An Oxford comma walks into a bar.
Orders a gin, and tonic.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ginger.”
“Ginger, who?”
“The Ginger Bread Man!”
😄 😄 😄
Why do crypto fans love donuts?
Because they’re decentralized.
😄 😄 😄
Why was the hip bone so calm during surgery?
Because it knew everything would be alright.
😄 😄 😄
When is it acceptable for a nose to be in a salad?
When it’s a snowman’s nose!
😄 😄 😄
What did the florist say to the customer who was trying to bargain over the price of the rose bouquet?
“Take it or leaf it bud!”
😄 😄 😄
Where do beavers go to cash their paychecks?
The riverbank.
😄 😄 😄
What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
They’re both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call it when a leprechaun sharts?
Lucky streak.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the Egyptian architect go to jail?
He was caught planning a pyramid scheme.
😄 😄 😄
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
😄 😄 😄
How does a cyclist train for a race?
He recycles.
😄 😄 😄
Your mama’s so short that she has to get a running start to get up on the toilet.
😄 😄 😄
December 26th is Boxing Day in the UK, Canada, New Zealand and Australia.
Do you know when Boxing Day is celebrated in the US?
Black Friday.
😄 😄 😄
It’s so hot my dream house in any house in Alaska.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the bluebird get kicked out of the forest?
Because it was a bird of pray.
😄 😄 😄
What does an owl need after taking a bath?
A t-owl.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of pets does a band have?
Trum-pets.
😄 😄 😄
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the man behind the counter, after dropping off his prescription, “Excuse me, but what time do you close on Sunday?”
He replies, “Oh, we don’t close on Sunday.”
Pleasantly surprised, the man picks up some other items and leaves.
The next day—Sunday—the man goes to pick up his prescription, only to find a closed sign hanging on the door of the pharmacy. Peeved at the lying pharmacist, he trudges back home and waits Monday.
Monday morning, right as the pharmacist unlocks the door, the man is running up to him, shouting.
“Hey! You said that you never closed on Sundays, but when I came around yesterday, you were closed! What gives?”
The pharmacist looks at the man and says, “Well, we in fact did not close yesterday, because we never even opened!”
😄 😄 😄
What kind of key is edible?
A turkey on Thanksgiving.
😄 😄 😄
