I can row a boat.
Canoe?
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Yo mama’s so fat her durasteel armor has stretch marks!
😄 😄 😄
Why did Uranus start a comedy club?
Because it wanted to be the butt of all jokes.
😄 😄 😄
To the person who stole my lamp, my coffee and my parrot.
“I don’t know how you sleep at night.”
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Why can’t polar bears eat penguins?
They can’t get the wrappers off them.
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What fish tastes best with peanut butter?
Jellyfish.
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What did a llama mum say about the twin siblings?
They looked like the spitting image of each other.
😄 😄 😄
“911, what’s your emergency?”
“Hey, I know it’s been a week since Halloween is over, but I’m seriously starting to doubt the body hanging from my neighbor’s tree is not a decoration.”
😄 😄 😄
I took a road trip with my German buddy and when I accidentally dropped my hot dog out the window he swung the car around to go back and get it. . .
That’s when the whole trip really took a turn for the wurst.
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What is green, white, and red all over?
An elf with a sunburn.
😄 😄 😄
My dad and I were having donuts for lunch.
He said, “Enjoy the HOLE donut!”
😄 😄 😄
After Jesus’s trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
“I don’t know. I’ll keep you posted.”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so poor when I stepped on a cigarette to put it out she said “Hey, who turned off the heat?”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the astronaut grow a beard in space?
He wanted spacial hair.
😄 😄 😄
I caught bird flu while waiting for a flight at the airport.
I have since found out it is a terminal illness.
😄 😄 😄
How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. The narcissist holds the light bulb while the rest of the world revolves around him.
😄 😄 😄
What day do eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Doyathinkysaurus.
😄 😄 😄
Why is North Korea so good at geometry?
Because they have a supreme ruler!
😄 😄 😄
What did the French Fry say to the Hamburger?
I guess that’s a wrap!
😄 😄 😄
