I tried to dye my dog’s hair blue.
But I guess he was blue-ish.
😄 😄 😄
When the history teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said:
“Need Tudoring?”
😄 😄 😄
What were Stephen Hawking’s last words?
“Error 404. File not found.”
😄 😄 😄
How is a colonoscopy like reading a book?
Once you reach the appendix, you’re done.
😄 😄 😄
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
😄 😄 😄
Dispatcher: “911, what is your emergency?”
Caller: “I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.”
Dispatcher: “Do you have an address?”
Caller: “No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?”
😄 😄 😄
Easter and April Fools’ are on the same day this year.
For efficiency, send your kids to look for eggs that you haven’t hidden.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat when she died she broke the stairway to heaven.
😄 😄 😄
Good morning!
I hope you woke up on the right side of the bed...
Because I moved all the furniture to the left side.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
😄 😄 😄
Before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, be sure to lift your left leg.
That way you will start off the new year on the right foot.
😄 😄 😄
When I first heard the proposal to rename Oklahoma City after Ohio, I was confused as to why anyone would want that.
But after hearing someone explain the logic behind it, I thought to myself:
“OH, OK.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an underwater Dunken’ Donuts?
Sunken Donuts.
😄 😄 😄
Bride, please put your left hand flat on the table.
Groom, please place your hand on top of hers.
Enjoy this moment, groom, because it’s the first and last time in your marriage that you’ll have the upper hand.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the pun fail his English class?
He didn’t use proper pun-ctuation.
😄 😄 😄
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
😄 😄 😄
You’re so short that you can save on rent by living in a doll’s house.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an amazing day up a mountain?
A peak experience.
😄 😄 😄
How do I eat consciously?
You try not to lose consciousness when eating.
😄 😄 😄
I might have gotten the flu in China.
Well, WHO cares?
😄 😄 😄
