Chuck NorrisΒ once lent his silly string to aΒ teenager.
We now know him as Spider-Man.
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Why do coders get Halloween confused with Christmas?
Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.
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I own a solar powered food maker.
Itβs an apple tree.
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My barber wanted me to sign a long-term service agreement before giving me a haircut, but I refused.
I couldnβt accept all those perms and conditions.
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The kid next door challenged me to a water balloon fight.
Iβm just going to update my Facebook status while waiting for the kettle to boil.
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Why do people hate to shave off their beards?
Theyβre naturally attached to it.
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It sits in a corner and still travels around the world, guess who?
A stamp.
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Why did the dolphin go to the dentist?
He had an appointment.
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Itβs always coming but never comes, can you guess what it is?
Tomorrow.
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The human brain is amazing.
It functions 24 hours a day, everyday since we were born and only stops when taking an exam.
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You should get your flu vaccination.
Itβs worth a shot.
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What happens when developers ask a silly question?
They get a silly ANSI.
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Her: βWhenβs your birthday?β
Me: βJanuary first.β
Her: βWhat year?β
Me: βEvery year.β
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A senator is visiting a primary school.
In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a tragedy.
One little boy stands up and offers, βIf my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy.β
βNo,β the senator says, βthat would be an ACCIDENT.β
A girl raises her hand, βIf a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone insideβ¦ that would be a tragedy.β
βIβm afraid not,β explains the senator. βThat is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.β
The room is silentβnone of the other children dare volunteer.
βWhat?β asks the Senator, βIsnβt there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?β
Finally, Little Johnny in the back raises his hand.
In a timid voice, he says, βIf an airplane carrying a senator was blown up by a bomb, that would be a tragedy.β
βMarvelous!β the senator beams. βAnd can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?β
βWell,β says Johnny, βbecause it wouldnβt be an accident, and it certainly wouldnβt be any great loss.β
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Last night I made fish tacos.
They looked at them and just swam away.
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My wife was talking about funeral plans.
My Wife: βI said weβll give you a military send off like the sailors on a ship.β
Me: βI was in the Air Force.β
My Wife: βOK, weβll toss you out of an airplane.β
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What are the official sea creatures of National Pi Day?
Octopi.
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Why did the donut visit the dentist?
He needed a chocolate filling.
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Look up βribβ in the dictionary and it says βTo vex, irritate or annoyβ.
Look up βribβ in the Bible and it says βWomanβ.
Coincidence?
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My friend said he was going to start a feeling-blue club, but I declined.
Iβm more of an upbeat kind of person.
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