Why did Chewbacca get sent back down to play minor league baseball?
He was making too many Wookiee mistakes.
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Friend: “Where were you?”
Me: “I got sick and had to rush to the doctor.”
Friend: “Flu?”
Me: “Nah, just drove really fast.”
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Why did ChatGPT get kicked out of school?
Because it knew too much.
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Your mama’s so short that she has to look up to look down.
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What did the serial killer give his lover for Valentine’s day?
His heart! (Well, not his.)
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What do you call a noun that is very good at its job?
A pronoun.
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What did the peanut butter say to the jelly when it won the lottery?
“We’re rich and jellyous!”
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People say that I’m creative and I couldn’t agree more because I create most of my own problems.
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Are you from Paris?
Because Eiffel for you.
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I caught bird flu while waiting for a flight at the airport.
I have since found out it is a terminal illness.
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Did you hear about the pig who got sick after catching a flight?
Swine flu.
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The cactus is talking to his wife.
Wife: “You’re so selfish. You have to remember that it’s cact-US.”
Cactus: “Actually, the plural of cactus is catc-I.”
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“I’m sorry,” said the clerk in flower shop, “we don’t have potted geraniums... Could you use African violets instead?”
Replied the customer sadly, “No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone.”
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Why do blueberries get along with everyone?
They’re naturally blue-tiful.
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What do you call a unicorn’s dad?
Popcorn.
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What do you get when you cross a robot and a tractor?
A transfarmer.
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I got abducted by aliens...
I was told to do my all chores, eat my veggies, take a shower and brush my teeth.
It was then I realized I was in the mother ship.
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Did you know all sushi comes from female fish?
Otherwise, it would be called suhe.
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What’s a toilet on a Portuguese jetty called?
A porto potty.
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Two retired British Army officers are speaking.
1st officer: “Say, old chap, did I ever tell you about the time I was attacked by a Bengal tiger?”
2nd officer: “I dare say I’ve not heard that one.”
1st officer: “I decided one summer to try my hand at taking down one of the royal beasts. I hired a guide from the local village, and armed with my rifle we set out.
Several hours into the hunt and deep in a mangrove swamp, we stumbled upon fresh tracks.
It was not more than a few minutes of tracking the great beast when we heard it—a low, guttural sound from behind.
I quickly turned and as I readied my rifle, the tiger leaped from the shadows, teeth, and claws bared. Rrrraaaaaarrrrrr! I shat my pants.”
2nd officer: “Of course, you shat your pants, old chap. You were attacked by a Bengal Tiger!”
1st officer: “No, right now when I went ‘Rrrraaaaaarrrrr!’.”
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