Why are hamburgers so happy at barbeques?
They get to meet all their old flames.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you put an Undead in a bath?
Soup.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
😄 😄 😄
Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
😄 😄 😄
How does an astronaut tell the time?
They just check their rocket watch.
😄 😄 😄
I saw a 50% off sign on a sushi restaurant today.
Sounds fishy to me.
😄 😄 😄
My girlfriend told me I care more about my programming job than about her.
I told her she is the #1 thing I care about.
😄 😄 😄
911 operator: “911, what’s your emergency?”
Me: “Hi, I need to report a kidnapping. My son is taking a nap in my room right now.”
😄 😄 😄
I can’t stop my mushroom from leaning.
I think I need some morel support.
😄 😄 😄
An accountant is walking down the street when he comes across a bum.
“Spare some loose change?” asks the bum.
“And why should I do that?” asks the accountant.
“Because I’m broke. Haven’t got a penny to my name and nothing to eat,” says the bum.
“I see,” says the accountant. “And how does this compare to the same quarter last year?”
😄 😄 😄
Where do late sailors come from?
Missed-his-shippi.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Oakham.”
“Oakham, who?”
“Oakham all ye faithful…”
😄 😄 😄
I bought a gold-scented candle and burned it.
It had a very rich aroma.
😄 😄 😄
It’s so cold, I chipped my tooth on my soup.
😄 😄 😄
When Chuck Norris was a kid, he entered a pool bombing competition.
This place now widely known as the Niagara Falls.
😄 😄 😄
What sort of racehorses come out after dark?
Night-mares.
😄 😄 😄
One day the queen wanted a haircut.
No barber in England would do it. Why?
God shave the Queen.
😄 😄 😄
Student: “Teacher, is it true that if you get married on Friday the 13th, you will be unhappy?“
Teacher: “Of course. Why should that day be an exception?”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so ugly Instagram tagged her selfies “explicit content’.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so flatulent that she forced the sand people out of a single file.
😄 😄 😄
