Best Jokes (3)



Why was the chef embarrassed?

He saw the salad dressing.

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When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.

But when we grew up, the electricity bill is what made us afraid of the light.

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What disease did the YouTuber contract?

Influenza.

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Last night, I changed a light bulb, crossed a road, walked into a bar and chatted with an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman.

That’s when I realized my entire life is a joke...

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What do you call a Puerto Rican dish that’s not spicy?

A mistake.

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What do you call dental X-rays?

Tooth pics.

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What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur?

Jurassic Pork.

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Why do nuns always wear black and white?

No particular reason, it’s just a habit they have.

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How does Uranus stay clean?

It takes meteor showers.

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β€œDad, I don’t want to go to school today,” said the boy.

β€œWhy not, son?”

β€œWell, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day.”

β€œBut why don’t you want to go today?”

β€œBecause our English teacher died yesterday!”

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Outbreak: New Strain of Bird Flu Discovered!!!

It’s called Chirpies.

It’s a Canarial Disease.

It’s Untweetable.

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Where do bugs get off the train?

At the infestation.

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What do you call a guy who’s 19 years old forever?

Constantine.

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What search engine does Super Mario use?

Yahoo!

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Went to a hot dog convention hoping to meet some women.

But it turned out to be a sausage fest.

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People treat me like a god.

They ignore my existence unless they want something from me.

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What do you call a female crab who is also single?

Ms. Shell.

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Went to the seaside for a vacation last year.

The landlady said to me, β€œWe charge twenty pounds a nightβ€”bed and breakfastβ€”or twelve pounds if you make your own bed.”

β€œOh, all right,” I said, β€œI’ll make the bed.”

And the landlady gave me a saw, a hammer and some nails.

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Why do PokΓ©mons like to eat sunflower seeds?

Because they like to pick and chew.

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I have an archaeology exam tomorrow.

And it doesn’t matter if I pass or fail because either way my future’s in ruins.

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