A young girl comes home from a date looking rather sad. Her mother asks her what’s wrong.
She says, “Bill proposed to me an hour ago.”
Her mother asks, “Why are you so sad then?”
The girl replies, “Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a hell.”
Her mother says, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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Would evil alternate-universe Spider-Man be a bad parallel parker?
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I’ve just started to read a horror novel in braille.
Something bad is going to happen. I can feel it.
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Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of?
Because they’re easy to push around and never stand up for themselves.
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Did you hear about Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother?
His name was Brocco Lee.
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Hot dog, it’s your birthday!
Let’s be Frank, you’re probably planning to party your buns off, so go ahead – don’t be a weenie!
Relish every moment of your celebration!
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Did you know Avatar is a sequel to Titanic?
It picks up where Titanic left off, in the sense that half the cast is blue and dying.
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When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
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When do franks tell insults?
At a wienie roast.
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The Brazilian president and his spouse are staying at a hotel in the USA, in room 222.
Close to 17:00, he calls room service from the landline and says the following.“Tu ti, tu tututu.”
The attendant has a hard time understanding the request and, considering that it is the president, not just some regular customer, concludes that he must have overheard an encoded message meant for a Brazilian operative currently undercover. He calls the CIA and describes the situation. Shortly after, two agents are dispatched to the location.
After some hours of work and observation, they are unable to decipher any meaning from the encoded message.
The president eventually calls again and says, “Hello. Tu ti, tu tututu.”
The two agents recorded the enigmatic message and, after some more frustration, decided to call in a specialist in the Portuguese language.
The specialist, after learning of the situation, decides that the best course of action is to go undercover as room service to the president’s room.
When the specialist returned, he explained. “All the president wanted was some tea delivered to his room, Two tea, to two two two.”
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Why did the skeleton run away?
Because a dog was after his bones.
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Easter and April Fools’ are on the same day this year.
For efficiency, send your kids to look for eggs that you haven’t hidden.
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What do clams do on a summer vacation?
They shell-ebrate.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Hard Drive.”
“Hard Drive, who?”
“I had a hard drive, let me in so I can relax.”
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I have a racing goose for sale.
Let me know if you wanna take a quick gander.
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What will reading sun jokes under the sun make you?
Well red.
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What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
Must-turd.
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Yorick walks into a bar.
There’s no counter.
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Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
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