What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
Pineapple.
😄 😄 😄
What do you say when someone dies between February 19th and March 20th?
Rest in Pisces.
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It’s Black Friday, and people are lining up around the block at the local Best Buy.
The people in the line beat up a well-dressed man who comes to the front of the line. He attempts it again and is knocked down.
He then mutters, “If people will be like that, I’m not opening the store.”
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels.
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My commute to work today was just awful!
Floor between bedroom and office was really cold.
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Hey, I know you’re in love, but it’s time to break up with your bed and get out of there.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because it was trying to escape the gravitational pull of your mother.
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My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job.
I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.
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Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
The man replies, “And how would you do that?”
The woman says, “Just wait and see.”
She then hangs upside down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?”
The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”
The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?”
The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”
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What do you call tortilla chips with guns?
Loaded Nachos.
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Why did the dyslexic couple learn karate?
They tried to get some marital counselling but ended up with martial training.
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I said to my doctor, “I wake up thinking I’m a penguin, and by the end of the day I believe I’m an arctic fox.”
He told me I was bipolar.
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In North Korea, you cannot throw fruits in the snow.
As they don’t have the right to freeze peach.
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A young Arab boy asks his father, “What is that strange hat you are wearing?”
The father said, “Why, my son, it is a “chechia”. In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”
“And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.
“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father, “It is very simple. This is a “djbellah”. As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My “djbellah” protects the entire body.”
The son then asked, “But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?”
“These are “babouches” my son,” the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These “babouches” keep us from burning our feet.”
“So tell me then,” added the boy.
“Yes, my son...”
“Why are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this shit?
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What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
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What is the name of a man who always knows where his wife is?
A widower.
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What do you call it when you can’t stop looking at Pinterest on your phone?
Pin-diction.
😄 😄 😄
A construction worker lost his hand in an workplace accident.
The insurance company is trying to figure out how it happened, but they can’t quite put their finger on it.
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Why do football players struggle at bowling?
Because they had a hard time kicking the ball!
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All this spending on Black Friday.
Better make sure you pay the electric bill first or next Friday will be Black Friday too.
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