Funny Jokes:

Funny Jokes
Joke of the Day

Bad Jokes
Clean Jokes
Double Meaning Jokes
Long Jokes
Short Jokes

Account Jokes
Accounting Jokes
» Accountant Jokes
» Tax Jokes
Alien Jokes
Animal Jokes
» Bear Jokes
» Cat Jokes
» Chicken Jokes
» Dog Jokes
» Fish Jokes
» Giraffe Jokes
» Horse Jokes
Ball Jokes
Bar Jokes
Batman Jokes
Beard Jokes
» Mustache Jokes
Big Nose Jokes
Blonde Jokes
Car Jokes
Cartoon Jokes
Chuck Norris Jokes
Couple Jokes
» Best Man Jokes
» Girlfriend Boyfriend Jokes
» Girlfriend Jokes
» Husband Wife Jokes
» Wedding Jokes
Disney Jokes
Dumb Jokes
Elf Jokes
English Jokes
Family Jokes
Farm Jokes
Fat Jokes
Food Jokes
» Banana Jokes
» Cheese Jokes
» Chocolate Jokes
» Coffee Jokes
» Donut Jokes
» Fruit Jokes
» Hot Dog Jokes
» Ice Cream Jokes
» Mushroom Jokes
» Pasta Jokes
» Pickle Jokes
» Pizza Jokes
» Potato Jokes
» Taco Jokes
» Vegetable Jokes
Friday Jokes
Friend Jokes
Good Night Jokes
Hair Jokes
» Haircut Jokes
Holiday Jokes
» Birthday Jokes
» Christmas Jokes
» Easter Jokes
» Halloween Jokes
Jokes on Jokes
Kid Jokes
Little Johnny Jokes
Love Jokes
» In Love Jokes
» Love Is Jokes
Man Jokes
» Old Man Jokes
Medical Jokes
» Doctor Doctor Jokes
» Doctor Jokes
» Pharmacist Jokes
» Pharmacy Jokes
Mom Jokes
» Yo Mama Jokes
» Yo Mama So Dumb Jokes
» Yo Mama So Fat Jokes
» Yo Mama So Hot Jokes
» Yo Mama So Old Jokes
» Yo Mama So Short Jokes
» Yo Mama So Stupid Jokes
» Yo Mama So Ugly Jokes
Money Jokes
Morning Jokes
» Good Morning Jokes
Music Jokes
Name Jokes
Old People Jokes
Pirate Jokes
Racist Jokes
Religion Jokes
» Bible Jokes
» Christianity Jokes
» God Jokes
School Jokes
» Biology Jokes
» Kindergarten Jokes
» Math Jokes
» Student Jokes
» Teacher Jokes
» Teacher Student Jokes
Space Jokes
» Moon Jokes
» Planet Jokes
» Sun Jokes
Spiderman Jokes
Sport Jokes
» Baseball Jokes
» Basketball Jokes
» Football Jokes
» Racing Jokes
» Tennis Jokes
Stupid Jokes
Summer Jokes
Weather Jokes
» Hot Jokes
Woman Jokes
Work Jokes
» Boss Jokes
» Office Jokes
» Retirement Jokes
» Work at Home Jokes
» Worker Jokes
» Working Jokes

Corny Jokes
Dad Jokes
Deez Nuts Jokes
Guess What Jokes
Knock Knock Jokes
» Knock Knock Love Jokes
One Liner Jokes
Pick Up Lines Funny
Puns
» Moon Puns
Status Jokes

Funny Videos:

Funny Videos

Funny Pictures:

Funny Pictures
Funny Memes

Racing Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected Racing Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



Racing Jokes


Why could the pony proceed at a great speed?

Because the pony had a powerful horsepower engine.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


What鈥檚 the best way to make a million dollars in horse racing?.

Start with 2 million.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


When do vampires like horse racing?

When it鈥檚 neck and neck.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


My wife and kids are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing.

And they鈥檙e off!

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?

Thoroughbred.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


Did you hear what happened at the racetrack yesterday?

One horse was so slow, they had to pay the jockey overtime.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


Why did the DJ get disqualified from the 400m sprint?

He kept changing tracks.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


Why is Donald Trump so good at the racetrack?

He鈥檚 a stable genius.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


You might be a barrel racer if:

路 Your lucky shirt is held together with safety pins and duct tape.

路 You take your own temperature and think 102 is normal...

路 You can eat a taco on the way to a race and stay in the lines without dropping anything.

路 Your husband says he has a backache and you head to the barn to get the Banamine and Bigel Oil.

路 Your friend goes to borrow your hairbrush and has to pull horse hair out of it first.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives.

When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day.

