Enjoy our team's carefully selected Halloween Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it’s neck and neck.
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My wife and I are going to be Carl and Ellie from Disney’s Up for Halloween.
I’ll dress up as an old guy and she’ll dress up as a tombstone.
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I saw a ghost at the hair salon. Can you guess what she was doing?
Getting a scare-cut!
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Last Halloween there was a knock on the door.
I looked out of the window and then shouted upstairs to my wife, “Honey there’s a witch at the door. What shall I do?”
She shouted back, “Just give her some candy and tell her to get lost.”
My mother-in-law hasn’t spoken to me since.
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I’m not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.
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Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
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Why are there gates around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
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Why didn’t the skeleton like the Halloween candy?
He didn’t have the stomach for it!
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What do you call a witch’s garage?
A broom closet.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
When you’re a mouse.
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Why are ghosts terrible liars?
You can see right through them!
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Why don’t mummies have friends?
Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.
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