We’re trying to come up with a plan to get my escaped helium balloon back. We’ve got some ideas.
But it’s still up in the air.
😄 😄 😄
A small Irish man escaped from prison today.
He’s a leprechaun-vict.
😄 😄 😄
Would evil alternate-universe Spider-Man be a bad parallel parker?
😄 😄 😄
What kind of shoes do artists wear?
Sketchers.
😄 😄 😄
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the best way to organize a space party?
Planet early!
😄 😄 😄
What is green, white, and red all over?
An elf with a sunburn.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so tall she uses the Empire State Building as a toothpick.
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Akpos’s wife was busy singing in the bedroom.
Akpos: “You know, my dear, when you sing like that, I just wish you were on a radio.
Wife: “Wow, honey. Am I that good?”
Akpos: “No, at least on a radio I can change the station.”
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I guess I must be a nine out of ten...
Cause you’re the one I need!
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I visited a real graveyard yesterday...
I logged back into Myspace.
😄 😄 😄
My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She’s at the ER now. Her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died.
Luckily, I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.
😄 😄 😄
A biker is riding a new motorbike on the highway.
While passing a car, he knocks on the window.
The driver of the car opens the window, “Yes?”
“Ever driven a Honda motorbike?”
“No, I haven’t.”
The biker drives on, until he sees the next car. While passing it, he knocks on the window.
The driver of the car opens the window, “Yes?”
“Ever driven a Honda motorbike?”
“No, I haven’t.”
Then suddenly there is a curve, the biker sees it too late. He crashes off the road into a ditch.
A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky biker.
Covered in blood, the biker asks, “Ever driven a Honda motorbike?”
“Yes, I have. I had a Honda for 20 years.”
The biker says, “Tell me, where are the brakes?”
😄 😄 😄
Why is Auburn always in the dark?
Because they’re afraid of Alabama Power.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between a hedgehog and the Man U team bus?
The Man U bus has more pricks.
😄 😄 😄
What did the orange pumpkin say to the green pumpkin?
“Are you feeling ill?”
😄 😄 😄
I like working from home.
It’s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.
😄 😄 😄
My landlord says he needs to come talk to me about how high my heating bill is.
I told him, “My door is always open!”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a dumb carnivore?
A meathead.
😄 😄 😄
You must secretly be a nuclear technician because you’re both radiant and glowing!
😄 😄 😄
