What do you call a Bengali who works?
A work of fiction.
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Memo from Director-General to Manager:
Today at 11 o’clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes.
As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park.
Staff should meet in the car park at ten to eleven when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse and giving some background information.
Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.
Memo from Manager to Department Head:
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will disappear for two minutes.
For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles.
The Director-General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.
Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:
The Director-General will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the eclipse.
This is something that can not be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven.
This will be safe if you pay a moderate cost.
Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor:
Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the Director-General will eclipse the sun for two minutes.
This doesn’t happen every day. It will be safe, but it will cost you.
Memo from Supervisor to staff:
Some staff will go to the car park today to see the Director-General disappear.
It is a pity this doesn’t happen every day.
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Whats the Jewish version of Elf on a Shelf?
“Mensch on a bench”.
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What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
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Doctor: “Your brain fell out after your accident, but we managed to put it back in.”
Me: “Thanks for reminding me.”
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I bet it’s cool, you can change the TV channels with your mind.
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An Indian walks into a café with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He says to the waiter, “Me want coffee.”
The waiter says, “Sure chief, coming right up.”
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning, the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, “Me want coffee.”
The waiter says, “Whoa, Tonto. We’re still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?”
The Indian smiles and proudly says, “Me in training for upper management: come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day.”
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A broke guy walks past a pub. He looks at the door longingly, but since he has no money, he walks on.
Just then, he spots a lamp lying in the gutter. He picks it up and rubs it, and a genie emerges.
“I will grant you three wishes,” intones the genie.
“Give me a bottomless mug of beer,” the guy says.
A mug of beer appears in his hand. He takes a sip, then another. With each chug, the mug magically refills.
“And for your other two wishes?”
Between swallows, the lucky guy shouts, “Give me two more just like this one!”
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At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying “I know the whole truth”.
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.”
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.”
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door.
The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.”
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
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Why do so many people like to do word puzzles in the bathroom?
Because it’s the best place for a vowel movement.
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Went to a pancake restaurant, and asked if my dinner would be long.
The waiter replied, “No, sir, round.”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Aye Dunnup.”
“Aye Dunnup, who?”
“Eugh, you dunna poo!”
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Why was the mermaid couple so indecisive?
Because they both refused to wear the pants in the relationship.
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Did you know most Egyptian people are related to the same Pharaoh?
They have Tut-in-common.
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What do you call a skeleton who just had hip surgery?
Hip-ster!
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You are the only person that can smoke a cigarette in the rain with your hands tied on your back.
Your nose is like a natural canopy.
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Forget about the past, you can’t change it.
Forget about the future, you can’t predict it.
Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.
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The tree hated losing its foliage in September.
When it grew back in March, he was so re-lieved.
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“I’m sorry,” said the clerk in flower shop, “we don’t have potted geraniums... Could you use African violets instead?”
Replied the customer sadly, “No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone.”
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How you can tell that Santa is real?
You can always sense his presents!
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