My friend went bankrupt after inventing a sandal for people with only one leg.
It was a flop.
😄 😄 😄
Good morning to someone who starts each day by asking the important questions of life: Can I eat leftover pizza for breakfast?
Have a great day!
😄 😄 😄
A man walked into a Florida bar with his crocodile and asked the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
Bartender: “Sure.”
Man: “Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my crocodile.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a row of trucks hauling nachos?
A cheesy pickup line.
😄 😄 😄
It’s so hot and humid outside, the air ironed the wrinkles out of my shirt.
😄 😄 😄
How do planets pay each other?
With star bucks.
😄 😄 😄
My partner and I have been working from home since March 2020, and he has finally politely informed me that my typing sounds like 50 hungry woodpeckers trying to eat a keyboard.
😄 😄 😄
What did pi say when someone asked if it could explain what Pi Day was again?
“I don’t want to repeat myself.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was Thanksgiving Day, and it wanted people to think it was a chicken!
😄 😄 😄
Yo daddy is so dumb he sold his car for gas money.
😄 😄 😄
Congratulations! You’ve reached the perfect age where you can still party like you’re 21, but recover like you’re 80.
😄 😄 😄
You know you’re getting old when a lady wants you to pay for her implants.
She means dental implants.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the clown car that crashed in the middle of nowhere?
There were 30 casualties.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the elephant decide not to move?
Because he couldn’t lift his trunk.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Your friend.”
“My friend, who?”
“Your friend who needs a key so I can drag you out of bed in the morning, sleepy head!”
😄 😄 😄
Where should you visit after Sesame Street?
Thyme Square!
😄 😄 😄
What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?
Cranium operator.
😄 😄 😄
What room can no one enter?
A mushroom.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat every time she took a step it caused an earthquake.
😄 😄 😄
A male driver is pulled over by a cop.
Man: “What’s the problem, officer?”
Cop: “You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.”
Man: “No sir, I was going 65.”
Wife: “Oh, Harry, you were going 80.”
Cop: “I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.”
Man: “Broken tail light? I didn’t know about a broken tail light!”
Wife: “Oh, Harry, you’ve known about that tail light for weeks.”
Cop: “I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.”
Man: “Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.”
Wife: “Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt.”
Man: “Shut your mouth, woman!”
Cop: “Ma’am, does your husband always talk to you this way?”
Wife: “No, only when he’s drunk.”
😄 😄 😄
