Two beggars were sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy. One had a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding the Star of David.
Many people went by, looked at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.
The Pope came by. He stopped to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who held the Cross while none gave to the beggar holding the Star of David. He felt sorry for him.
Finally, the Pope approached the beggar with the Star of David and said. “My poor fellow, don’t you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren’t going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you’re sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite!”
The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, turned to the beggar with the Cross, and said. “Moishe, would you look who’s trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing?”
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In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it.
A student handed in his work with “The Magna Carta was signed in 1215” written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, “Why did you write this?”
The boy replied, “Because you always say that history repeats itself!”
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Why are synagogues round?
So the Jews can’t hide in the corner when the collection box comes around.
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I’ve done some terrible things for money. Like getting up early to go to work on a Minion Day.
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Apparently, Jude Law has a vegetarian son.
Coles Law.
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Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip it looks like Ewoks having a party when she talks.
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I can’t take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.
I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure-bread dog.
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What happened to the guy who stole a pun?
He needed to be pun-ished.
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Why are writers really good at coding?
Because they are really into Pro grammar.
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What did Uranus say to Earth?
“You’re always following me around. Give me some space!”
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Bread is like the Sun:
It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
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What is a soldier’s most active day of the year?
March forth!
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Did you know that China has a policy where a certain amount of pandas must live in the country?
To be fair, it’s the bear minimum.
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Yo mama so tall when she did a backflip she digs God in the face.
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What do you call two ducks who walk like, act like, and believe they are geese?
A paradux.
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What do you call six witches in a Jacuzzi?
A self-cleaning coven.
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What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
Nothing, you just run away!
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I once tried to kill a giant mouse with a baseball bat.
Now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyworld.
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If you were ice cream, you would be my favorite flavor.
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I’m making a comic book about a superhero toilet.
“Billionaire Bidet, Crime Fighter by Night”
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