What do you get when you cross an alien and something white and fluffy?
A martian-mallow!
😄 😄 😄
Australian Santa: “What would you like for Christmas, little girl?”
Girl: “A Barbie.”
Girl wakes up to find a Broil King BBQ under the tree.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Tamara.”
“Tamara, who?”
“Tamara we’ll have turkey leftovers!”
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I decided to donate my body to science.
For the time being, I’m following a routine to preserve it with ethanol until they need it.
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How do you know when the moon is going broke?
When it’s down to its last quarter.
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A group of computer scientists walk into a restaurant and ask for a table for 4.
The waitress replies, “But sir, there are 5 of you.”
The computer scientist says, “No, look, there are 4 of us, see! 0...1...2...3...4...”
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Guess what the ship had to go to therapy for?
He was a nervous wreck!
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What do you call London without electricity?
Londoff.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“I eep.”
“I eep, who?”
“Gross, you eat poo?!”
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She: “I cheated on you.”
He: “Me too.”
She: “April, 1.”
He: “March, 20.”
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What does a nut with the flu sound like?
CAAAASHEW!
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How do bad guys in Marios Bros. surf the internet?
With web Bowsers.
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Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile?
Because he was juve-niles.
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Your momma so ugly when she looks in the mirror the reflection ducks!
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What is the propeller used for on an airplane?
Many people do not know this, but is actually for air conditioning.
If you ever get to see it when the propeller stops, the pilot suddenly starts sweating.
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At the Italian restaurant, the ghoul ordered spook-ghetti for his main course.
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Why don’t sniper attacks work on volleyball players?
Because they always run for cover.
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Yo mama so fat when she lands in Fortnite she gets a Victory Royale.
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A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean.
He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?”
The trembling monkey says, “You are, mighty lion!”
Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows, “Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?”
The terrified ox stammers, “Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!”
On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?”
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it’d been run over by a safari wagon.
The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away.
The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant, “Just because you don’t know the answer, you don’t have to get so upset about it!”
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What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
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