Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money?
He’s a little short.
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Little Johnny was sitting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life.
She asks him: “Little Johnny, what do you want your wife to be like?”
He: “Like the moon.”
The teacher: “That’s such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful”.
Little Johnny: “No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning.”
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You’re gourdgeous!
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Why did the vegetarian cross the road?
Because she was protesting for the chicken.
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What planet is next to Uranus?
Poopiter.
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As an archeologist, I organized a party with my friend to help me excavate the lower leg of a T-Rex fossil.
It’s going to be quite a shin dig.
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Daisy: “Why do you have two different colored socks on? One’s blue, but the other is green.”
Little Johnny: “I’m not sure. It’s weird. There was another pair exactly like this one at home.”
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When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren’t paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, “Don’t you understand the gravity of this situation!”
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What does space smell like?
Uranus!
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You’re so fat you wake up on both sides of the bed in the morning.
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To her credit, the registered nurse that prepped my father for his vasectomy was very gentle and pretty sure she didn’t mean to be unkind.
But he didn’t think it was very nice of her to say, “Just a little prick, sir.”
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Your mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says “to be continued”.
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Your ears are so big your parents put you on the roof to see which way the wind is blowing.
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What kind of money did the Elf on the Shelf use?
Jingle bills.
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You could never be ice cream, because you are too hot!
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I’ve lost all my Pokémon cards in a house fire.
I’ve only got Ash now.
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What does a mushroom sit on?
A toadstool.
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Chuck Norris can’t be racist, because to him there are no people, just light and dark targets.
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It’s so cold, you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
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Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace.
She says to the wolf, “My, what big ears you have!”
The wolf keeps grimacing.
She says, “My, what big eyes you have!"
The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth.
She says, "My, what big teeth you have!”
The wolf finally snaps and says, “Go to hell! I’m trying to take a dump!”
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