Best Jokes (2)



I am sweating like a snowman in the desert.

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Did you hear about the half of a mermaid that washed up on shore?

It’s only a tale.

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Yo mama’s ears are so big she can hear what I’m thinking.

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Guess what kind of hike I went on today?

I hiked my pants.

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My girlfriend has always been a bit on the heavy side.

One morning, while standing in front of the mirror together, she asked me if she should change anything in her life.

I said, go workout and lose 20-30 pounds, it would change you for the better.

At that moment, the sheer passion I saw in her eyes I will never forget.

After the first day, I didn’t see anything. To be expected, of course, these things take time.

Three days later, nothing.

A week later, nothing.

Two weeks later, and I finally started to see something.

Thank god for that, I thought she knocked the light out of my eyes for good.

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Never trust an electrician with no eyebrows.

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I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was, β€œI bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me.”

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How many non-vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they prefer to stay in the dark.

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Where does Spider-Man poop?

Web-ever he wants.

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A pig goes to the doctor with swine flu.

The doctor gives him a leaflet for a therapeutic spa and tells him to go straight there.

When he gets there, he’s instructed to lay in a shallow bath of salt and sugar.

He chuckles to himself and thinks, β€œWhat’s this supposed to do, cure me!”

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What treat is never on time?

Choco-Late.

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What did the doctor say about the tall person who was in a rush to see him?

β€œI just wish he was a little patient.”

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I took a class on Narcissism.

I’m pretty sure I blew everyone away.

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I saw a butterfly with no wings today.

I poured some Red Bull on it and BAM... it drowned.

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What sign was hanging outside the room where all the donut lovers were having a meeting?

It was a sign that said β€œDonut disturb!”.

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Yo mama so fat she wears two watches, one for each time zone she’s in.

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It’s so hot and humid outside, the air ironed the wrinkles out of my shirt.

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When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn on the light.

He turns off the dark.

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Yo mama so stupid Jar Jar questioned her existence!

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œOwl.”

β€œOwl, who?”

β€œOwl be sure to use the bell next time!”

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