A young Arab boy asks his father, “What is that strange hat you are wearing?”
The father said, “Why, my son, it is a “chechia”. In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”
“And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.
“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father, “It is very simple. This is a “djbellah”. As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My “djbellah” protects the entire body.”
The son then asked, “But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?”
“These are “babouches” my son,” the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These “babouches” keep us from burning our feet.”
“So tell me then,” added the boy.
“Yes, my son...”
“Why are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this shit?
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If Uranus is disgusting, why on earth do NASA take so many photos of it?
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What do you call a hip bone that’s late for surgery?
Hip-late.
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My mom had plumbers stop at the house to fix the drain. They made so much noise!
She told them to pipe down.
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Thought I would be fine having another drink. Woke up later in an alley.
Then, the bowling ball hit me.
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Did you hear about McDonald’s trying to get into the high-end steakhouse market?
It was a Big Mcsteak.
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The insects that smell the best are deodor-ants.
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How many motivational speakers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Zero, because the change starts with you.
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Yo mama so ugly when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma!
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A blonde and a brunette are in a car. Brunette: “Christmas is on a Friday this year.”
Blonde: “I hope it’s not the 13th.”
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Why did the electrician stay home on Labor Day?
He needed to recharge his batteries.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ice cream.”
“Ice cream, who?”
“Tobias some nice cold ice cream, you need some money.”
😄 😄 😄
What did the talent scout say about the juggling alpaca?
That alpaca is one of the most tailented alpacas around.
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My tailor really likes fixing my clothes.
Or sew it seams.
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A world-renowned chemist has passed away.
His will specifies that all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be put in his body.
“Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?” they ask his wife.
To which she replies, “No, just Barium.”
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Keeping The Romance Alive
I still love to spoil the love of my life.
If she works late at night, she calls me and tells me she’s on her way. I immediately start running the taps and pouring in some nice hot water with foam so that when she walks in, she can start washing the dishes right away.
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My girlfriend isn’t talking to me. She said I ruined her birthday.
I’m not sure how. I didn’t even know it was her birthday.
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Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them.
The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them.
The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on.
The second guy says, “What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.”
“I don’t need to outrun the bear,” the first guy says. “I just need to outrun you.”
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Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Melbourne, Australia. One day the airport was fogged in, and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Dave said, “Man, I wish we had something to drink!”
Jim says, “Me too. You know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You want to try it?”
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.
The next morning, Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact, he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!
Then the phone rings. It’s Jim.
Jim: “Hey, how do you feel this morning?”
Dave: “I feel great, how about you?”
Jim: “I feel great, too. You don’t have a hangover?”
Dave: “No, that jet fuel is great stuff no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.”
Jim: “Yeah, well there’s just one thing.”
Dave: “What’s that?”
Jim: “Have you farted yet?”
Dave: “No.”
Jim: “Well, DON’T—because I’m in New Zealand.”
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Why does Mario want to be a celebrity?
Because being a star makes you invincible.
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