What are the chances of winning the Mexican lottery?
Juan in a million.
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Latest space news:
Uranus has a huge split in it and is leaking methane.
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My friend told me that onions were the only things that could make him cry.
So I threw a bowling ball at him to prove him wrong.
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Candice balls fit up your nose.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Abby.”
“Abby, who?”
“Abby birthday to you!”
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How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction?
Apply the pumpkin patch.
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Why do people love blue jokes?
They’re so pun-derful.
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What do you call an amazing day up a mountain?
A peak experience.
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Why is the moon so grumpy?
It’s just going through one of its phases.
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What happens if a tree falls into mud?
It leafs an impression.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch.
He decides what time it is.
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It’s always good to find out you’re going to be working from home.
Unless you’re a firefighter.
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What do you call a hip bone that’s late for surgery?
Hip-late.
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I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm, next time Alpaca lunch.
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What made the pig go to the kitchen?
Because he felt like bacon.
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A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
“If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”, he asked her.
The secretary replied, “Everything but my earrings.”
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My girlfriend usually has peanut butter toast for breakfast, but this morning we were out of bread, and she’s been grouchy all day.
I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.
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It’s hotter than a redhead’s getting a parking ticket.
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Yo sister so fat the only way she burns calories is when her food catches on fire.
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Away from their official duties, soccer players love dancing at a soccer ball.
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