What do you call an annoyed lobster?
A frustacean.
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What’s a donut’s favorite lullaby?
“Sprinkle, Sprinkle Little Star”.
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Why did the friend who shaved lie about his beard?
He’s a bald-faced liar.
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Chuck Norris told his iPhone 2G it was a iPhone 4.
He can now multi task and use face time.
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Why did the chicken family cross the road?
They thought it was an egg-cellent idea.
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Did you hear about the color bomb?
Yeah, it blue up.
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Why did the electrician marry his colleague?
He couldn’t resistor.
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Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline.
If you’d like to lose a half pound right now, press “1” 18 000 times.
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My exercise routine includes running away from my problems, running late, and running my mouth non-stop.
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Men in black.
After years of serving MIB, agent K, 69, found himself too old to deal with an alien drug lord.
He decided to seek help from his younger self.
Why did he travel to sixty years ago?
K, 9.
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Why should you never race a Muslim during Ramadan?
They fast during Ramadan.
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What does the Elf on the Shelf use to write with on the blackboard?
Chalk-olate.
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What is a beaver’s favorite rap artist?
Timber-land.
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Yo mama’s so fat that carbonite was encased in her.
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Nothing changes when you cross thirty, except that you have to replace your moisturizer with anti-aging cream.
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What is the world’s largest moth?
A Mam-moth.
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Hi, is your name Sony?
Because I’m Spider-Man, and baby, I’m all yours...
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Yo mama so stupid when she threw a grenade at me, I pulled the pin and threw it back.
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Caitlin Jenner just signed a deal with Marvel.
She is going to be in the new Ex-Men film.
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Your mama’s so short that she makes Gary Coleman look like Shaquille O’Neal.
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