My boss fired me because of my lack of knowledge in regards to the workplace.
After a few hours I finally found the exit.
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How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?
Juans upon a time.
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Two computer nerds start arguing about if they have to pronounce it gif or jif.
The argument gets extremely heated and it goes on for hours.
In the end they just decide to have the sandwich with just the jelly.
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It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
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I recently heard that Turkeys aren’t allowed to play baseball.
No matter how many times they hit, they’ll always hit fowl balls.
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What do waitresses and chemists have in common?
They both need to check the table periodically.
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Did you hear about the boy who always carries a stone with him that he used to throw at people who play Christmas music in October?
He calls it his Jingle Bell Rock.
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Are slugs just snails that have gone through a divorce?
“Yep, she got the house.”
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I know a lot of jokes in sign language and I guarantee you that no one has ever heard them.
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From now on, I will avoid food that gives me diarrhea.
It’s a solid plan.
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Yo mama so fat Naruto couldn’t make enough shadow clones to surround her.
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I just love the new Minecraft update.
It’s ground-breaking.
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Why did the man reach the bowling alley before his friends?
To get the ball rolling.
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The phone rang at my work.
My boss asked, “Why don’t you answer it?”
I said, “I’ll let it ring for a while. That way they’ll think I have other stuff to do than talk on the phone.”
My boss shouted, “ANSWER IT NOW!”
I picked up the phone and said, “911, what’s the emergency?”
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Yo momma so dumb she picked Jar Jar as her ambassador.
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Coworker: “Do you ever think about work at home?”
Me: “I don’t even think about work at work!”
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My wife has banned me from making any more breakfast puns.
She says if I make anymore, I’m toast.
But my kids keep egging me on.
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Yo mamma’s so ugly they cut her Cantina scenes in Star Wars.
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There was a company that sent people to everyone’s homes and claimed that they could track you from your smell.
But they couldn’t do that without your con-scent.
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It only takes Chuck Norris 10 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
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