Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Yah.”
“Yah, who?”
“No thanks, I use Bing or Google.”
😄 😄 😄
Rise, shine, and try not to spill your coffee. Life’s too short for bad coffee.
Cheers to a spill-tacular day!
😄 😄 😄
I’m proud to say that I never make the same mistake twice.
I commit my mistakes more than twice just to make sure.
😄 😄 😄
A husband and wife had a fight.
Wife called her mom, “He fought with me again, I am coming to stay with you.”
Mom: “No, dear, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to stay with you!”
😄 😄 😄
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors.
It’s always the first to rose and shine.
😄 😄 😄
What is the favorite fruit of feminists?
Mangoes.
😄 😄 😄
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
😄 😄 😄
How do you make Uranus laugh?
Just give it some gas!
😄 😄 😄
An Iranian on taking revenge on America:
“America has no hero that we can target. It’s a huge country, but no real heroes. Who are we going to assassinate there? Spider-Man? SpongeBob?”
😄 😄 😄
Why should you always be kind to registered nurses?
Remember that they choose your catheter size.
😄 😄 😄
I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm, next time Alpaca lunch.
😄 😄 😄
A man left for work one Friday morning.
Instead of going home after work, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending all his wages. When he finally got home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife. After a while she stopped nagging and said, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”
“That would be fine with me”, he replied.
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same result.
Thursday, the swelling went down just enough for him to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
😄 😄 😄
What’s Irish and stays out all summer?
Paddy O’furniture.
😄 😄 😄
I have a feeling my dying words will be “Honey, I was just joking.”
😄 😄 😄
I want to make a Facebook account, and the name will be Nobody, so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it.
And it will say “Nobody likes this”.
😄 😄 😄
How did the Egyptians trick their slaves into working so hard?
With a pyramid scheme.
😄 😄 😄
A magician gets himself a parrot for his act.
After a couple weeks of performing with the magician the parrot begins to heckle the magician during his shows, saying things like “it’s under his hat”, “it’s up his sleeve”, “his assistant has it”.
The magician is performing on a cruise ship when the ship sinks.
The magician wakes up on a piece of driftwood with the parrot standing on the opposite end.
The parrot and the magician spend two days floating at sea without saying a word.
Finally the parrot says, “Alright, I give up. Where’s the boat?”
😄 😄 😄
Why are bass guitarists always safe?
Because they stay out of treble.
😄 😄 😄
Why did a dog enter the church in the middle of a religious mass?
Because he was a German shepherd.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“The Headless Horseman.”
“The Headless Horseman, who?”
“The Headless Horseman who’s coming for your head!”
😄 😄 😄
