Looking for a boyfriend in engineering.
The odds are good, but the goods are odd.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the spaceship bring a snack to Uranus?
It wanted to have a gas-tro picnic.
😄 😄 😄
If you add the two numbers in your chronological age, you get your true age.
So you’re 5 now, and you can’t really argue the similarities. Five-year-olds have a tough time tying their shoes, can barely spell their own name, and need help reading!
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the baseball player who can spot a fast-food restaurant from miles away?
He leads the league in Arby eyes.
😄 😄 😄
Why was red in awe of orange?
Because orange blue green.
😄 😄 😄
A beaver is eating an ice cream. He has a sour look on his face.
“I wish I’d reached the stick already,” he mumbles to himself.
😄 😄 😄
Why was the math book sad on National Pi Day?
Because it had too many problems.
😄 😄 😄
My wife and I have an open relationship.
Found out last night.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a snowman made of yellow snow?
The “inedible snowman”.
😄 😄 😄
Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
It’s very time-consuming.
😄 😄 😄
If I wanted to be taller, I’d just wear higher shoes. This is the height I want to be at.
😄 😄 😄
Customer: “This sushi is terrible.”
Waiter: “Sir, this is an aquarium!”
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the new strategy where companies collaborate with ill celebrities?
It’s called influenza marketing.
It’s really going viral.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a grape that’s always getting into trouble?
A mis-grape.
😄 😄 😄
The cast of The Wizard of Oz go out for ice cream.
The Lion stops licking his cone, yelling, “Ouch!” and gripping his temples.
The Tinman stops licking his cone, yelling, “Ouch!” and gripping his temples.
Dorothy stops licking her cone, yelling, “Ouch!” and gripping her temples.
The Scarecrow says, “What’s the matter with you guys?”
😄 😄 😄
Good morning!
May your day be as positive as your WiFi signal.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so flatulent that she forced the Mustafarians to wear masks!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a turkey after Thanksgiving?
Lucky.
😄 😄 😄
Nope, that’s not the smell of morning bacon.
It’s our house burning!
😄 😄 😄
My addiction to helium is out of control, but...
No one is taking my cries for help seriously.
😄 😄 😄
