My mother-in-law just asked for bath stuff for her birthday.
She seemed unimpressed with the toaster I bought her.
😄 😄 😄
You might be a barrel racer if:
· Your lucky shirt is held together with safety pins and duct tape.
· You take your own temperature and think 102 is normal...
· You can eat a taco on the way to a race and stay in the lines without dropping anything.
· Your husband says he has a backache and you head to the barn to get the Banamine and Bigel Oil.
· Your friend goes to borrow your hairbrush and has to pull horse hair out of it first.
😄 😄 😄
How does a dyslexic person spell “baldy”?
Badly.
😄 😄 😄
Teacher: “I hope I didn’t see you looking at Tim’s exam paper.”
Pupil: “I hope you didn’t see me either!”
😄 😄 😄
85% of people in America don’t know basic math.
Thanks God I’m from the other 25%.
😄 😄 😄
What can a whole pizza do that a half pizza cannot do?
A whole one can look round.
😄 😄 😄
Some say that nobody should keep too much to themselves.
The IRS office is of the same opinion.
😄 😄 😄
An Australian aborigine owns a boomerang that will not return to him no matter how many times he throws it.
Frustrated, he seeks assistance from the witch doctor.
When the witch doctor asks where he obtained the boomerang, the aborigine says it was from a souvenir shop on Ayer’s Rock.
The witch doctor says, “You bloody fool, didn’t you see the sign by the cash register that says ‘NO RETURNS’.”
😄 😄 😄
I asked my German friend how many planets are in our Solar System.
Surprisingly he said, “Nine.”
😄 😄 😄
What kind of sandwiches do whales eat?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
😄 😄 😄
My wife makes my pancakes too thin.
Tomorrow morning, I am telling her I am sick of her crêpe.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a Portuguese person all by themself?
A Portugoose.
😄 😄 😄
Your mama so dumb she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
😄 😄 😄
A boxer was throwing nothing but right hooks at a punching bag.
His trainer walked up and asked, “What gives?”
The boxer replied, “I’m exercising my rights.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you get if you cross an ex-Popstar with an extra-terrestrial?
Kym Martian.
😄 😄 😄
What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed its tooth?
The dentist.
😄 😄 😄
People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris.
Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.
😄 😄 😄
People gave the sun a rating.
It was only one star.
😄 😄 😄
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
😄 😄 😄
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
😄 😄 😄
