Jokes About English
Enjoy our team's carefully selected English Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
“Dad, I don’t want to go to school today,” said the boy.
“Why not, son?”
“Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day.”
“But why don’t you want to go today?”
“Because our English teacher died yesterday!”
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To attract a partner, I like to use this quote from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82.
“Hello.”
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A woman in England gives birth every 30 seconds.
She must be exhausted.
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What do you call London without electricity?
Londoff.
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What is the longest word in the English language?
“Smiles”. Because there is a mile between its first and last letters.
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Roland, an Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip.
While there, Roland hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since Roland was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage.
Together they were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path.
The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and announced, “Mira el mosca.”
The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity to teach Roland, replied, “No, senor, “la mosca”, es feminina.”
Roland looked at him in amazement, then back at the fly, and then said, “Good heavens... you must have incredibly good eyesight.”
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