My kid has a stuffed alpaca toy.
I call it her Dolly Llama.
😄 😄 😄
A day without ice cream is practically un-cone-stitutional.
😄 😄 😄
Jeff, a semi colon, and an Oxford Comma walk into a bar.
Both of them have a great time.
😄 😄 😄
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owls.”
“Owls, who?”
“Yes, the last time I checked, they do.”
😄 😄 😄
Unfortunately, many mushroom puns are in spore taste.
😄 😄 😄
Yorick walks into a bar.
There’s no counter.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a triumphant procession held by the bowling pins?
A perfect strike.
😄 😄 😄
What happens if you throw a Finnish sailor overboard?
Helsinki.
😄 😄 😄
Firstly I’d like to say I’m very nervous about making this speech.
In fact this must be the third time today that I’ve stood up from a warm seat with pieces of paper in my hand.
😄 😄 😄
Why was the surfer such a bad cook?
All he could handle was the microwave.
😄 😄 😄
To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You’re a bad person.
😄 😄 😄
What did the polar bears say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?
Mmmm, sandwiches!
😄 😄 😄
What instrument does a showoff play on St. Patrick’s Day?
Brag-pipes.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a sad blueberry?
A blueberry muffin.
😄 😄 😄
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn’y ache.
😄 😄 😄
Personally, I’m fed up with LOL, ROFL, and LMAO.
I say we ban all acronyms in the U.S.A.
😄 😄 😄
How do retired sailors greet each other?
Long time no sea.
😄 😄 😄
Two kids are camping in their backyard, it’s gotten pretty late and neither of them have watches.
“What time do you think it is?” One of them asks the other.
“Just make a ton of noise,” says the other.
The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyways.
After a few seconds of screaming a light turns on in another yard and a neighbour yells, “YOU CRAZY KIDS, IT’S 2 IN THE MORNING!!”
😄 😄 😄
A Sioux woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist.
“I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want any painkillers because I’m in a big hurry,” the Sioux woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way.”
The dentist was quite impressed, “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?”
The Sioux woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear.”
😄 😄 😄
