What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost.
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What do you call a picture of a mushroom with no arms, legs or head?
A stalk photo.
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Chuck Norris can blow up things, without a bomb.
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A group of friends put together a basketball team to play in the local town league and called the team “Bye”.
So far they have accumulated 4 wins from opponents’ no-shows.
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After Jesus’s trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
“I don’t know. I’ll keep you posted.”
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What’s the hardest thing about skydiving?
The ground.
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If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
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99.9% of people are idiots.
Fortunately, I belong to the 1% of intelligent people.
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Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
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The flu is kinda like my last girlfriend.
Lasted for 2 weeks and got it from my best friend.
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Yo mama so fat not even Superman can lift her.
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Roses are red, violets are blue.
A face like yours, belongs in a zoo.
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What kind of mushroom gets beat up the most?
A shiitake mushroom.
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Benedict Cumberbatch and his Marvel character have one thing in common.
Both of their last names are strange.
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Coding Rules:
• If it’s working, don’t touch it.
• Bad code can’t be debugged. Neither can good code.
• If you don’t know something, Google it.
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Where do books sleep?
Under their covers.
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Guess what the name of my new computer processor is?
Chip.
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Indian warrior decided to change his name and went to the Registry of BDM (birth, death, marriages).
He approaches the counter and talks to the lady at the counter.
Indian: “Hello miss. I would like to change my name if it is possible.”
Lady: “Of course, sir, but why would you do that?”
Indian: “Well you see my name is Sharp Arrow Flying Across the Field at Great Speed Hitting the Bison and Bison Falls Down Dead. As you see it is too long and I’m tired of pronouncing it, I would like to change it to something shorter.”
Lady: “Alright, sir, so what is the name that you would like to change to?”
Indian (makes sound with mouth): “Pew.”
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What did the hot dog say when it crossed the finish line?
“I’m a wiener!”
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Why was Joyce Byers obsessed over magnets?
On a normal day, she just finds them attractive.
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