Best Jokes

Funny Jokes

Blonde enters the pharmacy.

β€œDo you have a pregnancy test?”

β€œYes, we do.”

β€œAre questions hard?”

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I saw an interview with Sean Connery about how he used to scuba dive for seafood.

He said, β€œEvery time I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically searching for a place to hide, so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself...

that’s shellfish.”

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What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?


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My English teacher said I had to write 1000 words on the new Margaret Atwood novel.

I managed about 50 before the librarian snatched it back off me.

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A dragon would never explode.

But a dino might.

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What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?

A flamingstop.

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A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.

After looking the man over he says, β€œSir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?”

The man gets really annoyed and says, β€œOfficer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”

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What do you call a chocolate Easter Bunny that was out in the sun too long?

A runny bunny.

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People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician.

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A townie was looking for the May Day Fair, he stopped and asked Jethro, ”Will this road take me to the May Day Fair?”

β€œOh no,” said Jethro. β€œYou’ll have to go by yourself!”

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I’m pretty sure that the hotel receptionist was checking me out.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”


β€œAmeen, who?”

β€œAmeen, iftar is ready!”

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1. Money is not everything. There’s also MasterCard & Visa.

2. One should love animals. They are tasty too.

3. Save water. Drink beer.

4. Studying is healthy. So leave it for the sick.

5. Books are holy. So don’t touch them.

6. Every one should marry because happiness is not the only thing in life...

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I think my grocery store is trying to turn me into a narcissist...

Every time I go there they make me check myself out.

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Whatever you do, always give 100 %.

Unless you are donating blood.

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Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?

He was stuffed!

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What do you call a guy leaning against a wall?


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What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day?

St. O’Claus.

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I entered a Roblox building competition.

But got disqualified because my design was a copy-pastemasterpiece.

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Why are solar panels so trustworthy?

They don’t work in the shadows.

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