Best Jokes (2)



My addiction to helium is out of control, but...

No one is taking my cries for help seriously.

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Thanks to the coronavirus, we can now explain calling Gen Z β€œZoomers”.

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What happens if you combine a vampire and a snowman?

You get frostbite.

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What do you call a bug that hesitates before biting something?

A nervous tick.

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What do you say at a robot funeral?

Rust in peace.

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Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly disappointing.

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One eye told the other, β€œBetween you and me, something smells.”

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It’s hotter than a dog looking at a fire hydrant.

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What does a sick ninja practice?

Kung flu.

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A soapbox orator addresses a crowd on the glories of communism, β€œCome the revolution, everyone will eat strawberries and cream!”

A man at the front whimpers, β€œBut I don’t like strawberries and cream...”

The speaker thunders, β€œCome the revolution, you will like strawberries and cream!”

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How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

10. 1 to change the lightbulb and the other 9 to say β€œI could do that”.

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I love my motorcycle, it’s great for getting to the front of queues quicker.

It does always terrify the other people in the post office though.

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What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?

Double glazed.

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What do you call a boat in training?

An apprenticeship.

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Can you guess where that famous painter’s ear went?

Not sure, but I saw it get in a Van and Gogh!

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Yo momma so fat she prevents ships from going to hyperspace.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œToad.”

β€œToad, who?”

β€œToadally awesome, it’s your birthday!”

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How do you know there’s no hair on the moon?

The moon waxes 14 times a month!

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My doctor says I have narcissistic personality disorder.

But that’s impossible, as the smartest man alive I think I would have noticed.

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Did you hear about the worst faith healer ever?

He was so bad, a man in a wheelchair got up and walked out.

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