My fridge stopped working...
It’s not cool.
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Why did the planet Uranus stop being a musician?
It couldn’t handle the pressure of always being the butt of the band’s jokes.
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Have you heard of the golfer who opened a colonoscopy clinic?
He does 18 holes a day.
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Why do aliens not eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
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Your mama is so fat that she took geometry at the school because she heard there would be some pi.
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Female monasteries are nun-profit.
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I first realized I was going bald when it started taking longer and longer for me to wash my face.
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Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
Right where ye left him!
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Pharmacist: A helper on the farm.
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What do you call a sneaky blue bean?
A navy bean.
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What do you call a man who is always sitting on the toilet?
Lou.
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We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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You so dumb can never find your race results because you search for “me”.
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What do a unicorn and an ocean filled with orange soda have in common?
They are both a Fanta sea.
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What do you call a table with dots all over it?
The periodic table.
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Cop Cuisine Point to Ponder:
Do cops like doughnuts better when they’re spelled Do-Nuts?
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What is the difference between a piano, a tuna and a glue?
You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.
And you probably wondering what about the glue...
I knew you would get stuck on that.
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Why did the student eat his homework?
Because he didn’t have a dog.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Yoda.”
“Yoda, who?”
“Yoda one getting older today!”
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What’s the difference between North Korea and the USA?
In North Korea, power passes from grandfather to grandson.
In the USA, power passes from grandfather to grandfather.
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