What did officials say after budget cuts forced them to cancel the last few moon missions?
We APOLLO-gize!
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Why did the banana go to the hairdresser?
Because it had split ends.
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Our bands bassist was always coming in late. He just couldn’t get the timing right, so we kicked him out of the band.
He got so depressed, he threw himself behind a bus.
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A little girl finally got to attend a wedding for the first time.
While in the church, the girl asked her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”
The mother replied to the girl, “Because white is the color of happiness and it’s the happiest day of her life today.”
After a little bit, the girl looks up at her mother and says, “But, then why is the groom wearing black?”
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Customer: “Waiter! Waiter! What is the moldy stuff?”
Waiter: “That’s a bean taco.”
Customer: “I’m sure it’s been a taco, but what is it now?!?”
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Who was Alexander Graham Kowalski?
The first telephone Pole.
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Before you say “Tesla” backwards, make sure everyone’s ready.
All set?
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Which is older, the moon or the sun?
The moon, because it can stay out all night.
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In case you were wondering, chocolate identifies as female.
Preferred pronouns are Her/she.
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Next time someone complains about Millennials, remind them which generation linoleumed over all those beautiful hard-wood floors.
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Why are hamburgers so happy at barbeques?
They get to meet all their old flames.
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What do you get when you put an Undead in a bath?
Soup.
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What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Bacon.”
“Bacon, who?”
“Bacon a cake for your birthday.”
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A bard walks up to a bored leprechaun. How many tunes should the bard play?
Fortunes.
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Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
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What did Ernie say when Bert asked if he wanted ice cream?
“Sure, Bert.”
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What does a volleyball player do at prom?
Spike the punch.
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A stormtrooper and a redshirt are in a room.
The stormtrooper shoots the redshirt, but misses every shot.
The redshirt dies anyway.
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How does an astronaut tell the time?
They just check their rocket watch.
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