Why did Helen Keller’s husband often become upset with her?
Because she just didn’t listen.
😄 😄 😄
Yo momma's arm-pits stink so bad she made Right Guard turn to left.
😄 😄 😄
What do you say when it’s the end of the month?
Oct-over.
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Yo head is so big if it were a bowling ball, score a strike every time.
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Why do all Fortnite players have healthy gums?
Because they floss regularly.
😄 😄 😄
Guess who woke up with 20 missed calls from his ex?
My ex!
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What do prisoners in Denver County lockup eat for breakfast?
Jail-y Donuts.
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When I first heard the proposal to rename Oklahoma City after Ohio, I was confused as to why anyone would want that.
But after hearing someone explain the logic behind it, I thought to myself:
“OH, OK.”
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
A spelling bee.
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Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?
The p is silent.
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I lost my whole Lord of The Rings Lego set.
Now I’m Legoless.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the $4,000,000 Alabama State Lottery?
The winner gets $4 a year for a million years.
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A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled-up newspaper around his head.
Wife: “What are you doing dear?”
Husband: “Swatting flies. I got three males and two females”
Wife: “How on Earth do you know which gender they were?”
Husband: “Easy: three were on the beer, and the other two were on the phone.”
😄 😄 😄
Why do fat people cause earthquakes?
Because they’re always moving plates.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris plays the violin with a piano.
😄 😄 😄
Two nuns stand by the road, holding a sign which reads, “You’re headed down a dark and dangerous path, turn back before it’s too late!”
The next busy driver, who looks at the inscription, shows a finger and disappears behind the curve. A second later, a loud crash is heard.
One of the nuns thoughtfully says, “Sister, shall we just write ‘Attention, the bridge is demolished’?”
😄 😄 😄
Akpos told his servant, “Go and water the plants.”
Servant: “It’s already raining.”
Akpos: “So what, take an umbrella and go!”
😄 😄 😄
I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar.
I guess there is life on Mars after all.
😄 😄 😄
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn’y ache.
😄 😄 😄
My family asked me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes.
I told them I couldn’t stop cold turkey.
😄 😄 😄
