Enjoy our team's carefully selected Chuck Norris Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
If you stare at the American flag long enough you’ll see a 3D image of Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
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In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls.
But the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can punch you in the back of the face.
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When Chuck Norris looks into the mirror it breaks because nobody gets between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris won the Tour de France on a stationary bike.
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It only takes Chuck Norris 10 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
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Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
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Chuck Norris’s ATM PIN number is the last four digits of Pi.
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One time Chuck Norris was pulled over, he let the cop off with a warning.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t admire the stars.
They admire him.
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Aliens exist and they want to invade Earth, they are merely waiting for Chuck Norris to die so that they stand a chance.
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The universe expands because everything is trying to get as far away from Chuck Norris as possible.
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Chuck Norris can operate a coal grill underwater.
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Once a street was named after Chuck Norris, but was renamed hours later because Chuck Norris kept beating up people trying to cross the street.
When asked about it, he just replied:
“No one crosses Chuck Norris.”
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Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
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When Chuck Norris tells a joke about Will Smith’s wife, Will Smith slaps himself.
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When Chuck Norris left for college, he told his father:
“You’re the man of the house now.”
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Chuck Norris filmed the invention of a camera.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch.
He decides what time it is.
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When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn on the light.
He turns off the dark.
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Chuck Norris made the Happy Meal cry.
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Chuck Norris assigns his teachers homework.
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Chuck Norris can fly, because gravity is too scared to make him obey her law.
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Chuck Norris can speak Japanese in French.
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Chuck Norris uses a stunt double for crying scenes.
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Chuck Norris can cut a knife with hot butter.
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Chuck Norris never won an Oscar because he is NOT acting.
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When Chuck Norris falls out of a boat, he doesn’t get wet.
The water gets Chuck Norrised.
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Jesus walked on water.
Chuck Norris swims through the land.
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Chuck Norris was in a knife fight.
The knife lost.
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Chuck Norris completed Pokemon Go.
On a landline.
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Chuck Norris has a polar bear rug on his floor.
It’s actually a live bear but it’s too scared to move.
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Guns sleep with Chuck Norris under their pillow.
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Chuck Norris visited the sun and stayed for 2 nights.
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When Superman gets ready for bed, he puts on his Chuck Norris pajamas.
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Before he goes to sleep, the boogey man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can make fire by rubbing together two pieces of ice.
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There are no jokes about Chuck Norris.
It’s all true.
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Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
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Chuck Norris can clap with one hand!
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Chuck Norris died yesterday.
No worries, he’s much better already.
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Chuck Norris counted to infinity.
Twice.
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Chuck Norris built the house in which he was born.
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When Chuck Norris was born, he spanked the doctor.
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Chuck Norris can fold a fitted sheet.
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Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
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When Mark Zuckerberg made Facebook, he already had a friend request from Chuck Norris.
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Cars look both ways in case Chuck Norris is crossing the street.
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Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
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When Chuck Norris opens an account they have to accept his terms and conductions.
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Chuck Noris once picked an apple from an orange tree and made lemonade with it.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number, you answer the wrong phone.
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When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he pushes the earth down.
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Chuck Norris plays the violin with a piano.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep.
He waits.
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Chuck Norris gets 4-wheel drive out of his bicycle.
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Chuck Norris counted every irrational number. Once!
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Chuck Norris got into a staring contest with the sun today.
The sun blinked.
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When 911 has an emergency, it calls Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can speak braille.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t use a vibrating toothbrush.
His plastic one trembles in fear.
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When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had two missed calls from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn.
He dares it to grow.
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Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss… and it looked away.
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Chuck Norris uses one chopstick.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on the shower.
He just stares at it until it cries.
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Chuck Norris can pick up a missed call.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t wear shoes to protect his feet from the ground.
He wears them to protect the ground from his feet.
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Once, Chuck Norris reached a point of no return… and returned.
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When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mother home from the hospital.
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Chuck Norris does not have near-death experiences.
Death has near Chuck Norris experiences.
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Chuck Norris killed 2 stones with 1 bird.
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Chuck Norris once taught a French Bulldog to be English.
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Chuck Norris speaks English, French, Spanish, Italian, and Portuguese.
At the same time in every sentence.
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Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd.
No one fools Chuck Norris.
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April doesn’t fool Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris fools April.
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People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris.
Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.
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The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
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Chuck Norris called 911 and asked if they needed help.
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Chuck Norris is the reason terrorists hide in caves.
