When the moon is being super grumpy, its parents turn to each other and say, “Gibbous strength!”
😄 😄 😄
A man is walking in the woods when he finds a suitcase.
He opens the suitcase and inside are three foxes.
So he calls emergency services and says,
“I just found three foxes in a suitcase. What should I do?”
“Well,” the operator said, “are they moving?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “But that would explain the suitcase.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a farmer with a physical therapy degree?
A chirotractor.
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t lobsters like to share?
Because they’re shellfish.
😄 😄 😄
Why do people say donuts are made by God?
Because they are hole-y.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the broken leg go to school?
It wanted to learn how to breakdance.
😄 😄 😄
Pizza Man: “Do you want me to cut your pizza into eight pieces or six pieces?”
Customer: “You better make it six. I don’t think I can eat eight.”
😄 😄 😄
A man was riding on the bus and reading an article about life and death statistics.
Then, fascinated, he turns to the fellow sitting next to him and says, “Did you know that every time I breathe, somebody dies?”
The fellow turns to him and says, “Have you tried mouthwash?”
😄 😄 😄
Where do you get pineapple milk from?
From its pinenipples.
😄 😄 😄
What’s faster: lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
😄 😄 😄
My old school was sponsored by IKEA.
Assembly took ages.
😄 😄 😄
What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S?
Automobile.
😄 😄 😄
My Mom said she’d been looking forward to Mother’s Day for ages.
I said, “Why? Your Mum’s dead.”
😄 😄 😄
Where does a ghost go on vacation?
Mali-boo.
😄 😄 😄
Me: “What’s the Wi-Fi password?”
Bartender: “You need to buy a drink first.”
Me: “OK, I’ll have a Coke.”
Bartender: “Three dollars.”
Me: “There you go. So what’s the Wi‑Fi password?”
Bartender: “You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.”
😄 😄 😄
Marri-Age and Old-Age
Relative: “You are getting old. You should get married now.”
Me: “Will that stop aging?”
😄 😄 😄
A guy walks into a bar and demands to know, “Who’s the strongest in here?!”
The toughest guy looks at him and says, “I am the strongest around here!”
The other guy politely asks, “Can you help me push my car to the gas station?”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the knee specialist turn into a priest?
He wanted to have a mea-knee-ingful life.
😄 😄 😄
Here’s to being 30! Where a night of drinking requires more recovery time than minor surgery.
😄 😄 😄
I told my boss I was feeling blue, so he painted my office the color of the ocean. Now I’m working in a sea of tranquility.
😄 😄 😄
