I don’t know why marvel hasn’t tried to advertise on the hulk.
He’s a giant banner after all.
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As a Mormon, heritage is very important to me.
From a very young age, I learned all about my forefathers.
And my five mothers.
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I’d like to thank everyone who taught me the definition of ‘many’.
It really means a lot.
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Cars look both ways in case Chuck Norris is crossing the street.
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What did the buffalo say to his son just before he passed away?
Bison.
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I’ve seen a meteor shower...
But never seen a meteor take a bath.
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How does the German baker greet his customers?
Gluten Morgen!
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What do you get when you cross a turtle and an alpaca?
A turtleneck sweater.
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Me: “I have a Zoom meeting later.”
My cat: “Oh, me too.”
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Why was the T-Rex Cafe always hiring?
No matter what, they always seemed a bit short handed.
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An astronaut stepped in gum on the moon.
He’s stuck in orbit.
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What disorder will Spider-Man get as he ages?
Peter Parkinsons.
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Mickey Mouse was arrested for identity theft.
He was charged with being Goofy.
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A man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East.
An Arab approaches the husband, saying, “I’ll give you 100 camels for your woman.”
After a long silence, the husband says, “She’s not for sale.”
The indignant wife says, “What took you so long to answer?”
The husband replied, “I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home.”
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I am sweating like a snowman in the desert.
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Did you hear about the half of a mermaid that washed up on shore?
It’s only a tale.
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Yo mama’s ears are so big she can hear what I’m thinking.
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Guess what kind of hike I went on today?
I hiked my pants.
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My girlfriend has always been a bit on the heavy side.
One morning, while standing in front of the mirror together, she asked me if she should change anything in her life.
I said, go workout and lose 20-30 pounds, it would change you for the better.
At that moment, the sheer passion I saw in her eyes I will never forget.
After the first day, I didn’t see anything. To be expected, of course, these things take time.
Three days later, nothing.
A week later, nothing.
Two weeks later, and I finally started to see something.
Thank god for that, I thought she knocked the light out of my eyes for good.
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Never trust an electrician with no eyebrows.
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