Enjoy our team's carefully selected Math Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Johnny was a preschool student who did not know grammar or math very well.
While in class, his teacher asked, “What’s 2+2?”
Johnny answered, “I four-get.”
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Chuck Norris’s ATM PIN number is the last four digits of Pi.
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Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
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Chuck Norris counted to infinity.
Twice.
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Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
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Chuck Norris counted every irrational number. Once!
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The teacher asks Little Johnny if he knows his numbers.
“Yes,” he says, “my daddy taught me.”
“Can you tell me what comes after three?”
“Four,” answers Little Johnny.
“What comes after six?”
“Seven,” answers Little Johnny.
“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your father did a very fine job. What comes after ten?”
“A jack,” answers Little Johnny.
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Two college students accidentally miss the math final exam.
The next day, they both went to plead with their professor. He was feeling pretty good that day so he allowed them to retake it. He told them to both come back tomorrow for an oral exam.
When they both showed up, he told one of them to wait outside while he tested the other. So one enters and the other puts his ear to the door to listen.
The professor begins asking the question, “You are riding in a train car and you get too hot. What do you do?”
The student replies, “I open the window.”
“OK. Now that window is 2 feet wide and 3 feet high. The train is traveling 50 mph going north and the wind is blowing at 15 mph due east. How long will it take for new air to replace the old air in the car?”
The student is clearly confused by this difficult question and just answers, “I don’t know.”
So the professor gives him an F, dismisses him, and calls in his friend.
He begins asking his friend, “You are riding in a train car and it gets too hot. What do you do?”
He says, “I will take my jacket off.” “OK. But it’s still too hot. What do you do?”
“I take my shirt off.”
“I understand but it’s very, very hot.”
“I will just get naked.”
“OK. But there are people in the car who will see you get naked.”
“With all respect, professor,” said the student, “I don’t care if my grandmother and my priest are there, there’s no way I’m opening that darn window!”
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What’s a mathematician’s favorite part of Thanksgiving?
Pumpkin pi.
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Did you know that some say their favorite Thanksgiving food is pie?
It’s irrational.
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Why was the red panda good at math?
It always knew how to add-bear the numbers.
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On Teachers’ Day, why did the student gift his Maths teacher a flight ticket to New York City?
To visit his favorite spot, Times Square.
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Why was the teacher late for school on Teachers’ Day?
She took the Rhombus.
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My calculator stopped working mid-way through my exam.
I can’t count on it anymore.
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Bit nervous about my maths exam.
Think my chances of passing it are 40-40.
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Teacher: “If your father has $10, and you
asked for $5, how much will your father
have?”
Akpos: “$10.”
Teacher: “You don’t know maths.”
Akpos: “You don’t know my father!”
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What did the mermaid wear to her math class?
An algae bra.
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Why did the woman with the bad knee go to the mathematician?
Because her knees were giving her problems she couldn’t solve.
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What did the geometry teacher say when the class had trouble solving a problem?
“Let’s try a different angle.”
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What did the linguistics professor fail Geometry?
He was really bad a translating!
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My geometry teacher is really upset that her pet parrot died yesterday.
Polly gone.
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In a place without geometry...
Life is pointless.
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Why is North Korea so good at geometry?
Because they have a supreme ruler!
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I don’t mind my geometry teacher asking me to draw a circle. But to then ask me to turn that circle into two equal parts...
That’s where I draw the line.
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Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school?
Because she sprained her angle!
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Your mama is so fat that she took geometry at the school because she heard there would be some pi.
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Teacher: “Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word ‘geometry’.”
Little Johnny: “A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, ‘Gee, I’m a tree!’.”
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I couldn’t figure out why my data wasn’t coming out like my classmate’s, until I realized I dropped a square root in the formula.
I put it back in and re-plotted the data. I saw a radical change.
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Why is math said to be a codependent?
It relies on others to solve its problems.
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Why should you never talk to Pi?
Because they’ll go on and on and on forever.