One day Barb said, 鈥淩ose, we both loved barrel racing all our lives, and we rode until we could hardly walk. Please do me one favor... When you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there鈥檚 barrel racing there.鈥

Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed, 鈥淏arb, you鈥檝e been my best friend for many years. If it鈥檚 at all possible, I鈥檒l do this favor for you.鈥

Shortly after that, Rose passed on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, 鈥淏arb, Barb.鈥

鈥淲ho is it?鈥 asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. 鈥淲ho is it?鈥

鈥淏arb, it鈥檚 me, Rose.鈥

鈥淵ou鈥檙e not Rose. Rose just died.鈥

鈥淚鈥檓 telling you, it鈥檚 me, Rose,鈥 insisted the voice.

鈥淩ose! Where are you?鈥

鈥淚n Heaven,鈥 replied Rose. 鈥淚 have some really good news and a little bad news.鈥

鈥淭ell me the good news first,鈥 said Barb.

鈥淭he good news,鈥 Rose said, 鈥渋s that there鈥檚 barrel racing in Heaven. Better yet, all of our horses who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we鈥檙e all young again. Better still, it鈥檚 always summer, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can ride all we want, and our horses never get tired.鈥

鈥淭hat鈥檚 fantastic,鈥 said Barb. 鈥淚t鈥檚 beyond my wildest dreams! So what鈥檚 the bad news?鈥

鈥淵ou鈥檙e up here in the slack on Friday.鈥

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


You know why barrel racers need to be cremated?

Because if you bury them they鈥檒l bitch about the dirt.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


Joe Palmer, the late racing expert, told about a man from Idaho who breezed into Kentucky with a six-year-old horse that had never raced before, but which he entered for a race.

The horse won easily and paid a whopping price.

The racing stewards did not like the look of the thing and questioned the owner.

鈥淚s this horse unsound?鈥 they asked.

鈥淣ot a bit,鈥 said the owner.

鈥淚n that case,鈥 asked the stewards, 鈥渨hy have you never raced him before?鈥 鈥淢ister,鈥 said the man from Idaho, 鈥渨e couldn鈥檛 even catch the critter until he was five years old.鈥

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


What鈥檚 the difference between praying in church and at the track?

At the track you really mean it!

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse.

The horse鈥檚 trainer meets him before the race and says, 鈥淎ll you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 鈥淎LLLLEEE OOOP!鈥 really loudly in the horse鈥檚 ear. Providing you do that, you鈥檒l be fine.鈥

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command.

The race begins and they approach the first hurdle.

The jockey ignores the trainer鈥檚 ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the centre of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle.

The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers 鈥淎leeee ooop鈥 in the horse鈥檚 ear.

The same thing happens: the horse crashes straight through the centre of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, 鈥淚t鈥檚 no good, I鈥檒l have to do it.鈥 And yells, 鈥淎LLLEEE OOOP!鈥 really loudly.

Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems.

This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong.

The jockey replies, 鈥淣othing is wrong with me. It鈥檚 this bloody horse. What is he 鈥 deaf or something?鈥

The trainer replies, 鈥淒eaf?? DEAF?? He鈥檚 not deaf 鈥 he鈥 blind!!!鈥

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


A Preacher wanted to raise money for his church and, being told there were fortunes in race horses, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.

However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep he ended up buying a donkey instead.

He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise the donkey came in third.

The next day the racing sheets carried the headlines 鈥淧reacher鈥檚 Ass shows鈥.

The Preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again and this time he won!

The papers said 鈥淧reacher鈥檚 Ass out in Front鈥. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.

The newspaper printed this headline 鈥淏ishop Scratches Preacher鈥檚 Ass鈥. This was just too much for the Bishop and he ordered the Preacher to get rid of the animal.

The Preacher decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.

The headlines the next day read 鈥淣un has the Best Ass in Town鈥. The Bishop fainted.

He informed the Nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and she finally found a farmer who was willing to buy it for $10.00.

The paper states 鈥淣un Peddles Ass for Ten Bucks鈥. They buried the Bishop the next day.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


I bet on a great horse yesterday!

It took seven horses to beat him.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


The trainer was giving last minute instructions to the jockey and appeared to slip something into the horse鈥檚 mouth just as a steward walked by.

鈥淲hat was that?鈥 inquired the steward.

鈥淥h nothing,鈥 said the trainer, 鈥渏ust a polo鈥.

He offered one to the steward and had one himself.

After the suspicious steward had left the scene the trainer continued with his instructions, 鈥淛ust keep on the rail. You are on a certainty. The only thing that could possibly pass you down the home straight is either the steward or me.鈥

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


A wealthy racehorse owner gets very attached to his champion horse.

It has a very successful racing career and is then retired to stud duties, where it is again very successful. Earning a fortune in stud duties.

Sadly one day the champion dies and the owner decides to give it a proper burial.

He approaches the local Anglican minister who tells him that he is only interested in saving human souls.

