Teacher: “If your father has $10, and you
asked for $5, how much will your father
have?”
Akpos: “$10.”
Teacher: “You don’t know maths.”
Akpos: “You don’t know my father!”
😄 😄 😄
I met this dude once who was really into mushrooms.
He was a real fun-gi.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris can operate a coal grill underwater.
😄 😄 😄
What did the alien say to the flower bed?
Take me to your weeder!
😄 😄 😄
I loved the sound a bird made this morning.
So I re-tweeted it.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a retired old cowboy?
De-ranged.
😄 😄 😄
I used to be the drummer in a progressive 80s rock band called Prevention.
We were better than The Cure.
😄 😄 😄
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We’ll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves “The Pillage People”.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between a bass guitar and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.
😄 😄 😄
I’ve just seen a dentist having a big row with a manicurist.
They fought tooth and nail.
😄 😄 😄
It would have been a photo finish, but by the time my horse finished, it was too dark to take a picture.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a Titan who can’t swim?
Titanic.
😄 😄 😄
I don’t want to be Spider-Man, I just want to be your man.
😄 😄 😄
A blond goes up to the librarian.
Blond: “Can I have a hot dog?”
Librarian: “Sorry, Madam, but this is a library.”
Blond: “Oh, sorry!” says quietly. “Can I have a hot dog?”
😄 😄 😄
Mushrooms are the most virtuous of fungi...
they have the best morels.
😄 😄 😄
Guess what happened to the man who played board games all his life?
He got bored with playing games!
😄 😄 😄
Important Announcement:
In light of the rising frequency of human and grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field.
They advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren’t expecting them.
They also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.
It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung:
1. Black bear dung is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur.
2. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper.
😄 😄 😄
How many bronze players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Who knows, they can’t climb the ladder.
😄 😄 😄
I found a store that only sells bagels and donuts.
It’s called “Hole Foods”.
😄 😄 😄
Why was Michael Jackson bad at chess?
He couldn’t decide if he was black or white.
😄 😄 😄
