Yo momma is so smelly even Banthas want to run away from her as fast as possible.
😄 😄 😄
Do you come from a family of math nerds?
If you do, then you have square roots!
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the wolf take so long to cross the road?
It was pretending to be a snail.
😄 😄 😄
Why is Donald Trump so good at the racetrack?
He’s a stable genius.
😄 😄 😄
April 5th. National Read a Map Day.
Got an email from Google Earth proudly stating that they can read maps backwards.
I thought to myself, “That’s just spam.”
😄 😄 😄
Yo momma so ugly she makes even The Rancor cry.
😄 😄 😄
I’m proud to announce that our slaves are finally free.
And that’s a great price!
😄 😄 😄
A French couple, an Italian couple and a Polish couple go out to dinner.
The French husband says to his wife, “Pass the honey, honey.”
The Italian man says to his wife, “Pass the sugar, sweety.”
The polish guy, not quite understanding the situation, says to his wife, “Pass the bacon, you fat pig.”
😄 😄 😄
I have a friend who is an expert on Uranus.
He’s a real gas-trologist!
😄 😄 😄
Guess what I have right now?
Your attention.
😄 😄 😄
A professor explained about marketing to MBA students:
You see a gorgeous girl at a party, you go to her and say “I am rich, marry me”. That’s direct marketing.
You attend a party and your friend goes to the girl to tell her “he’s rich, marry him”. That’s advertising.
The same girl at the party walks to you and says “you’re rich, do you want to marry me?”. That’s brand recognition.
You say “I’m rich, marry me” and she introduces you to her husband. That’s the demand and supply gap.
Before you say “I’m rich, marry me”, your wife arrives. That’s restriction from entering a new market.
😄 😄 😄
A hunter shoots a flying goose one day.
Proud of his hit he walks to fetch it only to see a farmer waiting for him, holding the goose.
“Sorry sir, this goose is mine. I shot it,” explains the hunter.
The farmer replies with a smirk, “But it landed on my property, so it’s mine.”
“Excuse me? You can’t just take what’s mine! Hand it over, right now!” The hunter is clearly angry.
The farmer’s grin gets bigger.
“Alright alright,” the farmer says calmingly. “Let’s settle this with a simple game we use around here to resolve an argument. The winner will keep the goose. The rules are simple. I’ll kick you in the nuts and see how much time it takes you to recover. Then you’ll do the same to me. Whoever recovers faster is the winner.”
The hunter, provoked and angry, agrees immediately.
The two get ready, the farmer kicks first. He takes a full swing and hits the hunter right between the legs.
The hunter nearly blacks out. A moment passes before he screams in agonizing pain, holding his crotch. His knees give in and he falls face-first onto the ground.
Time passes and the hunter does his best to endure the pain and get back up.
Eventually, still in pain, the hunter gets back onto his feet.
With teary eyes and a sore throat he says, “Now it’s my turn!”
The farmer looks at him smiling, shakes his head and goes, “Nah, man, It’s fine, you can have it. Here’s the goose, I didn’t want it anyway,” and walks off, laughing out loud.
😄 😄 😄
Why are donuts good at playing golf?
They always have a hole in one!
😄 😄 😄
What does Santa spend his wages on?
Jingle Bills.
😄 😄 😄
She left the bar because after 45 minutes, the date finally arrived, and he was a gnome.
Too little, too late.
😄 😄 😄
My fridge stopped working...
It’s not cool.
😄 😄 😄
Why do aliens not eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
😄 😄 😄
Your mama is so fat that she took geometry at the school because she heard there would be some pi.
😄 😄 😄
Female monasteries are nun-profit.
😄 😄 😄
