Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Figs.”
“Figs, who?”
“Figs the doorbell, it’s not working lazy bones!
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Why did the knee specialist turn into a priest?
He wanted to have a mea-knee-ingful life.
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I had a nightmare last night that my TikTok account was deleted.
It was scary because I thought I had a TikTok account for a second.
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What did Alex say to his college roommate to get him to stop working on his college essay and come out for hot dogs?
Relish today...
And Ketchup tomorrow.
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What does CHEVY stand for?
Cheapest Heap Ever Viewed Yet.
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Yo mom’s so fat Luke couldn’t believe she wasn’t a moon!
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What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter what you call him, he ain’t gonna come.
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When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof...
I was shocked.
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Murphy’s Laws of Computing:
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.
3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.
5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
6. To err is human… to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.
7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
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Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?
To be fair, it’s really hard for geese to kill sharks.
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I went to a party in blue shoes.
But everyone said it was a blue-sy idea.
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Do you know the reason all the bat boys in major league baseball are replaced when they turn 18?
Because otherwise you’d have to call him Batman.
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After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath.
She wasn’t content. I’m so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
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What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?
The bogeyman.
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I looked at the bottom of a tuna tin and it said “Best Before Date”.
I thought, “No, it isn’t.”
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The best way to find a Puerto Rican?
Turn off the music and listen for the complaints.
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My uncle always refused to obey his controlling wife.
He was defy-aunt.
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What do you call a leprechaun’s prank?
A St. Pat-trick!
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A pigeon flies out of a coffeeshop and hits a seagull.
Two birds, one stoned.
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Avril Lavigne could have just called her song Skater boy instead of Sk8er Boi.
Why’d you have to go and make things so complicated?
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