Jokes With Double Meaning

Enjoy our team's carefully selected Double Meaning Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!

Funniest Double Meaning Jokes to Crack

It’s been raining for 3 days without stopping.

My wife is in depression, she is standing and looking through the window.

If the rain doesn’t stop tomorrow, I’ll have to let her in.

😄 😄 😄

Always a seasonal delight, today we will look at how to make a pumpkin roll:

Step 1. Get a pumpkin.

Step 2. Take your pumpkin to the top of a hill.

Step 3. Give it a little push.

Step 4. Enjoy.

😄 😄 😄

Coworker: “Do you ever think about work at home?”

Me: “I don’t even think about work at work!”

😄 😄 😄

I like to show my girlfriend who’s the boss in our house.

I do this by holding a mirror up to her face.

😄 😄 😄

My wife has a sinus condition that suppresses her ability to detect odors.

But she gets offended when I tell people that she doesn’t smell good.

😄 😄 😄

Pulled out a couple of nose hairs to see if it hurts.

Judging by the reaction of the man asleep next to me on the train, it seems very painful.

😄 😄 😄

Patient: “Doctor, doctor! I’ve broken my arm in three places!”

Doctor: “Well, stop going to those places then.”

😄 😄 😄

I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my PlayStation.

😄 😄 😄

When I got to work Monday, I was limping something awful. My boss noticed and asked me what had happened.

I told him, “Oh, nothing. It’s just an old football injury that acts up once in a while.”

My boss eyed me suspiciously and said, “Gee, I never knew you played football.”

I said, “Well, I don’t. I hurt it yesterday when I lost $100 on New York Jets. I put my foot through the television...”

😄 😄 😄

“Mum, I just won this phone in a race!”

“Who was in the race?”

“The owner of the phone and the police. I think they’re at the door to congratulate me.”

😄 😄 😄

Diet day 1:

I removed all the fattening food from my house.

It was delicious.

😄 😄 😄

Short Jokes Double Sense

Farmer Smith was driving his tractor along the road with a trailer load

of fertilizer.

Alex — a little boy of nine — was playing ball in his yard.

He saw the farmer and asked, “What’ve you got in your trailer?”

“Manure,” farmer Smith replied.

“What are you going to do with it?” asked Alex.

“Put it on my pumpkins,” answered the farmer.

Alex replied, “You ought to

come and eat with us, we put ice cream on our pumpkin pie.”

😄 😄 😄

Me, at the hot dog stand: “Can I get a jumbo sausage?”

Hot dog guy: “Sure. Won’t be long.”

Me: “In that case, can I have two?”

😄 😄 😄

A penguin sent his car to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop.

He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.

Mechanic: “It looks like you blew a seal.”

Penguin: “Ah no that’s just ice cream.”

😄 😄 😄

An anteater walks into a bar.

“Having a nice day?” asks the barman.

“Noooooooo, noooooo, noooooo!” says the anteater.

“Why the long nos?” asks the barman.

“It’s always been like this,” says the anteater.

😄 😄 😄

Two leprechauns are in the forest and one starts eating mushrooms, so the other one says to him, “Are you having fun, Gus?”

😄 😄 😄

A jockey is walking down the road leading a racehorse when he bumps into a friend.

“What are you planning to do with that nag?” the man asks.

“Race it,” replies the jockey, surprised.

“Well, by the look of it,” the man says, “you’ll win!”

😄 😄 😄

I was on the phone with my wife and said, “I’m almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on.”

After a twenty-second pause, I asked, “You still there sweetheart?”

She replied, “Yeah... but I don’t think the coffee maker wants to talk right now.”

😄 😄 😄

My son is three years old and I took him shopping.

When we got home, he had a chocolate bar in his pocket.

Now, I didn’t buy it and he certainly didn’t buy it, so I marched him straight back to the shopping center and went to the jewelers.

😄 😄 😄

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “Hey.”

The horse said, “Nah, just beer, please. I just ate.”

😄 😄 😄

Teacher: “Take a seat”.

Student: “Where do you want me to take it to?”

😄 😄 😄

I complained to my math teacher that it was too cold in the classroom.

He told me to stand in the corner. Because the corner is 90 degrees.

😄 😄 😄

A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet.

“Will I be able to race this horse again?” he asks.

The vet replies: “Of course you will, and you’ll probably win!”

😄 😄 😄

I was in a bar some days ago when a beautiful girl asked me, “What do you do?”

I replied, “I race motorcycles.”

She asked further, “Do you usually win many races?”

I said, “No, the bikes are much faster than I am.”‬

😄 😄 😄

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, “What are your parents’ names?”

The student replied, “My father’s name is Laughing and my mother’s name is Smiling.”

The teacher said, “Are you kidding?”

The student said, “No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking.”

