What do you call a guy floating up and down in the water?
Bob.
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Yes, money can’t buy happiness, but it is much more comfortable to cry in a new BMW than on a bike.
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A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
“I’m sick and tired of my wife blowing everything out of proportion,” he complains to the bartender. “She’s single-handedly ruining my balloon animal business.”
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I tried to call Spider-Man, but he was busy browsing in the web.
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What are the chances of winning the Mexican lottery?
Juan in a million.
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Latest space news:
Uranus has a huge split in it and is leaking methane.
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My friend told me that onions were the only things that could make him cry.
So I threw a bowling ball at him to prove him wrong.
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Candice balls fit up your nose.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Abby.”
“Abby, who?”
“Abby birthday to you!”
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Are you an electrician?
Because you’re definitely lighting up my night!
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How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction?
Apply the pumpkin patch.
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Why do people love blue jokes?
They’re so pun-derful.
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Patient: “Doctor, doctor! I see double!”
Doctor: “Sit on the chair please.”
Patient: “Which one?”
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What do you call an amazing day up a mountain?
A peak experience.
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Why is the moon so grumpy?
It’s just going through one of its phases.
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What happens if a tree falls into mud?
It leafs an impression.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch.
He decides what time it is.
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What’s a toilet on a Portuguese jetty called?
A porto potty.
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It’s always good to find out you’re going to be working from home.
Unless you’re a firefighter.
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What do you call a hip bone that’s late for surgery?
Hip-late.
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