What do you call a flu that became a musician?
Achoo-bacca.
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What did the alien think of the anti-gravity book?
He couldn’t put it down!
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You should know that no one understood it was an April Fools’ joke.
No one expected you to have a sense of humor.
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I stopped by grandmother’s house and I’m so impressed. She had all the Halloween decorations out. There were cobwebs and bugs in the windows along with a skeleton on the couch.
She’s 89 and always does a great job, but there was no answer when I knocked. I guess I’ll stop by again in a few months... if I have time.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Not as old as.”
“Not as old as, who?”
“Still not as old as you!”
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I had a roommate in college who was such a bad cook, his mac and cheese caught fire.
What a flaming casserole!
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AI will never take away my job.
Only an idiot would do my job.
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You’re so fat that the only job interview question they ask is if you can fit through the door.
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People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician.
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Your head is so big that the rest of your body will never get a tan.
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Virtual background on Zoom?
But, we need virtual outfits!
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Your mama so short she needs a ladder to touch the ground.
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Where does the moon go to get its qualifications?
Moon-iversity!
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“Do you know who is coming to our party later on?”
“Yeah, Dee is.”
“Dee, who?”
“DEEZ NUTS!“
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What do you call a striker playing a June match?
A spring forward.
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I went to watch Spider-Man playing baseball.
He was great at catching flies.
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The orthopedic doctor was feeling a bit patella-tive after a long day of surgeries.
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Reverend Clive Morgan was completing his homily in St John’s Church about the dangers of alcohol and the need for moderation and temperance.
He announced at the end of the sermon in a loud, clear voice, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
With even greater emphasis he added, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
Finally, he intoned in an extremely serious manner, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
The Reverend Morgan then sat down.
Jerry, St John’s leading chorister stood up and announced with a smile, “For our closing hymn this Sunday, let us sing together hymn number 109: Shall We Gather at the River.”
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Crush: “Why should I trust you? All the guys I’ve been dating have been dogs.”
Me: “...”
Crush: “Well? Aren’t you going to say anything?”
Me: “... meow?”
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What is a math teacher’s favorite sum?
Summer!
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