😄 😄 😄

A man in a French restaurant asks the waiter, “Do you have frog legs?”

The waiter looks offended, “No, I’ve always walked like that!”

😄 😄 😄

A guy had to ask his neighbor for help getting his new sofa inside the flat because it got stuck in the door.

After about twenty minutes of vigorous pushing and maneuvering, the guy pants, “I think we’ll have to call it a day. There’s no way we’re getting it inside.”

The neighbor looks at him slowly, “Wait, inside?!”

😄 😄 😄

Funny Double Meaning One-Liners

Did you know, you can make any dish an autumn dish by adding one simple step?

Try dropping it on the floor.

It really gives it that fall flavor.

😄 😄 😄

Whenever Autumn comes around, I like to walk around and collect the colorful leaves.

It sounds better than saying I’m a street sweeper.

😄 😄 😄

When I was a kid I could go to the store with only $5 and come home with bread, milk, hot dogs and my favorite candy.

You can’t do that these days...

Too many damned security cameras.

😄 😄 😄

It’s cleaning day today.

I’ve already polished off a whole chocolate bar.

😄 😄 😄

Wives are strange creatures. Mine sometimes waits up for me till I come home at 3 am to ask me whether I know what time it is.

😄 😄 😄

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.

So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.

I feel better already.

😄 😄 😄

My boyfriend and I broke up.

He wanted to get married... I didn’t want him to.

😄 😄 😄

Yesterday I complimented my dad that he smells good.

He just replied, “That’s because I use both my nostrils.”

😄 😄 😄

My poor dog doesn’t have a big nose.

That makes him smell terrible.

😄 😄 😄

I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1 and it did!

Unfortunately all the others came in at 12.30.

😄 😄 😄

Last night I made fish tacos.

They looked at them and just swam away.

😄 😄 😄

Today I made a big pot of pasta,

but when I went to dump the pot into the sink, I think I strained something.

😄 😄 😄

My wife asked me if I ate the ice cream she had in the freezer.

I told her no. I ate it on the couch.

😄 😄 😄

I got a job at a paperless office.

Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.

😄 😄 😄

I was going to go greyhound racing this weekend but decided against it...

They’re too fast. I’d never win.

😄 😄 😄

To attract a partner, I like to use this quote from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82.

“Hello.”

😄 😄 😄

A woman in England gives birth every 30 seconds.

She must be exhausted.

😄 😄 😄

If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of a room for a while.

They’re normally around 90 degrees.

😄 😄 😄

My wife and I were happy for twenty years.

Then we met.

😄 😄 😄

Double Meaning Questions

What to give a man who’s got everything?

A woman. She’ll tell him how everything works.

😄 😄 😄

What does the light bulb say when it’s being unscrewed?

I’m feeling delighted...

😄 😄 😄

“Do you know the difference between a fly and an elephant?”

“No.”

“Wow! You’d better see somebody then.”

😄 😄 😄

If Johnny buys seventeen donuts every Monday and eats twelve of them each Wednesday, what is Johnny left with at the end of the year?

Diabetes.

😄 😄 😄

What would happen if you took the school bus home?

The police would make you bring it back!

😄 😄 😄

Funny Double Meaning Sentences About Marriage

I haven’t spoken a word to my wife in years.

She hates to be interrupted.

😄 😄 😄

It always takes two to create trouble in a marriage.

The wife and the mother-in-law.

😄 😄 😄

Marriage is an institution of three rings:

engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

😄 😄 😄

A golden rule of the wife:

There isn’t a problem in the world that couldn’t be created.

😄 😄 😄

The relationship between a man and a woman is a psychological one.

The woman is psycho, the man is logical.

😄 😄 😄

Double Meaning Jokes in English for WhatsApp

I love vegan food!

It makes an excellent side dish to any meat.

😄 😄 😄

Yesterday I went to the doctor with a sinus infection.

But he told me it was all in my head.

😄 😄 😄

I tried to pay my taxes to the IRS with a smile.

Turns out they prefer money.

😄 😄 😄

I burned 2000 calories today. I fell asleep while baking pizza in the oven.

😄 😄 😄

Teachers deserve a lot of credit.

Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldn’t need it.

😄 😄 😄

It is generally believed that talking with your mouth full is rude.

Personally, I find talking with your head empty much worse.

😄 😄 😄

My neighbors listen to great music.

Whether they like it or not.

😄 😄 😄

Funny Double Meaning Jokes for GF

Girlfriend: “Darling, can I go out in this dress?”

Boyfriend: “Yes dear, it’s already dark out.”

😄 😄 😄

Boyfriend: “I’d really like to have enough money to buy a white tiger!”

Girlfriend: “What on Earth would you do with a white tiger?!”

Boyfriend: “Who said I’d get a white tiger? I just want that much money!”

