Why did the Smiley moji :-) drop the nose :)?
It was too negative.
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A soapbox orator addresses a crowd on the glories of communism, “Come the revolution, everyone will eat strawberries and cream!”
A man at the front whimpers, “But I don’t like strawberries and cream...”
The speaker thunders, “Come the revolution, you will like strawberries and cream!”
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What kind of car does an electrician drive?
A Volts-wagon.
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What is the moon’s favorite type of cheese?
Moon-zerella cheese!
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Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781.
But this discovery was roughly 200 years before you were born. How is this possible!?
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The moon landing is obviously fake.
Like come on, the moon is still up there. It never landed.
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What do you call a pig thief?
A hamburglar.
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When working from home, for focus and mental health, it’s really important to NOT just wear your pajamas!
Wear yesterday’s clothes you grabbed off the floor.
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Why can’t Christmas trees knit?
Because they lose their needles.
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Pepito asks his teacher, “Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?”
The teacher tells him, “No, Pepito, of course not.”
Pepito responds, “That’s good because I didn’t do my homework.”
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Who knew I would be an organ donor so early in life?
I already gave my heart to you.
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I told my niece that I saw a moose on the way to work this morning.
She said, “How do you know he was on his way to work?”
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What’s SpongeBob’s worst personality trait?
He’s way too self-absorbent.
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Two men are in a balloon, and a strong wind blows them off course.
They see a man in a field, and one of them shouts down, “Where are we?”
The man looks up and shouts back, “You’re in a balloon!”
One of the guys in the balloon shouts down, “You’re obviously an economist!”
The man shouts back, “How can you tell?”
“Because what you said is absolutely true, and absolutely useless.”
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A physicist is watching a man who believes he can fly. Every time he goes up the steep hill, he jumps off and hurts himself.
The physicist watches this for 7 days.
On the 8th day, he goes to the man and says, “I don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation.”
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My mom said if I was awake playing Roblox, still she said she was going to bang my head against the keyboardhxhdhduhxbsfj...
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What is in 2020s calendar?
January, February, Lockdown, December.
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What is the Easter Bunny’s favourite color?
Egg white.
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Usually, when kids go to sleep they sleep with a teddy bear.
Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear.
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A young girl comes home from a date looking rather sad. Her mother asks her what’s wrong.
She says, “Bill proposed to me an hour ago.”
Her mother asks, “Why are you so sad then?”
The girl replies, “Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a hell.”
Her mother says, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”
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