An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office.
I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said, “No, this is light.”
😄 😄 😄
How do you call a series of killings committed by a sloth?
Slothterings.
😄 😄 😄
Boyfriend: “Do you think my salary is sufficient for you?”
Girlfriend: “It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s back is so hairy it looks like she’s giving Chewbacca a piggyback ride.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so small she has to wear a torn napkin as a dress.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
😄 😄 😄
I took a road trip with my German buddy and when I accidentally dropped my hot dog out the window he swung the car around to go back and get it. . .
That’s when the whole trip really took a turn for the wurst.
😄 😄 😄
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.
A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn’t.
😄 😄 😄
What fish tastes best with peanut butter?
Jellyfish.
😄 😄 😄
It’s flu season and I just saw 3 homeless people caring for each other. They were giving each other flu shots under the overpass.
What a caring community we live in, God Bless.
😄 😄 😄
How do you call a suicide bomber with Tourette’s?
A ticking time bomb.
😄 😄 😄
How many marketers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they’ve automated it.
😄 😄 😄
It is hotter than a handbag of hot hen poop.
😄 😄 😄
Guess what coat hangers do on the weekend?
They hang out, of course!
😄 😄 😄
Why does Mario prefer to hang out with Toad more than Luigi?
Because he’s a fun-gi.
😄 😄 😄
I brought you a small spoon, in case you wanted to sample my flavor.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about that dyslexic Japanese samurai?
He was so dishonored, that he committed Sudoku.
😄 😄 😄
Officer: “Do you know why I stopped you?”
Blonde: “Because I didn’t pull out of the donut shop too fast?”
😄 😄 😄
What did the plumber call his restroom?
A home office.
😄 😄 😄
