Marvel Studios is now against hair coloring.
In fact, their next film is about a group of people that never dye.
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Many were curious about how methane ended up on Mars.
I’m pretty sure it was because of Uranus.
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I prefer to read poetry in braille for some reason.
I just really feel the words a lot more.
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Dating me is like IKEA furniture.
Not well put together, slightly unstable but just aesthetic enough to show your friends.
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A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
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What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?
He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”
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In case you were wondering, chocolate identifies as female.
Preferred pronouns are Her/she.
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I what is a crackers weight measured in?
In grahams.
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What do you call an otter who has yams in both of his ears?
It doesn’t matter, he can’t hear you.
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How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. She calls the emergency number and demands that a police officer come and do something about the intimidating blackness.
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I’ll just say “morning” because a good morning would be much later on a Saturday.
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Where do you smart hot dogs go?
On the honor role.
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I hit 2 good balls today on the golf course.
I stepped on a rake in the bunker.
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A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register.
His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely, saying, “I must have taken Leif off my census.”
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From my viewpoint, it looks like it sucks to be up there.
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How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because the keyboard player can do it with his left hand.
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Success is like a fart.
It only bothers people when it’s not their own.
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What’s the Jewish version of Elf on a Shelf?
Mensch on a Bench
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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Why are warriors such bad salesmen?
They charge too much.
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