“911, what’s your emergency?”
“Hey, I know it’s been a week since Halloween is over, but I’m seriously starting to doubt the body hanging from my neighbor’s tree is not a decoration.”
😄 😄 😄
I was carrying my ukulele in its case at school, and my friend asked, “You play an instrument?”
I replied, “Yeah, I play a little guitar.”
😄 😄 😄
I asked my boss if things were looking up with our company.
And he said the future was blue-skied and full of possibility.
😄 😄 😄
They’re vaccinating against bird flu again.
Call it a rooster shot.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the fan who just bought Taylor Swift’s hair comb in an online auction?
It’s his closest brush with fame.
😄 😄 😄
What did the space alien tell Franz Schubert?
“Take me to your Lieder!”
😄 😄 😄
What is the difference between a Chelsea fan and a Battery?
A battery has a positive side.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Doughnut.”
“Doughnut, who?”
“Doughnut forget to close the door!”
😄 😄 😄
Knick-knack paddywhack, guess what that old man gave his dog?
A bone.
😄 😄 😄
I went to the DIY store the other week and asked in which section I could find tools, bricks and tiles.
The guy said they were under Construction.
I asked when they would be finished.
😄 😄 😄
Sherlock was gardening when Watson came over and asked what he was planting.
“A lemon tree, my dear Wat-son.”
😄 😄 😄
Why do you think a donut would ever become a priest?
Because it is very hole-y.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a flu that became a musician?
Achoo-bacca.
😄 😄 😄
What did the donut say to the loaf of bread?
“If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.”
😄 😄 😄
An engineering student designed a robot that would take his exams for him.
The other designed a robot that could cheat off the first robot.
😄 😄 😄
When the red panda got tired, it decided to take a koala-ty nap.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ice cream.”
“Ice cream, who?”
“Ice cream every time I see a spider.”
😄 😄 😄
Did you know the first Mormon was actually Jamaican?
He had one wife but he wanted more, mon.
😄 😄 😄
Is your name Google?
Because you have everything I’m searching for.
😄 😄 😄
My grandpa told me, “You Millennials are too dependent on technology.”
So I plugged out his life support.
😄 😄 😄
