Akposβs wife was busy singing in the bedroom.
Akpos: βYou know, my dear, when you sing like that, I just wish you were on a radio.
Wife: βWow, honey. Am I that good?β
Akpos: βNo, at least on a radio I can change the station.β
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I just walked past a man in shorts carrying a really long stick and I asked him, βAre you a pole vaulter?β
He said, βNo, Iβm German, how did you know my name was Walter?β
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What did the snowman say to the birthday girl?
Have an ice day!
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Whatβs a Pinterest userβs favorite type of weather?
Rainy, so they have an excuse to stay in and pin all day.
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Whatβs the best thing about Thanksgiving in Bulgaria?
Bulgaria is next to Turkey and Greece.
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Why did the atheist cross the road?
He thought there might be a street on the other side, but he wouldnβt believe it until he tested his hypothesis.
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Your mama is so short she doesnβt roll dice she pushes them.
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Once I got kicked out of a library for being a mime.
Because actions speak louder than words.
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What isΒ Harry Potterβs favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
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Why is March through May the best time of the month to buy a mattress?
Itβs when they are the most springy.
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So hot dog, we meat again.
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What do you call your co-workers in a boring and depressing workplace?
Melancolleague(s).
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What does a duck thatβs made of avocado say?
Guac.
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If you get kissed by an alpaca, itβs not the end of the world.
Itβs the alpaca-lips.
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Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.
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Why was Uranus always mad?
Because it was the butt of everyoneβs jokes.
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Why was the burger sad?
Because he had the blue cheese.
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My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients.
I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry.
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A fly just fell into my butter.
Now itβs a butterfly.
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Paddy has just correctly answered the Β£500,000 question on βWho Wants To Be a Millionaireβ.
He has only one question standing between him and the Β£1m jackpot.
Presenter: βWhich of these birds does not live in a nest?
A) Thrush
B) Kestrel
C) Blue Tit
D) Cuckooβ
Paddy has one lifeline left β phone a friend. He decides to call Murphy, the owner of his local pub.
Murphy agrees and immediately shouts, βItβs a cuckoo!β
Paddy goes with that answer and wins the jackpot.
That evening, Paddy was round at Murphyβs bar celebrating.
He turns to Murphy and says, βMurphy, how did you know that cuckoos donβt live in a nest?β
Murphy answers, βThatβs the easiest question you could have had! Everyone knows a cuckoo lives in a clock!β
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