says I’m narcissistic.

How can someone who’s perfect be narcissistic?

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The skeleton didn’t mind that everyone called him a bonehead.

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Which ice cream flavor is always celebrating?

Birthday cake!

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People say that I’m creative and I couldn’t agree more because I create most of my own problems.

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What happens to pigs when they stay in the sun too long?

Turn into bacon.

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