Best Jokes



Funny Jokes


What did the blue paint say to the red paint when they met?

β€œYou’re looking rosy!”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Went to a hot dog convention hoping to meet some women.

But it turned out to be a sausage fest.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What do you call two depressed bears?

Bipolar.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What do you call a red panda dentist?

A molar bear.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why did the Roblox character get arrested?

He was caught brick-handed.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


A North Korean soldier runs across the DMZ and yells to the US Army, β€œKim Jong Un is an idiot!”

And gets thrown in a labor camp for 16 years by the government.

1 year for insulting the Dear Leader and the other 15 for revealing a state secret.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why are colds bad criminals?

Because they’re easy to catch.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why did the alien throw beef on the asteroid?

He wanted it a little meteor!

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


I met a comedian who specializes in Uranus jokes.

Suffice to say, their humor was out of this world.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?

Good restaurant reservations.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


I entered what I ate today into my new fitness app on my phone.

It sent an ambulance to my house.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


A tourist driving across rural England decided to stay the night in a small town.

The only place with rooms available was a quaint English pub β€œThe George and Dragon” which had a lovingly painted sign with a Knight beside a defeated dragon blowing in the evening breeze.

Entering the barroom, which while empty had a roaring fire against the back wall, leather-padded booths, and a mahogany bar with brass rails, polished to a shine, they went up to the bar and asked for a room.

β€œRooms cost Β£20 per night, we don’t accept euros, and you must be out by 7am tomorrow, or else you pay for both days.”

β€œAlright then, could I get something to eat, ma?”

β€œThe kitchen closed at 6, and I am not going back there until 11am tomorrow, no matter what you say. Anything else?”

β€œYes, could I please talk to George?”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?

Because there’s no mush-room.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Reverend Clive Morgan was completing his homily in St John’s Church about the dangers of alcohol and the need for moderation and temperance.

He announced at the end of the sermon in a loud, clear voice, β€œIf I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.” Β 

With even greater emphasis he added, β€œAnd if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”

Finally, he intoned in an extremely serious manner, β€œAnd if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”

The Reverend Morgan then sat down.

Jerry, St John’s leading chorister stood up and announced with a smile, β€œFor our closing hymn this Sunday, let us sing together hymn number 109: Shall We Gather at the River.”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Have you ever tried looking at a penny under a microscope?

...magnificent.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 o’clock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Which ankle did Spider-Man twist after tripping on the curb?

Ankle Ben.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


How do you make a skeleton laugh?

Tickle their funny bones.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


The moon is just a football Chuck Norris kicked up when he was a kid.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Your mama so short she needs a ladder to touch the ground.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


















© 2022-2023 jokes.best