A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asked him, “Why the long face?”
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What is a pirate’s least favorite workout?
Planks. His favorite is chest day.
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How does every racist joke start?
By looking over your shoulder!
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Why did the girl sit on the clock?
She just wanted to be on time.
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The astronauts were pretty upset there was no wi-fi on the moon, they wanted to update their spacebook status!
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Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
“Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath, “You scared us half to death — we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?”
“Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”
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What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”?
Santa walking backwards!
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Always a seasonal delight, today we will look at how to make a pumpkin roll:
Step 1. Get a pumpkin.
Step 2. Take your pumpkin to the top of a hill.
Step 3. Give it a little push.
Step 4. Enjoy.
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Pros of working from home:
· No pants
· Loud music.
Cons of working from home:
· You have to make your own coffee
· You talk to yourself too much.
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Somebody walks into an ice cream parlor and asks, “What flavors do you have?”
The attendant says, “Over there on the signs on the wall, you’ll see them all.”
Client goes, “Ehm, well I’ll have a cone with two scoops of ‘Mondays Closed’.”
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I asked my German friend how many planets are in our Solar System.
Surprisingly he said, “Nine.”
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Why do people with vertigo hate autumn?
In case they have a bad fall.
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Why is it not worth it to hunt for mushrooms?
It’s too much truffle.
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If Johnny buys seventeen donuts every Monday and eats twelve of them each Wednesday, what is Johnny left with at the end of the year?
Diabetes.
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How does Spider-Man communicate with all his superhero buds?
On the World Wide Web.
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How do astronauts eat their ice creams?
In floats.
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Yo mama so stupid, Jar Jar questioned her existence!
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Yo momma’s cooking is so bad, Jabba wouldn’t feed it to Salacious Crumb.
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Why did Neil Armstrong pee right after he made his first step on the moon?
He wanted to go where no man had gone before.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who is there?”
“Justin.”
“Justin, who?”
“Just in time to eat all the birthday donuts.”
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