Why was the toilet paper in detention?
It was unraveling all the time!
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An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic.
He puts a sign outside the clinic “A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500, we’ll pay you $1,000 if we fail”.
A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.
Doctor: “I have lost my sense of taste.”
Engineer: “Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Doctor: “This is Gasoline!”
Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”
The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.
Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
Engineer: “Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Doctor: “But that is Gasoline!”
Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”
The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several days, more determined than ever to make his money back.
Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.”
Engineer: “Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 11 and put 3 drops in the patient’s eyes.”
The nurse walks in carrying box 22.
Doctor: “Wait, that’s the box with the gasoline in it!”
Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your vision back! That will be $500.”
😄 😄 😄
Someone once asked me, “Do you want a graham cracker?”
I said, “First off, please don’t call me that... And second off, a gram of what?”
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Guess what I have right now?
Your attention.
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What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help?
Lemon aid.
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The bathroom door at my workplace has a sign that reads “Please use toilet brush after using the toilet”.
Will it be okay to ask my employer to provide a softer brush so it hurts less?
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Can you guess what the left eye said to the right eye?
Between you and I, something smells.
😄 😄 😄
The 5 secrets to happiness for men:
1. Find a woman who can make you laugh.
2. Find a woman who can cook.
3. Find a woman who really listens to you.
4. Find a woman who is great in bed.
5. Make sure these 4 women don’t find out about each other.
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What’s a marketer’s favorite drink?
Brand-y.
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What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
😄 😄 😄
Didn’t Snoop Dogg change his name?
Or was Snoop Lyin’?!
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The economy’s so bad the other day I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
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What’s the difference between a beautiful night and a horror night?
Beautiful night is when you hug your teddy bear and sleep.
Horror night is...
When your teddy bear hugs you BACK.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the chicken family cross the road?
They thought it was an egg-cellent idea.
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Why did the friend who shaved lie about his beard?
He’s a bald-faced liar.
😄 😄 😄
What board game do they love to play in space?
Moon-opoly!
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris assigns his teachers homework.
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Did you know Avatar is a sequel to Titanic?
It picks up where Titanic left off, in the sense that half the cast is blue and dying.
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What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
😄 😄 😄
A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.
The teacher says, “What’s this?”
The kid says, “A picture of a cow eating grass.”
The teacher asks, “Where’s the grass?”
The kid says, “The cow ate it all.”
“Ok, then where’s the cow?”
“It left because there was no more grass.”
😄 😄 😄
