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Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road.

They thoughtfully made a sign saying โ€œThe End is Near! Turn yourself around now before itโ€™s too late!โ€ and showed it to each passing car.

One driver who drove by didnโ€™t appreciate the sign and shouted at them, โ€œLeave us alone, you religious nuts!โ€

All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, โ€œYou think maybe we should have just said โ€œBridge Out instead?โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Your mama so dumb, she got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W's.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


I do have to say though, groom, just how lucky you are. You will leave here today with a wife who is warm, loving and caring.

And, bride, how lucky you are as well. You leave here today having gained a lovely dress and a wonderful bouquet of flowers.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A young boy had just gotten his driving permit.

He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said to him, โ€œIโ€™ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it.โ€

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said, โ€œSon, Iโ€™m real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, youโ€™ve studied your Bible diligently, but you didnโ€™t get hair cut!โ€

The young man waited a moment and replied, โ€œYou know Dad, Iโ€™ve been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.โ€

His father replied, โ€œYes son, and they walked everywhere they went!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Itโ€™s game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court.

He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty.

He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there.

He responds, โ€œNo, the seatโ€™s empty.โ€

The first man exclaims, โ€œWhat?! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?โ€

The neighbor responds, โ€œWell the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we havenโ€™t been together.โ€

The first man responds,โ€ Iโ€™m sorry to hear that. Wasnโ€™t there anyone else, a friend or relative, that couldโ€™ve taken that seat?โ€

The neighbor responds, โ€œNo, theyโ€™re all at the funeral.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Wanna know a way for werewolves to howl other than the full moon? Make them stub their toe.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Why are cats better than babies?

Because you only have to change a litter box once a day.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Itโ€™s a good thing snakes and dogs donโ€™t interbreed.

Nobody wants a loyal snake.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Why does nobody trust the man on the moon?

He has a dark side.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„





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