What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?
He said, βHey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.β
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NASA sent a probe to all of the planets in our solar system but quit after Uranus...
They found it to be a poophole.
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Yo mama so old her breast milk is powder.
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βNoah.β
βNoah, who?β
βKnow a place I can hide from ghosts?!β
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Iβve finally saved up enough for solar panels.
Whatβs holding me back is that I canβt afford a house.
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There was a bad smell coming from a dumpster.
So, my mother made my sister burn some spices to cover it.
She used pap-reek-her.
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What type of salad did they serve on the Titanic?
Iceberg lettuce.
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Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, youβll be a mile away and youβll have their shoes.
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You enter the laboratory and see an experiment.
How will you know which class is it?
If itβs green and wiggles, itβs biology.
If it stinks, itβs chemistry.
If it doesnβt work, itβs physics.
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Why did the bacon laugh?
Because the egg cracked a yolk!
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I confused Thanksgiving with Tanksgiving.
Now Iβm in trouble with the U.S. Army.
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Why did the foot smile?
He was toe happy.
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A boy calls 911.
β911, what is your emergency?β
The boy replied, βMy parents are fighting, and Iβm scared..β
βWell, whoβs your father?β
βWell, thatβs what theyβre fighting about.β
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I said to the gym teacher, βCan you teach me to do the splits?β
He said, βHow flexible are you?β
I said, βI canβt make Tuesdays.β
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My friend went bankrupt after inventing a sandal for people with only one leg.
It was a flop.
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Please, donut break my heart.
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I like working from home.
Itβs much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.
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Every Spider-Man needs a Mary Jane...
Can you be my Mary Jane?
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Yo head is so big if it were a bowling ball, score a strike every time.
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What do clouds wear under their shorts?
Thunderpants.
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