Why did the mushroom have to leave her home?
It was growing toxic by the day.
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What happens if an owl doesn’t wash?
It smells fowl.
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Yo mama’s so fat when she fell I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
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What’s a mountain goat’s favorite name?
Cliff.
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I just found out Canada isn’t real.
Turns out it was all maple leaf.
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What is a math teacher’s favorite tree?
Geometry.
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A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, “These sleepovers are killing me.”
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Good morning!
Remember, a yawn is a silent scream for coffee.
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Why do people with vertigo hate autumn?
In case they have a bad fall.
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What is blue and lies under a mushroom?
Smurf poop.
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You might be a barrel racer if:
· Your lucky shirt is held together with safety pins and duct tape.
· You take your own temperature and think 102 is normal...
· You can eat a taco on the way to a race and stay in the lines without dropping anything.
· Your husband says he has a backache and you head to the barn to get the Banamine and Bigel Oil.
· Your friend goes to borrow your hairbrush and has to pull horse hair out of it first.
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Why did the atheist cross the road?
He thought there might be a street on the other side, but he wouldn’t believe it until he tested his hypothesis.
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Why was the moth so unpopular?
He kept picking holes in everything.
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When I went out for a curry last week, I saw that the menu had about 20 different types of curry on it.
So I asked for a clean one.
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Did you hear that I won the Thanksgiving turkey cookoff?
You butterball-ieve it.
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A boy calls 911, “Hello? I need your help!”
The operator says, “Alright. What is it?”
The boy says, “Two girls are fighting over me!”
The operator asks, “So, what’s your emergency?”
The boy says, “The ugly one is winning.”
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If Shrek had been an average movie, it would’ve been...
Mediogre.
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What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-a.
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You’re so dumb that you thought a quarterback was a refund.
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Why did the Java developer teach his young kids about single quotes?
Because they build character.
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