Best Jokes (2)



What did you tell the shopkeeper at the grocery store?

Donut mind me, I am here for the hole food.

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What did the alien think of the anti-gravity book?

He couldn’t put it down!

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What do you call a 60-year-old who hasn’t reached puberty?

A late boomer.

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What do you call an exploration mission to Uranus?

Colonoscopy.

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Why did the peanut butter and jelly get into a fight?

Because they couldn’t agree on which bread to use.

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Can you guess what the calendar worker got fired for?

He took a day off without telling anyone!

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The tree hated losing its foliage in September.

When it grew back in March, he was so re-lieved.

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What are the official sea creatures of National Pi Day?

Octopi.

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When I was a kid you could walk into a shop with a quarter and come out with 2 cokes, 3 bags of chips, 2 chocolate bars and an ice cream.

Nowadays, CCTV everywhere.

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Losing a wife can be very tough.

Some may even say impossible.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œAnita.”

β€œAnita, who?”

β€œAnita piece of that birthday cake!”

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My lucky day! I didn’t have enough money for the Honda, but the dealership took pity on me and gave me an old Fiesta.

I couldn’t afford an Accord, but I was accorded a Ford.

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A little boy had a crush on his teacher, but she was dating a doctor.

So the boy brought his teacher an apple everyday.

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I suspect the moon wasn’t hungry last night.

It looked full.

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I went to watch Spider-Man playing baseball.

He was great at catching flies.

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What’s a toilet on a Portuguese jetty called?

A porto potty.

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What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?

I don’t know, lettuce sea.

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How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving?

He was very thinkful.

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What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?

Plenty of room.

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A boxer was throwing nothing but right hooks at a punching bag.

His trainer walked up and asked, β€œWhat gives?”

The boxer replied, β€œI’m exercising my rights.”

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