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If Chuck Norris is defusing a bomb and has a choice of red wire, yellow wire and green wire, he chooses blue.
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When Chuck Norris was a kid, he entered a pool bombing competition.
This place now widely known as the Niagara Falls.
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Chuck Norris can blow up things, without a bomb.
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Chuck Norris was bitten by a werewolf.
When full moon came, the werewolf turned into Chuck Norris.
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In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn’t chasing the jeep.
Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus and the Jeep.
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A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are:
1. Heart disease
2. Chuck Norris
3. Cancer
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Chuck Norris can make a robot bleed.
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When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.
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Why did Chuck Norris destroy the periodic table?
Because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
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Hiroshima Nagasaki was nothing more than the result of Chuck Norris’ skydiving in Japan.
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The Earth was flat until Chuck Norris looked in its direction.
Then it rolled up into a ball.
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What did Chuck Norris get when he visited the feminist rally for women’s rights?
He got his shirt ironed.
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There was no volcanic eruption in Iceland—Chuck Norris opened the BBQ season.
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Chuck Norris can play volleyball with a bowlingball.
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Chuck Norris can win a football game by spiking a tennis ball over a volleyball net.
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Chuck Norris once saw Spider-Man on a wall and then folded his newspaper.
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Chuck Norris can switch his motorcycle to four-wheel drive.
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Chuck Norris’s motorcycle has 4WD.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t use OFF!
Mosquitos instinctively know not to bite him.
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Chuck Norris didn’t survive the first night in Minecraft, the first night survived Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can one hit kill a creeper in Minecraft... with a stick.
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Chuck Norris can finish Mario Bros. without using the jump button.
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Chuck Norris made the llama extinct.
Never spit in his face.
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Chuck Norris is the only one that can turn lemonade into lemons.
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Chuck Norris once played with Lego.
The result was The Great Pyramids.
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Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
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Chuck Norris told his iPhone 2G it was a iPhone 4.
He can now multi task and use face time.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.
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Harry Potter needs 8 movies to seek and destroy Voldemort.
Chuck Norris needs 4 seconds.
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Chuck Norris won a guitar battle with a violin.
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Chuck Norris graduated college in one hour.
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In 1945 Chuck Norris drank a Red Bull and jumped out of a plane.
For image results, Google the word Hiroshima.
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If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you, even Google won’t be able to find you.
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When you have a question, you check with Google.
When Google has a question, they check with Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris has a question, everybody better run!
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
If you saw Chuck Norris coming, you’d have crossed that road too!
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Every year on April 15...
The IRS pays its taxes to Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris was once bitten by a cobra snake.
After 3 long days of suffering, the snake died.
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Chuck Norris once lent his silly string to a teenager.
We now know him as Spider-Man.
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Chuck Norris can’t be racist, because to him there are no people, just light and dark targets.
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How Chuck Norris plays golf?
He stares at the ball and the ball goes into the hole to hide.
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Chuck Norris once soaked his beard in carbonated water.
The result is now sold as Red Bull.
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Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
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Chuck Norris invented the Giraffe when he roundhouse kicked a spotted Horse in the chin.
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A man taunted Chuck Norris by holding a bag of potato chips in front of him and saying, “Betcha can’t just one!”
Chuck Norris subsequently ate the chips, the bag, and the man whole.
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The moon is just a football Chuck Norris kicked up when he was a kid.
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Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.
Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
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Chuck Norris’ first job was as a paperboy.
There were no survivors.
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Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died.
The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck’s gift and arranged to have him written out of the bible.
All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
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Chuck Norris eats gummy bears and poops out grizzly bears.
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Many years ago Chuck Norris and a brown bear had a fight.
The loser had to go live in the North Pole.
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Usually, when kids go to sleep they sleep with a teddy bear.
Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear.
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President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles.
Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
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In high school, teachers had to raise their hand to speak to Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.
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What do you call a man who keeps vomiting?
Chuck.
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Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
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Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.
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Chuck Norris once ate a Rubik’s Cube and pooped it out solved.
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When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out.
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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
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When Chuck Norris was a baby, he farted for the first time, that is when the big bang first happened.
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When Chuck Norris’s parents had nightmares, they would come to his bedroom.
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When the Tooth fairy comes to your house, she takes your tooth and gives you money.
When Chuck Norris comes to your house, he breaks your tooth and takes your money.
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Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his pee as a canned beverage.
It’s now called Red Bull.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t read books.
He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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