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Jokes: Corny Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Corny Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog?

Stop touching my buns!

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How do construction workers party?

They raise the roof.

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What do you call a pharmacist working at a veterinary drug company?

A FARM-ASSIST.

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I tried to call Spiderman, but he was busy browsing in the web.

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Why did the pirate cross the road?

To get to the second-hand shop.

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Why did the mushroom break up with her boyfriend?

Because he was toxic!

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Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?

Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.

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What did parmesan say when it broke up with mozzarella?

I’m sorry, I’m too mature for you.

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To whoever stole my Microsoft Office:

I’m coming after you. You have my Word!

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When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?

Because there are no pupils to see!

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Why do brides cry at the wedding?

Because they never marry the best man.

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Who should be your best friend at school?

Your princi-pal!

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Why did the teacher wear sunglasses in class?

Because the class was so bright!

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What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher says β€œSpit your gum out!” and the train says β€œChew, chew!”

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Why is the internet like a motor racing crash?

There are spoilers everywhere.

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Why can’t tomatoes win races against lettuce?

Because the lettuce are always a head, and the tomatoes are always trying to ketchup.

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Why did a dog enter the church in the middle of a religious mass?

Because he was a German shepherd.

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?

A friend you can count on.

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Can you guess what the left eye said to the right eye?

Between you and I, something smells.

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I saw a ghost at the hair salon. Can you guess what she was doing?

Getting a scare-cut!

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Why was the Easter egg so scared of his father?

His father was hard-boiled.

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Why do anteater’s never get colds?

Because their noses are full of anty-bodies!

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What does the sun drink out of?

Sun-glasses.

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What did one flea say to the other?

β€œShall we walk or take the cat?”

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Why shouldn’t you pick a green alien for your baseball team?

They’re not ripe yet.

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What is an aliens favorite place on a computer?

The space bar.

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Why do aliens not eat clowns?

Because they taste funny.

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What do you call a Ford Fiesta that ran out of gas?

A Ford Siesta.

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Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?

To reach the high notes.

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Why is a piano so hard to open?

Because the keys are on the inside.

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A skunk fell in the river and stank to the bottom.

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What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.

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The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast.

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My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole in one.

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What's the sequel to Mario Sunshine?

Mario Sunburnt!

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Why do the seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels.

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Why are there gates around cemeteries?

Because people are dying to get in.

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Why are spiders so smart?

They can find everything on the web.

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Air used to be free at the gas station, now it costs 2.50. You want to know why?

Inflation.

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What would the Terminator be called in his retirement?

The Exterminator.

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What insect comes from the moon?

A Luna Tick!

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Yo mama’s so fat, when she fell I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

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Why didn’t the skeleton like the Halloween candy?

He didn’t have the stomach for it!

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Why are ghosts terrible liars?

You can see right through them!

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I can’t take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.

I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure-bread dog.

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Which king liked to do things on his own?

Solo-mon.

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Why do cats hate laptops?

They don’t have a mouse.

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Forget about the past, you can’t change it.

Forget about the future, you can’t predict it.

Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.

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Why are colds bad criminals?

Because they’re easy to catch.

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What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

A milkshake!

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