What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
Nacho cheese.
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Who wants a day just for fools?
When you’re surrounded by them all year.
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What is the result of an art competition?
A draw.
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I’m not afraid to crack a joke about Uranus.
It’s a gas!
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Why did the husband refuse to watch Dr. Strange for a movie night with his wife?
He had Stranger Things to watch.
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I sued the airport the other day because they didn’t want to give me my luggage.
Guess what, I lost the case.
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I promised my new girlfriend the sun, the moon and the stars...
So, I took her to the planetarium.
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What dessert do they serve in Super Mario?
Princess Peach Pie.
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Why do blueberries get along with everyone?
They’re naturally blue-tiful.
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The baby tomato was running late for school. Guess what his mommy said?
“Come on, ketch-up!”
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Where can you get 100% off on everything on Black Friday?
At home by not going out.
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A telephone rang.
“Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?”
“Yes, it is,” came the reply.
“Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone.”
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Yo mama so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
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On my tombstone, please write “Not appreciating my puns was a grave mistake.”
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What time is it when you see a crocodile?
Time to run.
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What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lilly.
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What did dad say when he got a universal remote for Father’s Day?
This changes everything!
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Yo momma is so dumb she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
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Why can’t an elephant ride a bicycle?
Because he doesn’t have a thumb to ring the bell.
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What do you call when you mix brandy, shiitake mushrooms, rat poison and a dash of vanilla essence?
The ambulance.
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