He then approaches the Catholic priest who tells him the same thing.

As a last resort he asks a Rabbi who gives him the same sermon. As he is about to leave he says that he was going to donate $100,000 to the Synagogue.

鈥淗old on鈥, says the Rabbi, 鈥測ou never told me it was a Jewish horse.鈥

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


A small boy tells his mum that his dad鈥檚 taken him on an outing to the zoo. His mum doesn鈥檛 believe him.

鈥淵our dad has never taken anyone to the zoo in his whole life,鈥 she says.

鈥淲ell he did,鈥 the boy replies, 鈥渁nd one of the animals paid us 拢50.鈥

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


A jockey is talking to the trainer ahead of the race.

鈥淵ou got to ride him to win,鈥 the trainer says, 鈥渂ecause I鈥檝e got a monkey on this horse, and so has my wife.鈥

鈥淲ill there be any room for me?鈥 the jockey asks.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


My horse was so late getting home, he tiptoed into the stable.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


My horse came in so late the jockey was wearing pijamas.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


It would have been a photo finish, but by the time my horse finished, it was too dark to take a picture.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


Which side of a racehorse has more hair?

The outside.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


What sort of racehorses come out after dark?

Night-mares.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


Which type of cheese do racehorses like best?

Masc-a-pony.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


A jockey is walking down the road leading a racehorse when he bumps into a friend.

鈥淲hat are you planning to do with that nag?鈥 the man asks.

鈥淩ace it,鈥 replies the jockey, surprised.

鈥淲ell, by the look of it,鈥 the man says, 鈥淵ou鈥檒l win!鈥

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


I put a bet on a horse that had excellent breeding.

After the horse left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1 and it did!

Unfortunately all the others came in at 12.30.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


My racehorse鈥檚 name is Mayo. Sometimes, Mayo neighs.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


I keep trying to get into horse racing, but they鈥檙e too fast for me.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


Two falcons are watching an air show where fighter pilots are racing their jets against one another.

One falcon turns to the other and says, 鈥淢an, I thought we were fast, but those guys are insane.鈥

The second falcon turns back and says, 鈥淵ou鈥檇 also fly that fast if your ass was on fire.鈥

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


One hot summer afternoon a police officer pulls into a yard.

The police officer then gets out of the car, and asks an old gentleman, 鈥淲ho owns the property?鈥

The old man tells the officer that he does, and asks what he can do for him.

The officer, 鈥淚鈥檓 here to inspect your property for illegally grown drugs.鈥

The old gentleman says, 鈥淲ell, you go right ahead, but whatever you do, don鈥檛 go into that field over yonder,鈥 pointing out a fenced parcel of land.

The officer, 鈥淢ister, I鈥檓 a law enforcement officer authorized by the federal government of our nation.鈥

Reaching into his pocket, he removes his badge and shoves it right in the old boy鈥檚 face, 鈥淵ou see my badge, buddy? This badge means that I鈥檓 allowed to go wherever I wish, anytime I wish. Do you understand me? No questions asked.鈥

The old gentleman nodded his head yes politely, softly apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old gentleman heard someone screaming in absolute terror, coming from where he鈥檇 told the officer not to go.

He looked over at the pasture and saw the officer running for his life, chased by a very angry bull.

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it appeared likely that the policeman would be gored by the bull鈥檚 horns before he could reach safety.

Realizing the horrible danger that the policeman was in, the old gentleman ran to the field鈥檚 fence as fast as he could, determined to do whatever he could to help.

Reaching the edge of the pasture, the old gentleman quickly climbed to the top of the fence, waving his arms frantically and screamed at the very top of his voice, 鈥淵our badge, officer, show him your BADGE!鈥

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


Two men went bear hunting.

While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear.

He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.

The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.

He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.

Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.

Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, 鈥淵ou skin this one while I go and get another one!鈥

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


There was a statistics teacher who would always accelerate hard when driving through intersections and then slow down after passing through.

One day he drove a colleague to work who was noticeably uncomfortable at his driving.

The colleague asked, 鈥淲hy do you always drive so fast through intersections?鈥

To which the statistics teacher responded, 鈥淲ell, statistically speaking, you鈥檙e more likely to have an accident in an intersection, so I make sure to get through them as fast as possible!鈥

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


How do you make a small fortune out of horses?

Start with a large fortune.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet.

鈥淲ill I be able to race this horse again?,鈥 he asks.

The vet replies: 鈥淥f course you will, and you鈥檒l probably win!鈥

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


Why did the owner name his racehorse 鈥淏ad News鈥?

Because bad news travels fast.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


鈥淢um, I just won this phone in a race!鈥

鈥淲ho was in the race?鈥

鈥淭he owner of the phone and the police. I think they鈥檙e at the door to congratulate me.鈥

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


Why is the internet like a motor racing crash?

