What’s a tall person’s worst fear?
Ceiling fans.
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When the cow jumped over the moon...
Never have the steaks been so high.
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You are so dumb you returned a puzzle because it was broken.
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Where do dead bowling pins go?
To the pit of doom!
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What’s consistent in every season of Stranger Things?
Steve Harrington losing more brain cells and gaining more children.
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When we were children, we used to refer to our granddad as Spider-Man.
He didn’t have any special powers, he just couldn’t get out of the bath without any assistance.
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My wife is like a delicious strawberry popsicle.
Cold on the inside and 90% artificial.
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I went out the other day and there was a butterfly wrapped up in a web.
A few days later it had turned into a spider.
Natures amazing.
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So, it’s about 1961, and I am ever so proudly part of a land survey crew working in a local neighborhood.
A young boy comes out from his house and states, “My mom wants to know what you are doing here!”
I state, “Well, we’re surveyors!”
And as the crew continues down the street, I hear his mom ask, “Well, what are they doing, Tommy?”
To which Tommy responds, “Don’t worry, mom, they are survivors!”
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What is a beaver’s favorite rap artist?
Timber-land.
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What do you call someone who doesn’t believe it is June yet?
A May-sayer.
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Why do people take their time walking in February?
Because it’s not March.
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What do you call a Polish ape?
Chimpanski.
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Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
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What type of music do Amish people like?
Tech no.
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Important Announcement:
In light of the rising frequency of human and grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field.
They advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren’t expecting them.
They also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.
It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung:
1. Black bear dung is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur.
2. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper.
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Wanna know a way for werewolves to howl other than the full moon?
Make them stub their toe.
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Why did Chewbacca get sent back down to play minor league baseball?
He was making too many Wookiee mistakes.
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Friend: “Where were you?”
Me: “I got sick and had to rush to the doctor.”
Friend: “Flu?”
Me: “Nah, just drove really fast.”
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Why did ChatGPT get kicked out of school?
Because it knew too much.
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