I asked Uranus if it wanted to go for a walk.
And it replied, “Sure, just don’t stand behind me.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call people with big ears?
Nothing, they might hear you.
😄 😄 😄
My English teacher asked if I could explain brevity better.
“Short answer – no. Long answer – yes.”
😄 😄 😄
To her credit, the registered nurse that prepped my father for his vasectomy was very gentle and pretty sure she didn’t mean to be unkind.
But he didn’t think it was very nice of her to say, “Just a little prick, sir.”
😄 😄 😄
How is the solution to the toilet paper shortage the same as the solution to a crossword puzzle?
One square at a time.
😄 😄 😄
A pharmacist returns to his shop from lunch to find a man leaning against the wall.
“What’s wrong with him?” He asks his assistant.
“He came in for some cough syrup,” explains the assistant. “But I couldn’t find any, so I sold him a bottle of laxatives instead.”
“What!” The pharmacist says, horrified. “You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!”
“Of course you can,” the assistant declares. “Look at him – he’s far too scared to cough.”
😄 😄 😄
Why was the burger sad?
Because he had the blue cheese.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the flu go to the art exhibit?
It heard there was a lot of culture there.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a lady who enjoys mushrooms?
A fun-gal.
😄 😄 😄
Which baseball manager was arrested for arson as a teenager and retains his jailhouse nickname to this day?
Sparky Anderson.
😄 😄 😄
Why was the blue marker sad?
Because its life was point-less.
😄 😄 😄
What does a bookworm do during a baseball game?
Worm the bench.
😄 😄 😄
My neighbors listen to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
😄 😄 😄
Congratulations, you’ve finally reached the wonder years!
Wonder where your car is parked? Wonder where you left your phone? Wonder where your glasses are? Wonder what day it is?
😄 😄 😄
What sound does a turkey’s phone make?
“Wing, wing.”
😄 😄 😄
What kind of flu do Chinese people have?
Kung flu.
😄 😄 😄
How much did Walter White charge Skyler for the pizza?
Nothing. It was on the house.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the pumpkin pie go to the doctor?
It was feeling crummy.
😄 😄 😄
Do you play League of Legends and World of Warcraft?
Wow, Lol!
😄 😄 😄
