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Funny Jokes


What haircut does a Rastafarian ask for when he is questioning life?

Existential dreads!

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A salesman returns from his assignment in Saudi Arabia, where he went to sell them a new brand of Coca-Cola.

Seeing his crestfallen face, a friend asks him, β€œWhy the long face?”

The salesman replied, β€œI failed in Saudi Arabia. The campaign was a total failure.”

β€œWhy is that?” asked the friend. β€œI thought you had a good campaign running.”

β€œWell, when I got posted there, I was very confident that I would make a great sales pitch to the Saudis. But I had a problemβ€”I didn’t speak Arabic, so I planned to convey the meaning of the message with the use of three images:

First poster: A man lying in the hot desert sand in utter exhaustion; he has fainted.

Second poster: The man is drinking the new Coca-Cola brand.

Third poster: Our man is now totally refreshed and feeling great.

I had these posters pasted all over the place. You couldn’t go anywhere without seeing them.”

β€œTerrific! That should have worked!” said the friend.

β€œIt should have,” sighed the salesman. β€œOnly no one told me they read from right to left…”

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I have the eyes of a hawk, the heart of a lion, the ears of a fox.

And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

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A man walks into a petrol station and says, β€œCan I please have a KitKat Chunky?”

The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.

β€œNo,” says the man, β€œI wanted a normal KitKat, fatty.”

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Who is Greta Thunberg’s favorite comedian?

Amy Schumer, because she recycles all her jokes.

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An American tourist walks out of a Mexican train station when he notices he isn’t wearing his watch.

A Mexican man is resting under a sombrero under a nearby tree.

The American approaches the Mexican and asks, β€œExcuse me, do you know what time is?”

The Mexican looks at the donkey, grabs its balls, and replies, β€œ4:30.”

The American asks, β€œHow do you know that?”

The Mexican replies, β€œWell you get a handful of the donkey’s balls and lift them up so you can see that clock across the street.”

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Why don’t they have Mother’s Day sales?

Because mothers are priceless.

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Boyfriend: β€œDo you think my salary is sufficient for you?”

Girlfriend: β€œIt’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?”

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What is it called when shapes play pranks on each other?

Geometrick.

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You are so dumb you asked what the capital of Paris was.

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A young cricketer was proud of his progress as a batsman and invited his mother-in-law along to watch him play, hoping to impress her.

At the crease, he turned to the wicketkeeper and said, β€œI’m anxious to do well and really hit this ball. That’s my wife’s mother over there.”

β€œDon’t be silly,” said the wicketkeeper. β€œYou’ll never hit her from here.”

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No one turns on their camera in Zoom.

They have been infected by Novid-19.

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Yo momma’s so fat she carries her pet Bantha in her purse.

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How do astronauts eat their ice creams?

In floats.

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How do you get an affordable minimalist makeover in New York?

Leave a window open.

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You’re so fat the scale signals β€œI need a Break” when you move on it.

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I’ve finally saved up enough for solar panels.

What’s holding me back is that I can’t afford a house.

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Yo mama so fat when she lands in Fortnite she gets a Victory Royale.

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β€œKnock! Knock!”

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œDee.”

β€œDee, who?”

β€œDEEZ NUTS!”

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Yo mama so tall when she did a backflip she digs God in the face.

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