Teaching an English lesson, the teacher wrote on the board, fully aware of the grammar errors: I ain’t had no fun in months.
“Now, how should I correct this sentence?” asks the teacher.
“Get a new boyfriend,” said Little Johnny.
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Why is having a BBQ not popular in Italy?
Spaghetti keep falling through the grill.
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What do you call an otter with a brand-new pair of glasses?
A see otter.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Lenny.”
“Lenny, who?”
“Lenny know when you’re done with these April Fools’ Day jokes.”
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Did you hear about the blue plane that crashed?
They said it was a skyblunder.
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I tried to start an online bakery.
But I accidentally deleted all of my cookies.
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Before Marriage.
Boy: “Ah at last. I can hardly wait.”
Girl: “Do you want me to leave?”
Boy: “No, don't even think about it.”
Girl: “Do you love me?”
Boy: “Of Course. Always have and always will.”
Girl: “Have you ever cheated on me?”
Boy: “Never. Why are you even asking?”
Girl: “Will you kiss me?”
Boy: “Hell no. Are you crazy?”
Girl: “Can I trust you?”
Boy: “Yes.”
Girl: “Darling!”
After Marriage… (Read from bottom to top)
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The planet Uranus is really good at keeping secrets.
After all, it has all those gas-tly atmospheres to hide things.
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How long does it take to get from Louisiana to Alabama?
One Mississippi.
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Fact: 24 astronauts and the Wright Brothers were born in Ohio.
Something about that state makes people want to flee the Earth.
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Isn’t ending a relationship with Taylor Swift the best way to make it more public?
You get a whole album.
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A newcomer observes the inmates telling political jokes.
All the jokes are by now so deeply familiar that they simply refer to them by number.
“Forty-three,” says one. General hilarity.
“Two hundred and three”, says a second. Appreciative chuckles.
“Three hundred and twenty-nine,” says a third.
The newcomer decides to try his hand.
“Ninety-one”, he ventures. Total silence.
He tries again, “Three hundred and one.” Not a titter.
“Forty-two.” A deadly hush.
Puzzled, he asks his neighbor what he did wrong.
“Nothing,” he says. “It’s just the way you tell them.”
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Your mama so fat she sat on a dollar and when she got up there were 4 quarters.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Donut.”
“Donut, who?”
“Donut worry, be happy!”
😄 😄 😄
I’ve finally worked out why Spain is so good at football.
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
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How do mountains hear?
With mountaineers.
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I made fun of the official Minecraft Twitter account.
So they blocked me.
😄 😄 😄
It’s as cold as a brass toilet in an outhouse in Alaska.
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Dave from my work retired today, at his retirement party he stepped out for a cigarette and I noticed every body called him Scarecrow.
I asked, “Why?”
Turns out he was outstanding in the field.
😄 😄 😄
What does CHEVY stand for?
Can Hear Every Valve Yell.
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