How do you make a Pinterest user laugh?
Show them a pin-teresting joke.
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What did the mom say when her kid dropped their hot dog?
It could always be wurst!
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What do you say to an angry baked sweet potato?
Anything, just butter him up.
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What’s an alien’s favorite chocolate bar?
A mars bar!
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What do you call a man with a shovel on his head?
An ambulance, he’s clearly injured.
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A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him.
He stopped one of the runners and asked, “What’s happening?”
The runner replied breathlessly, “A lion has escaped from the zoo.”
“Oh my, which way is it heading?”
“Well, you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?”
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Why did the ant hidebehind the tree?
To trip the elephant.
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What do you call a fish who raps?
Swim Shady.
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I saw a ghost at the hair salon. Can you guess what she was doing?
Getting a scare-cut!
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What was the full name of Eddie Murphy’s character in Shrek?
Donkey Ho-tay!
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Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
They couldn’t get the moose in the oven!
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Taylor Swift’s latest song sounds almost exactly like one of Madonna’s hits from the 80s.
It’s Borderline plagiarism.
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Why did the bearded man decline the invitation to a charity event?
It was a fund razor.
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Why does the Easter Bunny drink beer?
He loves the hops.
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It’s your birthday; let’s donuts!
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There was a mushroom on the first floor of my house.
Morel of the storey.
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Last Halloween there was a knock on the door.
I looked out of the window and then shouted upstairs to my wife, “Honey there’s a witch at the door. What shall I do?”
She shouted back, “Just give her some candy and tell her to get lost.”
My mother-in-law hasn’t spoken to me since.
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A child asked his father, “How were people born?”
So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”
The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!”
His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”
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Wives are strange creatures. Mine sometimes waits up for me till I come home at 3 am to ask me whether I know what time it is.
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How are pandas made?
You punch a polar bear in the eyes.
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