Your ears are so big you use shower heads as earbuds.
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How does a viola greet a relative?
Cello!
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What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
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Which king liked to do things on his own?
Solo-mon.
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What do you call it when it’s not raining on Wednesday?
Simply, dry hump day.
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What do you call a depressed unicorn?
A blue-corn.
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I was once in a relationship with Math.
I had to leave it though, there were just too many problems.
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The baby tomato was running late for school. Guess what his mommy said?
“Come on, ketch-up!”
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An art dealer and a painter are having a conversation.
Art dealer: “I have good news and bad news. Good news is, a person came up to me this afternoon to ask about the value of your art. When I told him that it would increase in value after your death, he immediately bought ALL of them.”
Painter: “Wow! What’s the bad news?”
Art dealer: “He was your doctor.”
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What do you call a small, yellow onion?
A Min-ion.
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Can you guess what the calendar worker got fired for?
He took a day off without telling anyone!
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I recently took a trip to learn more about Greek culture and to gain a greater appreciation of their amazing works of art and architecture.
The British Museum is a really cool place.
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Why do people use wheelchairs?
Cause they can’t stand walking anymore.
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What did the Elf on the Shelf put on his face after shaving?
Elftershave.
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Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s no mush-room.
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What’s a hen’s favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
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What do you call the guy who draws pictures of criminal suspects?
A con artist.
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Aliens exist and they want to invade Earth, they are merely waiting for Chuck Norris to die so that they stand a chance.
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Why don’t sniper attacks work on volleyball players?
Because they always run for cover.
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What kind of socks do you need to plant broccoli?
Garden hose.
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