One fine day Ole decided to take Lena for a drive in his new car.
As they were driving through town, a policeman pulled them over and told Ole that he was doing 50 miles an hour in a 30 zone.
“Oh no,” Ole protested, “I was only doing tirty, officer.”
“No, you were doing fifty,” replied the cop.
“Really, officer, I was only doing tirty”, Ole replied stubbornly.
“Well,” bellowed the cop, “I clocked you doing FIFTY!”
At that point, Lena, sitting in the back seat and trying to be helpful, spoke up, “Officer, you really shouldn’t argue with Ole ben he’s been drinking.”
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What do you call 10 Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 100 Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 1000 Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
Still a problem.
What do you call all of the Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
PROBLEM SOLVED!
😄 😄 😄
You’re so fly, all I want to do right now is wrap you up and take you to my web.
😄 😄 😄
I wanted to start a hide-and-seek league.
But good players are hard to find.
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When I told my parents my wife had come down with the flu, my dad said, “Well, have you tried euthanasia?”
In the background, I could hear my mom yell, “For the last time, Henry, it’s pronounced ‘Echinacea!’, ‘Echinacea!!!’.”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s breath is so bad that when she talks her nose hairs fall out.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a man who has cat scratches all over his face?
Claude.
😄 😄 😄
What is the best way to avoid Asian flu?
Have a Phu shot.
😄 😄 😄
I almost cut off my beard today.
That was a close shave.
😄 😄 😄
What did one blue eye say to the other?
Between us, something smells.
😄 😄 😄
What did the barbecue say on Labor Day weekend?
Time to get fired up!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call two depressed bears?
Bipolar.
😄 😄 😄
Where does Goku keep his ice cream?
In the Freiza.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so fat that Gardulla the Hutt had a boost in self-esteem after seeing her.
😄 😄 😄
When Chuck Norris was born, he spanked the doctor.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a line of people gathered to roast Justin Bieber?
Bieberqueue.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
😄 😄 😄
A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words, and so on.
One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darling”.
But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three more years.
At the end of these five years, he wanted to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four years.
Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, he led the lady to the most romantic place in the kingdom and said, “My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?”
And the lady said, “Pardon?”
😄 😄 😄
Vegan: “People who sell meat are gross!”
Non-vegetarian: “People who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.”
😄 😄 😄
Me: “You know that foundation called ‘Autism Speaks’?”
My friend: “No, it screeches.”
😄 😄 😄
