Yo mama’s so fat that if she was thrown into the second Death Star’s reactor core, she could have blown up the entire Imperial fleet.
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So hot dog, we meat again.
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Two mushrooms were talking about politics.
One mushroom said, “I think that women shouldn’t be allowed to vote.”
The other said, “That’s a shiitake.”
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What did a dam say to the river?
“Water you thinking?”
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Why do people on Earth like the way the planet rotates?
Because it makes their day.
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Why are they called the armed forces?
Because it’s hard to fight a war with just your legs.
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An American goes to the train station so he can start his big trip.
He notices there a machine with the indication: “Put a dollar in the slot and the machine will tell you who you are!”
Curious, he puts the dollar inside the slot and waits.
The machine suddenly sounds:
“You’re John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You’re about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago.”
The man blacked out with the machine’s ability.
So, he decided to trick the machine.
He wore a fake mustache and putted another dollar inside the slot.
“You’re John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You’re about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago,” says the machine.
“But it’s impossible!” screamed the man, acquiring a maniac need to trick the machine.
He ran to the toilet and disguised as an Arab.
Then, he did the same routine.
“You’re John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You’re about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago.”
Furious then, he disguises as a woman and puts the dollar as usual in the slot.
“You’re John Bull, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall, 90 kilos and with your bullshits you... lost the train!”
😄 😄 😄
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
😄 😄 😄
Want to hear a car joke?
BMW 2 Series.
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Where do fish sleep in the summer?
On the seabed.
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Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock... boom!
Good morning!
😄 😄 😄
Football is a game when 22 big, strong players run around like crazy for two hours while 50,000 people who really need the exercise sit in the stands and watch them.
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What did the client say when they saw the final ad concept?
“Can we make the logo bigger?”
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Your ears are so big if I blew a hairdryer in your face you’d take off.
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Two beggars were sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy. One had a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding the Star of David.
Many people went by, looked at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.
The Pope came by. He stopped to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar who held the Cross while none gave to the beggar holding the Star of David. He felt sorry for him.
Finally, the Pope approached the beggar with the Star of David and said. “My poor fellow, don’t you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren’t going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you’re sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite!”
The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, turned to the beggar with the Cross, and said. “Moishe, would you look who’s trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing?”
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My favorite planet is Uranus because it’s just so well-rounded.
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Which one of Santa’s helpers visits mermaids?
The Elf on the Shelfish.
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I found a store that only sells bagels and donuts.
It’s called “Hole Foods”.
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My wife and I have an open relationship.
Found out last night.
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Why do scientists suck at pulling pranks on April 1st?
They lack the element of surprise.
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