Best Jokes - Page 3

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asked him, β€œWhy the long face?”

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What is a pirate’s least favorite workout?

Planks. His favorite is chest day.

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How does every racist joke start?

By looking over your shoulder!

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Why did the girl sit on the clock?

She just wanted to be on time.

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The astronauts were pretty upset there was no wi-fi on the moon, they wanted to update their spacebook status!

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Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.

Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

β€œHoly cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath, β€œYou scared us half to death β€” we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?”

β€œThose fools!” the old man grumbled. β€œThey misspelled my name!”

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What goes β€œOh, Oh, Oh”?

Santa walking backwards!

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Always a seasonal delight, today we will look at how to make a pumpkin roll:

Step 1. Get a pumpkin.

Step 2. Take your pumpkin to the top of a hill.

Step 3. Give it a little push.

Step 4. Enjoy.

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Pros of working from home:

Β· No pants

Β· Loud music.

Cons of working from home:

Β· You have to make your own coffee

Β· You talk to yourself too much.

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Somebody walks into an ice cream parlor and asks, β€œWhat flavors do you have?”

The attendant says, β€œOver there on the signs on the wall, you’ll see them all.”

Client goes, β€œEhm, well I’ll have a cone with two scoops of β€˜Mondays Closed’.”

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I asked my German friend how many planets are in our Solar System.

Surprisingly he said, β€œNine.”

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Why do people with vertigo hate autumn?

In case they have a bad fall.

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Why is it not worth it to hunt for mushrooms?

It’s too much truffle.

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If Johnny buys seventeen donuts every Monday and eats twelve of them each Wednesday, what is Johnny left with at the end of the year?


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How does Spider-Man communicate with all his superhero buds?

On the World Wide Web.

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How do astronauts eat their ice creams?

In floats.

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Yo mama so stupid, Jar Jar questioned her existence!

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Yo momma’s cooking is so bad, Jabba wouldn’t feed it to Salacious Crumb.

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Why did Neil Armstrong pee right after he made his first step on the moon?

He wanted to go where no man had gone before.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho is there?”


β€œJustin, who?”

β€œJust in time to eat all the birthday donuts.”

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