Enjoy our team's carefully selected Movie Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
If you ever feel lonely, just dim down the lights and put on a couple horror movies.
After a while, you won’t feel like you are alone anymore.
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Son: “Dad, have you seen “The Matrix”?”
Dad: “Is that the sequel to April Fools?”
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What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry?
Shrekspeare.
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What did the aging 007 say to his pharmacist?
Bond. Gold Bond.
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I was watching a movie when the screen started to emit blue light.
Guess this is one of the cons of watching movies on Blue Ray.
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What’s Uranus’ favorite comedy movie?
Guardians of the Gas-laxy.
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Yo daddy is so ugly they shot a film called “Gorillas in the Mist” in his shower.
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Yo mama so stupid she thought The Exorcist was a workout video.
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What is the definition of overcast?
When Harry Potter messes up a spell.
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What is Harry Potter’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
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Why did the red panda become an actor?
It had a panda-mic personality.
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Young actor: “Dad, guess what? I’ve just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who’s been married for 30 years.”
Father: “Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day you’ll get a speaking part.”
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An actor suffering from dementia just hit my car. I got him arrested.
As he was getting arrested, he kept saying, “Do you know who I am?!”
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Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
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Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor?
Rabbit De Niro.
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What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
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An actor I know fell through the floor recently.
It’s just a stage he was going through.
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I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining.
He just couldn’t find a role he could sink his teeth into.
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Which actor is now being quarantined for swine flu?
Kevin Bacon.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Depends on what it says in the script.
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Why are artificial intelligences in movies always female?
Because they’re never wrong.
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What are cactuses favorite Minion’s movie?
Des-prick-able Me.
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I lost my whole Lord of The Rings Lego set.
Now I’m Legoless.
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I figured out the ending of Joker.
It’s the names of the people who worked on the movie.
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Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking?
Because it was making him Moody.
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How do Death Eaters freshen their breath?
With Dementos.
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What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?
Why so Sirius?
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Why does Voldemort only use Twitter and not Facebook?
Because he only has followers, not friends.
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What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord?
A Volt-demort.
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Why was Harry Potter sent to the office?
Because he was cursing in class.
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Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses?
Nobody nose.
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What dinosaur would Harry Potter be?
The Dinosorcerer.
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Harry Potter needs 8 movies to seek and destroy Voldemort.
Chuck Norris needs 4 seconds.
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I just saw that Harry Potter film. I think it’s a bit unrealistic if you ask me.
I mean, a ginger kid with two friends? How?
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A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a duck sitting next to him.
“Are you a duck?” asked the man, surprised.
Duck: “Yes.”
Man: “What are you doing at the movies?”
The duck replied, “Well, I liked the book.”
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Did you know Avatar is a sequel to Titanic?
It picks up where Titanic left off, in the sense that half the cast is blue and dying.
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What was the name of the bacon movie?
Hamlet.
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Several aristocrats are having a party on a cruise ship, when the captain comes down and interrupts.
“I have some good news and some bad news,” he says. “Which do you want to hear first?”
“Good!” everyone says in unison.
The captain says, “We won eleven Oscars!”
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Why is everyone obsessed with that new horror movie?
Like, I was driving today and this is the third time someone has rolled down their window and yelled to me “Hey! Watch It!”.
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A Man was watching TV one day, when all of a sudden he began screaming in terror.
“Don’t go in the Church!” he cried. “It’s a trap!”
“Mom, is Dad watching a horror movie?” his son asked.
“No, dear, he’s watching our wedding video,” the mom replied.
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Two goats are eating garbage.
The first one finds a roll of film and eats it.
When he’s done, the second one asks, “How did you like the movie?”
The first one responds, “It was OK, but I liked the book better.”
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Why didn’t the butter take the part in the new movie?
Because it didn’t like the roll it was being offered.
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Why didn’t the skeleton go see the scary movie?
He didn’t have the guts.
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Did you see the movie about the hot dog?
It was an Oscar Wiener.
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What is Spider-Man’s favorite Disney movie?
Peter Pan.
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The Superman 2 movie and a documentary about the Moon Landing had accidentally been scheduled at the same time for the Lunar Background part of the movie lot.
They argued about who should get to use it first, but then they remembered...
Neil before Zod.
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Are aliens from invasion movies actually British?
Because all they do is colonize.
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Yo momma’s so hairy when she went to the movie theater to see Star Wars, everybody screamed and said “IT’S CHEWBACCA!”.
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People often ask me how I manage to smuggle chocolate into movie theaters.
Let’s just say, I have a few Twix up my sleeve...
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What did the man with a beard call his pottery shop?
Hairy Potter.
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Guess who Dracula brings with him to movie premieres?
His ghoul-friend!
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Three pregnant women are chatting in a café.
Heather says, “I got my ultrasound done yesterday. I’m pregnant with triplets!”
“I got mine done yesterday too,” says Linda. “I’m pregnant with septuplets!”
“I think I’ll get my ultrasound done next week,” says Martha.
The three women chat some more.
Finally, Heather says, “I got Disney+ last month. The first movie I watched on it was ‘The Three Little Pigs’.”
“I got Disney+ last month too,” says Linda. “The first movie I watched on it was ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’.” When Martha hears this, she instantly goes pale.
“It’s okay if you don’t have Disney+,” says Heather.
“I do have it,” says Martha. “It’s just that the first movie I watched on it was ‘101 Dalmatians’.”
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Yo Mama's appetite is so huge she uses a truck to carry her popcorn to the movies.
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