The guy goes into a pub.
He orders 7 pints of beer. He drinks the first pint, the third pint, the 5th and the 7th pint, and gets up to leave.
The barman says, “Why are you not drinking the other three pints?”
He says, “Doctors orders.”
“What do you mean by that?” asks the barman.”
“I am on medication and my doctor said to me the odd pint is okay.”
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Alert, alert!
The most wonderful human on earth is about to wake up!
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Did you hear about the karate master who joined the military?
He saluted and nearly chopped off his own head.
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Yo mama so fat when she sat on the iPod she made the iPad!
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Yo mama so stupid she made an appointment with Dr Pepper.
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“Hey, are you familiar with Landon?”
“Landon who?”
“Slip, fall then landon DEEZ NUTS!”
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The favorite colors of fishes are deep blue and aquamarine blue.
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What do you call a gangster who wears eyeliner?
An emoji.
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After a month of dieting, I lost 30 days.
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My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers.
He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
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What kind of bar is kid-friendly?
A chocolate bar.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Art.”
“Art, who?”
“Art you going to a birthday party?”
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Yo mama so hot when she got into the Arctic Ocean it turned into a hot tub.
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I recently heard that Turkeys aren’t allowed to play baseball.
No matter how many times they hit, they’ll always hit fowl balls.
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I finally achieved all my goals in life!
Then, the alarm clock went off.
Good morning, I guess.
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Before Marriage.
Boy: “Ah at last. I can hardly wait.”
Girl: “Do you want me to leave?”
Boy: “No, don't even think about it.”
Girl: “Do you love me?”
Boy: “Of Course. Always have and always will.”
Girl: “Have you ever cheated on me?”
Boy: “Never. Why are you even asking?”
Girl: “Will you kiss me?”
Boy: “Hell no. Are you crazy?”
Girl: “Can I trust you?”
Boy: “Yes.”
Girl: “Darling!”
After Marriage… (Read from bottom to top)
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Chuck Norris can speak Japanese in French.
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Your mama so dumb she watches “The Three Stooges” and takes notes.
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Everyone always says that hot dogs suck.
I think German sausages are the wurst!
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Those who study the moon are real optimists, they tend to look at the bright side.
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