Jokes on Chuck Norris



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Chuck Norris Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Chuck Norris Jokes


Chuck Norris once taught a French Bulldog to be English.

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Chuck Norris speaks English, French, Spanish, Italian, and Portuguese.

At the same time in every sentence.

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Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd.

No one fools Chuck Norris.

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April doesn’t fool Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris fools April.

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People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris.

Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.

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The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.

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Chuck Norris called 911 and asked if they needed help.

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Chuck Norris is the reason terrorists hide in caves.

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If Chuck Norris is defusing a bomb and has a choice of red wire, yellow wire and green wire, he chooses blue.

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When Chuck Norris was a kid, he entered a pool bombing competition.

This place now widely known as the Niagara Falls.

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Chuck Norris can blow up things, without a bomb.

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Chuck Norris can play volleyball with a bowlingball.

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Chuck Norris can win a football game by spiking a tennis ball over a volleyball net.

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Chuck Norris once saw Spider-Man on a wall and then folded his newspaper.

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Chuck Norris can switch his motorcycle to four-wheel drive.

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Chuck Norris’s motorcycle has 4WD.

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Chuck Norris doesn’t use OFF!

Mosquitos instinctively know not to bite him.

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Chuck Norris didn’t survive the first night in Minecraft, the first night survived Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris can one hit kill a creeper in Minecraft... with a stick.

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Chuck Norris can finish Mario Bros. without using the jump button.

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Chuck Norris made the llama extinct.

Never spit in his face.

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Chuck Norris is the only one that can turn lemonade into lemons.

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Chuck Norris once played with Lego.

The result was The Great Pyramids.

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Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?

He never liked Bruised Knee.

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Chuck Norris told his iPhone 2G it was a iPhone 4.

He can now multi task and use face time.

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Chuck Norris doesn’t buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.

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Harry Potter needs 8 movies to seek and destroy Voldemort.

Chuck Norris needs 4 seconds.

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Chuck Norris won a guitar battle with a violin.

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Chuck Norris graduated college in one hour.

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In 1945 Chuck Norris drank a Red Bull and jumped out a plane.

For image results, Google the word Hiroshima.

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If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you, even Google won’t be able to find you.

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When you have a question, you check with Google.

When Google has a question, they check with Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris has a question, everybody better run!

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Every year on April 15...

The IRS pays its taxes to Chuck Norris.

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How Chuck Norris plays golf?

He stares at the ball and the ball goes into the hole to hide.

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Chuck Norris once soaked his beard in carbonated water.

The result is now sold as Red Bull.

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Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...

And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.

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Chuck Norris invented the Giraffe when he roundhouse kicked a spotted Horse in the chin.

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A man taunted Chuck Norris by holding a bag of potato chips in front of him and saying, β€œBetcha can’t just one!”

Chuck Norris subsequently ate the chips, the bag, and the man whole.

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The moon is just a football Chuck Norris kicked up when he was a kid.

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Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.

Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

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Chuck Norris’ first job was as a paperboy.

There were no survivors.

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Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died.

The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck’s gift and arranged to have him written out of the bible.

All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

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Chuck Norris eats gummy bears and poops out grizzly bears.

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Many years ago Chuck Norris and a brown bear had a fight.

The loser had to go live in the North Pole.

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Usually, when kids go to sleep they sleep with a teddy bear.

Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear.

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President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles.

Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.

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In high school, teachers had to raise their hand to speak to Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.

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What do you call a man who keeps vomiting?

Chuck.

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Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.

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Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.

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Chuck Norris once ate a Rubik’s Cube and pooped it out solved.

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When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out.

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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

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When Chuck Norris was a baby, he farted for the first time, that is when the big bang first happened.

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When Chuck Norris’s parents had nightmares, they would come to his bedroom.

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When the Tooth fairy comes to your house, she takes your tooth and gives you money.

When Chuck Norris comes to your house, he breaks your tooth and takes your money.

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Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his pee as a canned beverage.

It’s now called Red Bull.

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Chuck Norris doesn’t read books.

He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

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