There are spoilers everywhere.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


Why can鈥檛 tomatoes win races against lettuce?

Because the lettuce are always a head, and the tomatoes are always trying to ketchup.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


What do you get when you cross a race car with a spud?

Crashed potatoes!

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


I was going to go greyhound racing this weekend but decided against it...

They鈥檙e too fast. I鈥檇 never win.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


I was in a bar some days ago when a beautiful girl asked me, 鈥淲hat do you do?鈥

I replied, 鈥淚 race motorcycles.鈥

She asked further, 鈥淒o you usually win many races?鈥

I said, 鈥淣o, the bikes are much faster than I am.鈥濃

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


I keep trying to watch racing on my computer but every time I press the F1 key it just opens a help window.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


You so dumb, you have to stop during track workouts to ask for directions.

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃


Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them.

The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them.

The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on.

The second guy says, 鈥淲hat are you doing? Sneakers won鈥檛 help you outrun that bear.鈥

鈥淚 don鈥檛 need to outrun the bear,鈥 the first guy says. 鈥淚 just need to outrun you.鈥

馃槃 馃槃 馃槃





Funny Jokes:

Funny Jokes
Joke of the Day

Bad Jokes
Clean Jokes
Double Meaning Jokes
Long Jokes
Short Jokes

Account Jokes
Accounting Jokes
» Accountant Jokes
» Tax Jokes
Alien Jokes
Animal Jokes
» Bear Jokes
» Cat Jokes
» Chicken Jokes
» Dog Jokes
» Fish Jokes
» Giraffe Jokes
» Horse Jokes
Ball Jokes
Bar Jokes
Batman Jokes
Beard Jokes
» Mustache Jokes
Big Nose Jokes
Blonde Jokes
Car Jokes
Cartoon Jokes
Chuck Norris Jokes
Couple Jokes
» Best Man Jokes
» Girlfriend Boyfriend Jokes
» Girlfriend Jokes
» Husband Wife Jokes
» Wedding Jokes
Disney Jokes
Dumb Jokes
Elf Jokes
English Jokes
Family Jokes
Farm Jokes
Fat Jokes
Food Jokes
» Banana Jokes
» Cheese Jokes
» Chocolate Jokes
» Coffee Jokes
» Donut Jokes
» Fruit Jokes
» Hot Dog Jokes
» Ice Cream Jokes
» Mushroom Jokes
» Pasta Jokes
» Pickle Jokes
» Pizza Jokes
» Potato Jokes
» Taco Jokes
» Vegetable Jokes
Friday Jokes
Friend Jokes
Good Night Jokes
Hair Jokes
» Haircut Jokes
Holiday Jokes
» Birthday Jokes
» Christmas Jokes
» Easter Jokes
» Halloween Jokes
Jokes on Jokes
Kid Jokes
Little Johnny Jokes
Love Jokes
» In Love Jokes
» Love Is Jokes
Man Jokes
» Old Man Jokes
Medical Jokes
» Doctor Doctor Jokes
» Doctor Jokes
» Pharmacist Jokes
» Pharmacy Jokes
Mom Jokes
» Yo Mama Jokes
» Yo Mama So Dumb Jokes
» Yo Mama So Fat Jokes
» Yo Mama So Hot Jokes
» Yo Mama So Old Jokes
» Yo Mama So Short Jokes
» Yo Mama So Stupid Jokes
» Yo Mama So Ugly Jokes
Money Jokes
Morning Jokes
» Good Morning Jokes
Music Jokes
Name Jokes
Old People Jokes
Pirate Jokes
Racist Jokes
Religion Jokes
» Bible Jokes
» Christianity Jokes
» God Jokes
School Jokes
» Biology Jokes
» Kindergarten Jokes
» Math Jokes
» Student Jokes
» Teacher Jokes
» Teacher Student Jokes
Space Jokes
» Moon Jokes
» Planet Jokes
» Sun Jokes
Spiderman Jokes
Sport Jokes
» Baseball Jokes
» Basketball Jokes
» Football Jokes
» Racing Jokes
» Tennis Jokes
Stupid Jokes
Summer Jokes
Weather Jokes
» Hot Jokes
Woman Jokes
Work Jokes
» Boss Jokes
» Office Jokes
» Retirement Jokes
» Work at Home Jokes
» Worker Jokes
» Working Jokes

Corny Jokes
Dad Jokes
Deez Nuts Jokes
Guess What Jokes
Knock Knock Jokes
» Knock Knock Love Jokes
One Liner Jokes
Pick Up Lines Funny
Puns
» Moon Puns
Status Jokes

Funny Videos:

Funny Videos

Funny Pictures:

Funny Pictures
Funny Memes

















© 2022 jokes.best