Chuck Norris can make fire by rubbing together two pieces of ice.
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What is blue and lies under a mushroom?
Smurf poop.
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What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
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I just got punched by my friend for trying to kiss his new baby on the forehead.
Apparently, I have to wait for the baby to be born first.
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My friends keep calling me a joker.
But no matter how many decks of cards I search through, I still can’t find my face on a single one.
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Yo mama’s nose hairs are so long that they make Bobobo jealous!
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What would you name Will if he was one of the Wheelers?
Third Wheeler.
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My wife hates me because I make too many Pokémon puns.
She’s just Shellos.
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What do you give an influencer with bad breath?
A tik tok.
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Why did the meteor break up with Uranus?
It felt like it was crashing and burning.
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Do songbirds get mad at hummingbirds...
Because they don’t know the words.
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What do Saiyans wear to the beach?
Trunks.
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If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ivana.”
“Ivana, who?”
“Ivana suck your blood!”
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A wise man once told me, if a bee is bothering you, don’t swat or run away, just stand still and look right at it.
Because seeing is believing.
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An artist, a lawyer and a programmer are discussing the merits of a mistress.
The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered.
The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce and bankruptcy.
The programmer says, “It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. My wife thinks I’m with my mistress. My mistress thinks I’m home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!”
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What is a carnivore’s favorite bumper sticker for their car?
“I love animals. They taste great.”
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
To bock traffic.
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A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a duck sitting next to him.
“Are you a duck?” asked the man, surprised.
Duck: “Yes.”
Man: “What are you doing at the movies?”
The duck replied, “Well, I liked the book.”
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How is Teachers’ Day, a day of rest?
The rest of the laundry, the rest of the housework, and grading the rest of the papers.
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