They say today is Pi Day.
But for me, it will always be cake day!
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My mom is coming home after a work trip tonight, guess what I am getting?
I am getting yelled at.
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Noah’s Diary Day 39:
Unicorn pie is delicious!
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What did the client say when they saw the final ad concept?
“Can we make the logo bigger?”
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What do you call an amazing day up a mountain?
A peak experience.
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What did the Elf on the Shelf put on his face after shaving?
Elftershave.
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What does a bass guitar and a baseball have in common?
People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
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Good morning!
Coffee is my morning superhero.
It doesn’t wear a cape, but it sure knows how to rescue me from the grumpiness monster every day.
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Why do registered nurses bring a red crayon to work?
In case, they have to draw blood.
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Being vegan is so easy that I literally just stare at the sun and I’m satisfied.
Thanks, photosynthesis.
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How do gingers like their gossip?
Spicy.
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I heard about a blue tick hound who was feeling down.
His bark was way worse than his bite.
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What do you call a line of men waiting to get a haircut?
A barberqueue!
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Why should you always be kind to registered nurses?
Remember that they choose your catheter size.
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How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam?
An itsy bitsy book.
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My girlfriend has a great job down at the brewery despite having only one leg.
She’s in charge of the hops.
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What did the alien think of the anti-gravity book?
He couldn’t put it down!
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If I wanted to be taller, I’d just wear higher shoes. This is the height I want to be at.
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What do diarrhea and eye colour have in common?
It runs in your genes.
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Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset.
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