It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
😄 😄 😄
Two monkeys are sharing an Amazon account, guess what are they called?
Prime mates.
😄 😄 😄
People often ask me how I manage to smuggle chocolate into movie theaters.
Let’s just say, I have a few Twix up my sleeve...
😄 😄 😄
“There’s something wrong with this dictionary.”
“What is it?”
“They spelled ‘love’ wrong. It should be L-U-V, because I know I can’t spell love without U!”
😄 😄 😄
What is the best way to criticize your boss?
Very quietly, so he cannot hear you.
😄 😄 😄
When I said, I wanted to work from home, I didn’t mean I work on Saturday.
😄 😄 😄
What’s a hip replacement’s favorite type of music?
Hip-hop.
😄 😄 😄
I wanted to go bowling, but the pins were on strike.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat when she walked out in August in her yellow sun dress and the kids said, “Mommy, it’s time for school!”
😄 😄 😄
A man walked into a Florida bar with his crocodile and asked the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
Bartender: “Sure.”
Man: “Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my crocodile.”
😄 😄 😄
My wife is like a delicious strawberry popsicle.
Cold on the inside and 90% artificial.
😄 😄 😄
My brother just broke the record by downing 22 jets.
He’ll forever be remembered as the worst mechanic in the Air Force.
😄 😄 😄
I want to open a Star Wars themed café that caters to people who are obsessed with bubble tea.
I am going to call it Boba Fetish.
😄 😄 😄
I used to own a raven. It could speak English.
But the only word it could speak was “car”.
😄 😄 😄
My friends came over for band practice.
My dad came downstairs with a jar of peanut butter and said, “I brought this to go with your jam.”
😄 😄 😄
I heard Pinterest is making a new feature for gardeners.
It’s called “Pin-terest”.
😄 😄 😄
Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat when I saw her on Tinder, swiped left and she was still on the screen.
😄 😄 😄
It has no life but it still dies, guess who?
A battery.
😄 😄 😄
Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?
😄 😄 😄
