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A salesman returns from his assignment in Saudi Arabia, where he went to sell them a new brand of Coca-Cola.

Seeing his crestfallen face, a friend asks him, β€œWhy the long face?”

The salesman replied, β€œI failed in Saudi Arabia. The campaign was a total failure.”

β€œWhy is that?” asked the friend. β€œI thought you had a good campaign running.”

β€œWell, when I got posted there, I was very confident that I would make a great sales pitch to the Saudis. But I had a problemβ€”I didn’t speak Arabic, so I planned to convey the meaning of the message with the use of three images:

First poster: A man lying in the hot desert sand in utter exhaustion; he has fainted.

Second poster: The man is drinking the new Coca-Cola brand.

Third poster: Our man is now totally refreshed and feeling great.

I had these posters pasted all over the place. You couldn’t go anywhere without seeing them.”

β€œTerrific! That should have worked!” said the friend.

β€œIt should have,” sighed the salesman. β€œOnly no one told me they read from right to left…”

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Before Marriage.

Boy: β€œAh at last. I can hardly wait.”

Girl: β€œDo you want me to leave?”

Boy: β€œNo, don't even think about it.”

Girl: β€œDo you love me?”

Boy: β€œOf Course. Always have and always will.”

Girl: β€œHave you ever cheated on me?”

Boy: β€œNever. Why are you even asking?”

Girl: β€œWill you kiss me?”

Boy: β€œHell no. Are you crazy?”

Girl: β€œCan I trust you?”

Boy: β€œYes.”

Girl: β€œDarling!”

After Marriage… (Read from bottom to top)

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My wife really is the sunshine of my life.

Too bad I’m a vampire.

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What is a moth’s favorite type of glasses?

Lampshades.

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What would the sun say if he had a wife?

You are my sol-mate.

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Your mama so stupid she cut holes in her umbrella to see if it was raining.

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β€œLOL stands for laugh out loud and BRB stands for be right back, but what does IDK stand for?”

β€œI don’t know.”

β€œAlright, fine I’ll ask somebody else.”

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I was eating a hot dog the other day and when I took a bite, ketchup squirted in my eye...

Now I have heinzsight.

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In honor of Area 51, what do you call too many aliens in one place?

Extra terrestrials.

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I wanted to impress my crush, so I told her about my millionaire dad.

Now she is my mom.

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A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.

A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn’t.

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The EU was invited to a Thanksgiving dinner.

But they refused to have turkey.

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Once some hunters were after an elephant. The elephant didn’t know what to do.

He met an ant on the road and told him his problem.

Ant said, β€œDon’t worry. Just hide behind me!”

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they’re in black and white.

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What’s suicide bombers’ biggest fear?

Dying alone.

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I asked my wife whether I should get another tattoo, and she said that if I do, I should get it in a place that doesn’t matter.

So I’m planning to get one in Oklahoma.

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What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?

Cranium operator.

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Sad news from the Nestle factory today as a man was crushed to death by hundreds of boxes of chocolate.

He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he yelled β€œThe Milky Bars are on me!”, people just cheered.

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Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile?

Because he was juve-niles.

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What’s a pun’s best trait?

His pun-ctuality.

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