Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
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A mathematician, and physicist, and an engineer are asked to find the volume of a red rubber ball.
The mathematician knows that the volume of a sphere has been mathematically determined so he measures the radius and puts it into the proper formula.
The physicist knows that Archimedes discovered how to determine the volume of an object so they submerge it in water and record the change in water level.
The engineer finds the number on the ball then pulls out their book of red rubber balls and finds its specifications.
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Why did the llama cross the road?
Because it was the chicken’s day off.
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What is the best way to enjoy a hot dog?
Relish it.
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Who needs a day for the fools?
I’m surrounded by them all year.
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Why did the blue marker shy away from the red marker?
It was a little shy-nero.
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I have an archaeology exam tomorrow.
And it doesn’t matter if I pass or fail because either way my future’s in ruins.
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How are wives like Thanksgiving turkeys?
They eventually get fat and then stop gobbling.
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A computer scientist named Bob was about to leave to rent a movie.
As Bob was heading out, his wife said, “While you’re out, pick up some eggs.”
Bob never came back.
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Your Momma is so fat she takes her picture with Google Earth.
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What do you call a letter from a feminist?
Hate male.
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Apparently, Jude Law has a vegetarian son.
Coles Law.
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I bet it’s cool, you can change the TV channels with your mind.
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What do you call a dad who has fallen through the ice?
A Popsicle.
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What did the Roblox player say after a long gaming session?
“I’m totally blocked out!”
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Dad: “My first son has a PhD in arts, my daughter has two degrees in communication and journalism and my youngest son is a burglar.”
Friend: “Wow, a burglar? You should kick him out!”
Dad: “Nah… he is the only one who makes money.”
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Why couldn’t the Cookie Monster make his bed?
He couldn’t find a cookie sheet!
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What state has the most math teachers?
Math-achusetts.
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What is the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Their seasoning.
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A pigeon flies out of a coffeeshop and hits a seagull.
Two birds, one stoned.
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