Why was Michael Jackson bad at chess?
He couldn’t decide if he was black or white.
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What’s a car’s favorite meal?
Brake-fast.
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How does Shrek like his eggs?
Ogre easy.
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Here’s to being 30! Where a night of drinking requires more recovery time than minor surgery.
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What was the name of the frog’s favorite crisp dish?
Croaky bacon.
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As an April Fools’ joke, I told my SO that I was pregnant.
Sadly, she didn’t fall for it.
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What’s the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathizers.
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Call me a dentist, because you are too sweet.
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Two wafers fell into a vat of chocolate.
The first one pulled the second one out.
The second one said, “Thanks, you’re a lifesaver!”
The first one responded, “Actually, I’m a KitKat.”
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Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?”
Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
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What planet is next to Uranus?
Poopiter.
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The only clan thing you find in a well cleaned big nose is fingerprints.
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How do you make Uranus laugh?
Just give it some gas!
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Why did the man maintain his beard to perfection?
If he didn’t, things would get a bit hairy.
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Yo mama’s ears are so big she can hear what I’m thinking.
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Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip it looks like Ewoks having a party when she talks.
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What do you call a sad blueberry?
A blueberry muffin.
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Can I have a waffle cone, and 2 scoops of you?
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I asked my girlfriend if they serve whales at red lobster.
That way next time we go we know if we can bring her mother.
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Looking for a boyfriend in engineering.
The odds are good, but the goods are odd.
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