Why did the ant hidebehind the tree?
To trip the elephant.
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Why was the math book sad on National Pi Day?
Because it had too many problems.
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How do you know the Fourth of July is an American holiday?
Because everybody says “Stay Safe”.
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What’s Uranus’ favorite hobby?
Planet-ting.
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I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.
The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.
I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod (with earpiece).
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What happens if a Tesla gets hit by lightning?
No need to charge it for the next year.
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I mustache Mario a question, but I’ll shave it for later.
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So, what’s the speed of dark?
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My wife, who is an economics professor told me she wants a divorce.
I’m not surprised, over the years I’ve felt she lost interest on me.
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What’s a hen’s favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
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The 5 secrets to happiness for men:
1. Find a woman who can make you laugh.
2. Find a woman who can cook.
3. Find a woman who really listens to you.
4. Find a woman who is great in bed.
5. Make sure these 4 women don’t find out about each other.
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True love is like a pillow: you can hug it when you’re in trouble, you can cry on it when you’re in pain, you can embrace it when you’re happy.
So when you need true love, Buy a pillow!
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Yo mama is so fat a bus hit her and she said “a mosquito”.
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How does a red panda flirt with her crush?
She gives them a bamboozling smile.
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Chuck Norris visited the sun and stayed for 2 nights.
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Chuck Norris never won an Oscar because he is NOT acting.
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One snowman asks another, “How do you stay in such good shape?”
He answers, “All I do is set the hairdryer on high heat and pounds just melt away.”
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CEO of Tesla invented solar-energy gathering grass!
I love the stuff. My only complaint is that it had a real e-lawn musk smell to it.
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Gen Z should change their name to Quaranteens.
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So hot dog, we meat again.
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