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What would you callΒ an unidentified object which landed in Australia?

Australien.

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A Native American man lived in the big city all his life.

Then one day his father dies.

When he goes home to the reserve for the funeral, the people all nominate him to be the new chief, since he was a successful businessman and his father was a good chief. He accepts.

But then that autumn, the people come to him and ask him if it will be a cold winter that year.

The man has no idea, since he was raised in the city all his life and doesn’t know any of the people’s traditional teachings.

So to be on the safe side, he says, β€œYes. Better start gathering firewood.”

So they do.

Later that week, he decides to call up the national weather service and ask them what the forecast is for that winter.

They say, β€œApparently, it’s going to be pretty cold this year.”

So he orders his people to gather twice as much firewood.

The next week, he calls the weather service again to ask if there are any updates on the forecast.

They say β€œYes! Apparently, it’s going to be even colder than we previously thought.”

So the chief tells his people to gather three times the firewood they normally would.

He calls the weather service one more time, and the man tells him it’s probably going to be the coldest winter in history.

The chief asks how they know that.

And the man tells him, β€œI have no idea, but the Indians down at the local reserve have been gathering firewood like mad!”

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Why did the sun not go to college?

Because it already has a million degrees!

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Which clients do short auditors like best?

Small businessmen.

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Why did the Java developer teach his young kids about single quotes?

Because they build character.

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What do you call a meal from the moon?

A satellite dish.

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A blonde works in a petrol station filling up cars.

One day, a spaceship with β€œUFO” written on the side lands next to the blonde. The blonde cheerfully fills it with fuel and the spaceship flies off.

The blonde’s boss, shocked, comes out to ask why she filled it up.

β€œDo you know what β€œUFO” stands for?” He asks.

β€œOf course.” She replies, β€œUnleaded Fuel Only.”

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An astronaut stepped in gum on the moon.

He’s stuck in orbit.

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What side of an Ewok has the most hair?

The outside.

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Did you hear about the blue pencil who broke up with his girlfriend?

He decided to draw the line.

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Who is Peppa Pig’s favorite painter?

Pigcasso.

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The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class.

She called on him and said, β€œJohnny, what are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?”

Little Johnny quickly replied, β€œNBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!”

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Why did Chuck Norris destroy the periodic table?

Because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

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I emailed Netflix and asked if they had Batman Forever.

They said, β€œNo, just until the end of June.”

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Why don’t Romans find algebra interesting?

X is always 10.

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You are so short you fell from curb and nearly dies.

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What do you call an alien with three eyes?

An aliiien!

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Why is the moon constantly moody?

She’s just going through a phase.

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Two Canadians die and end up in Hell.

Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing.

Confused, he asks them why they’re happy.

They tell him, β€œWell, we’re so sick of the cold where we’re from, and this place is nice and toasty.”

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell’s boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians’ room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down.

He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue.

Furiously, he asks them what they’re doing.

β€œWell, we can’t pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!”

Satan realizes he’s been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it’s at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.

He knows he’s won now, so he goes back to the Canadians’ room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.

He shouts at them in fury, β€œWHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!”

They look at him and shout at the same time, β€œHell froze over! That means the Leafs won!”

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What do you get when you cross a pineapple and a pig?

A porky–pine.

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