Yo mama so fat every time she turns around it’s her birthday.
😄 😄 😄
Why do brides cry at the wedding?
Because they never marry the best man.
😄 😄 😄
I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar.
I guess there is life on Mars after all.
😄 😄 😄
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn’y ache.
😄 😄 😄
My family asked me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes.
I told them I couldn’t stop cold turkey.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the registered nurse tiptoe past the medicine room?
Because she didn’t want to wake up the sleeping pills.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an Irish guy coming back with more cakes?
Flanagan.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call Spider-Man joining the Marvel Universe?
A Spin-Off.
😄 😄 😄
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
😄 😄 😄
A little boy had a crush on his teacher, but she was dating a doctor.
So the boy brought his teacher an apple everyday.
😄 😄 😄
What does a doctor call a colonoscopy?
An ANALysis.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a dog with a fever?
Hot dog.
😄 😄 😄
What is totally untrue about mummies?
That they are all evil. They get a bad wrap.
😄 😄 😄
I bought a toilet brush since I saw one in pretty much everyone’s bathroom.
But after giving it a try for a week I decided to go back to using toilet paper.
😄 😄 😄
Guess what is my favorite tea?
I would say you Hot tea.
😄 😄 😄
Which part of a computer is Spider-Man’s favorite?
The web cam.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a Ford Fiesta that ran out of gas?
A Ford Siesta.
😄 😄 😄
Where do birds meet for coffee?
In a Nest-cafe.
😄 😄 😄
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying “I know the whole truth”.
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.”
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.”
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door.
The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.”
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
😄 😄 😄
I said to my wife, “Did you hear my last pun?”
She replied, “I hope so!”
😄 😄 😄
