Once, Chuck Norris reached a point of no return… and returned.
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I’d like to thank everyone who taught me the definition of ‘many’.
It really means a lot.
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You call it short, but I call it down-to-earth.
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Yo mama so old her first cruise was on Noah’s Ark.
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I’ve been watching this anime about dentists. But it’s been getting boring.
I’m a little tired of the filler episodes.
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I sold a thousand CDs but only made enough money to buy one ice cream.
Probably because each CD was Milli Vanilli.
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What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?
“Quack! Quack!”
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My wife asked me if I had seen the dog bowl.
I replied that I didn’t know he played cricket.
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My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.
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Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons.
Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphs.
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Why is math said to be a codependent?
It relies on others to solve its problems.
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What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter what you call him, he ain’t gonna come.
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What is dog’s favorite breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owl.”
“Owl, who?”
“Owl be sure to use the bell next time!”
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What does nitrogen become when the sun comes up?
Daytrogen.
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If today is really Pi Day, it would never end.
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A crab walks into a bar.
The barman says, “I can’t serve you mate, you’re already walking sideways.”
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What do heroes like Spider-Man and Ant-Man have in common?
They bug the villains!
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Love is like farting.
If you have to force it, it’s going to end in a mess.
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Why can’t people in wheelchairs be looked at for too long?
They can’t handle stares.
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