Why do driving instructors make good physical therapists?
Because they can teach fine motor skills.
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My uncle was crushed by a piano.
His funeral was very low key.
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I was on a Zoom meeting just now and my husband needed to go behind me, so he thoughtfully crawled to stay out of the camera, which means instead of seeing him walk by in his pajamas, my coworkers saw him crawl by in his pajamas.
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Started working from home recently building boats in my attic...
Sails are through the roof.
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Boy, it looks like you’ve been caught in my web... of love.
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A gamer dies and goes to hell.
After a week, the devil goes to God, “God! What crazy person have you sent me here? He destroyed all the cauldrons, killed all demons, is running like crazy everywhere and yelling ‘Where is the exit to LEVEL 2?!’.”
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Why is having a BBQ not popular in Italy?
Spaghetti keep falling through the grill.
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Which is harder to make? A blonde, brunette or a red-headed snowman?
A blonde, because you have to hollow out its head.
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A lumber camp is looking for a lumberjack.
The next day, a skinny person arrives at the camp with an axe. The head lumberjack looks at the little small guy and instructs him to go away.
“Give me a chance to show you what I’m capable of,” the skinny guy pleads.
“See that massive redwood over there?” asks the head lumberjack. “Cut it down with your axe.”
The man runs towards the tree, and in five minutes he’s at the lumberjack’s door.
“I cut the tree down,” the man says.
“Where did you learn to chop down trees like that?” asks the lumberjack, who can’t believe his eyes.
“In the Sahara Forest,” the small man adds.
“You are referring to the Sahara Desert,” says the lumberjack after interrupting him.
“Sure! That’s what they’re calling it these days!”
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Why did the broken leg go to school?
It wanted to learn how to breakdance.
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Avril Lavigne could have just called her song Skater boy instead of Sk8er Boi.
Why’d you have to go and make things so complicated?
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You’re so fat when you perch a penny, Lincoln screams.
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It’s so hot that firecrackers light themselves.
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I think my anime jigsaw puzzle was too simple. It was...
One Piece.
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A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a duck sitting next to him.
“Are you a duck?” asked the man, surprised.
Duck: “Yes.”
Man: “What are you doing at the movies?”
The duck replied, “Well, I liked the book.”
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How do dolphins compute?
They use a Central Porpoising Unit.
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Yo mamma’s so fat that the Sarlacc rejected her as dinner.
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I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming like the rest of the folks in his car.
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I don’t put ketchup and mustard on my hot dog, I relish it.
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My boss says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
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