Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Nicholas.”
“Nicholas, who?”
“Nicholas half as much as a dime.”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Pat.”
“Pat, who?”
“Pat on your coat—we’re going to the St. Patty’s Day parade.”
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“The neighbors hate us.”
“Why?”
“Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?”
“Yeah, that was really fun.”
“And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband’s arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?”
“Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we’d done...”
“We were still holding our marshmallow sticks...”
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What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
😄 😄 😄
My son played soccer in the mud all day.
He was a little Messi.
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What’s black and white and green in the middle?
Two zebras, fighting over a pickle.
😄 😄 😄
You know you’re 50 when that come hither look you used to have in your eyes just doesn’t look as enticing through your bifocals.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call the mother who gave birth to Super Mario?
Mario Maker.
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I got in trouble for calling Uranus a gasbag.
But let’s be honest, it’s full of hot air!
😄 😄 😄
July 1st is International Reggae Day.
This is the day I dread.
😄 😄 😄
What did the donuts do on their date?
They glazed into each other’s eyes.
😄 😄 😄
How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
😄 😄 😄
How does Uranus like its coffee?
Black, with a little bit of gas.
😄 😄 😄
Guess what is my favorite tea?
I would say you Hot tea.
😄 😄 😄
What’s an owl’s favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
😄 😄 😄
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, “Why have you got a fried egg on your head?”
The man replies, “Because boiled eggs fall off.”
😄 😄 😄
It’s been raining for 3 days without stopping.
My wife is in depression, she is standing and looking through the window.
If the rain doesn’t stop tomorrow, I’ll have to let her in.
😄 😄 😄
Why did Helen Keller’s husband often become upset with her?
Because she just didn’t listen.
😄 😄 😄
Yo momma's arm-pits stink so bad she made Right Guard turn to left.
😄 😄 😄
What do you say when it’s the end of the month?
Oct-over.
😄 😄 😄
