A guy walks into a café and orders a coffee to go.
The coffee gets up and leaves.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the blue man who walked into a bar?
He was feeling quite cyan.
😄 😄 😄
My friend went bankrupt after inventing a sandal for people with only one leg.
It was a flop.
😄 😄 😄
High five! Oops... I guess you’re now stuck with me.
😄 😄 😄
Your nose was on time, but you must have been a few minutes late.
😄 😄 😄
Can I have a waffle cone, and 2 scoops of you?
😄 😄 😄
A young artist exhibits his work for the first time and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, “Would you like my opinion on your work?”
“Yes,” says the artist.
“It’s worthless,” says the critic.
The artist replies, “I know, but tell me anyway.”
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris can make fire by rubbing together two pieces of ice.
😄 😄 😄
What happened when the pun misbehaved in school?
He was pun-alized with detention.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Anita.”
“Anita, who?”
“Anita piece of that birthday cake!”
😄 😄 😄
My family calls me the King of Sofas.
Because I’m sofa king lazy.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the best thing about Thanksgiving in Bulgaria?
Bulgaria is next to Turkey and Greece.
😄 😄 😄
Black people and Mexican people are so similar...
Once you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Jamal.
😄 😄 😄
I’ve got a new job at the chess factory.
I’m on knights next week.
😄 😄 😄
One time I broke up with my Roblox girlfriend by sending her a message.
30 seconds later I heard my uncle crying in the next room...
😄 😄 😄
Guess what Santa calls his elves?
Subordinate Clauses!
😄 😄 😄
What is a volleyball player’s favorite drink?
Sets on the Beach.
😄 😄 😄
Two monsters went to a party.
Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”
😄 😄 😄
“There is no God” – Stephen Hawking, 2011.
“There is no Stephen Hawking” – God, 2018.
😄 😄 😄
A man hunts a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his wife decide that they’ll play a game with the kids. They’ll give them a clue and get them to guess what it is.
At mealtime, the kids are eager to know what the meat is on their plates, so they beg their dad for the clue.
“Well,” he says, “it’s what mommy calls me sometimes”.
The little girl screams, “Don’t eat it! It’s an asshole!”
😄 😄 😄
