Your momma so ugly when she looks in the mirror the reflection ducks!
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What is the propeller used for on an airplane?
Many people do not know this, but is actually for air conditioning.
If you ever get to see it when the propeller stops, the pilot suddenly starts sweating.
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At the Italian restaurant, the ghoul ordered spook-ghetti for his main course.
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Why don’t sniper attacks work on volleyball players?
Because they always run for cover.
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Yo mama so fat when she lands in Fortnite she gets a Victory Royale.
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A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean.
He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?”
The trembling monkey says, “You are, mighty lion!”
Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows, “Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?”
The terrified ox stammers, “Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!”
On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?”
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it’d been run over by a safari wagon.
The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away.
The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant, “Just because you don’t know the answer, you don’t have to get so upset about it!”
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What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
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Three American Indians get lost in the forest.
Indian No.1: “What do we do?”
Indian No.2: “I don’t know, we’re Indian, we’re not supposed to get lost in the forest!”
Indian No.3: “We could do like the white man and fire three shots into the air.”
Indian No.2: “How does that help?”
Indian No.3: “Well, when the white man gets lost in the forest, he fires three shots into the air and then somebody comes and saves him.”
Indian No.2: “That sounds like a great idea!” points to Indian No.1 and says, “Go ahead and fire three shots in the air.”
Indian No.1 fires three shots into the air and they wait.
After an hour, nothing happens.
Indian No.1: “So, how long are we supposed to wait?”
Indian No.2: “I don’t know. I guess it depends on how close they are. Maybe we should try again?”
Indian No.3 (to Indian No.1): “Yeah, try firing three more shots in the air.”
Indian No.1: “I would, but I only have two arrows left.”
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From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.
“Who is it?” a passenger asks the captain.
“I have no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad like that.”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Atch.”
“Atch, who?”
“Bless you! Now let’s celebrate your birthday!”
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My dog has no sense of humor.
Every time I say “knock knock” he just starts barking.
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Coffee is the reason I get up every morning.
But it’s the hope of annoying you that keeps me going.
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Two wafers fell into a vat of chocolate.
The first one pulled the second one out.
The second one said, “Thanks, you’re a lifesaver!”
The first one responded, “Actually, I’m a KitKat.”
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What did the comet say when it visited Uranus?
“This place is a gas!”
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Why are solar panels so trustworthy?
They don’t work in the shadows.
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Why was the pizza ringing?
It had some bell peppers on it.
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What happens after you have a beautiful girlfriend, a million-dollar car, 100 million in your bank account, several houses and a fit body?
You wake up.
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Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert.
I thought they’d be gross, but they were actually pretty good. Turns out...
That in-prison mint isn’t as bad as I expected!
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After having failed his exam in Logic, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student: “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”
Professor: “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”
Student: “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my grade as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you to give me an “A” for the exam.”
Professor: “Okay, it is a deal. So what is the question?”
Student: “What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an “A”, as agreed.
Afterward, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers: “Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 32-year-old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 21-year-old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an “A”, although he really should have failed, is neither legal nor logical.”
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What happened to the cannibal who showed up late to Halloween dinner?
They gave him the cold shoulder.
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