What did the angry witch do while riding her broom?
She flew off the handle.
😄 😄 😄
Which nut has the most calories for the human body?
The Donut.
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I’m on medication for my Pokémon Go addiction.
Gotacachemol.
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On which side does a tiger have the most stripes?
The outside.
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You know you’re old when you walk into the antique store, and they try to sell you.
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My wife rang me at work on Valentine’s Day.
She said, “Three of the girls in the office have just received bunches of flowers. They’re absolutely gorgeous.”
I said, “That’s probably why they’ve been sent flowers then.”
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What do you call a possessed bird?
A polter-goose.
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The orthopedic doctor was feeling a bit patella-tive after a long day of surgeries.
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What did the apple teacher say to her student?
“Help me orange the chairs please!”
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Before the ball could touch the floor, I kicked it back, sending it soaring past the other players and into the top corner of the net.
Overcome with emotion, I ripped off my shirt and punched the air. My eyes locked with my stunned coach, who came running towards me shaking his head in amazement.
As he embraced me, he sighed, “OK, let’s go over the rules of volleyball one last time.”
😄 😄 😄
What is every policeman’s favorite charity fundraiser?
Dollars to Donuts.
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How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune?
All of them, evidently.
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What’s under the Pillsbury Doughboy’s apron?
Donuts.
😄 😄 😄
The baby tomato was running late for school. Guess what his mommy said?
“Come on, ketch-up!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Alpaca.”
“Alpaca, who?”
“Alpaca suitcase and move in shortly.”
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Yo mama so fat her belt is the equator.
😄 😄 😄
My dragon is asleep.
He’s now dragoff.
😄 😄 😄
My wife has a minor in psychology.
I guess you could say she’s a little...
Psycho.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Europe.”
“Europe, who?”
“No, YOU’RE a poo!”
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the private who could shit ice cream?
He deserted his post.
😄 😄 😄
