Why don’t dogs make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
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What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews.
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Once a boy was killing mosquitoes.
The girl asked him, “How many mosquitoes have you killed?”
He replied, “3 female and 2 male.”
She asked, “How did you know that they were male or female?”
He replied, “3 were sitting in front of the mirror and the 2 were sitting on the treadmill.”
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An astronaut and an alien walk into a bar...
S p a c e b a r.
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“There’s something wrong with this dictionary.”
“What is it?”
“They spelled ‘love’ wrong. It should be L-U-V, because I know I can’t spell love without U!”
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You should get your flu vaccination.
It’s worth a shot.
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What do cops call it when they’re called out to the local donut bakery?
Bread Alert!
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I told my wife I’d never leave her unless aliens came to take me.
It has taken 30 years but I finally have enough for Industrial Light and Magic to do an alien abduction scene.
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It’s so hot that my popcorn seeds start popping.
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A bar which does hip replacement operations recently opened near to me.
Critics are saying it’s the new hip place to be.
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What does the moon like to have on its toast?
Space Jam!
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Three astronauts are sitting at a table: one from the US, one from Russia and one from Poland.
The US astronaut says, “We’re going to Mars.”
The Russian says, “We made it to the moon.”
The Pole says, “We’re going to the sun.”
The other two astronauts say, “You can’t land on the sun, you’ll burn. There’s nothing to land on.”
The polish guy says, “Don’t tell anyone, but we’re going at night!”
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What do Spanish phantoms say when they like something?
Me ghosta.
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Sometimes my girlfriend and I don’t speak the same language...
I say “We have a long distance relationship”.
She says “I have a restraining order”.
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My girlfriend asked me if hot dogs were good for her diet.
I replied, “They’re not the wurst.”
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It is so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
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I got a wooden bike with wooden handles and wheels. Guess what?
It woo-den start.
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Your forehead is a 20-mile taxi ride from your eyebrows to your hairline.
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A ranger was assigned the task of hunting buffalo. He hired an aboriginal scout to assist him. They set out on their expedition to find buffalo.
After a while, the scout dismounts, places his ear to the ground, and says, “Humm, buffalo come.”
The ranger looks around with his binoculars but sees nothing.
“I see nothing,” he says to the scout, “how do you know buffalo are coming?”
“Ear sticky,” says the scout.
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Today’s working from home tip:
Blowing on the wine in the mug will help convince your Zoom meeting that your tea is hot.
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