Best Jokes (2)



If cows laughed, milk would come out of their noses.

I guess thatโ€™s why they moo.

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Did you hear about the physical therapist who asked his date to meet him at the gym?

She didnโ€™t show up, and thatโ€™s when he knew they werenโ€™t gonna work out.

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What do you call a restaurant that predominantly uses garlic as an ingredient that caters to literary nerds?

Allicin Wonderland.

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What did Jupiter say to Neptune?

โ€œHey! I can see Uranus from here!โ€

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What isย Harry Potterโ€™s favorite subject in school?

Spelling.

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Apparently, itโ€™s good to talk to your sunflowers.

I tried to teach my sunflowers mathematics, but they ended up with square roots.

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I was just on a Zoom call that ended automatically after 40 minutes because the organizer was on a free tier.

This is the single greatest advance to meeting productivity that Iโ€™ve ever seen.

Would pay extra for this feature!

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My family is all worried about my addiction to dot puzzles.

Itโ€™s OK though... I know where to draw the line.

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A mummy calls a restaurant.

โ€œHello, Iโ€™d like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Sakhrakhotep I.โ€

โ€œCould you spell it out, please?โ€ said the voice from the restaurant.

โ€œOf course. Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird again, jackalโ€™s head, and a scarab.โ€

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How do you tell poisonous mushrooms apart from edible ones?

You give them to someone else to eat first.

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Have you heard about the new game getting released?

Itโ€™s AI is 20 years ahead of itโ€™s time, the graphics are truly real life, it has an open world concept where anything you want to do is truly possible.

Itโ€™s called โ€œGo outside and ride your bike!โ€.

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I bought my wife 12 dozen red roses, but I donโ€™t think she likes them.

She said thatโ€™s gross.

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Yo mama so stupid she brought a spoon to the Superbowl.

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Did you hear about the influencer who became a suicide bomber?

At first he had barely any followers, but then he blew up.

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Chuck Norrisย once lent his silly string to aย teenager.

We now know him as Spider-Man.

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My boss turned herself into a potato on our Microsoft teams meeting and canโ€™t figure out how to turn the setting off, so she was just stuck like this the entire meeting.

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Whatโ€™s the best thing to put into a pie?

Your teeth!

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Whatโ€™s the lazy bakerโ€™s favorite recipe?

Loaf bread.

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An Indian walks into a cafรฉ with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.

He says to the waiter, โ€œMe want coffee.โ€

The waiter says, โ€œSure chief, coming right up.โ€

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.

The next morning, the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.

He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, โ€œMe want coffee.โ€

The waiter says, โ€œWhoa, Tonto. Weโ€™re still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?โ€

The Indian smiles and proudly says, โ€œMe in training for upper management: come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day.โ€

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At the IRS audit.

IRS: โ€œAccording to your tax return, you claim got money for nothing and checks for free.โ€

Taxpayer: โ€œAm I in trouble for that?โ€

IRS: โ€œWeโ€™d say youโ€™re in dire straits.โ€

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