Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn’y ache.
😄 😄 😄
My family asked me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes.
I told them I couldn’t stop cold turkey.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the registered nurse tiptoe past the medicine room?
Because she didn’t want to wake up the sleeping pills.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an Irish guy coming back with more cakes?
Flanagan.
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What do you call Spider-Man joining the Marvel Universe?
A Spin-Off.
😄 😄 😄
A little boy had a crush on his teacher, but she was dating a doctor.
So the boy brought his teacher an apple everyday.
😄 😄 😄
What does a doctor call a colonoscopy?
An ANALysis.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a dog with a fever?
Hot dog.
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What is totally untrue about mummies?
That they are all evil. They get a bad wrap.
😄 😄 😄
I bought a toilet brush since I saw one in pretty much everyone’s bathroom.
But after giving it a try for a week I decided to go back to using toilet paper.
😄 😄 😄
Which part of a computer is Spider-Man’s favorite?
The web cam.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a Ford Fiesta that ran out of gas?
A Ford Siesta.
😄 😄 😄
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying “I know the whole truth”.
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.”
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.”
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door.
The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.”
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
😄 😄 😄
I said to my wife, “Did you hear my last pun?”
She replied, “I hope so!”
😄 😄 😄
I’m on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
😄 😄 😄
I saw a blue horse the other day.
I guess you could say it was a rare-colored mare.
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Chuck Norris was once bitten by a cobra snake.
After 3 long days of suffering, the snake died.
😄 😄 😄
A man went on a business trip to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids.
He went to a shop and found a nice-looking VR set.
Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, “What happens if this doesn’t work?”
The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, ‘GUARANTEE NO SPOILED’.
Feeling assured, he paid for the VR set and returns to his hotel.
He tried to use the VR set after returning to the hotel, but it wouldn’t even switch on.
He quickly returned to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit.
When the shopkeeper refuses to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of the guarantee.
The shopkeeper then said, “Brother, you are in China. We read from the right to the left.”
😄 😄 😄
What did the IKEA dresser say to the aliens after landing on their planet?
I come in pieces.
😄 😄 😄
The teacher asks her students, “What is the closest planet to Earth?”
The class all respond by yelling out, “The sun!”
Little Johnny then puts his hand up as says, “Uranus.”
The teacher looks confused and asks, “Why do you think that, Johnny?”
Little Johnny replies to her, “Because it is right behind you, Miss.”
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