“Sir, I’m going to let you off with a warning.”
“Thank you so much, office.”
“April Fool… sign here.”
😄 😄 😄
What’s the only type of melon that changes colors at will?
A chamelon.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the barber keep agreeing to shave the lion’s fur even though it was dangerous?
It was his mane source of income.
😄 😄 😄
What’s Uranus’ favorite type of humor?
Dark matter jokes.
😄 😄 😄
After 10 years of impeccable policing, Roderick was still only a captain. So Rod went to the prefect and asked for a promotion.
Only the prefect couldn’t stand Rod, so he told him, “You will be promoted when you complete an assignment of the highest importance. You must travel to India and bring back... erm... a pair of crocodile shoes!”
Roderick salutes and leaves.
Two years later, a search and rescue team is sent to India, to recover his remains.
After weeks of hacking through the jungle, they finally find him.
With a huge, thick beard and wearing rags, Rod sits on the riverbank holding a huge cudgel in his hands. Behind him is a gigantic pile of dead crocodiles.
A crocodile swims by; Rod whacks it on the head with the cudgel, drags it out of the water, examines its feet, and throws him on the pile with a curse, “Damn, another one without shoes!!”
😄 😄 😄
Your mama so short she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work.
😄 😄 😄
A group of ducks flew overhead in a V formation.
Do you know why one side of the V is longer than the other?
It has more ducks.
😄 😄 😄
What did Elon Musk get when changing Twitter’s name?
A bunch of X-employees.
😄 😄 😄
The sunflower couldn’t ride a bicycle anymore.
Its petals broke.
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t mermaids play badminton?
They might get caught in the net.
😄 😄 😄
life is NOT like a box of chocolates.
It’s more like a jar of jalapenos: what you do today can burn your ass tomorrow.
😄 😄 😄
We’re trying to come up with a plan to get my escaped helium balloon back. We’ve got some ideas.
But it’s still up in the air.
😄 😄 😄
The sky was a cheerful shade of melancholy blue.
😄 😄 😄
My English teacher asked if I could explain brevity better.
“Short answer – no. Long answer – yes.”
😄 😄 😄
How is the solution to the toilet paper shortage the same as the solution to a crossword puzzle?
One square at a time.
😄 😄 😄
A pharmacist returns to his shop from lunch to find a man leaning against the wall.
“What’s wrong with him?” He asks his assistant.
“He came in for some cough syrup,” explains the assistant. “But I couldn’t find any, so I sold him a bottle of laxatives instead.”
“What!” The pharmacist says, horrified. “You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!”
“Of course you can,” the assistant declares. “Look at him – he’s far too scared to cough.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the flu go to the art exhibit?
It heard there was a lot of culture there.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a lady who enjoys mushrooms?
A fun-gal.
😄 😄 😄
Which baseball manager was arrested for arson as a teenager and retains his jailhouse nickname to this day?
Sparky Anderson.
😄 😄 😄
