What did Helen Keller’s parents do when they caught her swearing when she was a child?
They washed her hands with soap.
😄 😄 😄
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
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When my boss asked me who was stupid, me or him, I told him he doesn’t hire stupid people.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Zoom.”
“Zoom, who?”
“Zoom did you expect.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the moon get a parking ticket?
They forgot to pay the parking meteor!
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Why was the killer relentlessly killing fat people on Friday the 13th?
He wanted to be a mass murderer.
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Your mama so ugly when she walks into a bank they turn off the cameras.
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Why do cats like August month?
Because it marks the end of the dog days of summer.
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A small meteorite is reportedly headed for Legoland.
The damage is expected to be about 50 square blocks.
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Hockey players are good at making new friends.
They break the ice really quickly.
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Math teacher: “James, what do you get when you subtract 897 from 1824 and add 176 and divide the answer by 3?”
James: “A Headache ma’am.”
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I’ve just seen a dentist having a big row with a manicurist.
They fought tooth and nail.
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Me: “What’s the Wi-Fi password?”
Bartender: “You need to buy a drink first.”
Me: “OK, I’ll have a Coke.”
Bartender: “Three dollars.”
Me: “There you go. So what’s the Wi‑Fi password?”
Bartender: “You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.”
😄 😄 😄
How many Sith Lords does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because they prefer it a little on the dark side.
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You know why vampires can raise ghouls?
Because they are neck romancers.
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What’s my blood doctor’s favorite motivational quote?
Be Positive.
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Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781.
But this discovery was roughly 200 years before you were born. How is this possible!?
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What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
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I am sweating like a wax figure in a sauna.
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Why do camels make the best comedians on Wednesdays?
Because they know how to get everyone laughing over the hump.
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