Enjoy our team's carefully selected funny jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Teacher: โHow far have you gone with your homework Johnny?โ
Little Johnny: โAbout 8 kilometers miss. I went home with it and came back with it this morning.โ
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Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is:
โAm I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?โ
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Client on group chat: โThis is jeans week so feel free to wear jeans tomorrow.โ
Me: โDang, does that mean I have to wear pants?โ
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A woman walks into the Social Workerโs office, trailed by 15 kids.
โWOW!โ the social worker exclaims, โAre they ALL yours?โ
โYeah, theyโre all mine,โ the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says, โSit down Terry.โ All the children rush to find seats.
โWell,โ says the social worker, โthen you must be here to sign up. Iโll need all your childrenโs names.โ
โThis oneโs my oldest โ he is Terry.โ
โOK, and whoโs next?โ
โWell, this one he is Terry, also.โ
The social worker raises an eyebrow, but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Terry.
Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri.
โAll right,โ says the caseworker, โIโm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Terri?โ
Their Mother replied, โWell, yes, it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell โTerry!โ, anโ when itโs time for dinner, I just yell โTerry!โ, anโ they all come a runnin.
Anโ if I need to stop the kid whoโs running into the street, I just yell Terry and all of them stop. Itโs the smartest idea I ever had, namingโ them all Terry.โ
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, โBut what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?โ
โI call them by their surnames.โ
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My son is three years old and I took him shopping.
When we got home, he had a chocolate bar in his pocket.
Now, I didnโt buy it and he certainly didnโt buy it, so I marched him straight back to the shopping center and went to the jewelers.
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What do you call a blood-sucking arachnid on the moon?
A lunar tick.
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Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?
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A doctor is giving a talk at a symposium. Like any good public speaker, he wrote his speech out on notecards.
Unfortunately, when he gets up to the podium, he finds that he just canโt read his notes.
So, he says to the audience, โIs there a pharmacist in the house?โ
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Itโs so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
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Why was the Easter egg so scared of his father?
His father was hard-boiled.
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