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What do you get when you drink root beer in a square glass?
Beer!
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What do the Backstreet Boys and algebra teachers have in common?
They both want you to tell them Y.
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I hope they never ban algebra.
Think of the aftermath!
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I don’t trust freshmen algebra students.
They’re always plotting something.
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If I had a dollar for every time I’ve used algebra in my life.
I’d have n dollars.
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A math teacher welcomed a new French exchange student into her class and then started teaching a lesson on fractions.
The French exchange student raised his hand and said, “Excuse me, Madam, but I don’t know how to say fractions. How do you say those?”
“Easy,” said the teacher, “you just say the top number and then the bottom number is read as an ordinal number. For example, 2/3 is two-thirds, 3/4 is three-fourths, and 2/5 is two-fifths.”
“Thanks, I understand,” said the exchange student.
“Good,” said the teacher, and then asked the French student, “so how do you say 4/8?”
“Should I reduce?” asked the boy.
“That would be best,” said the teacher.
“One-second,” said the boy.
“Take as long as you need,” said the teacher.
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What is a math teacher’s favorite sum?
Summer!
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What kind of snake does your math teacher probably own?
A pi-thon.
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What does a hungry math teacher like to eat?
A square meal.
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What state has the most math teachers?
Math-achusetts.
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What is a math teacher’s favorite tree?
Geometry.
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A somewhat advanced society has figured out how to package basic knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.
The pharmacist says, “Here’s a pill for English literature.”
The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!
“What else do you have?” asks the student.
“Well, I have pills for art history, biology and world history,” replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks, “Do you have a pill for math?”
The pharmacist says, “Wait just a moment,” and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter.
“I have to take that huge pill for math?” inquires the student.
The pharmacist replied, “Well, you know... math always was a little hard to swallow.”
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A mathematician, and physicist, and an engineer are asked to find the volume of a red rubber ball.
The mathematician knows that the volume of a sphere has been mathematically determined so he measures the radius and puts it into the proper formula.
The physicist knows that Archimedes discovered how to determine the volume of an object so they submerge it in water and record the change in water level.
The engineer finds the number on the ball then pulls out their book of red rubber balls and finds its specifications.
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What do you get when you take a green cheese on the moon and divide its circumference by its diameter?
Moon pi.
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The mathematician served something special for dessert. Guess what?
It was a pi.
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As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply.
After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves...
So Noah asked them, “Why aren’t you multiplying?”
The snakes replied, “We can’t, we’re adders.”
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Boy: “Hey, I like you and I was wondering if you would be my girlfriend.”
Girl: “I have a boyfriend.”
Boy: “I have a math test tomorrow.”
Girl: “What does that have to do with anything?”
Boy: “I thought we were listing things we could cheat on.”
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Relationships are a lot like algebra.
Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
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The math teacher saw that Little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, “Johnny, what are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?”
Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!”
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I am pretty sure that my algebra teacher is secretly a pirate.
He constantly is trying to find X.
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When is the first math homework problem mentioned in the Bible?
When God told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply.
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Math teacher: “James, what do you get when you subtract 897 from 1824 and add 176 and divide the answer by 3?”
James: “A Headache ma’am.”
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I complained to my math teacher that it was too cold in the classroom.
He told me to stand in the corner. Because the corner is 90 degrees.
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Never fight a math teacher. You’ll always be outnumbered.
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A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
“If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”, he asked her.
The secretary replied, “Everything but my earrings.”
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85% of people in America don’t know basic math.
Thanks God I’m from the other 25%.
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Math teacher: “If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?”
Student: “A drinking problem.”
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Why don’t Romans find algebra interesting?
X is always 10.
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Dear math,
Please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
Thanks!
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I was going to buy a pocket calculator.
But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have.
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Dear Math,
I am sick and tired of finding your “x”. Just accept the fact that she’s gone. Move on dude.
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My ex-girlfriend is like the square root of -1,... she’s imaginary.
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