Why did ChatGPT get kicked out of school?
Because it knew too much.
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An actor suffering from dementia just hit my car. I got him arrested.
As he was getting arrested, he kept saying, “Do you know who I am?!”
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What do TikTok and a refrigerator have in common?
You keep going back to check whether there’s anything decent in it every few minutes!
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Working from home is weird. I got so sick of sitting at my desk, I wrote my last blog from my kids’ trampoline.
The time-on-page was pretty good, but the bounce rate was really high.
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Have you ever tried looking at a penny under a microscope?
...magnificent.
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What do you call a pretty woman on the arm of a musician?
A tattoo.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Lettuce.”
“Lettuce, who?”
“Lettuce in, it’s cold out here.”
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Once, there was a man who came from Spain to America.
He couldn’t speak English, so he went to a choir and learned how to say, “Me me me me me me.”
Then he went to the store and saw a little girl say, “He stole my dolly.”
On his way home, he went to get meat from the butcher and learned how to say, “Big butcher knife, big butcher knife.”
Then he went home and watched an air freshener commercial and learned how to say, “Plug it in, plug it in.”
Later, he went to the store, and there was a murder.
The police said, “Who killed this man?”
The foreigner said, “Me me me me me me.”
The police said, “Why did you kill him?”
The man said, “He stole my dolly.”
The policeman said, “What did you kill him with?”
The man said, “Big butcher knife, big butcher knife.”
Then they took him to jail and sentenced him to death.
The policeman said, “Any last words?”
The foreigner said, “Plug it in, plug it in.”
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Why was the man who grew his beard for an entire year afraid of the barber?
The barber was a hairbinger of doom for him!
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What do you call a Scottish girl with a fake tan in an Indian restaurant?
A mango lassie.
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My interviewer leaned back in his chair and said, “Forget everything you learned in college. You won’t need it working here.”
“But I never went to college,” I replied.
“Well then, I’m sorry. You are underqualified to work here,” he said, as he showed me the door.
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Chuck Norris is the only one that can turn lemonade into lemons.
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I really needed Spider-Man to come and save the day, but he said he couldn’t get out of the bath.
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A cop pulled me over and asked me, “Where were you between 5 and 6?”
I replied, “Kindergarten.”
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My overweight boss asked me to roast him at his retirement party.
I told him that as a lifelong Muslim, I was forbidden from consuming pork.
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A spider just crawled onto my keyboard.
Don’t worry it’s under ctrl.
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I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?”
He said, “Try the ATM outside.”
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It was so cold that roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
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Want to get an idea how important you are during a government shutdown?
IRS REFUND department: Non-essential
IRS Audit department: Essential
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Millennial superstitions:
If your phone drops in the toilet bowl, you will have seven years of frustrating eyebrows.
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