What did the man, eating pickles, say to two of his friends who were complaining about Wednesday?
βYou two have got to dill with this hump today!β
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Watching the first presidential debate was like watching two people who shouldnβt play with legos argue.
One acted like he was under 4 years old and the other acted like he was over 99.
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How do you make the ice cream more expensive?
Just put it in the fridge longer. It will turn into a Cold Stone.
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What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
Pineapple.
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Did you hear the one about the blonde fox that got stuck in a trap?
She chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
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It was the first day of school.
Harryβs mother went into his bedroom and said, βCome on Harry, get up now. You have to go to school today.β
βBut I donβt want to go to school,β replied Harry, βI want to stay in bed. Why do I have to go to school?β
βBecause,β answered his mother, βyouβre a teacher!β
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Pessimists are like German vegetarians.
They fear the wurst.
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Why did the blue-faced man get lost?
He was feeling blue and couldnβt find his way.
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I never drink beer with an orange slice in it.
Except once in a Blue Moon.
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I messaged my ex on the day before my exam.
I asked if he had any good cheating tips.
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This culture of inclusiveness is getting out of hand.
I mean, even Jurassic Park engineered a Trannysaurus Rex.
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I will not allow anyone to minimize Helenβs accomplishments.
If you say she only became famous due to blind luck, your claim shall fall on deaf ears.
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I donβt trust people who donβt like mushrooms.
Clearly, they are of low morel fiber.
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Whatβs my blood type?
Pumpkin spice!
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Why is Spider-Man so good at climbing walls?
Because he is Peter Parkour.
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I asked my organic chemistry teacher what kinds of jokes he likes.
He said, βAlkynesβ.
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The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
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Chuck Norris was bitten by a werewolf.
When full moon came, the werewolf turned into Chuck Norris.
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Itβs so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βNoah.β
βNoah, who?β
βKnow a place I can hide from ghosts?!β
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