Best Jokes

What did the balding guy and teenager growing a beard have in common?

For them, every hair counts!

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Yo mama so fat the horse on her polo shirt is real.

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What’s a Gen Z’er’s favorite punctuation mark?

The LOL emoji.

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Why are all mini golf players depressed?

They have no drive.

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Your head is so big that when it rains, your body never gets wet.

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Your mama so short she thought the cracks in the sidewalk were part of a maze.

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Yo mama so fat she fed an entire zombie apocalypse.

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What did the people call the bad hot dog stand?

The WURST!

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Why shouldn’t you worry about gaining a few extra pounds?

Fat people are harder to kidnap.

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Why are Chevys equipped with magnetized bumpers?

To pick up the parts that fall off other Chevys.

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Do you know that America has more museums than Starbucks and McDonald’s combined?

Starbucks and McDonald’s have a combined total of 0 museums.

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Your mama so stupid she put a watch in the piggy bank and said she was saving time.

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Do you want to invest in my startup company to destroy all vampires?

I’m the main stakeholder.

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What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?

An Apocaclipse.

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I caught bird flu while waiting for a flight at the airport.

I have since found out it is a terminal illness.

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A pharmacist is going over the directions on a prescription bottle with an elderly patient.

“Be sure not to take this more often than every 4 hours,” the pharmacist says. “Don’t worry,” replies the patient. “It takes me 4 hours to get the lid off.”

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A man in a French restaurant asks the waiter, “Do you have frog legs?”

The waiter looks offended, “No, I’ve always walked like that!”

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You must be a gelato, because you make ice creams look bad.

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Chuck Norris’s motorcycle has 4WD.

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What do you call an animal found under the avocado tree?

A guaca-mole.

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