Have you heard about the Italian Bigfoot?
The spag-yeti.
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How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because the keyboard player can do it with his left hand.
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If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
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What’s a pickle’s life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
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Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
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What did the girl say to Bald Bill when they were engaged?
She said, “God was generous to you. He gave you a lovely face and room for one more.”
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What is software?
It’s the part of a computer you can’t hit.
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Why do Baby Boomers always pay by cheque?
Because they hate change.
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Where do sailors go when they feel sick?
The dock-tor.
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Man takes longer to find emoji than it would have taken him to find words that convey what he wanted.
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Why did the witch go to the doctor?
She had a dizzy spell.
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Brought nachos to salsa class.
Huge misunderstanding.
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Why can’t cowboys ever get the right answer in math class?
Because they’re always rounding things up.
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Working from home is not so bad. I’m starting to get the hang of it.
I can work in my pajamas, have a glass of wine with my lunch, and have my lunch at 9 a.m.
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What’s an alien’s favorite chocolate bar?
A mars bar!
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If you ride your bike twice a day, is that recycling?
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What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney?
“You are to little to smoke!”
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What’s the most common disease in HR departments?
Staff infections.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Witch.”
“Witch, who?”
“Witch one of you can fix my broomstick?”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Hoo.”
“Hoo, who?”
“You talk like an owl!”
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