Girlfriend: “Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?”
Boyfriend: “Yes, February 14th.”
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris filmed the invention of a camera.
😄 😄 😄
Candice balls fit up your nose.
😄 😄 😄
My partner and I have been working from home since March 2020, and he has finally politely informed me that my typing sounds like 50 hungry woodpeckers trying to eat a keyboard.
😄 😄 😄
What happens when a computer engineer fails flirting with a waitress?
Error in connecting to the server.
😄 😄 😄
A blonde was driving across several states to go visit her family. She was five hours late and her family was getting worried.
When she finally got there she explained that she had seen 10 signs that said “CLEAN RESTROOMS AHEAD...”
😄 😄 😄
I just signed up for the new college course about the effects of drinking soda on the body.
Anatomy and Fizzyology.
😄 😄 😄
At a get-together, one fruit asked another, “I was wondering how you have been.”
The other replied, “Just peachy, isn’t that grape?”
😄 😄 😄
Why do cats always win video games?
Because they have nine lives!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a goat with a beard?
A goatee.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Me.”
“Me, who?”
“Oh no, the forgetfulness has started already!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Narwhal.”
“Narwhal, who?”
“I narwhal the best knock knock jokes! Do you wanna hear some more?”
😄 😄 😄
You know what Lego set Trump played with as a kid?
The wall maker set.
😄 😄 😄
Why didn’t SpongeBob hear the doorbell when he was reading his magazine?
Because he was too absorbed in his reading.
😄 😄 😄
Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.
😄 😄 😄
What happened to the fungi who moved into a New York apartment?
He didn’t have mush-room.
😄 😄 😄
Last, I declare you the weiner of the food contest.
😄 😄 😄
What did the barber say to the man after shaving his beard?
“All good things must comb to an end.”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Uriah.”
“Uriah, who?”
“Keep Uriah on the birthday cake, it’s about to be lit!”
😄 😄 😄
