What do you call Harry Styles without any hair?
Niall-fied.
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Two leprechauns are in the forest and one starts eating mushrooms, so the other one says to him, “Are you having fun, Gus?”
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I met a witch at the restaurant the other day, guess what she ordered?
Spook-eti.
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A guy is late for an important meeting. But he can’t find a place to park. In desperation, he begins to pray:
“Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink vodka again!”
A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance.
“Never mind. Found one!”
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I heard about a blue whale who was feeling down.
It was a huge ordeal.
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What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost.
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What do you call a picture of a mushroom with no arms, legs or head?
A stalk photo.
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Chuck Norris can blow up things, without a bomb.
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A group of friends put together a basketball team to play in the local town league and called the team “Bye”.
So far they have accumulated 4 wins from opponents’ no-shows.
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After Jesus’s trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
“I don’t know. I’ll keep you posted.”
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What’s the hardest thing about skydiving?
The ground.
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If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
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99.9% of people are idiots.
Fortunately, I belong to the 1% of intelligent people.
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Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
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The flu is kinda like my last girlfriend.
Lasted for 2 weeks and got it from my best friend.
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Yo mama so fat not even Superman can lift her.
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Roses are red, violets are blue.
A face like yours, belongs in a zoo.
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What kind of mushroom gets beat up the most?
A shiitake mushroom.
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Benedict Cumberbatch and his Marvel character have one thing in common.
Both of their last names are strange.
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Coding Rules:
• If it’s working, don’t touch it.
• Bad code can’t be debugged. Neither can good code.
• If you don’t know something, Google it.
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