What do you call a Polish ape?
Chimpanski.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Frank.”
“Frank, who?”
“Frankenstein!”
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What do you call a parrot when he can’t fly?
A walkie talkie.
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A leprechaun walks into a bar...
I guess it wasn’t set very high.
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Why do blueberries make bad employees?
They always end up getting the blues.
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The child was a typical four-year-old girl—cute, inquisitive, and bright as a new penny.
When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.
One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.
“Now do you understand?” he asked.
“I think so,” she said. “That was when Mommy came to work for us?”
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What do bees use to build roads?
Nec-tar.
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Why didn’t the shark want to fight the octopus?
Because he knew the octopus was well armed.
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A miracle drug is one that has now the same price as last year.
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What’s the stupidest element on the periodic table?
Silicon.
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What did the blue paint brush say to the red paint brush?
“I blue you away.”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Howard.”
“Howard, who?”
“Howard you like to sing Christmas carols with me?”
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My wife was talking about funeral plans.
My Wife: “I said we’ll give you a military send off like the sailors on a ship.”
Me: “I was in the Air Force.”
My Wife: “OK, we’ll toss you out of an airplane.”
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It has been said about tax:
“For doing wrong, you are taxed a fine.
For doing well, you are fined a tax.”
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You so ugly on Halloween someone said, “Scary costume!”
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The baby blue eyes were coldly warm.
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Why can’t violins finish a crossword puzzle?
Because violins never solved anything.
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What would Wonder Woman and Spider-Man name their business?
Amazon Web Services.
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A Muslim man told his wife that she needed to start embracing her mistakes.
So she gave him a hug.
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You’re so fat you got stuck when you dove into the Grand Canyon.
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