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I donโ€™t want to be Spider-Man, I just want to be your man.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


I didnโ€™t really know where to start so I thought Iโ€™d trawl the internet.

After a couple of hours Iโ€™d found some really, really good stuff.

But then I remembered that I was supposed to be writing a speech.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Iโ€™ll never forget this solar eclipse, itโ€™ll forever be seared into my mind...

...and retinas. I really shouldโ€™ve worn some glasses.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


What did the butter say to the bread?

โ€œIโ€™m on a roll!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Your hairline so far back, I learned about it in history class.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Why are synagogues round?

So the Jews canโ€™t hide in the corner when the collection box comes around.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


What do you call Spider-Man when he parks his car?

Peter PARKER.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


What room can no one enter?

A Mushroom.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, โ€œWhatโ€™s the word on the street?โ€

โ€œOnce my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A young Arab boy asks his father, โ€œWhat is that strange hat you are wearing?โ€

The father said, โ€œWhy, my son, it is a โ€œchechiaโ€. In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.โ€

โ€œAnd what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?โ€ asked the boy.

โ€œOh, my son!โ€ exclaimed the father, โ€œIt is very simple. This is a โ€œdjbellahโ€. As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My โ€œdjbellahโ€ protects the entire body.โ€

The son then asked, โ€œBut Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?โ€

โ€œThese are โ€œbabouchesโ€ my son,โ€ the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These โ€œbabouchesโ€ keep us from burning our feet.โ€

โ€œSo tell me then,โ€ added the boy.

โ€œYes, my son...โ€

โ€œWhy are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this poop?

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


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