It is my first time in court and I heard the judge shouting, “Order!”
So I replied, “Fried chicken, mac and cheese, and cola.”
Now I’m being escorted out by two officers. I think we are going to a restaurant.
😄 😄 😄
I am half Spider-Man, half Batman, and half Moon Knight...
Poor.
With no powers.
With mental disorders.
😄 😄 😄
Why does Spider-Man spin webs?
Because he doesn’t know how to knit.
😄 😄 😄
They say it’s good luck for a seagull to poo on you.
It is, for the seagull, obviously, not for you.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend?
A PayDay.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the grape go to school?
To become a little wine-y!
😄 😄 😄
What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
😄 😄 😄
My racehorse’s name is Mayo. Sometimes, Mayo neighs.
😄 😄 😄
How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama?
One Mississippi.
😄 😄 😄
Me and my friend were riding on my motorcycle on a particularly windy day when we saw a cyclist in front of us, pedaling in the middle of the road, with a car honking furiously behind him.
So we drove over and asked the guy, “Why don’t you move to the side and let the car overtake you?”
The guy replied, “I am trying!”
😄 😄 😄
What chocolate bar never laughs at jokes?
Snickers—he only snickers!
😄 😄 😄
Your father must have been the greatest thief in history.
He stole all the stars in the sky and put them in your eyes.
And heh, I guess it runs in the family. ’Cause you stole my heart.
😄 😄 😄
So a prisoner is about to be executed and the guards ask him, “What do you want your last meal to be?”
“Strawberries,” he responds.
“But it’s winter. We can’t get strawberries until spring.”
“Eh... I’ll wait.”
😄 😄 😄
Remember that one time when you had to get out of bed and actually commute to your office?
Yeah, me neither.
😄 😄 😄
Accidentally got some guacamole in my eyes.
And now I think I have guacoma.
😄 😄 😄
Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Because they’re usually a little short.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
😄 😄 😄
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
😄 😄 😄
Spider-Man 1: “Homecoming”
Spider-Man 2: “Far from Home”
Spider-Man 3: “Homeless”
😄 😄 😄
One day, a mother sends her son to the market to get some groceries.
She tells him, “You need you to go to the store and get a gallon of milk. If they have avocados, get 6.”
The autistic one comes back with 6 gallons of milk and tells her, “They had avocados.”
😄 😄 😄
