What do heroes like Spider-Man and Ant-Man have in common?
They bug the villains!
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Kim Jong Un has promised a new clear future for North Korea.
Oops! Spelled ‘nuclear’ wrong.
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I recently heard about a study that said that all the so-called “brain foods” don’t actually help your brain at all. It’s all just pseudoscience.
Food for thought.
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Why couldn’t the joker enter the shop?
Because there was a board outside stating “No funny business”.
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What do you get when you shave off a neckbeard’s neckbeard?
M’stache.
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The thing people overlook most of the time is their noses.
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Your mama so old when she was young, rainbows were black and white!
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Why didn’t the zombie go to school?
He felt rotten!
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I met this dude once who was really into mushrooms.
He was a real fun-gi.
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My libertarian neighbor posted a newspaper ad selling his collection of Star Trek ships.
And here I thought he believed in free Enterprise.
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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Two friends talking:
“Hey, can I borrow some money? I’m broke.”
“Get money from your job.”
“I got fired.”
“Why?”
“My boss told me to leave all my problems behind the door, so I told him to stand outside.”
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How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
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Why did the electrician stay home on Labor Day?
He needed to recharge his batteries.
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Why does the mushroom always get invited to birthday parties?
He’s a fun-gi.
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My dad and I were having donuts for lunch.
He said, “Enjoy the HOLE donut!”
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Yo mama so vegan and fat she ate a meal and got arrested for deforestation.
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My wife is like a delicious strawberry popsicle.
Cold on the inside and 90% artificial.
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I heard that a blue jay and a cardinal fell in love.
But their relationship was a little blue-blooded.
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Teachers deserve a lot of credit.
Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldn’t need it.
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