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Funny Jokes


What is blue and lies under a mushroom?

Smurf poop.

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Your mama is so short she has to cuff her underwear.

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Have you ever seen how they throw the ball into the crowd after winning the game?

I found out that this is frowned upon in bowling.

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Yo Mama is so old Adam and Eve were at her graduation ceremony.

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Why did the blue paint laugh at the brown paint?

Because he was blue-tiful.

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Did you hear about the influencer who became a suicide bomber?

At first he had barely any followers, but then he blew up.

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My English teacher said I had to write 1000 words on the new Margaret Atwood novel.

I managed about 50 before the librarian snatched it back off me.

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What is a pressing thought of every pig?

β€œWhy do all bacons get cooked and cookies get baked?”

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β€œSir, I’m going to let you off with a warning.”

β€œThank you so much, office.”

β€œApril Fool… sign here.”

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If Spider-Man suddenly runs out of web when he’s chasing bad guys, what is he called?

Peter Parkour.

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I hate being a depressed atheist.

Nothing to live for, nothing to die for.

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An alien lands today, Nov. 4, 2020.

Alien: β€œTake me to your leader.”

Me: β€œYou’re going to have to wait 10-12 business days for us to sort that out.”

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Mosquito bites nowadays can cause concussion.

Yesterday, one of them bit my friend in his head, but fortunately I was able to kill it with a shovel.

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Yo mama’s so dumb she wasn’t looking for the droids in the first place!

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I’m not sure if I want to move to Sweden.

But the flag is a big plus.

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I might have to reconsider my kosher hot dog business...

For some reason, Anne’s Franks hasn’t been very popular with the target audience.

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Why do elves laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

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Dropped a huge bottle of ketchup on my foot.

It caused severe pain to-ma-toes.

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What do you call a fat pineapple?

A pineapple chunk.

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There was an ad in the newspaper:

An agriculturist looks for a woman with a tractor.

A photo of the tractor is required.

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