The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a computer covered in fruit chunks?
A pineApple Mac.
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Me: “I have a Zoom meeting later.”
My cat: “Oh, me too.”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so fat that she looks like Jabba the Hut before picture.
😄 😄 😄
One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him, “I’m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!”
The driver agrees, “You’re right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don’t know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place.”
“That’s a great idea!” says Einstein. “Let’s switch places then!”
So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.
But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won’t be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question.
The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.
The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says, “Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I’m going to let my driver reply to it for me.”
😄 😄 😄
I ordered that new auto part for you.
It’s Honda way.
😄 😄 😄
What does the sun drink out of?
Sun-glasses.
😄 😄 😄
Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
😄 😄 😄
Whats the Jewish version of Elf on a Shelf?
“Mensch on a bench”.
😄 😄 😄
You’re so scary that even your hairline ran a way.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so fat when she fell I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so stupid I said “Kool-Aid” and she jumped through the wall.
😄 😄 😄
Dad: “Hey there kiddo, do you know which month has 28 days?”
Kid: “That’s easy, dad. February.”
Dad: “Haha! Wrong. They all do!”
😄 😄 😄
How do beat cops define the word “doughnut”?
A local bakery owner who is absolutely crazy about money.
😄 😄 😄
Friend 1: “Hey, I once went out on a super hot date!”
Friend 2: “Oh, really?”
Friend 1: “Absolutely! It was the month of August and a whopping 100 degrees outside.”
😄 😄 😄
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
😄 😄 😄
Hot dog, it’s your birthday!
Let’s be Frank, you’re probably planning to party your buns off, so go ahead – don’t be a weenie!
Relish every moment of your celebration!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a mermaid on a roof?
Aerial.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary?
Get married on his birthday!
😄 😄 😄
What happens if you combine a vampire and a snowman?
You get frostbite.
😄 😄 😄
