What do you call a 60-year-old who hasnβt reached puberty?
A late boomer.
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How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Tickle their funny bones.
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What mountaintop is infamous for making climbers disappear?
Peak Aboo.
And which one gives them a flu?
Peak Achoo.
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What is the most popular console with the Vikings?
The axe-box.
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People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris.
Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.
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If Johnny buys seventeen donuts every Monday and eats twelve of them each Wednesday, what is Johnny left with at the end of the year?
Diabetes.
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Let me tell you how I became a millionaire.
First, I bought one apple for a dollar with my savings.
Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars.
With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1 dollar each and again sold them for 2 dollars each.
Now I had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for 2 dollars each.
Now I had 8 dollars and I bought 8 apples and so on and so on.
A few days later my aunt died and I inherited her assets.
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How was your ear operation?
Thursday.
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Did you hear about the snowman who got angry when the sun came out?
He had a total meltdown.
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A Scottish man visits Canada for the first time. He goes for a hike and sees a moose.
He asks the park ranger, βOi! What animal is that then?β
βThatβs a moose,β the ranger replied.
βA moose!β exclaimed the Scotsman. βIf that thereβs a moose, dear laddie, ye must have rats the size of elephants then!β
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What planet is next to Uranus?
Poopiter.
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βAlcohol may intensify the effects of this medicationβ
I never know if this is a warning or a suggestion...
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Chuck Norris made the Happy Meal cry.
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Itβs so hot I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with pot holders.
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Iβve done some terrible things for money. Like getting up early to go to work on a Minion Day.
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The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
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Two hunters hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.They bagged six.
As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only three moose.
The two hunters objected strongly, stating, βLast year we shot six moose and the pilot let us put them all on board and he had the same plane as yours.β
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.
Unfortunately, even on full power, the little plane couldnβt handle the load and went down a few minutes after take off.
Climbing out of the wreck, one hunter asked the other, βAny idea where we are?β
He replied, βI think weβre pretty close to where we crashed last year.β
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What room has no doors, walls, or floor?
A mushroom.
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If I had a dollar for every time someone called me a boring nerd...
Iβd have a mean daily income of $5.64 with a standard deviation of $1.25
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Guess whatβs βtiiiimmeeeee ABDEβ?
...yes, it is long time no see.
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