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Funny Jokes


Can you guess where that famous painter’s ear went?

Not sure, but I saw it get in a Van and Gogh!

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Mary-Jo was going to the Christmas office party but needed a new dress.

So she went out shopping and in the clothing store she asked the assistant, β€œMay I try on that dress in the window, please?”

β€œCertainly not, madam”, responded the salesgirl, β€œYou’ll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.”

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You are so short, that you can do push-ups underneath a closed door.

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It’s so hot that you can tell who has plastic surgery.

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Why does Spider-Man spin webs?

Because he doesn’t know how to knit.

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A mushroom walks up to a tomato and asks him out on a date.

As the evening wears on, the tomato is just sitting there, not saying much and looking miserable.

β€œWhat’s wrong?” the mushroom says. β€œAren’t you enjoying yourself?”

β€œI guess I’m just not a fun-gi,” says the tomato.

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Patty was quietly minding her own business, eating her soup alone in her booth at a local eatery, when a voice startled her from behind.

It was the guy in the booth behind her.

β€œNot so loud!” he said.

β€œWhat?” she questioned, as she took another spoonful of soup.

β€œI said not so loud!” was his muffled reply.

Embarrassed at being told she was slurping her soup, she pushed away her bowl and started her grilled cheese sandwich.

β€œHow was your day?” questioned the man from behind once again.

β€œPretty good,” responded Patty, confused that this stranger would care.

β€œDid you pass the exam?” came the next question from behind.

β€œI don’t know, I didn’t get my grade yet,” replied a thoroughly bewildered Patty.

β€œI’ll have to call you back when I’m out of here”, came the voice from behind once again, β€œsome nut job is answering every question I ask you!”

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It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.

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The best way to keep a skunk from smelling is to hold its nose.

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What did the painter say to her boyfriend?

β€œI love you with all my art!”

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