Your ears are so big if I blew a hairdryer in your face you’d take off.
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What do you call a dog with 2 legs?
Snoop Dogg.
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If you are wondering about a peach’s favorite game.
It’s peach ball.
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The economy’s so bad the other day I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
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I made a blue smoothie today.
It was berry good.
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Why does Spider-Man have shaky hands?
He has Peter Parkinsons.
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What are Michael Jackson’s pronouns?
He/Hee.
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How are pandas made?
You punch a polar bear in the eyes.
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Yo mama is so stupid that she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest in India.
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Why did the bodybuilder read the dictionary?
He was trying to learn how to define muscle.
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A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
“What are you?” asks the cat.
“I’m a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature are you?”
The cat thinks for a moment and says, “I guess I’m a gnome.”
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There was this company names “Sofa King”, but we didn’t buy anything from them.
Because the prices were sofa king high.
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What’s a hairdresser’s favorite Christmas song?
“Oh, comb all ye faithful...”
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Guess why elephants always get the first word?
Because their opinion carries a lot of weight!
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Why do lemons use sun tan lotion?
Because if they don’t they’ll peel!
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What do you call bread baked by a poet?
Poet-rye.
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What giant dog is made of strawberry, vanilla and chocolate ice cream?
A Neapolitan Mastiff.
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What do plumbers, garbage men, and economists all have in common?
They all deal with gross domestic product.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owl.”
“Owl, who?”
“Owl I can say is “Knock, knock”!”
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What is the funniest time of day?
7:07 because when you flip it upside down, it says LOL!
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