Did you hear about McDonald’s trying to get into the high-end steakhouse market?
It was a Big Mcsteak.
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Easter this year is April Fools’ Day.
Just remember that so you don’t fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.
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The astronauts were pretty upset there was no Wi-Fi on the moon, they wanted to update their spacebook status!
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Joe Palmer, the late racing expert, told about a man from Idaho who breezed into Kentucky with a six-year-old horse that had never raced before, but which he entered for a race.
The horse won easily and paid a whopping price.
The racing stewards did not like the look of the thing and questioned the owner.
“Is this horse unsound?” they asked.
“Not a bit,” said the owner.
“In that case,” asked the stewards, “why have you never raced him before?” “Mister,” said the man from Idaho, “we couldn’t even catch the critter until he was five years old.”
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What do you call a nuke that was launched on the 4th of July?
The wrong firework.
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A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
“Mama, look what I found,” the boy called out.
“What have you got there, dear?”
With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear!”
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As I stared into the refrigerator I realized I was finally using my philosophy degree.
“Why am I here?”
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Your mama’s so short that she can limbo under the door.
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Llama know if you don’t like these puns and alpaca my suitcase and leave!
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I love summer in Canada!
It’s my favorite day of the year!
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Good morning!
I hope you step on a Lego today, just to remind you that pain is temporary.
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Singular: one mango
Plural: Two menwent
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What is Harry Potter’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
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I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was, “I bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me.”
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You’re so short that you need to put on stilts to drive a car to reach the pedal.
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Can anyone recommend a good bank account?
Mine’s run out of money...
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What do you use when white people tell you to erase their history?
White out.
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Three pregnant women are chatting in a café.
Heather says, “I got my ultrasound done yesterday. I’m pregnant with triplets!”
“I got mine done yesterday too,” says Linda. “I’m pregnant with septuplets!”
“I think I’ll get my ultrasound done next week,” says Martha.
The three women chat some more.
Finally, Heather says, “I got Disney+ last month. The first movie I watched on it was ‘The Three Little Pigs’.”
“I got Disney+ last month too,” says Linda. “The first movie I watched on it was ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’.” When Martha hears this, she instantly goes pale.
“It’s okay if you don’t have Disney+,” says Heather.
“I do have it,” says Martha. “It’s just that the first movie I watched on it was ‘101 Dalmatians’.”
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How do gingers support each other?
By rooting for them.
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Are aliens from invasion movies actually British?
Because all they do is colonize.
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