You so dumb you once tried to exchange a bib number because you thought the whole thing was printed upside down.
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Working from home becomes more difficult when your bed and YouTube constantly beg for your attention.
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While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section.
One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable purchasing it.
The first nun replied that she would handle it without a problem.
She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.
The cashier was surprised, so the nun said, “This is for washing our hair.”
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer, “The curlers are on me.”
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What to give a man who’s got everything?
A woman. She’ll tell him how everything works.
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I’ve invented a solar-powered still!
It turns sunshine into moonshine.
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What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
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Some local engineers took a train for a service.
But the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
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What do you call a streetcar that plays pranks on people?
A troll-ey.
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Yo mama’s so fat I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.
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A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
“Quick, jump out the window,” she says to him.
“What???” the guy says. “We’re on the 13th floor!”
She says, “Just jump, this is no time to be superstitious!”
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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I went to lunch with a champion chess player.
It took him 8 minutes to pass me the salt.
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Why do polar bears only live at the North Pole?
Because if they also lived at the South Pole, they would be bipolar bears.
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This culture of inclusiveness is getting out of hand.
I mean, even Jurassic Park engineered a Trannysaurus Rex.
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What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle?
A tire.
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The moon gets a little more chilly in September, time to put on its harvest!
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What did the little cacti say to the big cactus when they were running away?
“Cactus if you can!”
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I just saw this guy going up a hill with a wheelbarrow full of horseshoes, four leaf clovers and rabbit’s feet.
I thought he’s pushing his luck!
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A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling.
It’s a gnocchia.
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My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes.
It was the end of my Korea.
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