How did Garfield stop the rooster from waking him on Monday morning?
He ate him on Sunday night!
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A group of computer scientists walk into a restaurant and ask for a table for 4.
The waitress replies, “But sir, there are 5 of you.”
The computer scientist says, “No, look, there are 4 of us, see! 0...1...2...3...4...”
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Why did the disgruntled hot dog vendor quit his job?
He just didn’t relish it.
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Yo mama so fat, she sweats butter and syrup, and has a full time job at Denny’s wiping pancakes across her forehead.
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Good morning!
I hope you step on a Lego today, just to remind you that pain is temporary.
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Ancient Egyptian architect: “Do you know how to build a pyramid?”
Ancient Egyptian builder: “Well, err yeah, up to a point.”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Beetle.”
“Beetle, who?”
“I beetle the other people here. Go me!”
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Black Friday came earlier this year for me...
My TV was stolen.
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What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?
Hogs and kisses.
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Akpos: “Why are all these people running?”
Man: “This is a race, the winner will get the cup.”
Akpos: “If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?”
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When my boss asked me who was stupid, me or him, I told him he doesn’t hire stupid people.
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I mustache Mario a question, but I’ll shave it for later.
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Did you hear about Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother?
His name was Brocco Lee.
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Dispatcher: “911, what is your emergency?”
Caller: “Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn... I think I’m going to pass out.”
Dispatcher: “Sir, where are you calling from?”
Caller: “I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster.”
Dispatcher: “Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?”
Caller: “No.”
Dispatcher: “What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?”
Caller: “Running from the police.”
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Why did the candy bar cross the road?
Because he was choco-LATE for the bus!
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Two otters are going on a journey in a van. Who is driving?
Animal control.
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Why was ChatGPT bad at chess?
Because every time it said “check”, the system thought it was an error.
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What do you call a man who falls overboard and can’t swim?
Bob.
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What is the proper way to use a stress ball at work?
To throw it at the last person that upset you. Instant de-stress.
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Why did the boy want a chocolate milk mustache?
To look like Super Mario.
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