What do elves make sandwiches with?
Shortbread.
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Working from home is tough.
I have to coordinate a desktop, a laptop and a handheld.
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If you get an email starting with Knock Knock don’t open it.
It’s a Jehovah’s Witness working from home.
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My crush told me that I’m pretty.
Well, the whole sentence was “You’re pretty annoying”, but I focus only on the positive things.
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The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
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Teacher: “How far have you gone with your homework, Johnny?”
Little Johnny: “About 8 kilometers miss. I went home with it and came back with it this morning.”
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Do you know that in a couple of weeks, all gas stations are going to cut prices in half for a whole day?
April Fuels!
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Isn’t ending a relationship with Taylor Swift the best way to make it more public?
You get a whole album.
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How many Chelsea managers does it take to change a light bulb?
Nobody knows. The light bulb lasts longer than any manager.
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I’ve studied Basic Human Anatomy so much.
I know it like the back of my hand.
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Who’s a hairdresser’s favorite musical artist?
Harry Styles.
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After the 4th of July fireworks caused finger injuries, what did the friends say?
Nothing, they couldn’t count on me.
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The 5 secrets to happiness for men:
1. Find a woman who can make you laugh.
2. Find a woman who can cook.
3. Find a woman who really listens to you.
4. Find a woman who is great in bed.
5. Make sure these 4 women don’t find out about each other.
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A statistics major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a true/false test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers.
The statistics professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin… writing the answer… flipping the coin… writing the answer.
At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final, except for the one student.
The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying, “Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn’t even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?”
The student replies bitterly (as he is still flipping the coin), “Shhh! I am checking my answers!”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Yah.”
“Yah, who?”
“No thanks, I use Bing or Google.”
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris completed Pokemon Go.
On a landline.
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What do you call a lady who enjoys mushrooms?
A fun-gal.
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Turning off your Zoom camera is like getting food from a buffet at a party.
You want to do it, but you don’t want to be the first, and you definitely don’t want to be the only one.
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Why did the vegetarian cross the road?
Because she was protesting for the chicken.
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Rise and shine!
If mornings were a sport, I’d be the MVP of hitting the ‘sleep’ button.
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