😄 😄 😄

Girlfriend: “Excuse me, could you please close that window? It’s terribly cold outside.”

Boyfriend: “And you seriously think it’s going to get any warmer outside when I close it?!”

😄 😄 😄

Girlfriend: “Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?”

Boyfriend: “Yes, February 14th.”

😄 😄 😄

Boyfriend: “I love you.”

Girlfriend: “Is that you or the wine talking?”

Boyfriend: “It’s me talking to the wine.”

😄 😄 😄

Bad Jokes in Double Meaning

Alcoholics don’t run in my family.

But sometimes they fall down the stairs.

😄 😄 😄

A man walks into a petrol station and says, “Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?”

The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.

“No,” says the man, “I wanted a normal KitKat, fatty.”

😄 😄 😄

I went to Dunkin’ Donuts and ordered 4 blueberry donuts and the cashier asked if I wanna box...

I’ve been banned for life from that shop.

😄 😄 😄

Just went to the store and bought milk, cereal, juice and ice cream.

Cashier: “You must be single, right?”

Me: “Yes! How did you know?”

Cashier: “Because you’re ugly.”

😄 😄 😄

I lost my watch at a party once.

An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party.

Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose.

“No one does that to a woman, not on my watch!”

😄 😄 😄

A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.

A woman with a small dog walked up to sit on another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.

The man asked, “Would you mind if I throw him a bit?”

“Not at all,” the woman replied.

The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.

😄 😄 😄

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back.

😄 😄 😄

My kids won’t eat their tacos for dinner, so I had to throw them out.

Then I ate their tacos.

😄 😄 😄

My friend keeps saying, “Every time I go to Taco Bell, I get diarrhea.”

I said, “Try ordering Tacos instead.”

😄 😄 😄

A couple goes to the cinema.

“Two tickets, please,” says the man.

“Hobbit?” asks the cashier lady.

“No, that’s my wife.”

😄 😄 😄

Dumb Double Meaning Lines in English

A jockey is talking to the trainer ahead of the race.

“You got to ride him to win,” the trainer says, “because I’ve got a monkey on this horse, and so has my wife.”

“Will there be any room for me?” the jockey asks.

😄 😄 😄

I keep trying to get into horse racing, but they’re too fast for me.

😄 😄 😄

I emailed Netflix and asked if they had Batman Forever.

They said, “No, just until the end of June.”

😄 😄 😄

Everyone during the summer tries to make sure they have an air conditioner.

But no one has any air shampoo.

😄 😄 😄

I was going to buy a pocket calculator.

But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have.

😄 😄 😄

I keep trying to watch racing on my computer but every time I press the F1 key it just opens a help window.

😄 😄 😄

Long Double Meaning Jokes in English

A family was driving in their car through an Arizona desert.

When they ran into a family of skunks.

They stop the car and get out so that they could check on the family of skunks to make sure they were alright.

They found all of the skunks to be ok except for one little baby skunk.

The wife then asked the husband if they could take the baby skunk to the vet to get it the medical attention that it needed.

They come up at the California border checkpoint and the wife starts freaking out, “There’s no way they let us take this skunk across the border, what are we gonna do?”

The husband thinks for a second and says, “Hey I got it! Take the baby skunk and put it under your dress.”

The wife replies, “Well what about the smell?”

The husband says, “It’ll be alright, just hold its nose.”

😄 😄 😄

A man left for work one Friday morning.

Instead of going home after work, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending all his wages. When he finally got home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife. After a while she stopped nagging and said, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

“That would be fine with me”, he replied.

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same result.

Thursday, the swelling went down just enough for him to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

😄 😄 😄

My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing.

One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles.

He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5-pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could.

After a while he tried 10-pound potato sacks, then 50-pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100-pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute.

Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.

😄 😄 😄

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old football players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

“Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?”

The little boy nodded yes.

“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when a foul is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, or attack the referee. Do you understand all that?”

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, “And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach “a worthless idiot” is it?” Again the little boy nodded.

“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your parents.”

😄 😄 😄

Patty was quietly minding her own business, eating her soup alone in her booth at a local eatery, when a voice startled her from behind.

It was the guy in the booth behind her.

“Not so loud!” he said.

“What?” she questioned, as she took another spoonful of soup.

“I said not so loud!” was his muffled reply.

Embarrassed at being told she was slurping her soup, she pushed away her bowl and started her grilled cheese sandwich.

“How was your day?” questioned the man from behind once again.

“Pretty good,” responded Patty, confused that this stranger would care.

“Did you pass the exam?” came the next question from behind.

“I don’t know, I didn’t get my grade yet,” replied a thoroughly bewildered Patty.

“I’ll have to call you back when I’m out of here”, came the voice from behind once again, “some nut job is answering every question I ask you!”

😄 😄 😄