What is small, square and green?
A small green square.
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Why did the foot smile?
He was toe happy.
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It’s been raining for 3 days without stopping.
My wife is in depression, she is standing and looking through the window.
If the rain doesn’t stop tomorrow, I’ll have to let her in.
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Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?
Dude sold his soul to Santa.
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A soapbox orator addresses a crowd on the glories of communism, “Come the revolution, everyone will eat strawberries and cream!”
A man at the front whimpers, “But I don’t like strawberries and cream...”
The speaker thunders, “Come the revolution, you will like strawberries and cream!”
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Why did Johnny take a ruler to bed?
Because he wanted to see how long he slept!
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The moon asked the sun, “Buddy, when you are so hot, why are you single yet?”
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A man walks into a barbershop and asks, “How much for a haircut?”
“Twelve dollars,” says the barber.
“And for a shave?”
“Ten dollars.”
“All right,” says the man, settling into the barber chair. “Shave my head.”
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Somewhere, in the universe, there is a world with no war, no hate, no hunger and no poverty.
And also no oxygen.
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What did the first person to get April fooled say?
“Jesus! I thought you were dead!”
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Where does a majority of a hockey player’s salary come from?
The tooth fairy.
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Vacationers spend too much time and money at donut shops.
They’re torus traps.
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I think you are suffering...
From a lack of vitamin me.
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Why do aliens not eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
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The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad.
It was tearable.
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What do you have to put on your hot dogs?
Must-ard!
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I think Saturn’s name is the best in our solar system.
It has a nice ring to it.
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I went on a date with Spider-Man, but he was super clingy.
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Came home and found my wife in bed and told her a joke.
It was so funny even the guy under the bed laughed.
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My doctor informed me that they’ve found life on other planets.
He says there are worms living in Uranus.
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